The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on February 20, 2008, 11:15:03 AM
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They finally arrived in draft form. Full of errors, so we have been correcting them.
The Boy found them on a table and began reading. He soon got the idea.
"So if you and Mummy die I get this house, the other house and the London house"
"Yes"
"Anything else?"
"Everyything actually"
"So what is that all worth then?"
Me, magnanimously, "Well with the investments and the insurance and stuff prolly about a million"
"All for me?"
"Yes"
He then went very quiet
scared2:
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You should be!
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scared2:
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Not that I want to further worry you Nick but didnt you say the boy was doing target shooting at school........... whistle:
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Lend me a quid.
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£1
There you are. And I want the change evil:
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Actually if Nick is this loaded then surely the next round is on him.... whistle:
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I want to live in the London pad rent free. sad24:
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Like most of us I am worth much more dead than alive evil:
Unfortunately evil:
Ask a "financial adviser" sometime. You will be surprised evil:
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Are you sure that would be safe Wenchy. We are talking Captain Calamity's london pad here. noooo:
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I want to live in the London pad rent free. sad24:
FAT CHANCE. Obvously I use the word FAT metaphorically evil:
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Are you sure that would be safe Wenchy. We are talking Captain Calamity's london pad here. noooo:
She would have to negotiate that with the Boy point:
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sad24:
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Mrs Tel was very surprised when I added up my worth, dead that is. Not worth anything alive.
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As we discover rubschin:
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Bye, bye Nick... point:
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I came into the world with nowt and will leave it the same way.
After Mrs S#1 cleaned me out I had to start everything again and that was cut short by ill health and three children. What we have is all in Mrs S#2's name for obvious reasons. Given my health it seems to make more sense and will cut down on the paperwork. So the house is hers. There is no insurance because I cannot buy any (what insurance company would touch me? I have a file two inches thick of "Sorry but no thank you, we don't want your business letters)
So apart from my clothes and a few bits and bobs (Watch, ring etc that the kids can have) just place me in the rowboat, add petrol and a match and float me off down the river.
Actually it is very refreshing to know that I am worth sod all. I used to have all the worries etc but not anymore. cloud9:
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My only tangible possessions, apart from the houses, are my books. All 4000 of them. I wonder what will happen to those rubschin:
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Bye, bye Nick... point:
I have named you as The Boy's guardian eveilgrin:
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Baldymort has survived being bombarded by concentrated Nick-o-rays, that should stand him in good stead for being the boy's guardian. whistle:
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I doubt it eveilgrin:
In a strop last night he stole my modem!! (The Boy that is)
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eeek:
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Quite!!
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My only tangible possessions, apart from the houses, are my books. All 4000 of them. I wonder what will happen to those rubschin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fjonnybaker.blogs.com%2Fphotos%2Findia_2005%2Fbonfire.jpg&hash=363f1f40c54e396902c6bd4a4f84d53f0bd0083b)
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Baldy baldy bastard.
Hve you read Ray Bradbury then? evil:
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Baldy baldy bastard.
Hve you read Ray Bradbury then? evil:
Nah... burnt it... whistle:
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Bastardo evil:
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On the other hand Nick, BaldyMort could always but them on Ebay instead. 4000 books should give him enough cash to buy a toupee... point:
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On the other hand Nick, BaldyMort could always but them on Ebay instead. 4000 books should give him enough cash to buy a toupee... point:
Ahem... these are Nick's books remember! scared2:
Who knows what would fall out of those pages? eeek:
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I once caught Scarlet Fever from an old book. It made the national papers! eeek:
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On the other hand Nick, BaldyMort could always but them on Ebay instead. 4000 books should give him enough cash to buy a toupee... point:
Ahem... these are Nick's books remember! scared2:
Who knows what would fall out of those pages? eeek:
Old £50 notes used as bookmarks prolly. ;)
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White fivers more like.
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Ahem! evil:
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Too late we all know you are as rich as Crocus now!
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No, I shall be rich when I am dead. Crocus?????????????//
Croesus I think you meant!!
(the youth of today. noooo:. I blame the comprehensive system)
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No, I shall be rich when I am dead. Crocus?????????????//
Croesus I think you meant!!
(the youth of today. noooo:. I blame the comprehensive system)
Ahhh yes that is the chap! We call him Crocus at home.
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Talked about him a lot, did you?
(Note correct use of comma for tag question)
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He used to come round to the house sometimes. He ate a hobnob in our kitchen.
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Well I hope you made him pay for it. He is very rich you know
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Ahem... these are Nick's books remember! scared2:
Hmmm point taken, given the amount of wierdness and cataclysms that surround him I wouldnt be suprised to find a compy of the Necronimocon in there eeek:
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So he said! We didn't used to let his friend come round though. He used to turn the biscuits to gold. Which is all well and good but when you want a biscuit you want one that you can dunk and gold doesn't dunk very well. noooo:
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Wenchy is clearly on some new herbal remedy. SHe is mixing up her Midas and her Croesus now. noooo:
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Isn't that the origin of a "Snakebite" or was that mixing Cleo with Mark?
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Is that Cider and Guinness? They refuse to serve that in most pubs I gather. Rocket fuel
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Cider, lager & blackcurrent.
Guinness & cider = poor mans black velvet
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Cider and Lager ..... the aficionados like it using Scrumpy Jack or White Lightning Cider ('bout 8%) with Stella or Heineken Export ('bout 5 to 5.5%). Yes a couple of pints of that mix and most people are out of their heads. Most landlords refuse to serve it as a mix and many (self included in my day) would not allow it to be sold as separate drinks to the same person 'cos we knew they would mix it as soon as they got back to a table.
Cider and Guinesss is a poor mans version of Champagne and Guiness which is known as a Black Velvet. Brilliant with oysters.
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You may or may not recall that TMR and myself have spoken of Snakey (Snakebite), name obviously from his drinking habits. Only person in pub allowed to drink it, not to include Stella, Carling only.
Port & Guinness anybody?
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Down here it is Cider and Lager, with a dash of blackcurrant cordial to give a nice red/pink hue. Only one person in my local is allowed to drink it.
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That is snakebite and black.
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That is snakebite and black.
?
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That is snakebite and black.
She is right ..... knows her bar stuff does our Wenchy. happy088
Ever have anyone ask for a "Brown Cow"?
It's a non alcoholic "cocktail" of Coca cola and cold Milk sick2:
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It's just snakebite around.
Maybe where Wenchy imbibes they like to use extra words, just to be different.
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It's just snakebite around.
Maybe where Wenchy imbibes they like to use extra words, just to be different.
It's what your landlord is used to.
Wenchy is right about "Black" to indicate the use of blackcurrant cordial or for that matter "Lime" or "Green" to indicate a wish for lime cordial to be added but the basic Snakebite is cider and lager mixed in equal proportions.
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Knew a guy who used to drink lager & tomato juice.
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Some used to order Guiness and blackcurrant...... an abomination IMHO and an insult to a landlord who works hard in his cellar to provide a decent pint.
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Knew a guy who used to drink lager & tomato juice.
sick2:
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Whisky, coke and milk is a common drink in Spain. Vile conncoction.
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Keeping with the black -
Pernod & black?
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Whisky, coke and milk is a common drink in Spain. Vile conncoction.
sick2: sick2: sick2: sick2: sick2: sick2: sick2:
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Keeping with the black -
Pernod & black?
Pernod and ribena. Also vile!
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Well stop drinking it then. I bet you'd like Donald Standen though!!
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Whisky, coke and milk is a common drink in Spain. Vile conncoction.
The only thing that should ever be added to whisky is another whisky.
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Keeping with the black -
Pernod & black?
Ah but how about a red witch - cider,pernod & black
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Keeping with the black -
Pernod & black?
Ah but how about a red witch - cider,pernod & black
I leave you to your perversions. I have my own to attend to. Sylvia has just slunk past eveilgrin:
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On the drinks theme. I am irritated by the southern comfort ad. Does anyone actually go into a bar and request a SoCo and ...??
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No
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Whisky, coke and milk is a common drink in Spain. Vile conncoction.
The only thing that should ever be added to whisky is another whisky.
happ096
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Whisky, coke and milk is a common drink in Spain. Vile conncoction.
The only thing that should ever be added to whisky is another whisky.
Even better is a whiskey added to another whiskey.
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On the drinks theme. I am irritated by the southern comfort ad. Does anyone actually go into a bar and request a SoCo and ...??
Only if they're a prat
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Keeping with the black -
Pernod & black?
Ah but how about a red witch - cider,pernod & black
I leave you to your perversions. I have my own to attend to. Sylvia has just slunk past eveilgrin:
Sylvia Saint?
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No, Sylvia MILF eveilgrin:
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No, Sylvia MILF eveilgrin:
Give her a Flying Angel - brandy & Babycham!
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I came into the world with nowt and will leave it the same way.
After Mrs S#1 cleaned me out I had to start everything again and that was cut short by ill health and three children. What we have is all in Mrs S#2's name for obvious reasons. Given my health it seems to make more sense and will cut down on the paperwork. So the house is hers. There is no insurance because I cannot buy any (what insurance company would touch me? I have a file two inches thick of "Sorry but no thank you, we don't want your business letters)
So apart from my clothes and a few bits and bobs (Watch, ring etc that the kids can have) just place me in the rowboat, add petrol and a match and float me off down the river.
Actually it is very refreshing to know that I am worth sod all. I used to have all the worries etc but not anymore. cloud9:
Oh how I can empathise with this Snoops..... especially as I have also just been told I'm 'uninsurable'!!!!!! In Cyprus is best to have Private Health insurance...used to be a condition for obtaining your Alien number, but that's not so anymore.... otherwise I guess I'd be on the plane back!!!!
Very refreshing as you say...and it's saved me a fortune!!!! Any space in that boat????? whistle:
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I came into the world with nowt and will leave it the same way.
After Mrs S#1 cleaned me out I had to start everything again and that was cut short by ill health and three children. What we have is all in Mrs S#2's name for obvious reasons. Given my health it seems to make more sense and will cut down on the paperwork. So the house is hers. There is no insurance because I cannot buy any (what insurance company would touch me? I have a file two inches thick of "Sorry but no thank you, we don't want your business letters)
So apart from my clothes and a few bits and bobs (Watch, ring etc that the kids can have) just place me in the rowboat, add petrol and a match and float me off down the river.
Actually it is very refreshing to know that I am worth sod all. I used to have all the worries etc but not anymore. cloud9:
Oh how I can empathise with this Snoops..... especially as I have also just been told I'm 'uninsurable'!!!!!! In Cyprus is best to have Private Health insurance...used to be a condition for obtaining your Alien number, but that's not so anymore.... otherwise I guess I'd be on the plane back!!!!
Very refreshing as you say...and it's saved me a fortune!!!! Any space in that boat????? whistle:
The trick is to lie on the application form… ;)
Question 1 – Do you know Nick?
Tick ‘no’ to that one and you’ll be fine… whistle:
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Coca cola and milk. sick2:
Lager and tomato juice sick2: sick2:
I've got to admit in my "disco days" I use to love poor mans black velvet
You want to see something disgusting, look at this
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FaV2hhoLS.jpg&hash=d5ddfcb2d1ca3a87823188aa56c85dd0628b8da6) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=aV2hhoLS)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FaV2hhLd9.jpg&hash=a943e310c8ccd9c8d4ba1e9d772fde949852d361) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=aV2hhLd9)
Jack Daniels and coke with no ice!!!!!!!!!
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I shall be leaving my bratlings my bloody gas bill cloud9:
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I came into the world with nowt and will leave it the same way.
After Mrs S#1 cleaned me out I had to start everything again and that was cut short by ill health and three children. What we have is all in Mrs S#2's name for obvious reasons. Given my health it seems to make more sense and will cut down on the paperwork. So the house is hers. There is no insurance because I cannot buy any (what insurance company would touch me? I have a file two inches thick of "Sorry but no thank you, we don't want your business letters)
So apart from my clothes and a few bits and bobs (Watch, ring etc that the kids can have) just place me in the rowboat, add petrol and a match and float me off down the river.
Actually it is very refreshing to know that I am worth sod all. I used to have all the worries etc but not anymore. cloud9:
Oh how I can empathise with this Snoops..... especially as I have also just been told I'm 'uninsurable'!!!!!! In Cyprus is best to have Private Health insurance...used to be a condition for obtaining your Alien number, but that's not so anymore.... otherwise I guess I'd be on the plane back!!!!
Very refreshing as you say...and it's saved me a fortune!!!! Any space in that boat????? whistle:
The trick is to lie on the application form… ;)
Question 1 – Do you know Nick?
Tick ‘no’ to that one and you’ll be fine… whistle:
What's the point....if I lie and then get ill, they'll say I lied and not pay out, so might as well save my dosh for evenings out with mates!!!!!
Nick says he's my cousin but I don't believe it... so 'no' ! lol: