The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on August 24, 2007, 10:32:59 AM
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Mr Nick's
7.30 get up
7.32 switch on computer and coffee machine
7.35 Have coffee and check e mails
7.40 Shower
7.45 Get dressed
7.48 Prepare Boy's breakfast/ Have more coffee and a fag
Job done
The Boy
8.00 Wake up
8.02 Devour breakfast
8.04 Get dressed
8.05 Demand to know what wer are doing today
Mrs Nick
7.50 Wake up
8.00 Make pot of tea
8.15 Faff about in kitchen
8.30 Eat some cereals
8.45 More faffing
9.00 Have shower
9.20 Get dressed
9.30 Enquire if jacket and skirt "go" together
9.45 Repeat question for new outfit
10.00 Decide to get changed again
10.10 Make pointless phone call. Ask me what time it is
10.15 Denies it can be so late and checks own watch. Declares she is late for work
10.30 Read local free paper
10.40 Faff about in the kitchen a bit more
10.50 Issue some instructions
10.58 Leave for work
11.05 Return to house to collect specs
11.06 Open mail
11.10 Leave for work again
cussing:
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It?s amazing how they manage to find things to fit in between the time they should leave and the time that will ensure they arrive late?
Why do they do that?
noooo:
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Over 3 hours to have a shower. get dressed, have breakfast and leave. It is weird. I spect Landlady will demur though noooo:
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She?s just getting ready to go to a wedding.
She?ll be late. noooo:
I?ll delete this thread when we?re finished.
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All sounds horribly familiar to me but that is in the past..
I have given up getting up first. I now stay "asleep" until the tribe have breakfasted, used bathroom etc then I accept a cup of green tea (with lemon) ~ 8am Saunter into the now devastated bathroom, tidy it, Sh*t Shave and Shampoo, dress and come down stairs, Push Mrs S into her car with words like "Take care, No You're not late, No your arse does not look big in that, See you later" Then return to study, switch on PC and check emails, make more green tea (with lemon) entertain visitors, write letters, pay bills, check share prices, place bet on the 3.30 etc chat on here, write 2000 words (when I can manage that much) attend various clinics etc, have arguments with printers, chase outstanding invoices and so on until it comes time to drive round picking up and delivering children to and from various schools and evening activities whilst shoving food into them on demand. 8pm read for an hour, 9pm bed listen to Radio ~ Lights out at 10.
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She?s just getting ready to go to a wedding.
She?ll be late. noooo:
I?ll delete this thread when we?re finished.
If we have to get out for something like that I advance all the clocks in the house by 30 minutes (true)! Eaisder alternative is to tell her we have to be there half an hour earlier than we really do. Either way we just make it on time cry:
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All sounds horribly familiar to me but that is in the past..
I have given up getting up first. I now stay "asleep" until the tribe have breakfasted, used bathroom etc then I accept a cup of green tea (with lemon) ~ 8am Saunter into the now devastated bathroom, tidy it, Sh*t Shave and Shampoo, dress and come down stairs, Push Mrs S into her car with words like "Take care, No You're not late, No your arse does not look big in that, See you later" Then return to study, switch on PC and check emails, make more green tea (with lemon) entertain visitors, write letters, pay bills, check share prices, place bet on the 3.30 etc chat on here, write 2000 words (when I can manage that much) attend various clinics etc, have arguments with printers, chase outstanding invoices and so on until it comes time to drive round picking up and delivering children to and from various schools and evening activities whilst shoving food into them on demand. 8pm read for an hour, 9pm bed listen to Radio ~ Lights out at 10.
Oh yes, book and Radio 4. My refuges!
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I hate being late!!! cussing:
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I shall be happy to be late for my funeral.
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Me too. Getting out of the house can be a nightmare. Do you too, sit in the car with the engine running while she runs in and out of the house collecting bits and bobs and still forgets something? We once were an hour into a three day trip to Devon when she announced she had brought no SHOES!. We had to go home and start all over again. evil:
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I shall be happy to be late for my funeral.
I have told Mrs Nick that on her tombstone I shall have the words "I'll only be a minute" engraved in large letters!
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I shall be happy to be late for my funeral.
We shall be late for your funeral too... cussing:
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Me too. Getting out of the house can be a nightmare. Do you too, sit in the car with the engine running while she runs in and out of the house collecting bits and bobs and still forgets something? We once were an hour into a three day trip to Devon when she announced she had brought no SHOES!. We had to go home and start all over again. evil:
No, she?s not chaotic like that ? very organised in fact. noooo:
Just this bizarre need to be fucking late! Banghead
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So will we. Which reminds me of a funeral cock up story which involved a family falling out and the non welcome part of the family were told the funeral was at 11.00. It turned out to be at 4.00.
First time I have ever received a letter of apology about a funeral rubschin:
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Just this bizarre need to be fucking late!
Is it a need or a disability. And don't start me off on "multi-tasking"! I multi task, she FAFFS Banghead
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Just this bizarre need to be fucking late!
Is it a need or a disability. And don't start me off on "multi-tasking"! I multi task, she FAFFS Banghead
Need... noooo:
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Explain it then. If you know, then pray enlighten me
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Explain it then. If you know, then pray enlighten me
Oh, I have no idea... ask her yourself... noooo:
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scared2: scared2:
OK I will
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scared2: scared2:
OK I will
shocked003
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Your idea! At least I have done some work now, strange as it may seem, but that tender is utterly incomprehensible!
To me at least. But I trust Frank! rubschin:
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Your idea! At least I have done some work now, strange as it may seem, but that tender is utterly incomprehensible!
To me at least. But I trust Frank! rubschin:
Errr ~ Who the F*ck is Frank and what is Tender? eeek:
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Your idea! At least I have done some work now, strange as it may seem, but that tender is utterly incomprehensible!
To me at least. But I trust Frank! rubschin:
My experience of tenders is that 99% of the time the outcome is decided before they even send them out.
So, if you have the right person?s ear it probably doesn?t matter if it is comprehensible or not. whistle:
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I got a mate to tender for a contract I wanted. He will sub contract my part of it to me. So I get the work and he,er does the work. It's only a PQQ at this point.
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Your idea! At least I have done some work now, strange as it may seem, but that tender is utterly incomprehensible!
To me at least. But I trust Frank! rubschin:
My experience of tenders is that 99% of the time the outcome is decided before they even send them out.
So, if you have the right person?s ear it probably doesn?t matter if it is comprehensible or not. whistle:
Correct. he has more chance of getting it than me, but he still needs me to fulfil it. Where is that rubing hands together gleefully icon when you need it. It has ruined his entire weekend. Bit like the weather then.
When doe the wedding finish?
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Your idea! At least I have done some work now, strange as it may seem, but that tender is utterly incomprehensible!
To me at least. But I trust Frank! rubschin:
My experience of tenders is that 99% of the time the outcome is decided before they even send them out.
So, if you have the right person?s ear it probably doesn?t matter if it is comprehensible or not. whistle:
Correct. he has more chance of getting it than me, but he still needs me to fulfil it. Where is that rubing hands together gleefully icon when you need it. It has ruined his entire weekend. Bit like the weather then.
When doe the wedding finish?
shrugs:
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All over then. confused:
Go to the christening? But don't be late!
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My Routine:-
6.30 Get woken up by Mrs TMR's alarm.
6.31 Fall back asleep again.
6.45 Get woken up by the bath being run with the door open.
6.50 Fall back asleep again after said bathroom door is shut and Mrs TMR immerses herself.
7.00 Get woken up by Mrs TMR trying on different outfits.
7.22 Fall back asleep again.
7.37 Get woken up by TMR Junior bounding down the stairs like a demented Llama.
7.38 Fall back asleep again.
7.46 Get woken up by TMR Junior jumping in the shower/bath.
7.51 Mrs TMR delivers tea and asks if the outfit is nice. "Yes" is the only answer.
7.52 Roll a fag.
7.53-7.57 Smoke said fag.
8ish Shower in the bathroom that now looks like Hurrican Dean hit it. Big dump first.
8ish + 5 Back to bedroom to put clothes on
8ish + 10 Go downstairs to either TMR Junior waiting for a lift, or utter peace and serenity.
8ish + 20 Leave house - with or without TMR Junior - fag in gob, Meteors playing "I hate people" on the CD player.
8ish + 36 Arrive at work. 1 coffee with sugar, 1 tea without.
Start the day, sorting out the IT woes of the imbeciles that are my colleagues.
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36 minutes to get out of the house. Perhaps we should start a competition! whistle:
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My routine.
08:00 Computer starts itself. Does a virus check and gets the mail in and logs onto the Swamp and the Pub, the distilled contents of the Telegraph, the Mail and the BBC.
Some time later, I arrive at computer with a black coffee and half a hundredweight of pills.
12:00 I am reminded that breakfast is still outstanding.
14:00 Get on with prioritising which cock-up I will sort out today. ;)
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12:00 I am reminded that breakfast is still outstanding.
Fish, I assume
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36 minutes to get out of the house. Perhaps we should start a competition! whistle:
Not A-level maths Nick, if you read you will see it actually takes about 20 minutes from finishing the Golden Vagina roll-up, to leaving the house. The office presents itself approx 16 minutes later, depending on traffic and whether I need to buy more tobacco and/or petrol and/or a sausage and egg roll from the mobile lard van in the B&Q car park.
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7.52 Roll a fag.
7.53-7.57 Smoke said fag.
8ish Shower in the bathroom that now looks like Hurrican Dean hit it. Big dump first.
8ish + 5 Back to bedroom to put clothes on
8ish + 10 Go downstairs to either TMR Junior waiting for a lift, or utter peace and serenity.
8ish + 20 Leave house - with or without TMR Junior - fag in gob, Meteors playing "I hate people" on the CD player.
8ish + 36
OK. 36 + 8. Slow
Depends where you start the count from. Landlady must draw up a rule book!
And what is Golden Vagina when it's at home. Are we back on teh Ann Summers here?
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12:00 I am reminded that breakfast is still outstanding.
Fish, I assume
Pay attention! I already told you that a cats favourite breakfast is Rice Crispies.
Golden Vagin(i)a is hand rolling tobacco! Ye Gods! Talk about a sheltered life noooo:
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12:00 I am reminded that breakfast is still outstanding.
Fish, I assume
Pay attention! I already told you that a cats favourite breakfast is Rice Crispies.
Golden Vagin(i)a is hand rolling tobacco! Ye Gods! Talk about a sheltered life noooo:
He's not half as daft as he would like us to think. NOBODY is that naive.
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And what is Golden Vagina when it's at home. Are we back on teh Ann Summers here?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.deutsches-filminstitut.de%2Fhdf%2Fpic%2Fgoldfinger_02_gr.jpg&hash=410f0f12206720462a8b54062e5b58a815c2b1ce)
whistle:
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And what is Golden Vagina when it's at home. Are we back on teh Ann Summers here?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.deutsches-filminstitut.de%2Fhdf%2Fpic%2Fgoldfinger_02_gr.jpg&hash=410f0f12206720462a8b54062e5b58a815c2b1ce)
whistle:
VPL evil:
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And what is Golden Vagina when it's at home. Are we back on teh Ann Summers here?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.deutsches-filminstitut.de%2Fhdf%2Fpic%2Fgoldfinger_02_gr.jpg&hash=410f0f12206720462a8b54062e5b58a815c2b1ce)
whistle:
VPL evil:
::)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sosdisques.com%2Fbof%2F45%2FBOF%2520Goldfinger%2520by%2520Shirley%2520Bassey.jpg&hash=69cee973f5ee51ab38e4d7f7650f9cc2c369f578)
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Shirley Eaton. I had a girlfriend who looked like that, except the gold paint obviously.
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Berek
6:30 Get up and have a slash and a splash
6:45 Coffee ( bloody big cup )
7:00 News headlines
7;05 Walk the dog
7:30 Prepare little B's b'fast
7:35 Shout of little B as I go out the door to the asylum
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Aren't you in London?
Do you wash?
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Aren't you in London?
Do you wash?
Err I think that's the splash part of the 6.30 routine so graphically described.
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6. 00 Alarm goes off
6. 05 Out of bed, chuck water into face in an attempt to wash/wake up
6. 10 Nice cup of tea
6. 15 - 6. 30 Watch whatever dross my good lady has on the tv
6. 30 Share my opinions about afore mentioned dross on tv
6. 40 Leave for work
6. 45 Get to work and start sorting the days deliveries out.
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10h00 ish Wake and stretch
Gracefully slither off to the Powder room and do certain things. redface:
Go back to bed, where I am served the breakfast & beverage of my choice. cloud9:
Go back to my en-suit for a wash and brush up, air dry with that nice hygienic warm air blowing all over me. cloud9:
( Did anyone see that Hooray Tara Parker whatsit... on "Would I lie to you"? The one who did not realize that they were taking the piss when she said "Someone installed it in the Bathroom, towel are soooooo unhygienic" See http://www.tv-links.co.uk/listings/1/6200 episode 6 part 3 [What is she on?]) Part 2 is also very funny.
Think about work and decide to take the day off and lounge about in a ray of sunshine.
evil: Wake up and realize it was all a dream. evil:
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This mornings routine.
Wake up at 6:30, have a BIG gush, kettle on, brew, saunter out to the car to go to Asda before all the saturday morning 'social and gassing whilst blocking the aisles up' club members arrive, survey the flat n/s front tyre, curse and swear aloud to ensure the neighbours know I'm in yet another foul mood, change wheel,negotiate myself around 2 tossers en routethat consider the outside lane on a 2 lane A road is their's, burst into a fit of trolley rage when a dozy bint cuts me up in the veggy aisle, curse the dilatry nature of 85% of my fellow shoppers, go to the check out and a bag of new potatoes bursts all over the trolley, get home knackered and fraught to be greeted by Mrs G just going out to leave me to unpack the weekly shop.
I'm going back to bed. evil:
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rubschin: Looks like I shouldn't complain too much about my routine....
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Shortly after my post, I walked into the step out of my garage/office with no shoes on.
Smashed nails and what feels like bust toes too.
Just went to put a spare alloy wheel and tyre on the car I have knocking about to rid myself of the space saver, and THAT is punctured too ffs!
Now Growler jnr informs me he has a flat tyre on his bike, as does Mrs Growler on her bloody car. eeek: eeek:
Somebody bloody hates me today.
Nowt new there then I suppose. ::)
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Has someone been shooting at your tyres? eeek:
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Has someone been shooting at your tyres? eeek:
No. Cross head screws in both tyres. No doubt the tyre depot will inform me that they cannot be repaired....as usual. ::)
That'll be ?120 each please Mr Muggins, unless I opt for the cheap and nasties.
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I am taking offence at this thread! I am NEVER late. Women that are were never trained properly by their Fathers. My Dad used to leave and lock the house up with us in it if we weren't in the car at the previously specified ETD. If you did not pay attention to the countdown to the ETA it was your own problem.
Bar Wench's morning routine.
6:30 alarm goes off. Mr Wench gets out of bed.
7:05 get in shower
7:15 out of shower
7:16 collect tea and clean clothes
7:20 clean teeth, brush hair
7:25 collect lunch, pack bag
7:30 leave house
I can do it in less than 15 mins if I absolutely have to. I shall also point out at this moment that Mr Wench takes longer in the shower than I do, takes longer to get ready, gets up half an hour before me and leaves the house half an hour later. We don't speak in the morning.
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I am taking offence at this thread! I am NEVER late.
Yes you are, it started two days ago! point: point: point:
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I am taking offence at this thread! I am NEVER late.
Yes you are, it started two days ago! point: point: point:
I thought that too! rubschin:
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I am taking offence at this thread! I am NEVER late.
Yes you are, it started two days ago! point: point: point:
I thought that too! rubschin:
Great minds... whistle:
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..... think alike.
Or as my late Mother would have replied
"And Fools Seldom Differ!"
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..... think alike.
Or as my late Mother would have replied
"And Fools Seldom Differ!"
cussing:
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..... think alike.
Or as my late Mother would have replied
"And Fools Seldom Differ!"
and mine...
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Set a new Happy personal best last week.
Working in reverse I was on the 8.24 train sorting the mullet in the lavvy, doing up my shirt buttons, and a quick squirt of deoderant.
8.23 and 30 secs arrived at the train station and hurtled down stairs bike in hand.
8.20 extreme risk flying accross roundabout on pedal bike.
8.15 began the 15 minute ride to the train station.
8.14 got dressed whilst walking down stairs, fortunately shoes at bottom were slip on.
8.13 got out of bath and half dried myself.
8.11 got in bath washed hair, pits and bits.
8.09 ran bath and got clothes from wadrobe.
8.08 woke up, checked clock, realised i'd overslept by about an hour and a half and realised i had 16 minutes to make it for the train.
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Ah! Someone else that doesn't get up at 06:00. I was beginning to get a complex about it.
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She has excelled herself this morning. I have a meeting in Manchester at 9.30. I got up at 7. Coffee, shower, and all set by 7.20.
Mrs Nick then announced that she had to be in at work very early and couldn't take him to school, so I would have to thus making myself late for my meeting Banghead cussing:
The faffing then commenced.
It is now 8.25.
She is in the shower. There is no way she will be out of the house before 9.30. Banghead Angry9: