The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Nick on April 10, 2022, 04:11:39 PM

Title: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on April 10, 2022, 04:11:39 PM
Off I go again! My fave lock tomorrow  cloud9:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on April 10, 2022, 05:31:07 PM
Popcorn:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on April 10, 2022, 05:52:21 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/vD5kFQh5/Horatio-Mc-Callister.png) (https://postimg.cc/vD5kFQh5)
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on April 12, 2022, 12:54:37 PM
Police out in force yesterday at me lock. Turns out someone took a dive off the favoured local suicide spot (Trent Bridge) two weeks ago and they are still looking for the body. All lock keepers to keep a careful look out  eeek: sick2:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on April 12, 2022, 04:52:07 PM
Police out in force yesterday at me lock. Turns out someone took a dive off the favoured local suicide spot (Trent Bridge) two weeks ago and they are still looking for the body. All lock keepers to keep a careful look out  eeek: sick2:
noooo:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on April 16, 2022, 05:15:00 PM
Bonkers day. Lots of newbies in varying stages of panic. Afternoon of several people so drunk they could barely see straight. Two out and out nutters. Boats coming from every direction.

 NickSick NickSick NickSick
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 16, 2022, 05:36:58 PM
Bonkers day. Lots of newbies in varying stages of panic. Afternoon of several people so drunk they could barely see straight. Two out and out nutters. Boats coming from every direction.

 NickSick NickSick NickSick

Bonkers day. Lots of newbies in varying stages of panic. - Nick gives a good first impression.
Afternoon of several people so drunk they could barely see straight. - Have encountered Nick on a lock before and have prepared in advance.
Two out and out nutters. - They do say like minds attract

 whistle:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on April 18, 2022, 05:09:03 PM
Big Boy Toys at me lock, like  :thumbsup:
(https://i.postimg.cc/rdmc5GRZ/IMG-1479-1.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rdmc5GRZ)

(https://i.postimg.cc/JDHL21qb/IMG-1480.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/JDHL21qb)

(https://i.postimg.cc/GB5RKBkL/IMG-1481-2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/GB5RKBkL)
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Just One More on April 18, 2022, 05:20:57 PM
Big Boy Toys at me lock, like  :thumbsup:
(https://i.postimg.cc/rdmc5GRZ/IMG-1479-1.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rdmc5GRZ)

(https://i.postimg.cc/JDHL21qb/IMG-1480.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/JDHL21qb)

(https://i.postimg.cc/GB5RKBkL/IMG-1481-2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/GB5RKBkL)

 :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on April 18, 2022, 05:42:39 PM
Big Boy Toys at me lock, like  :thumbsup:
(https://i.postimg.cc/rdmc5GRZ/IMG-1479-1.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rdmc5GRZ)

(https://i.postimg.cc/JDHL21qb/IMG-1480.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/JDHL21qb)

(https://i.postimg.cc/GB5RKBkL/IMG-1481-2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/GB5RKBkL)

 :thumbsup:

 Thumbs: Thumbs:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on April 18, 2022, 08:48:48 PM
Big Boy Toys at me lock, like  :thumbsup:
(https://i.postimg.cc/rdmc5GRZ/IMG-1479-1.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rdmc5GRZ)

(https://i.postimg.cc/JDHL21qb/IMG-1480.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/JDHL21qb)

(https://i.postimg.cc/GB5RKBkL/IMG-1481-2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/GB5RKBkL)

 :thumbsup:

 Thumbs: Thumbs:
:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on April 30, 2022, 05:10:07 PM
Quiet start to a sunny day


(https://i.postimg.cc/PpDSXm3B/IMG-1509.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/PpDSXm3B)

(https://i.postimg.cc/ctMTYdNh/IMG-1510.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ctMTYdNh)

(https://i.postimg.cc/grvg1H6h/IMG-1511.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/grvg1H6h)

Entertaining visit from the Nottingham Afro-Caribbean Ladies Rambling Group, all enormous and very jolly

Chatted to a Ukrainian sea captain and his wife and kids from Mariupol noooo:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: apc2010 on April 30, 2022, 05:41:24 PM
Nick ...caution sign .......writes itself....!!!!.... noooo:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on April 30, 2022, 06:11:52 PM
Nick ...caution sign .......writes itself....!!!!.... noooo:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on April 30, 2022, 06:22:59 PM
Quiet start to a sunny day


(https://i.postimg.cc/PpDSXm3B/IMG-1509.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/PpDSXm3B)

(https://i.postimg.cc/ctMTYdNh/IMG-1510.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ctMTYdNh)

(https://i.postimg.cc/grvg1H6h/IMG-1511.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/grvg1H6h)

Entertaining visit from the Nottingham Afro-Caribbean Ladies Rambling Group, all enormous and very jolly

Chatted to a Ukrainian sea captain and his wife and kids from Mariupol noooo:
Excellent and great pics
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Just One More on April 30, 2022, 09:21:09 PM
Quiet start to a sunny day


(https://i.postimg.cc/PpDSXm3B/IMG-1509.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/PpDSXm3B)

(https://i.postimg.cc/ctMTYdNh/IMG-1510.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ctMTYdNh)

(https://i.postimg.cc/grvg1H6h/IMG-1511.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/grvg1H6h)

Entertaining visit from the Nottingham Afro-Caribbean Ladies Rambling Group, all enormous and very jolly

Chatted to a Ukrainian sea captain and his wife and kids from Mariupol noooo:

One of those chats that'll stay with you forever I imagine Nick. It would certainly make me look at my "problems" in a different way  happy100
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: apc2010 on April 30, 2022, 09:41:18 PM
Quiet start to a sunny day


(https://i.postimg.cc/PpDSXm3B/IMG-1509.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/PpDSXm3B)

(https://i.postimg.cc/ctMTYdNh/IMG-1510.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ctMTYdNh)

(https://i.postimg.cc/grvg1H6h/IMG-1511.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/grvg1H6h)

Entertaining visit from the Nottingham Afro-Caribbean Ladies Rambling Group, all enormous and very jolly

Chatted to a Ukrainian sea captain and his wife and kids from Mariupol noooo:

One of those chats that'll stay with you forever I imagine Nick. It would certainly make me look at my "problems" in a different way  happy100

Years ago when Yugoslavia/Serbia was being bombed , Serbs could come and stay in Cyprus as a "neutral" country ....there were loads ...same, some of their stories are with me still .....some funny ,some sad ...but all out of realms of comprehension to me ..!!...

and the time I thought a Syrian? bloke was trying to chat me up......but wanted help to fill in his UN political refugee application.... noooo:... redface:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on May 14, 2022, 05:15:11 PM
The phone goes: A narrow boat with a cargo of laydees on a birthday trip is on the way downriver. They are going for "lunch" at the Ferry Boat pub and returning later

Translation: A load of immense wimmin are getting pissed on a boat, are going to the pub to get even more pissed and sunburned and will make a chaotic return upriver at about 4.00

And lo, so it came to pass  noooo:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on May 15, 2022, 04:09:32 PM
The phone goes: A narrow boat with a cargo of laydees on a birthday trip is on the way downriver. They are going for "lunch" at the Ferry Boat pub and returning later

Translation: A load of immense wimmin are getting pissed on a boat, are going to the pub to get even more pissed and sunburned and will make a chaotic return upriver at about 4.00

And lo, so it came to pass  noooo:

We need pictures! ::)
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: apc2010 on May 15, 2022, 04:33:35 PM
The phone goes: A narrow boat with a cargo of laydees on a birthday trip is on the way downriver. They are going for "lunch" at the Ferry Boat pub and returning later

Translation: A load of immense wimmin are getting pissed on a boat, are going to the pub to get even more pissed and sunburned and will make a chaotic return upriver at about 4.00

And lo, so it came to pass  noooo:

We need pictures! ::)

Miss D.s facebook ...... whistle:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on May 15, 2022, 04:43:52 PM
The phone goes: A narrow boat with a cargo of laydees on a birthday trip is on the way downriver. They are going for "lunch" at the Ferry Boat pub and returning later

Translation: A load of immense wimmin are getting pissed on a boat, are going to the pub to get even more pissed and sunburned and will make a chaotic return upriver at about 4.00

And lo, so it came to pass  noooo:

We need pictures! ::)

Miss D.s facebook ...... whistle:

happy001
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on May 22, 2022, 05:20:38 PM
TWENTY FIVE fit young laydees on paddle boards, most in Lycra  Shocked:  but three in bikinis Shocked: Shocked:

Wanted to keep them safe, so operated the lock far slower than usual and kept a close eye on them  angel1

They went down safely and, oh ... kleenex: redface:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on May 22, 2022, 05:25:21 PM
TWENTY FIVE fit young laydees on paddle boards, most in Lycra  Shocked:  but three in bikinis Shocked: Shocked:

Wanted to keep them safe, so operated the lock far slower than usual and kept a close eye on them  angel1

They went down safely and, oh ... kleenex: redface:
And that's another reason why you need that bodycam
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on May 22, 2022, 05:38:01 PM
There could be munny in this rubschin:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: apc2010 on May 22, 2022, 05:39:58 PM
TWENTY FIVE fit young laydees on paddle boards, most in Lycra  Shocked:  but three in bikinis Shocked: Shocked:

Wanted to keep them safe, so operated the lock far slower than usual and kept a close eye on them  angel1

They went down safely and, oh ... kleenex: redface:

Was "went down " really the phrase needed .... noooo:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on May 22, 2022, 05:56:18 PM
I will set them up.... angel1
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on May 22, 2022, 06:37:40 PM
TWENTY FIVE fit young laydees on paddle boards, most in Lycra  Shocked:  but three in bikinis Shocked: Shocked:

Wanted to keep them safe, so operated the lock far slower than usual and kept a close eye on them  angel1

They went down safely and, oh ... kleenex: redface:

Was "went down " really the phrase needed .... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Just One More on May 22, 2022, 06:52:13 PM
TWENTY FIVE fit young laydees on paddle boards, most in Lycra  Shocked:  but three in bikinis Shocked: Shocked:

Wanted to keep them safe, so operated the lock far slower than usual and kept a close eye on them  angel1

They went down safely and, oh ... kleenex: redface:

Was "went down " really the phrase needed .... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 23, 2022, 06:01:41 PM
One of your locks by any chance?  rubschin:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10845145/Drunk-stag-party-SINK-barge-forcing-canal-close-abandoning-boat-lock.html
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on May 23, 2022, 06:04:52 PM
One of your locks by any chance?  rubschin:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10845145/Drunk-stag-party-SINK-barge-forcing-canal-close-abandoning-boat-lock.html
;D

Probably chasing after those 'TWENTY FIVE fit young laydees on paddle boards, most in Lycra' someone mentioned
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on May 23, 2022, 06:06:00 PM
I think that is Tipsy's area  angel1
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 23, 2022, 06:33:58 PM
Tipsy is chasing after young laydees in lycra? Well I suppose if she can divert them in your direction she can make her escape while you are distracted and drooling..  whistle:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on June 28, 2022, 05:37:07 PM
I arrive at the entrance to the Watersports Centre to find the road blocked

A jobsworth in a High Vis jacket wanders over:

Where is your pass?
Me: What pass?
The pass you need to get in
Me: I don't have one
You can't come in then
Me: Yes I can. I am the lock keeper
I know nothing about that
Me: Use your radio to call your boss

He does so: Guy her wants to come in. Says he is the "lock keeper"
Boss: Let him in

I drive another few hundred yards. There are dozens of vehicles and hundreds of people

I come to a road block

A jobsworth in a High Vis jacket wanders over:

Where is your pass?
Me: What pass?
The pass you need to get in
Me: I don't have one
You can't come in then
Me: Yes I can. I am the lock keeper
I know nothing about that
Me: Use your radio to call your boss

He does so: Guy her wants to come in. Says he is the "lock keeper"
Boss: Let him in!

Another couple of hundred yards. I am now surrounded by huge numbers of people in wet suits

A jobsworth in a High Vis jacket wanders over:

Where is your pass?
Me: What pass?
The pass you need to get in
Me: I don't have one
You can't come in then
Me: Yes I can. I am the lock keeper
I know nothing about that
Me: Use your radio to call your boss

He does so: Guy her wants to come in. Says he is the "lo,,,"
Boss: LET HIM IN YOU TWIT


The event: https://www.canoeicf.com/ (https://www.canoeicf.com/)

Apparently it happened yesterday too and will happen again tomorrow  noooo:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on June 28, 2022, 06:00:57 PM
 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Uncle Mort on June 28, 2022, 06:06:49 PM
Not surprised.

lol: lol: lol:

However, I am surprised you don't have a permanent pass for the Centre if your lock is in it.
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on June 28, 2022, 06:11:12 PM
It is normally an open facility. Anyone can go there and some people live on boats along the river.Only access is through the NWS

It also hosts lots of commercial outfits: climbing centre, canoe shops, cafes, water based kids stuff, adventure playgrounds......
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on June 28, 2022, 06:36:49 PM
I arrive at the entrance to the Watersports Centre to find the road blocked

A jobsworth in a High Vis jacket wanders over:

Where is your pass?
Me: What pass?
The pass you need to get in
Me: I don't have one
You can't come in then
Me: Yes I can. I am the lock keeper
I know nothing about that
Me: Use your radio to call your boss

He does so: Guy her wants to come in. Says he is the "lock keeper"
Boss: Let him in

I drive another few hundred yards. There are dozens of vehicles and hundreds of people

I come to a road block

A jobsworth in a High Vis jacket wanders over:

Where is your pass?
Me: What pass?
The pass you need to get in
Me: I don't have one
You can't come in then
Me: Yes I can. I am the lock keeper
I know nothing about that
Me: Use your radio to call your boss

He does so: Guy her wants to come in. Says he is the "lock keeper"
Boss: Let him in!

Another couple of hundred yards. I am now surrounded by huge numbers of people in wet suits

A jobsworth in a High Vis jacket wanders over:

Where is your pass?
Me: What pass?
The pass you need to get in
Me: I don't have one
You can't come in then
Me: Yes I can. I am the lock keeper
I know nothing about that
Me: Use your radio to call your boss

He does so: Guy her wants to come in. Says he is the "lo,,,"
Boss: LET HIM IN YOU TWIT


The event: https://www.canoeicf.com/ (https://www.canoeicf.com/)

Apparently it happened yesterday too and will happen again tomorrow  noooo:


happy001
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on June 28, 2022, 09:06:51 PM
And after reading this, tomorrow 2,000 people will get free entry by all saying 'I'm the lock keeper'
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: apc2010 on June 29, 2022, 12:16:59 AM
And after reading this, tomorrow 2,000 people will get free entry by all saying 'I'm the lock keeper'

 rubschin:  maybe ...not sure the dribble on here gets quite that many views... rubschin:

Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2022, 04:52:00 AM
And after reading this, tomorrow 2,000 people will get free entry by all saying 'I'm the lock keeper'

 rubschin:  maybe ...not sure the dribble on here gets quite that many views... rubschin:

 lol: lol: lol: evil:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on June 30, 2022, 05:56:21 PM
This is Mac


(https://i.postimg.cc/McFcM504/IMG-1602.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/McFcM504)

Mac lives at the Lock Cottage
Mac is my best friend
Mac is a bouncy dog. Mac can jump as high as my head eeek:
Mac comes to visit me a lot
Mac knows I have dog treats in my lock keeper bag
Today Mac followed me to my car and tried to get into it
Mac was jumping and nipping with his VERY sharp teeth at my lock keeper bag
My lock keeper bag contained, amongst other things, a can of beer left for me by a grateful boater
Mac managed to nip the beer can
My lock keeper bag was on the passenger seat of my car
My passenger seat is now full of beer and my car smells like a brewery evil:

Don't be like Mac cussing:





Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on June 30, 2022, 06:03:29 PM
This is Mac


(https://i.postimg.cc/McFcM504/IMG-1602.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/McFcM504)

Mac lives at the Lock Cottage
Mac is my best friend
Mac is a bouncy dog. Mac can jump as high as my head eeek:
Mac comes to visit me a lot
Mac knows I have dog treats in my lock keeper bag
Today Mac followed me to my car and tried to get into it
Mac was jumping and nipping with his VERY sharp teeth at my lock keeper bag
My lock keeper bag contained, amongst other things, a can of beer left for me by a grateful boater
Mac managed to nip the beer can
My lock keeper bag was on the passenger seat of my car
My passenger seat is now full of beer and my car smells like a brewery evil:

Don't be like Mac cussing:


happy001

Only you Nick...  noooo:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 30, 2022, 06:14:58 PM
Is he a Mc Furry ?
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on June 30, 2022, 06:15:17 PM
This is Mac


(https://i.postimg.cc/McFcM504/IMG-1602.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/McFcM504)

Mac lives at the Lock Cottage
Mac is my best friend
Mac is a bouncy dog. Mac can jump as high as my head eeek:
Mac comes to visit me a lot
Mac knows I have dog treats in my lock keeper bag
Today Mac followed me to my car and tried to get into it
Mac was jumping and nipping with his VERY sharp teeth at my lock keeper bag
My lock keeper bag contained, amongst other things, a can of beer left for me by a grateful boater
Mac managed to nip the beer can
My lock keeper bag was on the passenger seat of my car
My passenger seat is now full of beer and my car smells like a brewery evil:

Don't be like Mac cussing:
noooo:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Just One More on June 30, 2022, 06:35:58 PM
This is Mac


(https://i.postimg.cc/McFcM504/IMG-1602.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/McFcM504)

Mac lives at the Lock Cottage
Mac is my best friend
Mac is a bouncy dog. Mac can jump as high as my head eeek:
Mac comes to visit me a lot
Mac knows I have dog treats in my lock keeper bag
Today Mac followed me to my car and tried to get into it
Mac was jumping and nipping with his VERY sharp teeth at my lock keeper bag
My lock keeper bag contained, amongst other things, a can of beer left for me by a grateful boater
Mac managed to nip the beer can
My lock keeper bag was on the passenger seat of my car
My passenger seat is now full of beer and my car smells like a brewery evil:

Don't be like Mac cussing:


happy001

Only you Nick...  noooo:

happy001 happy001
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Just One More on June 30, 2022, 06:36:33 PM
Is he a Mc Furry ?

 drumroll:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on June 30, 2022, 06:58:04 PM
Sorry Nick but happy001 happy001 happy001
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on June 30, 2022, 06:59:38 PM
 evil: evil: evil:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Uncle Mort on June 30, 2022, 08:01:06 PM
You should knife the Mac.  ;)
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Just One More on June 30, 2022, 08:13:36 PM
You should knife the Mac.  ;)

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on June 30, 2022, 08:29:01 PM
 eeek:   noooo:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 30, 2022, 10:22:48 PM
This is Mac


(https://i.postimg.cc/McFcM504/IMG-1602.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/McFcM504)

Mac lives at the Lock Cottage
Mac is my best friend
Mac is a bouncy dog. Mac can jump as high as my head eeek:
Mac comes to visit me a lot
Mac knows I have dog treats in my lock keeper bag
Today Mac followed me to my car and tried to get into it
Mac was jumping and nipping with his VERY sharp teeth at my lock keeper bag
My lock keeper bag contained, amongst other things, a can of beer left for me by a grateful boater
Mac managed to nip the beer can
My lock keeper bag was on the passenger seat of my car
My passenger seat is now full of beer and my car smells like a brewery evil:

Don't be like Mac cussing:


happy001

Only you Nick...  noooo:

happy001 happy001

Nick's luck must be improving. Under normal for Nick circumstances he'd have been pulled over by the plod on the way back..  eeek:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on July 08, 2022, 05:08:33 PM
Had this beauty through this morning


(https://i.postimg.cc/RNRpY7Pv/IMG-1614.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/RNRpY7Pv)
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Just One More on July 08, 2022, 05:36:12 PM
Had this beauty through this morning


(https://i.postimg.cc/RNRpY7Pv/IMG-1614.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/RNRpY7Pv)

 :thumbsup: Just noticed the woman at the side. Either that's a biggun, or she's a shortarse  rubschin:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on July 08, 2022, 05:41:58 PM
She was a regular issue normal size wumman and there for scale. It was a whopper  eeek:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on July 08, 2022, 06:29:07 PM
ALso had THREE cop cars and six cops turn up today. This place is in the middle of nowhere!

They marched across to see me

"We are cracking down on illegal anglers!"
Me: You chose a lovely Friday afternoon to do it. Is this a police priority?
Them: The Chief Constable is a keen angler

 noooo:

Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Just One More on July 08, 2022, 07:55:39 PM
ALso had THREE cop cars and six cops turn up today. This place is in the middle of nowhere!

They marched across to see me

"We are cracking down on illegal anglers!"
Me: You chose a lovely Friday afternoon to do it. Is this a police priority?
Them: The Chief Constable is a keen angler

 noooo:

 Explode: Explode: Explode:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on July 08, 2022, 08:02:44 PM
Location and crime scene

https://goo.gl/maps/rcLXgP5NhBih19sAA (https://goo.gl/maps/rcLXgP5NhBih19sAA)
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Uncle Mort on July 08, 2022, 08:16:35 PM
Nice looking area to spend the day   rubschin:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on July 08, 2022, 08:20:00 PM
 cloud9:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 09, 2022, 12:24:49 AM
ALso had THREE cop cars and six cops turn up today. This place is in the middle of nowhere!

They marched across to see me

"We are cracking down on illegal anglers!"
Me: You chose a lovely Friday afternoon to do it. Is this a police priority?
Them: The Chief Constable is a keen angler

 noooo:

Damn Nick you missed the perfect opportunity with that set up. All you had to do was sound surprised and ask if they were saying the Chief Constable was an illegal angler  Banghead
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on July 09, 2022, 04:53:24 PM
Location Stoke Bardolph Lock

Woman with three children and a dog: "Excuse me but how can we get to the other side of the weir?"
Me: "Drive to Nottingham, cross Trent Bridge, turn left and follow the signs to Radcliffe on Trent"
Her: Is there any other way?
Me: "Drive to Gunthorpe, cross the bridge, turn right and follow the signs to Radcliffe on Trent"
She looks puzzled and I asked her if there was anything else...
Her: "We saw lots of people over there and wondered how they had got across"
Me: "Perhaps they live there"

This made her look thoughtful....
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on July 09, 2022, 05:24:28 PM
Location Stoke Bardolph Lock

Woman with three children and a dog: "Excuse me but how can we get to the other side of the weir?"
Me: "Drive to Nottingham, cross Trent Bridge, turn left and follow the signs to Radcliffe on Trent"
Her: Is there any other way?
Me: "Drive to Gunthorpe, cross the bridge, turn right and follow the signs to Radcliffe on Trent"
She looks puzzled and I asked her if there was anything else...
Her: "We saw lots of people over there and wondered how they had got across"
Me: "Perhaps they live there"

This made her look thoughtful....
lol: lol: lol:

You should have suggested that pole river jumping.  What could postibly  . . . . .

(https://im.indiatimes.in/media/content/2019/Feb/canal_jumping_has_a_history_1549434250_725x725.jpg)

Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on July 09, 2022, 05:52:47 PM
Location Stoke Bardolph Lock

Woman with three children and a dog: "Excuse me but how can we get to the other side of the weir?"
Me: "Drive to Nottingham, cross Trent Bridge, turn left and follow the signs to Radcliffe on Trent"
Her: Is there any other way?
Me: "Drive to Gunthorpe, cross the bridge, turn right and follow the signs to Radcliffe on Trent"
She looks puzzled and I asked her if there was anything else...
Her: "We saw lots of people over there and wondered how they had got across"
Me: "Perhaps they live there"

This made her look thoughtful....


 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on July 16, 2022, 04:58:29 PM
CRT are dong a campaign about the dangers of jumping into rivers so I had both BBC and ITV news crews at me island today!

Got asked questions by one of their reporters who has THE MOST FANTASTIC KNOCKERS eeek: redface:


(https://i.postimg.cc/ZWppcjGy/knockers.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ZWppcjGy)
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on July 16, 2022, 05:51:44 PM
CRT are dong a campaign about the dangers of jumping into rivers so I had both BBC and ITV news crews at me island today!

Got asked questions by one of their reporters who has THE MOST FANTASTIC KNOCKERS eeek: redface:


(https://i.postimg.cc/ZWppcjGy/knockers.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ZWppcjGy)


(  o  Y  o  )   eyes:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on July 16, 2022, 06:58:26 PM
CRT are dong a campaign about the dangers of jumping into rivers so I had both BBC and ITV news crews at me island today!

Got asked questions by one of their reporters who has THE MOST FANTASTIC KNOCKERS eeek: redface:


(https://i.postimg.cc/ZWppcjGy/knockers.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ZWppcjGy)
:thumbsup:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Uncle Mort on July 16, 2022, 07:54:07 PM
CRT are dong a campaign about the dangers of jumping into rivers so I had both BBC and ITV news crews at me island today!

Got asked questions by one of their reporters who has THE MOST FANTASTIC KNOCKERS eeek: redface:


(https://i.postimg.cc/ZWppcjGy/knockers.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ZWppcjGy)

Sure that's not an inflated lifejacket.
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on July 16, 2022, 08:03:18 PM
If she had turned around suddenly I would have had concussion eeek:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: apc2010 on July 16, 2022, 09:34:38 PM
CRT are dong a campaign about the dangers of jumping into rivers so I had both BBC and ITV news crews at me island today!

Got asked questions by one of their reporters who has THE MOST FANTASTIC KNOCKERS eeek: redface:


(https://i.postimg.cc/ZWppcjGy/knockers.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ZWppcjGy)

Did she interview you ... rubschin:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on July 17, 2022, 03:57:25 AM
CRT are dong a campaign about the dangers of jumping into rivers so I had both BBC and ITV news crews at me island today!

Got asked questions by one of their reporters who has THE MOST FANTASTIC KNOCKERS eeek: redface:


(https://i.postimg.cc/ZWppcjGy/knockers.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ZWppcjGy)

Sure that's not an inflated lifejacket.

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on July 24, 2022, 06:49:20 PM
Just got home  evil:

What a day.

1. Very windy so I did not expect it to be busy. Instead, constant stream of boats  NickSick

2. A HUGE barge (posh sort) and a posh narrow boat were going through the lock when the Narrow Boat guy let go of a rope. Narrow boat smashed into the barge with a bang that could have shattered windows. Damage to both boats and of course, paperwork from me for CRT to explain what had gone one.

3. Then a lot of shouting. A hydraulic hose burst and sprayed a passing HORSE with hot hydraulic fluid  eeek:  Mass hysteria and NOT my fault

Lock out of action with boats waiting so called the boss. Engineer dispatched to fix problem

Fixed at 7.00  NickSick

Horse had to be hosed down  noooo:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: apc2010 on July 24, 2022, 08:19:08 PM
Just got home  evil:

What a day.

1. Very windy so I did not expect it to be busy. Instead, constant stream of boats  NickSick

2. A HUGE barge (posh sort) and a posh narrow boat were going through the lock when the Narrow Boat guy let go of a rope. Narrow boat smashed into the barge with a bang that could have shattered windows. Damage to both boats and of course, paperwork from me for CRT to explain what had gone one.

3. Then a lot of shouting. A hydraulic hose burst and sprayed a passing HORSE with hot hydraulic fluid  eeek:  Mass hysteria and NOT my fault

Lock out of action with boats waiting so called the boss. Engineer dispatched to fix problem

Fixed at 7.00  NickSick

Horse had to be hosed down  noooo:

"NOT my fault" ........... Thumbs:       whistle:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on July 24, 2022, 08:20:36 PM
 angel1
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 24, 2022, 09:06:12 PM
angel1

 rubschin:


 rubschin:


 rubschin:


 happy001

Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on July 24, 2022, 09:54:29 PM
Just got home  evil:

What a day.

1. Very windy so I did not expect it to be busy. Instead, constant stream of boats  NickSick

2. A HUGE barge (posh sort) and a posh narrow boat were going through the lock when the Narrow Boat guy let go of a rope. Narrow boat smashed into the barge with a bang that could have shattered windows. Damage to both boats and of course, paperwork from me for CRT to explain what had gone one.

3. Then a lot of shouting. A hydraulic hose burst and sprayed a passing HORSE with hot hydraulic fluid  eeek:  Mass hysteria and NOT my fault

Lock out of action with boats waiting so called the boss. Engineer dispatched to fix problem

Fixed at 7.00  NickSick

Horse had to be hosed down  noooo:

"NOT my fault" ........... Thumbs:       whistle:
:thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on July 25, 2022, 03:04:49 AM
Just got home  evil:

What a day.

1. Very windy so I did not expect it to be busy. Instead, constant stream of boats  NickSick

2. A HUGE barge (posh sort) and a posh narrow boat were going through the lock when the Narrow Boat guy let go of a rope. Narrow boat smashed into the barge with a bang that could have shattered windows. Damage to both boats and of course, paperwork from me for CRT to explain what had gone one.

3. Then a lot of shouting. A hydraulic hose burst and sprayed a passing HORSE with hot hydraulic fluid  eeek:  Mass hysteria and NOT my fault

Lock out of action with boats waiting so called the boss. Engineer dispatched to fix problem

Fixed at 7.00  NickSick

Horse had to be hosed down  noooo:

"NOT my fault" ........... Thumbs:       whistle:


A big boy did it and ran away... Probably...  whistle:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on September 04, 2022, 05:24:54 PM
Got paired with a novice lock keeper today who was an utter twat and then had an unwelcome visit from some happy clappy in some fucking travelling religious CHAPEL!!!  Banghead Banghead Banghead


(https://i.postimg.cc/Jtf8GVrt/IMG-1703.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Jtf8GVrt)
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: apc2010 on September 04, 2022, 07:50:31 PM
Got paired with a novice lock keeper today who was an utter twat and then had an unwelcome visit from some happy clappy in some fucking travelling religious CHAPEL!!!  Banghead Banghead Banghead


(https://i.postimg.cc/Jtf8GVrt/IMG-1703.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Jtf8GVrt)

Could he not part the waters himself .... rubschin:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 04, 2022, 07:53:57 PM
Got paired with a novice lock keeper today who was an utter twat and then had an unwelcome visit from some happy clappy in some fucking travelling religious CHAPEL!!!  Banghead Banghead Banghead


(https://i.postimg.cc/Jtf8GVrt/IMG-1703.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Jtf8GVrt)

(https://brianmlucey.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/demons-of-stupidity-400x446.png)

 whistle:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Just One More on September 04, 2022, 08:46:27 PM
Got paired with a novice lock keeper today who was an utter twat and then had an unwelcome visit from some happy clappy in some fucking travelling religious CHAPEL!!!  Banghead Banghead Banghead


(https://i.postimg.cc/Jtf8GVrt/IMG-1703.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Jtf8GVrt)

Could he not part the waters himself .... rubschin:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 04, 2022, 11:48:57 PM
Got paired with a novice lock keeper today who was an utter twat and then had an unwelcome visit from some happy clappy in some fucking travelling religious CHAPEL!!!  Banghead Banghead Banghead


(https://i.postimg.cc/Jtf8GVrt/IMG-1703.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Jtf8GVrt)

Could he not part the waters himself .... rubschin:

Nick is just pissed off that he didn't turn the water into wine  whistle:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on September 04, 2022, 11:50:22 PM
Got paired with a novice lock keeper today who was an utter twat and then had an unwelcome visit from some happy clappy in some fucking travelling religious CHAPEL!!!  Banghead Banghead Banghead


(https://i.postimg.cc/Jtf8GVrt/IMG-1703.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Jtf8GVrt)

Could he not part the waters himself .... rubschin:

 lol: lol: lol:
  lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on September 10, 2022, 06:38:14 PM
Nice boat. Early 30s? All wood.

Checked or the little plaque on the cabin door and there it was!

"Dunkirk, 1940"  cloud9:
(https://i.postimg.cc/y36Hj2mW/IMG-1724.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/y36Hj2mW)
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Just One More on September 10, 2022, 08:37:33 PM
Nice boat. Early 30s? All wood.

Checked or the little plaque on the cabin door and there it was!

"Dunkirk, 1940"  cloud9:
(https://i.postimg.cc/y36Hj2mW/IMG-1724.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/y36Hj2mW)

 cloud9: cloud9:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on September 11, 2022, 09:00:07 AM
Nice boat. Early 30s? All wood.

Checked or the little plaque on the cabin door and there it was!

"Dunkirk, 1940"  cloud9:
(https://i.postimg.cc/y36Hj2mW/IMG-1724.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/y36Hj2mW)

 cloud9: cloud9:
:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on September 11, 2022, 04:57:22 PM
Boaters out in force this weekend :thumbsup:

Wine and chocs and stuff from several of the regulars cloud9:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Steve on September 11, 2022, 07:40:18 PM
Boaters out in force this weekend :thumbsup:

Wine and chocs and stuff from several of the regulars cloud9:
:thumbsup:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on September 17, 2022, 05:14:40 PM
Lock keeper jokes

ONE BOAT ALL DAY. Twas the NB Omnia

Lock keeper one stumbles over the name on the radio (VHF channel 74) so every boat within 15 miles can hear it

"NB OM, um, OMANAI, OMIUM just leaving HP

Boater "OMNIA!"

30 minutes later NB calls me

"YES NB AMMONIA, I CAN SEE YOU"

Boater "OMNIA!"

Gunthorpe, NB AMMONIA en route to you"

Boater "OMNIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

NB ONOMATOPOEIA I CAN SEE YOUR APPROACH

Boater "OMNIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. ARE YOU ALL DEAF AND BLIND??"

How we laffed redface:


Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on September 18, 2022, 07:32:02 AM
Lock keeper jokes

ONE BOAT ALL DAY. Twas the NB Omnia

Lock keeper one stumbles over the name on the radio (VHF channel 74) so every boat within 15 miles can hear it

"NB OM, um, OMANAI, OMIUM just leaving HP

Boater "OMNIA!"

30 minutes later NB calls me

"YES NB AMMONIA, I CAN SEE YOU"

Boater "OMNIA!"

Gunthorpe, NB AMMONIA en route to you"

Boater "OMNIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

NB ONOMATOPOEIA I CAN SEE YOUR APPROACH

Boater "OMNIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. ARE YOU ALL DEAF AND BLIND??"

How we laffed redface:


 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on September 30, 2022, 05:57:26 PM
Had this beast in the lock ALL DAY
(https://i.postimg.cc/BjCNgWWw/IMG-1738.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/BjCNgWWw)
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Barman on September 30, 2022, 06:00:14 PM
Had this beast in the lock ALL DAY
(https://i.postimg.cc/BjCNgWWw/IMG-1738.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/BjCNgWWw)

Oh dear, what did you do...?  ::)
Title: Re: Nick's all new 2022 lock keeping adventures and bonkers boaters thread
Post by: Nick on September 30, 2022, 07:05:27 PM
Watched, raised and lowered them inches at a time and froze my arse off evil: evil: