The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Nick on November 10, 2016, 05:34:36 PM

Title: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 10, 2016, 05:34:36 PM
Tendering for a job to do some background work for, of all things, setting up a new university  eeek:

Amongst other things they want projections for the number of undergrads and postgrads they can expect to have by 2040  Shocked:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Barman on November 10, 2016, 05:43:18 PM
Tendering for a job to do some background work for, of all things, setting up a new university  eeek:

Amongst other things they want projections for the number of undergrads and postgrads they can expect to have by 2040  Shocked:

 Thumbs:

One of the locals trying to become the mayor of the village put his CV up on a slide the other day...

...apparently, he studied at Thames Valley University....

Oh (says I), it was called Slough college when I was there...  lol:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 10, 2016, 05:44:29 PM
There is now a university in High Wycombe  ::)
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 23, 2016, 12:54:13 PM
And another!! Meeting in Mansfield tomorrow. My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to map the entire course offer of all colleges and universities in Notts and Derbyshire against alleged local skills needs.

The commissioners (an outfit called D2N2 whose motto is "the UK's most insipirational postcode") want the full report by, um, Tuesday  happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: apc2010 on November 23, 2016, 03:39:59 PM
Tendering for a job to do some background work for, of all things, setting up a new university  eeek:

Amongst other things they want projections for the number of undergrads and postgrads they can expect to have by 2040  Shocked:

 Thumbs:

One of the locals trying to become the mayor of the village put his CV up on a slide the other day...

...apparently, he studied at Thames Valley University....

Oh (says I), it was called Slough college when I was there...  lol:

 ;D ;D
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 23, 2016, 03:54:26 PM
It now transpires that they do not want to pay for the work!  noooo:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Barman on November 23, 2016, 03:56:35 PM
It now transpires that they do not want to pay for the work!  noooo:

 point:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 23, 2016, 03:57:46 PM
Oh. I will get paid but the client (who thinks she is Grand) will not pay the company. The whole thing is bonkers  noooo:

SHe has friends in high places and an exaggerated sense of entitlement............

Dame Asha Khemka DBE
Asha Khemka
Principal and Chief Executive, West Nottinghamshire College Group
Dame Asha has been the Principal and Chief Executive of West Nottinghamshire College Group since 2006. A multi-million pound business in its own right, the college makes a difference to over 32,000 young people and adults and is one of the most successful providers of apprenticeships in the UK with over 13,000 apprentices each year.

Whilst rooted in its local community, the college has an international footprint with its subsidiary company bksb operating in over 20 countries worldwide including a centre in Chandigarh.

Dame Asha’s contribution to education has been recognised through many accolades. In 2009 she was awarded the OBE for services to education and in January 2014 became the first Indian born in living memory to be named a Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire.

She sits on numerous Boards including the D2N2 Local Enterprise Partnership, Education Honours Committee, Midlands Engine for Growth Strategy Group and is the Chair of the Association of College’s Quality and Performance Portfolio Group, Vision Studio School and the Midlands Engine for Growth Skills Group.

She is passionate about furthering the aspirations of young people and in 2008 founded the Inspire and Achieve Foundation, a charity dedicated to transforming young people’s lives.

In 2014 Dame Asha was named the inaugural recipient of the Dadabhai Naoroji Award in recognition of her contribution in the field of education to Indian and UK relations and in December of the same year was named ‘Woman of the Year’ by the Prime Minister, David Cameron.

PS: She wrote the above descrip herself
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: apc2010 on November 23, 2016, 04:02:58 PM
Oh. I will get paid but the client (who thinks she is Grand) will not pay the company. The whole thing is bonkers  noooo:

SHe has friends in high places and an exaggerated sense of entitlement............

Dame Asha Khemka DBE
Asha Khemka
Principal and Chief Executive, West Nottinghamshire College Group
Dame Asha has been the Principal and Chief Executive of West Nottinghamshire College Group since 2006. A multi-million pound business in its own right, the college makes a difference to over 32,000 young people and adults and is one of the most successful providers of apprenticeships in the UK with over 13,000 apprentices each year.

Whilst rooted in its local community, the college has an international footprint with its subsidiary company bksb operating in over 20 countries worldwide including a centre in Chandigarh.

Dame Asha’s contribution to education has been recognised through many accolades. In 2009 she was awarded the OBE for services to education and in January 2014 became the first Indian born in living memory to be named a Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire.

She sits on numerous Boards including the D2N2 Local Enterprise Partnership, Education Honours Committee, Midlands Engine for Growth Strategy Group and is the Chair of the Association of College’s Quality and Performance Portfolio Group, Vision Studio School and the Midlands Engine for Growth Skills Group.

She is passionate about furthering the aspirations of young people and in 2008 founded the Inspire and Achieve Foundation, a charity dedicated to transforming young people’s lives.

In 2014 Dame Asha was named the inaugural recipient of the Dadabhai Naoroji Award in recognition of her contribution in the field of education to Indian and UK relations and in December of the same year was named ‘Woman of the Year’ by the Prime Minister, David Cameron.


Sounds like a darkie .......don't trust her ......... noooo:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Barman on November 23, 2016, 04:38:32 PM
Oh. I will get paid but the client (who thinks she is Grand) will not pay the company. The whole thing is bonkers  noooo:

SHe has friends in high places and an exaggerated sense of entitlement............

Dame Asha Khemka DBE
Asha Khemka
Principal and Chief Executive, West Nottinghamshire College Group
Dame Asha has been the Principal and Chief Executive of West Nottinghamshire College Group since 2006. A multi-million pound business in its own right, the college makes a difference to over 32,000 young people and adults and is one of the most successful providers of apprenticeships in the UK with over 13,000 apprentices each year.

Whilst rooted in its local community, the college has an international footprint with its subsidiary company bksb operating in over 20 countries worldwide including a centre in Chandigarh.

Dame Asha’s contribution to education has been recognised through many accolades. In 2009 she was awarded the OBE for services to education and in January 2014 became the first Indian born in living memory to be named a Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire.

She sits on numerous Boards including the D2N2 Local Enterprise Partnership, Education Honours Committee, Midlands Engine for Growth Strategy Group and is the Chair of the Association of College’s Quality and Performance Portfolio Group, Vision Studio School and the Midlands Engine for Growth Skills Group.

She is passionate about furthering the aspirations of young people and in 2008 founded the Inspire and Achieve Foundation, a charity dedicated to transforming young people’s lives.

In 2014 Dame Asha was named the inaugural recipient of the Dadabhai Naoroji Award in recognition of her contribution in the field of education to Indian and UK relations and in December of the same year was named ‘Woman of the Year’ by the Prime Minister, David Cameron.


Sounds like a darkie .......don't trust her ......... noooo:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 23, 2016, 04:39:37 PM
Meeting her in the morning  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 24, 2016, 08:20:49 AM
Oh. I will get paid but the client (who thinks she is Grand) will not pay the company. The whole thing is bonkers  noooo:

SHe has friends in high places and an exaggerated sense of entitlement............

Dame Asha Khemka DBE
Asha Khemka
Principal and Chief Executive, West Nottinghamshire College Group
Dame Asha has been the Principal and Chief Executive of West Nottinghamshire College Group since 2006. A multi-million pound business in its own right, the college makes a difference to over 32,000 young people and adults and is one of the most successful providers of apprenticeships in the UK with over 13,000 apprentices each year.

Whilst rooted in its local community, the college has an international footprint with its subsidiary company bksb operating in over 20 countries worldwide including a centre in Chandigarh.

Dame Asha’s contribution to education has been recognised through many accolades. In 2009 she was awarded the OBE for services to education and in January 2014 became the first Indian born in living memory to be named a Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire.

She sits on numerous Boards including the D2N2 Local Enterprise Partnership, Education Honours Committee, Midlands Engine for Growth Strategy Group and is the Chair of the Association of College’s Quality and Performance Portfolio Group, Vision Studio School and the Midlands Engine for Growth Skills Group.

She is passionate about furthering the aspirations of young people and in 2008 founded the Inspire and Achieve Foundation, a charity dedicated to transforming young people’s lives.

In 2014 Dame Asha was named the inaugural recipient of the Dadabhai Naoroji Award in recognition of her contribution in the field of education to Indian and UK relations and in December of the same year was named ‘Woman of the Year’ by the Prime Minister, David Cameron.


Sounds like a darkie .......don't trust her ......... noooo:
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/30/NASA14135-Jupiter-GreatRedSpot-Shrinks-20140515.jpg/400px-NASA14135-Jupiter-GreatRedSpot-Shrinks-20140515.jpg)
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 24, 2016, 04:02:08 PM
 NickSick
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Steve on November 25, 2016, 03:02:17 AM
Her Wikipedia page is so empty. Maybe we should add in some details like
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 25, 2016, 09:00:49 AM
Her Wikipedia page is so empty. Maybe we should add in some details like
eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 25, 2016, 03:23:50 PM
 Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: apc2010 on November 25, 2016, 03:52:40 PM
Her Wikipedia page is so empty. Maybe we should add in some details like

 Thumbs:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 27, 2016, 03:41:30 PM
E mail flurry at 7.45 on a Sunday morning  Banghead Banghead as the client refuses to share essential data on the grounds that it is "confidential"  Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: apc2010 on November 27, 2016, 06:36:59 PM
E mail flurry at 7.45 on a Sunday morning  Banghead Banghead as the client refuses to share essential data on the grounds that it is "confidential"  Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead

Why were you up.......... noooo:    eeek:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 27, 2016, 06:38:34 PM
 ::)
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 28, 2016, 01:52:13 PM
Have prepared a presentation for Insane Project #2. I realise that their revised brief actually makes no sense whatsoever  Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Barman on November 28, 2016, 02:10:47 PM
Have prepared a presentation for Insane Project #2. I realise that their revised brief actually makes no sense whatsoever  Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead

No problem... I doubt if your presentation does either....  Thumbs:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 28, 2016, 02:21:50 PM
 ::)
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 28, 2016, 04:36:47 PM
My presentation for Thursday is essentially a sustained attack on the stupidity of the potential clients  angel1 eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Darwins Selection on November 28, 2016, 05:25:02 PM
My presentation for Thursday is essentially a sustained attack on the stupidity of the potential clients  angel1 eveilgrin:
  :thumbsup:
Sincerity is the key. Once you can properly fake that, they will eat out of your hand.
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Barman on November 28, 2016, 05:26:11 PM
My presentation for Thursday is essentially a sustained attack on the stupidity of the potential clients  angel1 eveilgrin:
  :thumbsup:
Sincerity is the key. Once you can properly fake that, they will eat out of your hand.

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 28, 2016, 05:29:50 PM
 cloud9:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 29, 2016, 11:51:39 AM
One bonkers project finished and invoiced for. Those are the world's most expensive ever PowerPoint slides  cloud9:

I have added three further insults to my presentation for Peterborough on Thursday  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 29, 2016, 03:15:44 PM
Blimey!!

Dear Nick
 
Thank you for your support in providing the joint presentation and the briefing document which you have completed.
 
I am incredibly grateful to you for giving me this service which was done professionally, thoughtfully and logically.
 
I am very content with both and will now share with colleagues for their views prior to circulation to the other Principals and finally with JARDU.  I will feedback if there are any observations, however, I feel happy with what has been produced.
 
With kind regards and thanks

Dame Asha


 cloud9: Shocked: Shocked: Shocked:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Barman on November 29, 2016, 03:42:31 PM
Blimey!!

Dear Nick
 
Thank you for your support in providing the joint presentation and the briefing document which you have completed.
 
I am incredibly grateful to you for giving me this service which was done professionally, thoughtfully and logically.
 
I am very content with both and will now share with colleagues for their views prior to circulation to the other Principals and finally with JARDU.  I will feedback if there are any observations, however, I feel happy with what has been produced.
 
With kind regards and thanks

Dame Asha


 cloud9: Shocked: Shocked: Shocked:

 Thumbs:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on November 29, 2016, 03:44:58 PM
4 PowerPoint slides and a handout = £6K  cloud9:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Steve on November 29, 2016, 05:54:29 PM
4 PowerPoint slides and a handout = £6K  cloud9:
  :thumbsup:

Nowt wrong in brevity, if it'd been 8 slides it'd be worth half that
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on December 01, 2016, 02:43:17 PM
"my role is blue skies thinking, " said the man wearing braces to keep his trousers up.

"You are a twat, " I thought.
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 01, 2016, 02:58:12 PM
"my role is blue skies thinking, " said the man wearing braces to keep his trousers up.

"You are a twat, " I thought.

Play buzzword bingo during meetings you say....  rubschin:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on December 01, 2016, 03:00:20 PM
Two people said "going forward"  cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Barman on December 01, 2016, 03:09:53 PM
Two people said "going forward"  cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:

They don't know you that well then do they...?  noooo:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 01, 2016, 03:10:34 PM
Two people said "going forward"  cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
Who was the other one?
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on December 01, 2016, 03:20:21 PM
 Spank2: Spank2: Spank2: Spank2: Spank2:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: apc2010 on December 01, 2016, 06:58:34 PM
Two people said "going forward"  cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
Who was the other one?

He had left ...
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 01, 2016, 07:42:09 PM
Two people said "going forward"  cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:

You need to give it 110% and think outside the box to empower your people so that their core competencies mirror best practice. Getting your ducks in a row like this will allow you to shift a paradigm and take your solution to the next level so that going forward you won't have to use or hear the phrase going forward ever again. 

whistle:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 01, 2016, 08:16:52 PM
Two people said "going forward"  cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:

You need to give it 110% and think outside the box to empower your people so that their core competencies mirror best practice. Getting your ducks in a row like this will allow you to shift a paradigm and take your solution to the next level so that going forward you won't have to use or hear the phrase going forward ever again. 

whistle:
drumroll:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Grumpmeister on December 01, 2016, 09:12:51 PM
Two people said "going forward"  cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:

You need to give it 110% and think outside the box to empower your people so that their core competencies mirror best practice. Getting your ducks in a row like this will allow you to shift a paradigm and take your solution to the next level so that going forward you won't have to use or hear the phrase going forward ever again. 

whistle:
drumroll:

Used to have a knack for taking the piss out of self important blowhards full of buzzwords in meetings with stuff like that while making it sound like a serious suggestion. Only my line manager knew what I was doing so I'd try to get him to laugh each time...  angel1
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Steve on December 02, 2016, 08:44:01 AM
Two people said "going forward"  cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:

You need to give it 110% and think outside the box to empower your people so that their core competencies mirror best practice. Getting your ducks in a row like this will allow you to shift a paradigm and take your solution to the next level so that going forward you won't have to use or hear the phrase going forward ever again. 

whistle:
drumroll:
drumroll: drumroll:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Nick on December 02, 2016, 11:03:25 AM
The good folk of Peterborough did not like me  sad24:

My attention is now turning towards the good folk of Hammersmith  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Another insane project
Post by: Barman on December 02, 2016, 12:34:25 PM
The good folk of Peterborough did not like me  sad24:

My attention is now turning towards the good folk of Hammersmith  eveilgrin:

I told you it was a shit hole...  whistle: