The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on September 24, 2007, 08:54:10 AM
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He is in the house. 4 times in the last 15 minutes he has come unto me and said "Look, I am going to touch up this here, here and here." "Yes I know." And round here I am doing some rubbing down." "Yes, I heard that." "And now I am going to do those window ledges. Do you want to come and look."
"No thanks."
I will swing for this bastard. And the council guy is outside now taking pictures of MRs Nick's crumpled car. And as the bastard painter is going to be doing bits of work on the interior and exterior on three floors I have been instructed to "tidy up."
Alien abduction is looking very appealing.
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He is still doing it. He has stripped parts of two window frames. "These will need painting." "Isn't that what you are going to do?" "Oh yes, I was just telling you."
He is sooooo close to death Banghead
And now he is giving Mrs Nick a tour of the same interesting features. Same script.
He is an idiot!!!!
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He sounds like a nice chap. Offer him tea and biscuits. ;)
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Arsenic, more like.
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Tell him about your apparition ~ that might scare him off.
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No, he'd want to talk about it. evil:
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Tell him you have always found rough-handed tradesmen strangely attractive.
That should make him keep his distance. Unless . . . . . rubschin:
Knowing your luck, better avoid that technique. noooo:
Try wandering around clutching an axe, mumbling "No, I mustn't" to yourself. eyes:
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He's up a ladder now. Very windy here. Shame if he had an accident............... evil:
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He has been assertively retrained. "Carry on with your work, I am busy". Not a peep since!
Assertiveness works!
Next project: Mrs Nick scared2:
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He has been assertively retrained. "Carry on with your work, I am busy". Not a peep since!
Assertiveness works!
Next project: Mrs Nick scared2:
Your or Mrs Nicks car parked under the ladder?
Starsky and Hutch paintjob time. scared2:
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Come up and see me DS.
Bring slurry!
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A tiler, engaged to re-tile the kitchen splash-backs two weeks ago, failed to show up. Mumbled 'phone call with lame excuse at the last minute. All other tilers too busy for at least two months. Resigned to doing it myself or waiting. Today, out of the blue, he turned up (half an hour ago) and started work. Reckons he'll do half today and finish off on Thursday. Mrs S will be p*ssed off as the kitchen is a mess and he has just shoved everything to one side. I can't wait for her to come home ..... she is due at 3.35 ~ I am searching for my tin bowler.
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But surely the fact that it is done ...
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A tiler, engaged to re-tile the kitchen splash-backs two weeks ago, failed to show up. Mumbled 'phone call with lame excuse at the last minute. All other tilers too busy for at least two months. Resigned to doing it myself or waiting. Today, out of the blue, he turned up (half an hour ago) and started work. Reckons he'll do half today and finish off on Thursday. Mrs S will be p*ssed off as the kitchen is a mess and he has just shoved everything to one side. I can't wait for her to come home ..... she is due at 3.35 ~ I am searching for my tin bowler.
Can you play the Dominoe's Pizza card - half an hour late and it is free
For two weeks he should be adding a complimentary extension to the East Wing lol:
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But surely the fact that it is done ...
Funny enough that is what she just said eeek:
Can you play the Dominoe's Pizza card - half an hour late and it is free
For two weeks he should be adding a complimentary extension to the East Wing
Cash in hand job ~ I am not negotiating ..... just happy that I will not be expected to do it.
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But surely the fact that it is done ...
Funny enough that is what she just said eeek:
That's freaked you out a little bit hasn't it. eveilgrin:
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There must be some sort of revenge......................
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Tiler left at 5.30 ~ job two thirds done ...... "Finish off on Thursday" has turned into "See you Friday ~ I'll ring to confirm on Thursday" ............ Still I haven't paid him yet eveilgrin:
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He's back again. I am having to pretend that I am permanently on the phone. I am sitting here says loudly:
"Yes................................Quite right........................................................................But we can tell him...exactly......................Well, quite so"
I may have to keep this up all day evil:
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He's back again. I am having to pretend that I am permanently on the phone. I am sitting here says loudly:
"Yes................................Quite right........................................................................But we can tell him...exactly......................Well, quite so"
I may have to keep this up all day evil:
Try reading out loud everything you type in here... That should hurry him along a bit eeek:
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evil:
I read him some of yours and he finished very quickly. Odd that.
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evil:
I read him some of yours and he finished very quickly. Odd that.
lol:
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He's back. I had forgotten he was coming. He was here at 7.45!!
Chatter chatter, scrape scrape. cussing:
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But if Mrs Nick is at home can't you leave her with him? I'm sure that will sort things out ~ afterall she will not be able to resist giving him instructions and NO workman, chatty or otherwise, hangs around long once that starts. whistle:
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Her presence is helpful in that respect. And she is offerng him lots of opinions spider:
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she is offerng him lots of opinions
Is that not going to give him the TG flatulence problem?
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doh:
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<snigger>
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she is offerng him lots of opinions
Is that not going to give him the TG flatulence problem?
Dont bring me into it! surrender:
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He's talking to himself now, a sort of running commentary on what he is doing. Angry9:
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He's talking to himself now, a sort of running commentary on what he is doing. Angry9:
I have no doubt that Mrs Nick identified him as a suitable contractor and probably employed him but his failings are your fault.
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He is in the bathroom.
Verbatim report
"Right, I will go and speak to Jackie and then get my butty from the car. NOw where is the soap. Oh here. Nice bit of soap that. Which is the hot tap, oh I see. Gosh, that s hot......." and so on............. Banghead Banghead
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I think I'd kill him. violent073:
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He is in the bathroom.
Verbatim report
"Right, I will go and speak to Jackie and then get my butty from the car. NOw where is the soap. Oh here. Nice bit of soap that. Which is the hot tap, oh I see. Gosh, that s hot......." and so on............. Banghead Banghead
lol: lol: lol:
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He is in the bathroom.
Verbatim report
"Right, I will go and speak to Jackie and then get my butty from the car. NOw where is the soap. Oh here. Nice bit of soap that. Which is the hot tap, oh I see. Gosh, that s hot......." and so on............. Banghead Banghead
lol: lol: lol:
I reckon he is "Miked up" and has someone in a BT tent, hidden round the corner, recording everything
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He is now "chatting" to Mrs Nick in the kitchen. She can't get a word in edgeways eeek:
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He is now "chatting" to Mrs Nick in the kitchen. She can't get a word in edgeways eeek:
Befriend him, ply him with strong alcohol and FIND OUT HIS SECRET!
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He's using a blasted sanding machine now. THE NOISE! cry:
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point:
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And Mrs Nick has the hoover out. cry:
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Oh well I suppose point: makes a change from angry041:
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sad24:
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Oh for Heaven's sake! char090
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noooo:
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noooo:
Oh all right ~ but just one or you'll be sick.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.commitment.es%2Fmba2008%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2006%2F11%2Fbox%2520of%2520chocolates.jpg&hash=9052516de1c1b8bfdbfdc8dc5a381e3272a917a8)
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I've already subcumbed to chocolate.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.britsuperstore.com%2Facatalog%2FCadburys_Double_Decker_Bar_65g.jpg&hash=f4344fa7e8d7dd538d4ecd97ad1b12a47d384716)
It hasn't really helped. eeek: sad24:
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ntu.edu.sg%2Fhome%2FEKJMoh%2Fimages%2Fbaileys_gr.jpg&hash=750854b7570c0ebcd7581f58fbf56fd2d7864fd9) ?
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That will be for later. Can't really at work. eeek:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.exquisine.de%2Fnet%2Fartikel%2Fbilder%2Famaretto.jpg&hash=531100852b0b7e2475ad85623a56f2deaf9f2ee7)
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If Mrs Nick wasn't here I'd have been off down the pub by now.......... noooo: Getting away from Barry the Scouser. noooo:
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Mrs S had a very bad experience with that stuff one Christmas Day when we had the pub. She and a local queen downed two (yes 2) litre bottles between them during the afternoon.
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local queen?
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Mrs S had a very bad experience with that stuff one Christmas Day when we had the pub. She and a local queen downed two (yes 2) litre bottles between them during the afternoon.
Old house mate can't drink the stuff anymore either. Personally it's malibu that makes me sick2:
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I had a very nast experience with some Mescal years ago. I even ate the worm! sick2:
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sick2:
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Re "Queen" question from Nick
Raving my dear ~ raving ... but a good friend to both of us. We felt sorry for him, having no family etc and invited him to stay to Christmas Lunch after we had closed for the day. Then the pair of them hit the bottle and talked about clothes and stuff.
Mrs S says that every girl needs a queer as a friend ~ to get unbiased opinions and honesty that one cannot get from other females and certainly not from "straight" men who only know about one thing!
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sick2:
The worm
The worms as served at Restaurante Villa Maria in Polanco, Mexico City.The "worm" (sometimes more than one) commonly seen in bottles of mezcal is actually the larva of one of two kinds of insects. The most common type is the larva of the agave snout weevil. [1] [2] The "red worm" or gusano rojo is the caterpillar of the Hypopta agavis moth, one of the several kinds of "maguey worm". The worm is found on the agave plant. The originator of this practice was a man named Jacobo Lozano Páez. In 1940, while tasting prepared agave, he and his partner found that the worm changed the taste of the agave. (Agave worms are sometimes found in the piña after harvesting). Many brands contain such worms. Some are named after the worm itself, as in Gusano Rojo and some are even named for unusual use of a worm, e.g. Dos Gusanos, which uses two.
When a worm is included this is known as 'Con Gusano,' which means 'with worm.' Aside from its consumption with mezcal, the maguey worm is considered a delicacy in Mexico and can be found on some restaurant menus.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FaV2IXbb0.jpg&hash=8499b6a313601df53b18ce050b67e2f2709f02d7) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=aV2IXbb0)
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Well that's fine then! It's larva not worms! eeek:
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I don't think they do a choc covered version though.
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Probably not. sad24:
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Great news!!
http://www.scienceartandmore.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=1877 (http://www.scienceartandmore.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=1877)
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Great news!!
http://www.scienceartandmore.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=1877 (http://www.scienceartandmore.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=1877)
rubschin:
A new venture for 2008 perhaps?
"Darwins Choc-O-Maggots" could be just the thing.
Advance orders taken now.
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Double sick2:
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Wenchy will have a gross
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I suppose "Coco-Spiders" would be equally attractive?
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http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/animals/newsid_2144000/2144962.stm (http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/animals/newsid_2144000/2144962.stm)
Mrs Nick and The Boy went to this and tried some samples................
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A tiler, engaged to re-tile the kitchen splash-backs two weeks ago, failed to show up. Mumbled 'phone call with lame excuse at the last minute. All other tilers too busy for at least two months. Resigned to doing it myself or waiting. Today, out of the blue, he turned up (half an hour ago) and started work. Reckons he'll do half today and finish off on Thursday. Mrs S will be p*ssed off as the kitchen is a mess and he has just shoved everything to one side. I can't wait for her to come home ..... she is due at 3.35 ~ I am searching for my tin bowler.
I must take issue with you on this post, to whit tin bowler. The expression is either tin hat or battle bowler. (Point to note the helmet is not made of tin) I felt that it would be remiss of me not to bring this to your immediate attention for fear of you making an arse of yourself during the after dinner cigar and port.
Young Carruthers, 1st Battalion Foot and Mouth, made a similar gaffe in the mess some years and was drummed out of the regiment, I understand that he now works in the retail trade.
Regards
GOS
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Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
He is now working in our bedroom. Mrs Nick has moved virtually the entire contents out and spread them all over the house. There is nowhere to sit. The whole house looks like an Oxfam shop! cry:
And Mrs Nick keeps mopping up. WHY? He stillhas two more doors to strip........... cussing: Banghead Banghead Banghead
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Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
He is now working in our bedroom. Mrs Nick has moved virtually the entire contents out and spread them all over the house. There is nowhere to sit. The whole house looks like an Oxfam shop! cry:
And Mrs Nick keeps mopping up. WHY? He stillhas two more doors to strip........... cussing: Banghead Banghead Banghead
Does he have a bladder problem? rubschin:
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doh:
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doh:
noooo:
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A tiler, engaged to re-tile the kitchen splash-backs two weeks ago, failed to show up. Mumbled 'phone call with lame excuse at the last minute. All other tilers too busy for at least two months. Resigned to doing it myself or waiting. Today, out of the blue, he turned up (half an hour ago) and started work. Reckons he'll do half today and finish off on Thursday. Mrs S will be p*ssed off as the kitchen is a mess and he has just shoved everything to one side. I can't wait for her to come home ..... she is due at 3.35 ~ I am searching for my tin bowler.
I must take issue with you on this post, to whit tin bowler. The expression is either tin hat or battle bowler. (Point to note the helmet is not made of tin) I felt that it would be remiss of me not to bring this to your immediate attention for fear of you making an arse of yourself during the after dinner cigar and port.
Young Carruthers, 1st Battalion Foot and Mouth, made a similar gaffe in the mess some years and was drummed out of the regiment, I understand that he now works in the retail trade.
Regards
GOS
GOS,
Many thanks for your guidance in this matter. Being an ex-RAF NCO the subtleties of these matters are beyond me. After all the RAF was the only service to get it right. We stayed at home and sent the officers to do the fighting! lol:
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Bloody outstanding Snoopy ;D ;D ;D
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He's back! Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
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When he presents his invoice hand him one of your own:
To listening to your life history or part thereof
£ (insert an appropriate figure proportionate to his bill)
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I think the workman may countersue with an invoice of his own of a similar nature ....prolly like whistle:
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I think the workman may countersue with an invoice of his own of a similar nature ....prolly like whistle:
Damages to vehicle and equipment prolly... point:
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erosion of ear lobe whistle: