TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread

[Miss Demeanour]

A delivery address has been supplied 

[Darwins Selection]

A delivery address has been supplied 

I thought you didn't like plane chock?

[Nick]

 

[The Moan Ranger]

More delays, more overtime :-)

[apc2010]

More delays, more overtime :-)

 More Youngs...................

[The Moan Ranger]

Last night on shift tonight, so yup Young's tomorrow :-)

[The Moan Ranger]

Sooooo....

Hostilities between us and the British Airways ground crew continue to escalate.

A bit of history:- when the North terminal opened it was home to BA who pretty much had the run of the place to themselves. Those days are long gone and their presence is diminishing rapidly and Easyjet is by far the biggest carrier of the whole airport. But the BA ground crew still think they OWN the North terminal and all the plane stands.

About a year ago, all the other ground handlers got together and forked out to ensure that certain things were on all the stands - chocks and cones - and we would all use them when we had a plane on that stand. BA refused to join in and insisted on using their equipment.

Fair enough - their choice.

Over the past few months, however, they have started nicking our stuff as their stuff wears out/breaks. Quite often now we will get to a stand and have no chocks and cones - but look next door and you will see the BA have "borrowed them".
Easyjet have very specific targets about how quickly a plane should be chocked and coned and they audit us regularly, so not having the equipment to hand is problematic.

As I mentioned yesterday, it was time to say enough is enough and a plan was hatched. A couple of us were lucky enough to see a BA ground handler chucking a couple of chocks into a little wooden shed outside the BA crew room. Further covert investigations revealed that there were about 50 chocks in the shed. Our chocks.

So that's why last night, round about 02.30 me and 2 others were sent to repossess them. We knew that at that time of the morning any BA crew around would be fast asleep and thus 10 minutes later the shed was empty and I was driving away with 46 chocks, which have subsequently been returned to their rightful place and the surplus ones stockpiled in the South terminal - BA never come over to the South.

All very childish and silly, I know but the BA lot have taken it very badly and called some of our crew "Fucking thieves" earlier today. This was unwise as one of the people they shouted at was a bloke called Richard who is, quite frankly, a monster. When he got out of his electic buggy and unfolded himself into his 6 foot 4 of tree-trunk tattooed arms and shaved head and calmly said "what did you call me?", it appears the BA boys went a bit pale and beat a hasty retreat.

Later, one of our belt-loaders on a stand next to theirs "mysteriously" suffered a puncture. In 2 tyres...

It's gonna get messy!
 

[Miss Demeanour]

Oh dear , can you easily identify that the chocks and cones that are not theirs?

 I would mark everything up if not and then stand by and watch them make fools of themselves.

Seems farcical though 

[The Moan Ranger]

Miss D - the cones are easy, ours are green theirs are yellow!

BA carve their initials into their chocks - I think that fate awaited the ones in the shed...

[The Moan Ranger]

Today was an good day. Since I decided to have a large bowl of porridge every morning, in addition to to my mackerel/sardine toasties, I have boundless energy.

Our last job of the night was the Pafos one and I had been given Stuart and Suki as my team. Stuart is...an interesting lad. Always looks like he's in a daze and only has one speed - slow. Suki, from India is fairly new but very keen. Neither of them drive airside, nor can they power-up the planes or put steps on. So they were purely there to help unload the bags. Once I had chocked and powered the plane, I reversed the lorry up to the hold entrance and hopped straight in to start chucking the bags out. Stuart asked if I wanted him to do it and I said "no, we're in a hurry!" No matter how unsubtle I am about his speed, he doesn't seem to register the point. Thus it was that porridge-fired me thew the 113 22kg bags the 15 feet or so to the hold entrance while the other 2 stacked them on the lorry. Bags were flying through the air quicker than they could unload them! It took 9 minutes, with Suki doing the majority on the lorry.

Then off to baggage reclaim. On route, Suki, in his heavy Indian accent said "TMR, has anyone ever told you that you are a maniac?"

"Yup", I said, "pretty much everyone"

Stuart, in his daze, mumbled "one of those bags you threw whacked me on the arm and it's really sore..."

Well speed up then Stuart...and look up and you will see the airborne Samsonites...you could even catch them!

The youth of today, huh?  No wonder this country is fecked.

[The Moan Ranger]

Oh, I should add that in my porridge-fuelled frenzy, when I reversed the lorry up to the plane I jumped out of it so quickly that the lorry door I threw open went back so quickly that it sprung back off the hinge and the door-catch mechanism took a lovely "V" shaped chunk of flesh out of my left arm, just below the elbow. It's still bleeding now...dangerous stuff this porridge, eh?

[Barman]

Christ, what do you shit like? 

I'm surprised there isn't more union intervention to curb your enthusiasm to be honest....

[Miss Demeanour]

Good to hear you are getting your oats though 

TMR the maniacal bag tosser 

[Darwins Selection]

Good to hear you are getting your oats though 

TMR the maniacal bag tosser 

[The Moan Ranger]

As you all know Gatwick is next to Crawley. And some of you might think that Crawley is a "nice place". 23,000 people work at Gatwick - the majority from Crawley.

I am beginning to think that Crawley is somehow a portal to Norfolk - I cannot believe the number of mongs, crossed-eyed fuckwits, thugs and troupes of the "hard-of-thinking" inhabit the place. "Hello, uncle dad" is an oft heard phrase. 

It's so weird...drive 5 miles down the road into Surrey and all is better. Apart from Hooley. Which is inhabited by the worst drivers I have ever encountered. All in Range Rovers with blacked-out windows, of course. Gemima and Tristran just back from Uni, no doubt, borrowing Papa's car so they can pop into Purley for some Tapas and Mojitos with Ralph and Penny.