The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Nick on January 09, 2012, 12:57:22 PM
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Me to operative with clipboard: I have an appointment with Tiffany
Op: Please go to the 3rd floor. Off I go.
Me on 3rd floor: I have an appointment with Tiffany
Op 2: Please take a seat (I decide not to steal one but merely sit instead)
Tiffany: Good morning Mr Nick, so you want to open a business account.
Me: No
Tiffany looks perplexed
Me: I need to open a business account
Tiffany: That is what I said
Me: No I have to open a business account, but I don't want to. It's about IR35
Tiffany: I see. Um, walk this way. [Tiffany totters ahead on stillettoes but I refrain from copying]
Tiffany: So you are setting up a new business?
Me: NO, I have been running it for 15 years, I merely need a business account now
Tiffany examines her pen: Well, let's get started. I will have to perform a credit check. Is that OK?
Me: What are my options?
Tiffany: You have to agree.
Me: And if I don't agree?
Tiffany: You can't open an account
Me: So I have to agree?
Tiffany: Um yes.
Me: I agree
It became a nightmare and I ended up going to a different bank where Anthony set up an account in ten minutes AND gave me an electronic random number generator cloud9:
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Name and shame! eveilgrin:
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Poor Tiffany - you never gave her a chance really noooo:
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I have spent the weekend co presenting a conference on language and linguistics redface: I was in a funny mood redface:
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As I say ....poor Tiffany noooo:
First thing on a Monday morning and she gets Mr Uppity to deal with noooo:
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SHe ought to regard it as a learning experience angel1
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As should you whistle:
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As should you whistle:
Whose time was ultimately wasted ? She had to be there like.
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SHe told me the process would take an hour (Barclays), the guy at HSBC took ten minutes whistle:
SHe may have been after my body though rubschin:
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That's some serious quantitative easing eeek:
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SHe told me the process would take an hour (Barclays), the guy at HSBC took ten minutes whistle:
SHe may have been after my body though rubschin:
happy001
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evil:
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I left HSBC after a telephone conversation that went:
Phone rings and I answer it by giving my name (as I always do)
Bank: "Hello is that Mr Snoopy?"
Me: "Yes"
Bank: "For security purposes can you confirm your telephone number"
Me: "Yes"
Bank: "Well what is it?"
Me: "If you want me to tell you my telephone number then say so ~ if you want me to confirm it then you must tell me what you think it is and I'll confirm whether you have it right"
Bank: "That's not how it works"
Me: "It does if you speak English .... Anyway you must have the right number as you called me and I have answered"
Bank: "It's a security matter"
Me: "Then call MI5"
Bank: "It is for your protection"
Me: "So how do I know that you are indeed the HSBC?"
Bank: "Because I told you when I called and you answered"
Me: "And I told you who I was when I answered .... anyway I do not discuss my financial affairs over the telephone, I suggest you write to me"
Bank: "But your account is set up for telephone banking"
Me: "Not any more it isn't ~ You will be receiving a letter from me ~ Goodbye"
I have had similar conversations with Electricity Companies, Insurance Sales Staff, The Post Office and sundry others and have probably mentioned it before but why oh why do they let these muppets loose on the public?
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We are surrounded by idiots cussing: cussing: cussing:
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I left HSBC after a telephone conversation that went:
Phone rings and I answer it by giving my name (as I always do)
Bank: "Hello is that Mr Snoopy?"
Me: "Yes"
Bank: "For security purposes can you confirm your telephone number"
Me: "Yes"
Bank: "Well what is it?"
Me: "If you want me to tell you my telephone number then say so ~ if you want me to confirm it then you must tell me what you think it is and I'll confirm whether you have it right"
Bank: "That's not how it works"
Me: "It does if you speak English .... Anyway you must have the right number as you called me and I have answered"
Bank: "It's a security matter"
Me: "Then call MI5"
Bank: "It is for your protection"
Me: "So how do I know that you are indeed the HSBC?"
Bank: "Because I told you when I called and you answered"
Me: "And I told you who I was when I answered .... anyway I do not discuss my financial affairs over the telephone, I suggest you write to me"
Bank: "But your account is set up for telephone banking"
Me: "Not any more it isn't ~ You will be receiving a letter from me ~ Goodbye"
I have had similar conversations with Electricity Companies, Insurance Sales Staff, The Post Office and sundry others and have probably mentioned it before but why oh why do they let these muppets loose on the public?
Just tell them they have to come into your branch to sort it out.
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Is it time for my twig joke?
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I left HSBC after a telephone conversation that went:
Phone rings and I answer it by giving my name (as I always do)
Bank: "Hello is that Mr Snoopy?"
Me: "Yes"
Bank: "For security purposes can you confirm your telephone number"
Me: "Yes"
Bank: "Well what is it?"
Me: "If you want me to tell you my telephone number then say so ~ if you want me to confirm it then you must tell me what you think it is and I'll confirm whether you have it right"
Bank: "That's not how it works"
Me: "It does if you speak English .... Anyway you must have the right number as you called me and I have answered"
Bank: "It's a security matter"
Me: "Then call MI5"
Bank: "It is for your protection"
Me: "So how do I know that you are indeed the HSBC?"
Bank: "Because I told you when I called and you answered"
Me: "And I told you who I was when I answered .... anyway I do not discuss my financial affairs over the telephone, I suggest you write to me"
Bank: "But your account is set up for telephone banking"
Me: "Not any more it isn't ~ You will be receiving a letter from me ~ Goodbye"
I have had similar conversations with Electricity Companies, Insurance Sales Staff, The Post Office and sundry others and have probably mentioned it before but why oh why do they let these muppets loose on the public?
Just tell them they have to come into your branch to sort it out.
That's going out on a limb..........
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Barking mad noooo:
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Has anyone started the sweepstake about how long before it's gubbed? whistle:
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Has anyone started the sweepstake about how long before it's gubbed? whistle:
Like your quote? point:
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Child noooo:
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Child noooo:
Grumpmeister? Not for much longer it's his birthday this week.
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Miss C remembers cloud9:
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Miss C remembers cloud9:
Not much admittedly. sad24: Still it's prolly for the best.
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happy100
Hang on, I didn't get up to THAT much on my last one did I? eeek: It got a bit hazy after the jagerbombs scared2:
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happy100
Hang on, I didn't get up to THAT much on my last one did I? eeek: It got a bit hazy after the jagerbombs scared2:
It got a bit messy after the jagerbombs. noooo:
Pssst youngsters out there what's a jagerbomb?
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happy100
Hang on, I didn't get up to THAT much on my last one did I? eeek: It got a bit hazy after the jagerbombs scared2:
It got a bit messy after the jagerbombs. noooo:
Pssst youngsters out there what's a jagerbomb?
An Islamic wooly jumper?
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1/2 can Red Bull energy drink
1 - 2 oz Jagermeister herbal liqueur
Pour red bull into a medium sized glass. Add a shot glass of jagermeister, and chug.
Apparently they are a birthday tradition with the guys I was out with so they kept being bought for me even though I was perfectly happy with the cervezas with the shot of tequila mixed in that I was already drinking. redface:
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs13.postimage.org%2Fmaeuuqjrn%2Fgrumpmeister.jpg&hash=8c2bc3316bafc6af99a20e0ffca00cf9171a4957) (http://postimage.org/)
Grumpmeister's perfect night out !
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Piss orf you cheeky bugger, lol: I actually made it home. May not always be mine but I do make it. angel1
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Jagermeister............ cloud9:
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Certainly better without the red bull lol:
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Certainly better without the red bull lol:
Depends if you are selling them for 8 euros a pop.......... :thumbsup:
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APC. Ripping off young pissheads since 2011 lol:
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APC. Ripping off young pissheads since 2011 lol:
whistle:
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You'll be selling BM's homebrew as stella next point:
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You'll be selling BM's homebrew as stella next point:
He will prob charge more than stella ........ noooo:
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You'll be selling BM's homebrew as stella next point:
He will prob charge more than stella ........ noooo:
How much does Stella charge then ...... and does Miss T know you have experience in this matter?
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You'll be selling BM's homebrew as stella next point:
He will prob charge more than stella ........ noooo:
How much does Stella charge then ...... and does Miss T know you have experience in this matter?
drumroll: