The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on August 06, 2007, 12:24:30 PM

Title: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Nick on August 06, 2007, 12:24:30 PM
Mountains of mail - most of it crap, some of it vital, and one or two things one was expecting not there and then having to chase bastard clients who swore the cheque was in the post about three weeks ago. evil:

Full answering machine (x2) cussing:

A heaving evolving compost heap in the fridge cos we forgot to remove some stuff before we left. I swear that bag of carrots is developing vertebrae. Banghead

One angry cat.  noooo:

No response from builders who promised they would have everything ready for a start tomorrow. Especially the effing roofers.
 Banghead
Oh and a mad message from some numpty about a medical check up. WTF is that about? scared2:

And a bastard financial adviser I last spoke to 5 years ago "doing a follow up call".  evil:

Here we go.
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Landlady on August 06, 2007, 12:33:35 PM
Mountains of mail - most of it crap, some of it vital, and one or two things one was expecting not there and then having to chase bastard clients who swore the cheque was in the post about three weeks ago. evil:

Full answering machine (x2) cussing:

A heaving evolving compost heap in the fridge cos we forgot to remove some stuff before we left. I swear that bag of carrots is developing vertebrae. Banghead

One angry cat.  noooo:

No response from builders who promised they would have everything ready for a start tomorrow. Especially the effing roofers.
 Banghead
Oh and a mad message from some numpty about a medical check up. WTF is that about? scared2:

And a bastard financial adviser I last spoke to 5 years ago "doing a follow up call".  evil:

Here we go.


WELCOME HOME !!!
Back on the treadmill of normal daily life then whacky068 back
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Snoopy on August 06, 2007, 12:34:31 PM
Quote
Life is just a bowl of cherries
Don't take it serious,
Life's too mysterious
You work,
You save,
You worry so
But you can't take your dough
When you go, go, go

So keep repeating "It's the berries."
The strongest oak must fall
The sweet things in life
To you were just loaned
So how can you lose
What you've never owned

Life is just a bowl of cherries
So live and laugh,
Laugh and love
Live and laugh at it all!

So keep repeating "It's the berries."
The strongest oak must fall
The sweet things in life
To you were just loaned
So how can you lose
What you've never owned

Life is just a bowl of cherries
So live and laugh, aha!
Laugh and love
Live and laugh,
Laugh and love,
Live and laugh at it all!
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Nick on August 06, 2007, 12:35:53 PM
Patience Strong?
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Snoopy on August 06, 2007, 12:39:00 PM
Patience Strong?


According to Wiki (Who are wrong as often as they are right)
"Life Is Just a Bowl of Cherries" is a popular song.

The music was written by Ray Henderson, the lyrics by Buddy G. DeSylva and Lew Brown. The song was published in 1931.

But everyone from Gershwin to The African Queen (AKA Johnny Mathis) have recorded it.
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Nick on August 06, 2007, 12:40:49 PM
Quote
George Gershwin 

OR

"Life Is Just a Bowl of Cherries" is a popular song.

The music was written by Ray Henderson, the lyrics by Buddy G. DeSylva and Lew Brown. The song was published in 1931.

And Gershwin's involvement was?
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Nick on August 06, 2007, 12:45:52 PM
The bugger edited his post so it made sense!  evil:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Snoopy on August 06, 2007, 12:48:43 PM
The bugger edited his post so it made sense!  evil:

<Snigger>
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: The Moan Ranger on August 06, 2007, 12:53:57 PM
I'm still on holiday, so will not participate in this thread :-)
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Nick on August 06, 2007, 12:55:21 PM
But how much crap/alarming mail have you to look forward to? And how many vital things will not have transpired in your absence? I have been back in the house for 4 hours and all the beneficial effects of the holiday have been utterly eradicated evil:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 06, 2007, 01:36:25 PM
Welcome back Nick ? pleased to see you?ve got your priorities in order ? bugger everything and come straight into the pub to see your real friends.
 happy100
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Nick on August 06, 2007, 01:40:06 PM
Ahem. I have purchased emergency food supplies. Begun roasting a chicken. Paid in some dosh to the bank. Made 11 phone calls (only five of them irate) evil:, fed the neighbours' cat (reciprocal arrangement), unpacked MY suitcase, put the washing machine on and seen my mate Steve.

The other two have crashed out.

I am capable of no further physical or mental effort today. Thus if I require a brainless environment  this is the ideal place to be

 evil: evil: evil: evil: evil:

OK?
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Snoopy on August 06, 2007, 01:41:37 PM
Oooooooooooh!
'ark at her!
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 06, 2007, 01:42:33 PM
Ahem. I have purchased emergency food supplies. Begun roasting a chicken. Paid in some dosh to the bank. Made 11 phone calls (only five of them irate) evil:, fed the neighbours' cat (reciprocal arrangement), unpacked MY suitcase, put the washing machine on and seen my mate Steve.

The other two have crashed out.

I am capable of no further physical or mental effort today. Thus if I require a brainless environment  this is the ideal place to be

 evil: evil: evil: evil: evil:

OK?
Brainless! How very dare you!   Angry9:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Nick on August 06, 2007, 01:45:57 PM
They showed a Catherine Tate prog on the aeroplane last night. TYhe only bit I found amusing was the sketch about the Refuge for Gingers. Doubtless Berek will find it on YouTube
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 06, 2007, 01:47:05 PM
Your karma appears to be stuck on Canadian time!  point:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: The Moan Ranger on August 06, 2007, 03:20:33 PM
Not too much Nick, one hopes. A few local papers, confirmation of my stipend being paid directly into the bank and perhaps the odd local takeaway tariff. My man Chris is looking after the pile in my absence, so he will sort them into categories for my return. Just hope he remembers to clear the dust from the builders in time.
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on August 06, 2007, 03:52:40 PM
One angry cat.  ?????

You came back off holiday and found one angry cat??????

Bloody hell!! I bet it was a angry hungry cat!
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Uncle Mort on August 07, 2007, 07:44:29 AM
Last Tuesday when I came back from a long weekend away I found the cat had shat on the my son's bedroom carpet. The neighbour had been feeding him and letting in and out of the house. It's a wonder she hadn't noticed the smell? I could as soon as I opened the door.
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Snoopy on August 07, 2007, 07:56:50 AM
Last Tuesday when I came back from a long weekend away I found the cat had shat on the my son's bedroom carpet. The neighbour had been feeding him and letting in and out of the house. It's a wonder she hadn't noticed the smell? I could as soon as I opened the door.

Perhaps you neighbour thought your house always smelled that way.
Nothing will convince dog owners that their homes smell "doggy" but non dog owners can smell it from outside the front door. (Not that a doggy smell is in anyway objectionable of course  redface:)
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Uncle Mort on August 07, 2007, 08:01:57 AM
Perhaps you neighbour thought your house always smelled that way.

 eeek:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Nick on August 07, 2007, 09:19:29 AM
That is called protest pooing. It is a way of punishing you for neglect. Many cats do it cry:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Misunderstood on August 07, 2007, 09:22:40 AM
Indeed!
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Bar Wench on August 07, 2007, 09:23:48 AM
My friend's cat is apparently depressed. It is over grooming. I found it interesting because when I am depressed it goes completely the other way! Most bizzare.
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Snoopy on August 07, 2007, 09:26:38 AM
My friend's cat is apparently depressed. It is over grooming. I found it interesting because when I am depressed it goes completely the other way! Most bizzare.

What? When you are depressed your pussy gets no grooming?
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2007, 09:28:03 AM
My friend's cat is apparently depressed. It is over grooming. I found it interesting because when I am depressed it goes completely the other way! Most bizzare.

What? When you are depressed your pussy gets no grooming?
drumroll:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Bar Wench on August 07, 2007, 09:29:12 AM
My friend's cat is apparently depressed. It is over grooming. I found it interesting because when I am depressed it goes completely the other way! Most bizzare.

What? When you are depressed your pussy gets no grooming?

And my legs, and my head and my pits. It all goes to pot!
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2007, 09:29:46 AM
My friend's cat is apparently depressed. It is over grooming. I found it interesting because when I am depressed it goes completely the other way! Most bizzare.

What? When you are depressed your pussy gets no grooming?

And my legs, and my head and my pits. It all goes to pot!
Snigger...  redface:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Bar Wench on August 07, 2007, 09:31:10 AM
 ::)
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Snoopy on August 07, 2007, 09:32:56 AM
My friend's cat is apparently depressed. It is over grooming. I found it interesting because when I am depressed it goes completely the other way! Most bizzare.

What? When you are depressed your pussy gets no grooming?

And my legs, and my head and my pits. It all goes to pot!

I know the feeling ~ next time pop round and have some nice valium.



Tell you what ~ we'll both take some and then I'll hold your pussy while you groom it.
Does it scratch? Will I need a blanket to wrap it in?
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Bar Wench on August 07, 2007, 09:34:43 AM
Think you might need to tame it with some rohypnol before you are allowed near it.  eeek:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2007, 09:36:52 AM
Think you might need to tame it with some rohypnol before you are allowed near it.  eeek:
Does the faint buzzing sound indicate that it is happy or angry?  point:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Bar Wench on August 07, 2007, 09:37:37 AM
Think you might need to tame it with some rohypnol before you are allowed near it.  eeek:
Does the faint buzzing sound indicate that it is happy or angry?  point:

Smite.
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Snoopy on August 07, 2007, 09:39:23 AM
Think you might need to tame it with some rohypnol before you are allowed near it.  eeek:

If I can't tame it with charm, perfumed oils and champagne forget it.
Wooing is fine ~ necrophilia is not.
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 07, 2007, 09:39:56 AM
Think you might need to tame it with some rohypnol before you are allowed near it.  eeek:
Does the faint buzzing sound indicate that it is happy or angry?  point:

Smite.
Smite you back Egg-Wench!
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Darwins Selection on August 07, 2007, 11:12:35 AM
My friend's cat is apparently depressed. .. . I found it interesting because . . I am . . .Most bizzare.

 whistle:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Bar Wench on August 07, 2007, 11:15:58 AM
My friend's cat is apparently depressed. .. . I found it interesting because . . I am . . .Most bizzare.

 whistle:

Can't argue with the truth.  redface:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 07, 2007, 05:23:51 PM
Think you might need to tame it with some rohypnol before you are allowed near it.  eeek:
Does the faint buzzing sound indicate that it is happy or angry?  point:

Smite.
Smite you back Egg-Wench!

Shall we start looking round for an interim barman as something tells me the current one is likely to have an accident soon.....  scared:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Bar Wench on August 08, 2007, 07:59:13 AM
Might be a plan.  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 08, 2007, 09:40:13 AM
Might be a plan.  eveilgrin:
scared2:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 08, 2007, 09:44:25 AM
Might be a plan.  eveilgrin:

On the other hand Barman could always start bringing in big hairy spiders for the cellar so you may want to consider all the options...
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Bar Wench on August 08, 2007, 09:49:39 AM
Might be a plan.  eveilgrin:

On the other hand Barman could always start bringing in big hairy spiders for the cellar so you may want to consider all the options...

 scared2:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 08, 2007, 09:50:29 AM
Might be a plan.  eveilgrin:

On the other hand Barman could always start bringing in big hairy spiders for the cellar so you may want to consider all the options...

 scared2:
point:  char062
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 08, 2007, 09:54:07 AM
Might be a plan.  eveilgrin:

On the other hand Barman could always start bringing in big hairy spiders for the cellar so you may want to consider all the options...

 scared2:

May I suggest having a quiet chat with the Landlady, there's bound to be something that scares the beejeezus out of Barman other than you in a full on Wenchigo strop (to be fair that scares the hell out of the lot of us  scared: )
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 08, 2007, 10:03:14 AM
Might be a plan.  eveilgrin:

On the other hand Barman could always start bringing in big hairy spiders for the cellar so you may want to consider all the options...

 scared2:

May I suggest having a quiet chat with the Landlady,
scared2:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Bar Wench on August 08, 2007, 10:52:28 AM
Might be a plan.  eveilgrin:

On the other hand Barman could always start bringing in big hairy spiders for the cellar so you may want to consider all the options...

 scared2:

May I suggest having a quiet chat with the Landlady, there's bound to be something that scares the beejeezus out of Barman other than you in a full on Wenchigo strop (to be fair that scares the hell out of the lot of us  scared: )

I actually just need to threaten to tell the Landlady things!  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 08, 2007, 11:02:11 AM
Might be a plan.  eveilgrin:

On the other hand Barman could always start bringing in big hairy spiders for the cellar so you may want to consider all the options...

 scared2:

May I suggest having a quiet chat with the Landlady, there's bound to be something that scares the beejeezus out of Barman other than you in a full on Wenchigo strop (to be fair that scares the hell out of the lot of us  scared: )

I actually just need to threaten to tell the Landlady things!  eveilgrin:
eeek:  scared2:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Nick on August 08, 2007, 03:48:52 PM
Ha, you too are in the shit. Get her a catalogue! evil:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 08, 2007, 03:50:41 PM
Ha, you too are in the shit. Get her a catalogue! evil:
Hmmmnnn? the fisheye lens catalogue eh?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Landlady on August 08, 2007, 03:58:23 PM
Might be a plan.  eveilgrin:

On the other hand Barman could always start bringing in big hairy spiders for the cellar so you may want to consider all the options...

 scared2:

May I suggest having a quiet chat with the Landlady, there's bound to be something that scares the beejeezus out of Barman other than you in a full on Wenchigo strop (to be fair that scares the hell out of the lot of us  scared: )


Start talking about shins  eyes: particularly broken shins with white bone sticking through them that is bound to make Barman  sick2: If that fails send me ?5 and I'll send you the full list of what subjects to broach to put the beejezus up him  ;D
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Landlady on August 08, 2007, 03:59:16 PM
Might be a plan.  eveilgrin:

On the other hand Barman could always start bringing in big hairy spiders for the cellar so you may want to consider all the options...

 scared2:

May I suggest having a quiet chat with the Landlady, there's bound to be something that scares the beejeezus out of Barman other than you in a full on Wenchigo strop (to be fair that scares the hell out of the lot of us  scared: )

I actually just need to threaten to tell the Landlady things!  eveilgrin:

Tell me I am a good listener !  eeek: eeek: eeek:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Landlady on August 08, 2007, 03:59:54 PM
Ha, you too are in the shit. Get her a catalogue! evil:
Hmmmnnn? the fisheye lens catalogue eh?  rubschin:

I hope you haven't - shin boy  evil: evil: evil:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Barman on August 08, 2007, 04:00:43 PM
 scared2:
Title: Re: Getting back from holiday to find...
Post by: Nick on August 08, 2007, 04:50:56 PM
HA, another one bites the dust!