The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Mr Happy on March 23, 2008, 12:01:02 AM
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No no, not my usual rant, me.
I have a five day weekend and challenge myself not to waste it:
Kitchen window needs a gloss
Drawer front needs putting back on
Dresser needs a lick of varnish
Front door needs second coat
Wallpaper to be hung in dining room
Bathroom light fitting needs replacing
Treat damp in bedroom
Plus the usual:
Wipe kids bottoms (my own) (kids not bottoms)
Entertain them
Hoover
Washing
Washing Up
Hoover
Feed kids
Entertain them
Hoover
And the specialist needs:
Make wifey smile
Thus far, the middle list has been achieved, though I'm sure the 'entertain' will be questioned. The top list has been avoided due to the interesting mail received, tv, shape of vegetables, ingriedients in spotted dick etc. Why does the most dull of things become interesting when there's stuff to avoid?
As for mission impossible, I'm sure completing list one and two whilst maintaining my youthful looks, the spontanaety (sp) of a younger me, a caring persona and producing a bunch of flowers from my derrier could crack the face...
Happy Easter!
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Blimy, you do like a challenge Mr. Happy…
noooo:
Why don’t you add ‘have a pint’ to the list – at least there is one you can tick off having completed it to your satisfaction… several times… cloud9:
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Just crossing one off the a-list would be satisfaction.
The beer list was acomplished last night, Hens Tooth, Tangle Foot and Badger Champion. In fact I feel better for those small mercies...
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Just crossing one off the a-list would be satisfaction.
The beer list was acomplished last night, Hens Tooth, Tangle Foot and Badger Champion. In fact I feel better for those small mercies...
[drool] cloud9:
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Just crossing one off the a-list would be satisfaction.
The beer list was acomplished last night, Hens Tooth, Tangle Foot and Badger Champion. In fact I feel better for those small mercies...
Where you finding them beers man... they are all West Country Ales are they not?
Certainly Badger and Tanglefoot used to be made by Eldridge Pope.
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By the bottle I'm fraid.
Though we do have a real ale pub round t'corner serving ten different ales, the wetherspoons does 8 if you can stand the chavs.
I take it you've a grand occasion planed for post 10k Snoopy...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jlf---13Q0g
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eeek: But, Bbutt, Bbbbuuutttttt ~ It's Easter confused:
As for 10K celebrations the Barman has promised free drinks all round but don't get your hopes up tunble:
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Just crossing one off the a-list would be satisfaction.
The beer list was acomplished last night, Hens Tooth, Tangle Foot and Badger Champion. In fact I feel better for those small mercies...
Where you finding them beers man... they are all West Country Ales are they not?
Certainly Badger and Tanglefoot used to be made by Eldridge Pope.
This got me thinking and my 10K post is now a sad one. I Googled Eldridge Pope and found that it had folded some time ago. Shows how long the bloody doctors have had me off the beer. Read the link and join me in shedding a tear for one of the greatest old brewers who managed to cock it all up in the name of progress.
http://www.beer-pages.com/protz/features/eldridge_pope.htm
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surrender:
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Outstanding work rate Mr Happy, I would offer to buy you a pint of your fav tipple but there seems to be a problem with my account. whistle:
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I was weaned on Strongs of Romsey Best Bitter (Later Whitbread) and Eldridge Pope Badger Bitter (Now defunct)
My life is drawing to an end ~ I can see that now ~ there is little left but memories cry:
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And you've prolly forgotten 99% of those...
Today I'm going for drawer front and light fitting, least work for most end product...
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I am keeping an eye on you lot, answering emails from a wide spread family tree group and trying to type in Welsh for the magazine. My defunct Lap-top had a Welsh Language Programme on it but this new PC does not so it is back to first principles and Welsh, for those who don't know, has lots of little accents over letters ~ each has to be found in "Symbols" and inserted. censored:
Oh ~ and I am stopping the children from making themselves sick2: with chocolate eggs whilst trying to kill one another as I am also cooking lunch........... Mrs S is yacking to her mother on t'phone blissfully ignorant, apparently, of the chaos around her ::)
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10,000 posts eh?
Well done Snoops, free drinks all round indeed... oh there is nobody here... whistle:
Well, we'll have another 'free' session at 20,000...
I have just lit the BBQ bt I'd swap it for a few pints of real ale at the moment.... surrender:
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10,000 posts eh?
Well done Snoops, free drinks all round indeed... oh there is nobody here... whistle:
Well, we'll have another 'free' session at 20,000...
I have just lit the BBQ bt I'd swap it for a few pints of real ale at the moment.... surrender:
Thanks for the thought "Nelson" Barman ::)
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10,000 posts eh?
Well done Snoops, free drinks all round indeed... oh there is nobody here... whistle:
Well, we'll have another 'free' session at 20,000...
I have just lit the BBQ bt I'd swap it for a few pints of real ale at the moment.... surrender:
Thanks for the thought "Nelson" Barman ::)
Where were you hiding then? whistle:
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We wuz here. You walked through with your eyes shut.
Not a relative of Jack Benny by any chance are you?
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We wuz here. You walked through with your eyes shut.
Not a relative of Jack Benny by any chance are you?
Well I didn't see you... noooo:
Who is next to 10,000 we can have a knees-up then... whistle:
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Nick with Wenchy some way behind... who would've beleived that? eeek:
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Kitchen window needs a gloss
Drawer front needs putting back on
Dresser needs a lick of varnish
Front door needs second coat
Wallpaper to be hung in dining room
Bathroom light fitting needs replacing
Treat damp in bedroom
Yipeeeeeeee, one down. Unfortunately, in finding the tool I had to add another:
Tidy Shed
Two jobs down but one off the list...
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Kitchen window needs a gloss
Drawer front needs putting back on
Dresser needs a lick of varnish
Front door needs second coat
Wallpaper to be hung in dining room
Bathroom light fitting needs replacing
Treat damp in bedroom
Is the last one a yoofa-whotsit for your reward after completing the other tasks whistle:
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Kitchen window needs a gloss
Drawer front needs putting back on
Dresser needs a lick of varnish
Front door needs second coat
Wallpaper to be hung in dining room
Bathroom light fitting needs replacing
Treat damp in bedroom
Is the last one a yoofa-whotsit for your reward after completing the other tasks whistle:
Since we are married she neither considers it a treat nor claims dampness...
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Kitchen window needs a gloss
Drawer front needs putting back on
Dresser needs a lick of varnish
Front door needs second coat
Wallpaper to be hung in dining room
Bathroom light fitting needs replacing
Treat damp in bedroom
Is the last one a yoofa-whotsit for your reward after completing the other tasks whistle:
Since we are married she neither considers it a treat nor claims dampness...
Oh dear... noooo:
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Kitchen window needs a gloss
Drawer front needs putting back on
Dresser needs a lick of varnish
Front door needs second coat
Wallpaper to be hung in dining room
Bathroom light fitting needs replacing
Treat damp in bedroom
Is the last one a yoofa-whotsit for your reward after completing the other tasks whistle:
Since we are married she neither considers it a treat nor claims dampness...
That figures noooo:
It's when you hear it referred to as "her duty" at Christmas and on your Birthday that you know it is time to bale out.
Oh dear ~ do I sound bitter?
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My sterling DIY efforts are to be "rewarded" later...
Now drinking Young's whilst the Chels and the Arse kick an inflated sheeps bladder round the park.
Oh, and it has been snowing! The Aussie barman ran out of the pub and stood in it, as he had never seen snow before.
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There's an old joke in there somewhere but I'm blowed if I can remember how it went. rubschin:
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Get the little hamster back on the wheel, Snoops, I'm sure it will come back to you.
Q. Why do I always play darts better after a bit of DIY? Serious question.
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Dunno. shrugs:
In my younger days when separated from Mrs S#1 I shared a flat with a pal and we had a regulation board and mat etc rigged up in the kitchen. We also played for a local league team. If I went from work staright to the pub to play darts I was always better than if it was a day off and I had spent the time practising at home.
Later, when remarried, I took on a pub and I used to find that my darts went better if I had been humping barrels around the cellar. It's odd. P'raps something to do with warmed up muscles or a more relaxed mental state, knowing the labour is over and now it's time for pleasure. Mrs S#2 reckoned it was all to do with the quantity of alcohol consumed. Her theory was that there is an optimum level of alcohol to make you play well at darts. Too little and you try too hard and fail. Too much and you're f*cking useless at anything including darts. Get the quantity right and you can't miss. eyes:
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Well I've had three pints so far and just did a ten dart 301. The game before took 12, as did the game before that. Normally it would be 16ish. I therefore believe the warmed up muscles, combined with a moderate amount of booze (so far) to be the perfect combination.
Gotta play a woman now...bless...
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And now my first ever six dart finish. Good stuff this Young's!
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And my first one eighty for about three years! I was on 171 - I didn't mind busting it! Still won the game. Tomorrow is the competition at 3pm. Hope I play like this :-)
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happ096
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And my first one eighty for about three years! I was on 171 - I didn't mind busting it! Still won the game. Tomorrow is the competition at 3pm. Hope I play like this :-)
But you were only playing a girl... ::)
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Not in that game - I was playing "the master" - 78 year old league player. A darts god. He missed the double ten four times - he never does that - so I think he prolly threw the game on account of the one eighty. He won't be so charitable tomorrow when the competition is on, I will need to be at my best. Eight pints of Young's now and still chucking well[
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Not in that game - I was playing "the master" - 78 year old league player. A darts god. He missed the double ten four times - he never does that - so I think he prolly threw the game on account of the one eighty. He won't be so charitable tomorrow when the competition is on, I will need to be at my best. Eight pints of Young's now and still chucking well[
78? ::)
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Yes - 78. He is still there and will be until gone midnight. After about 20 light and lagers. And he will still beat me tomorrow. Legend.
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Yes - 78. He is still there and will be until gone midnight. After about 20 light and lagers. And he will still beat me tomorrow. Legend.
So you beat a girl and an old age pensioner then? noooo:
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And he's nearly bald too. :-)
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And the girly? eyes:
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"Comfortable shoes", although apparently married to a policeman.
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"Comfortable shoes", although apparently married to a policeman.
Oh she'll go for it then .... Policmen are notoriously bad at taking care of their wimmin .... so long as you can take her tales of abuse, being ignored, how he is married to his job and beats her up occasionally ~ on reflection keep clear. ::) Not worth the grief!
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Darts competition in forty five minutes. The heavyweights are here - Steve the cabbie, ex league player, Ian the noisy git, current league player. I have my work cut out...
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Go TMR! (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Fsport020.gif&hash=734cd17465282b476cef3c908c9966a1f2659623)
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Need another couple of pints to steady the nerves. John the chip (78) is throwing like a demon - bet I get him in the first round...
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You'll be fine son ... just keep your guard up and when the refs not looking kick him in the nuts..................... sorry wrong sport.
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Just to help you along here are some rules that, if followed, will make sure the Landlord and his staff are on your side:
1) Please remember to order one drink at a time. We like to run backwards and forwards. It keeps us fit.
2) When ordering a round please make sure you don’t know what you want when you arrive at the bar, we like to stand and wait while you nip backwards and forwards or you shout across the room to find out, although we do generally find that the other people standing at the bar have been waiting “half an hour” and may start moaning; not your problem.
3) Once you have received two drinks please take them back to your table and stay for a quick chat before coming back to pay. We’ll still be waiting, we’re not going anywhere and we’d appreciate the rest.
4) Always order Guiness last. We really want you to stand at the bar with all your other drinks while it settles and are particularly pleased when we forget about it and have to be reminded to top it up.
5) Never put the money in our hands, we like to pick it up off the bar, especially if it is all change, and in a puddle of beer.
6) Never say “please” or “thank you” it only irritates us.
7) Always wait until you have been told how much the round is before asking for crisps, snacks etc. (When requiring ready-salted crisps please ensure you ask for the full range of flavours available before asking for “plain,” it helps us to learn the stock.
8 ) When buying a pint for “Bert,” “Tom,” etc, please don’t ask them what they want. Just tell us their name or show us where they are standing because we like to guess and get such a thrill when we get it right.
9) If, upon arriving at the bar, there are people waiting before you, shout up before them. We like to be abused by people who think that they have been served out of turn and it’s usually our own fault. We have the ability to keep track of people as they arrive at the bar, particularly on busy nights, so why not use it.
10) If you have been waiting at the bar for at least two minutes then please heckle us and tell us that you have been waiting for at least half an hour. It keeps us on our toes and we have no idea of the concept of time.
11) Can we remind you that the bell is just to make sure you’re awake, we don’t want you to come to the bar for last orders until ten minutes after, when we have turned the lights off.
12) Don’t forget to drop crisps/peanuts etc on the floor. It gives the place character and we have to keep the cleaner fully employed.
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URGENT MESSAGE FOR TMR:
A research programme has just been completed into the contents of a pint of beer and it has been discovered that all beer contains female hormones. This of course explains why after 10 pints of beer you talk a load of nonsense and can't throw a dart straight!
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Sixteen in the competition...
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The satellite link is up and running
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ffFo2Ymrck
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Yoda Tel is here giving moral support. Man Whore is playing too, using my darts. Another beer required - the draw is about to be made.
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The satellite link is up and running
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ffFo2Ymrck
That's a new one for me ... not seen it before lol: lol: lol:
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I've got Steve the cabbie (ex-league player) in the first round. Oh wonderful!!! He hasn't had enough beer yet, so I might be OK.
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A cabbie .... can he stop talking long enough to throw?
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This is exciting - it's like being there... sleep017
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Beat him 2-1. Sh1te darts though, from both of us. Jim the Mod in the next round. Should win that one.
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This is exciting - it's like being there... sleep017
We are trying to "bring it to life" for you BM
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Ignore the bald old toss, Snoops. Looks like I will have Ian the noisy after the next round (should I win). Another leftie and - obviously - a genius. Can't see me beating him, unless I start playing a lot better.
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I am shut in my study. The wife has just brought in a cup of tea and said that she can hear me bashing the keyboard and I must be working hard. lol:
Actually I am supposed to be!
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I have retired to the Saloon bar to get away from it until the next round. 78 year old just been knocked out, by a ringer. This lot are taking it VERY seriously!
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Another favourite out. Blimey.
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This is exciting - it's like being there... sleep017
We are trying to "bring it to life" for you BM
It is working Snoops! sleep021
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Another favourite out. Blimey.
Could be your day TMR!
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Another favourite out. Blimey.
I trust you are wearing your 'Virtual-Pub' polo shirt?
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This is exciting - it's like being there... sleep017
We are trying to "bring it to life" for you BM
It is working Snoops! sleep021
You want an honest answer?
I don't think so.
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I am one of the favourites too, by the way. A complete lack of sleep last night is not helping, but if I get through to the semis, then the rest could follow. Time - and Young's - will tell.
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Nobody has enquired as to the prize yet...
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.argos.co.uk%2Fwcsstore%2Fargos%2Fimages%2F2702870SPA66UC295286M.jpg&hash=f7224a32fcfd7c4fabd1457603e964d09d448970)
or
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ukgameshows.com%2Fpage%2Fimages%2F5%2F50%2FBullseye_bullies.jpg&hash=bb8d81014aa9b3bbc68c1c806ab8b28a8a67750c)
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Through the second round - 2-0. Started throwing better in the last game - 11 darts. Next round 401. The beer level is obviously about right now!
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I'm in the final. (Happy!)
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So the worst you can do is silver .... well done.
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Can you stall for time, I've prepared a banner:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.gistuff.com%2Fproductcart%2Fpc%2Fcatalog%2FMIL-114-Ranger-Logo.jpg&hash=a96f4eefcb1139545dd16e5e2ac5f0119333293b)
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Happy Easter:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.johncoxart.com%2Fdarts-for-jc.gif&hash=42325349a6d8253ef091e327aae6f62666792713)
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Virtual Darts is coming:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fprojects.csail.mit.edu%2Folympics%2F2005%2Fevents%2Folympics_darts_files%2Fdarts.jpg&hash=16c376e37a77d37d87f0bfb7b19463be306d90fb)
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I won. To the spoils, me! Beat the guvnor in the final, 3-2. The trophy, the 800 quid cash and the gallon of beer. Messy!
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£800, mines a
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.oak-barrel.com%2Fbarrels_and_ornaments%2Fnew_barrel.jpg&hash=0b9352d5eb3c0d7fb54eb5f5882a490d3c4e3ea6)
I think we deserve it for the moral support on offer.
Also, as an obviously talented chap, could you gloss my window?
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I won. To the spoils, me! Beat the guvnor in the final, 3-2. The trophy, the 800 quid cash and the gallon of beer. Messy!
Yay! cloud9:
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happ096 happ096 happ096
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Didn't really desrerve to win - but it happens.
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Congratulations TMR. We knew you'd do it, we were behind you all the way
(the Jim Bowen and speedboat jpegs will come in handy some other time)
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Mrs TMR (to be) has arrived. Trophy to be etched, Bed.
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And another notch in the bedpost?
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Too tired now. Gotta go.
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Girl!
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Too tired!!!! Too bloody tired????? All you have to do is lie on your back and think of England! The yoof of today eh?
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Too tired to sort himself I could understand, the darts arm will be sore.
£800 should equal much gratitude...
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Too tired to sort himself I could understand, the darts arm will be sore.
£800 should equal much gratitude...
lol: lol: lol:
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It should be said that I feel somewhat jaded this morning. surrender:
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It should be said that I feel somewhat jaded this morning. surrender:
Ah, bless... happy100
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Guinness is helping my recovery. :-)
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It should be said that I feel somewhat jaded this morning. surrender:
Insatiable Mrs TMR?
Playing with the newly acquired speedboat?
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It should be said that I feel somewhat jaded this morning. surrender:
Insatiable Mrs TMR?
Playing with the newly acquired speedboat?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FaV2klEEi.jpg&hash=c77b94ae3718031fb263389087235c6abacca955) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=aV2klEEi)