The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: GROWLER on March 31, 2008, 09:52:10 AM

Title: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: GROWLER on March 31, 2008, 09:52:10 AM
Eating just one sausage or around three rashers of bacon a day can increase the risk of developing bowel cancer by a fifth, an expert warned.

Just 1.8oz (50g) of processed meat daily increases the chances of getting bowel cancer by around 20%.

The charity World Cancer Research Fund (WCRF) said more needed to be done to get across the message that people who eat processed meat regularly are putting their health at risk.

Professor Martin Wiseman, medical and scientific adviser for the WCRF, said there was convincing evidence of a link between processed meats and cancer.
Processed meat is defined as that which is preserved by smoking, curing, salting or the addition of preservatives. Examples include ham, bacon, pastrami, salami, hot dogs and processed sausages. Hamburgers and minced meat counts if it has been preserved with salt or chemical additives.

Prof Wiseman said research has shown that only 30% of Britons were aware that eating processed meat increases cancer risk.

He added: "We are more sure now than ever before that eating processed meat increases your risk of bowel cancer and this is why WCRF recommends that people avoid eating it.

"The evidence is that whether you are talking about bacon, ham or pastrami - the safest amount to eat is none at all. When you consider that eating 50g of processed meat a day can increase your risk of bowel cancer by about a fifth, it is clear that you can make a positive difference by cutting out as much as possible.

"We do recommend that people avoid it completely, but it is not a case of all or nothing. Cutting down the amount of processed meat you eat can also reduce your risk of developing bowel cancer.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well I personally recommend topping yourself to avoid ANY danger whatsoever of falling victim to anything at all.
There. A nice warm and cosy helpful informative message from me to help you ease the burden of lifes worries off your back.

I'm off for a nice full English Brekky now before jumping off the Widnes Runcorn bridge. Care to join me?
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 09:59:41 AM
Quote
can increase the risk of developing bowel cancer by a fifth

A fifth of what?

Red wine is also very good/very bad* for you

* delete on alternate days of the week after consulting the Daily Mail

See also: bread, milk, eggs, fruit, vegetables, bracken (can cause cancer apparently - even if you only walk through it), domestic pets (good for stress, bad for fleas - take yer pick), driving, walking, running, sleeping (many people die during it), bee stings, peanuts, all other nuts, beer, some sorts of jam, pies in general, bananas (may cause choking), curry, cycling (you might fall under a bus), public transport (getting squashed), going to work (stress), not going to work (poverty and Special Brew) ad infinitum.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Uncle Mort on March 31, 2008, 10:06:40 AM
Only for the breakfast.

Why pick out the sausage, this is all processed meats.

The bottom line is what are the 'normal' chances of getting bowel cancer. A quick 'back of the fag packet' calculation gives me a figure of about 0.28% chance of getting bowel cancer. An increase of one fifth gives you about a 0.34% chance instead. And that is assuming you're over 60. Under and the chances are much lower.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 10:08:37 AM
Only for the breakfast.

Why pick out the sausage, this is all processed meats.

The bottom line is what are the 'normal' chances of getting bowel cancer. A quick 'back of the fag packet' calculation gives me a figure of about 0.28% chance of getting bowel cancer. An increase of one fifth gives you about a 0.34% chance instead. And that is assuming you're over 60. Under and the chances are much lower.
What if you smoked the fags that came out of the packet you did your calculations on?  rubschin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 10:12:09 AM
Then the Treasury would be better off by £5 and they would squander it on air travel
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 10:13:22 AM
We're all doomed I tell 'e ... doomed!
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.phill.co.uk%2Fcomedy%2Fdadsarmy%2Fda78.jpg&hash=0f1d5c7fa6c915e88c75334d880348a48c888d2b)
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 10:14:39 AM
What can I make for dinner tonight that won't(eventually) kill us all??
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 10:15:43 AM
What can I make for dinner tonight that won't(eventually) kill us all??
Nothing if you read the Daily Mail...

If you read The Sun they prolly have a voucher for a KFC bargain bucket for 2p
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 10:18:30 AM
I repeat my question.

You had a BBQ and beer yesterday. Lethal!

We had fish and sautee potatoes (good oil and bad oil= cancellation of oils)

Boy had Cheerios for breakfast (Air miles - bad)

I am currently having coffee (air miles AND carcinogenic)

I am definitely going to die. But when?
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 10:19:26 AM
I repeat my question.

You had a BBQ and beer yesterday. Lethal!

We had fish and sautee potatoes (good oil and bad oil= cancellation of oils)

Boy had Cheerios for breakfast (Air miles - bad)

I am currently having coffee (air miles AND carcinogenic)

I am definitely going to die. But when?
Shortly after you get rabies from that rat...  point:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 10:20:25 AM
I must compliment Growler on some nice apostrophe work in the thread title.

And rats carry plague, not rabies, dolt.

Oh..................
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 10:21:14 AM
I must compliment Growler on some nice apostrophe work in the thread title.

And rats carry plague, not rabies, dolt.

Oh..................
point:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 10:22:21 AM
I repeat my question.

You had a BBQ and beer yesterday. Lethal!

We had fish and sautee potatoes (good oil and bad oil= cancellation of oils)

Boy had Cheerios for breakfast (Air miles - bad)

I am currently having coffee (air miles AND carcinogenic)

I am definitely going to die. But when?

Cheerios ~ did you hear about the blonde who thought they were doughnut seeds?
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 10:23:56 AM
 lol: lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 31, 2008, 10:34:21 AM
What can I make for dinner tonight that won't(eventually) kill us all??

Nuts.











Mind you, that could be classed as cannibalism  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 10:37:06 AM
Ahem

WOuld an omelette be safe?
With some salad?

Health hazards are:?
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 10:39:59 AM
Eggs! Ask Edwina Curry
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 31, 2008, 10:42:22 AM
I am currently having coffee (air miles AND carcinogenic)

Coffee is a carcinogen???? When the hell was that announced??


Oh bloody hell, I'm a dead man!!!!   scared2:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 10:42:27 AM
Chicken then?

Is Edwina Curry a sort of intestinal illness now?
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 10:43:32 AM
I am currently having coffee (air miles AND carcinogenic)

Coffee is a carcinogen???? When the hell was that announced??


Oh bloody hell, I'm a dead man!!!!   scared2:

Oh it's lethal. Really bad.Does stuff to your nerves too.

ANd makes your hair fall out.

ANd your willy drop off. (Source: Daily Mail, passim)

Quite bad all round
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: GROWLER on March 31, 2008, 10:49:45 AM
I am currently having coffee (air miles AND carcinogenic)

Coffee is a carcinogen???? When the hell was that announced??


Oh bloody hell, I'm a dead man!!!!   scared2:

Oh it's lethal. Really bad.Does stuff to your nerves too.

ANd makes your hair fall out.

ANd your willy drop off. (Source: Daily Mail, passim)

Quite bad all round

No big deal for most of us there then, in both senses of the word. ::)
One thing less for the missus to moan about, so that's p'raps not such a bad thing?
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 10:52:06 AM
 happy100
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Darwins Selection on March 31, 2008, 11:45:48 AM
. . .rats have plague. . .
Not the ones that are careful with their dental hygiene.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 11:46:19 AM
So are turnips safe?
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 11:48:14 AM
So are turnips safe?

BM will tell you when he finds a large sack of them where the case of Talisker used to be.  whistle:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 12:09:49 PM
So are turnips safe?

BM will tell you when he finds a large sack of them where the case of Talisker used to be.  whistle:
Gasp!  eeek:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 12:10:40 PM
Apparently they cause Heart Attacks!
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 12:11:00 PM
Turnip curry is quite nice

Lethal obviously, but quite nice, so the Scots say. eveilgrin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 12:22:26 PM
Apparently they cause Heart Attacks!
Bidets?  rubschin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 12:26:16 PM
Apparently they cause Heart Attacks!
Bidets?  rubschin:

Sacks of turnips found where the case of Talisker .............. oh forget it. ::)
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 12:27:05 PM
Apparently they cause Heart Attacks!
Bidets?  rubschin:

Sacks of turnips found where the case of Talisker .............. oh forget it. ::)
Am I cross threaded?  redface:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 12:27:28 PM
Bread. Cheese on toast.Is that safe? cry:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 12:27:45 PM
Apparently they cause Heart Attacks!
Bidets?  rubschin:

Sacks of turnips found where the case of Talisker .............. oh forget it. ::)
Am I cross threaded?  redface:

Yes
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 12:28:55 PM
Apparently they cause Heart Attacks!
Bidets?  rubschin:

Sacks of turnips found where the case of Talisker .............. oh forget it. ::)
Am I cross threaded?  redface:

Yes

We'll need to ask LL about that ..... but we have noticed you always use a cubicle in the Gents.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 12:29:07 PM
Bread. Cheese on toast.Is that safe? cry:

yes... but don't toast the bread - you'll start a fire...  noooo:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 12:31:03 PM
Bread. Cheese on toast.Is that safe? cry:


As long as you use wholemeal bread  sick2: and pasteurised cheese  sick2: you should be OK
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 12:31:47 PM
Oddlyour toaster fused the whole house the other day rubschin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 12:34:01 PM
 doh:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 12:35:43 PM
Oddlyour toaster fused the whole house the other day rubschin:
That's odd is it?  noooo:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 31, 2008, 12:44:38 PM
Bread. Cheese on toast.Is that safe? cry:


Unsmoked Beagle is, apparently, extremely good for one. Any idea where we can get some?  rubschin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 12:45:35 PM
Cough, hack, cough ...... not a clue mate .... splutter, cough.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 31, 2008, 12:56:42 PM
Cough, hack, cough ...... not a clue mate .... splutter, cough.

We don't believe you. For the nutritional benefit of some of us, would you be so kind as to butcher yourself and have it sent to us. I will PM my home address. And I want the ears. Deep fried Beagle ears are succulent in the extreme.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 12:57:30 PM
Cough, hack, cough ...... not a clue mate .... splutter, cough.

We don't believe you. For the nutritional benefit of some of us, would you be so kind as to butcher yourself and have it sent to us. I will PM my home address. And I want the ears. Deep fried Beagle ears are succulent in the extreme.
sick2:

They're always dragging along the floor...  noooo:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 01:05:04 PM
Cough, hack, cough ...... not a clue mate .... splutter, cough.

We don't believe you. For the nutritional benefit of some of us, would you be so kind as to butcher yourself and have it sent to us. I will PM my home address. And I want the ears. Deep fried Beagle ears are succulent in the extreme.
sick2:

They're always dragging along the floor...  noooo:

You are thinking of Bassett Hounds. Beagles have much shorter ears
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 01:06:23 PM
Cough, hack, cough ...... not a clue mate .... splutter, cough.

We don't believe you. For the nutritional benefit of some of us, would you be so kind as to butcher yourself and have it sent to us. I will PM my home address. And I want the ears. Deep fried Beagle ears are succulent in the extreme.
sick2:

They're always dragging along the floor...  noooo:

You are thinking of Bassett Hounds. Beagles have much shorter ears
Oh... what is it that you have dragging along the floor then? Leaves a trail through the fag ends 'n stuff?  rubschin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 01:07:48 PM
Cough, hack, cough ...... not a clue mate .... splutter, cough.

We don't believe you. For the nutritional benefit of some of us, would you be so kind as to butcher yourself and have it sent to us. I will PM my home address. And I want the ears. Deep fried Beagle ears are succulent in the extreme.

After all that time in the Laboratory in Mill Hill (Yep that's one place where cancer research is carried out on animals ~ used to be one of my security contracts) I am so well smoked they modeled Kipper on me: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kipper-Characters-Ages-3-4-Books/b?ie=UTF8&node=291615
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 01:09:05 PM
Cough, hack, cough ...... not a clue mate .... splutter, cough.

We don't believe you. For the nutritional benefit of some of us, would you be so kind as to butcher yourself and have it sent to us. I will PM my home address. And I want the ears. Deep fried Beagle ears are succulent in the extreme.
sick2:

They're always dragging along the floor...  noooo:

You are thinking of Bassett Hounds. Beagles have much shorter ears
Oh... what is it that you have dragging along the floor then? Leaves a trail through the fag ends 'n stuff?  rubschin:

 shocked003  Didn't realise it showed. redface:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: GROWLER on March 31, 2008, 01:24:59 PM
Apparently they cause Heart Attacks!

Can't you take asprins for them, or are they bad for you too...asprins that is, not 'eart attacks like?  rubschin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 31, 2008, 01:28:00 PM
Cough, hack, cough ...... not a clue mate .... splutter, cough.

We don't believe you. For the nutritional benefit of some of us, would you be so kind as to butcher yourself and have it sent to us. I will PM my home address. And I want the ears. Deep fried Beagle ears are succulent in the extreme.

After all that time in the Laboratory in Mill Hill (Yep that's one place where cancer research is carried out on animals ~ used to be one of my security contracts) I am so well smoked they modeled Kipper on me: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kipper-Characters-Ages-3-4-Books/b?ie=UTF8&node=291615

We still don't believe you. Eviscerate yourself. Have yourself filleted and vacuum packed. Have it sent to Surrey. I shall prepare a Beagle Broth from your chewier bits and invite Tel and Wenchy to try it. You know it is for the best.  ;D
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: GROWLER on March 31, 2008, 01:28:09 PM
Bread. Cheese on toast.Is that safe? cry:

yes... but don't toast the bread - you'll start a fire...  noooo:

I burnt the carpet this morning, but me knees are ok thanks. ;)
Hot glue gun. They DO get hot...very.
I've stuffed the chair leg over the burn for now, until I get 'round to fixing it...the carpet like, not the chair.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Bar Wench on March 31, 2008, 01:29:47 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 01:31:00 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!
A welding iron?  ::)

You mean a soldering iron?  whistle:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 01:31:15 PM
Hence the flat feet?
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 01:31:47 PM
Bread. Cheese on toast.Is that safe? cry:

yes... but don't toast the bread - you'll start a fire...  noooo:

I burnt the carpet this morning, but me knees are ok thanks. ;)
Hot glue gun. They DO get hot...very.
I've stuffed the chair leg over the burn for now, until I get 'round to fixing it...the carpet like, not the chair.

Just for a moment there I thought that perhaps you had caught Mrs G kneeling but then I read on.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Bar Wench on March 31, 2008, 01:32:28 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!
A welding iron?  ::)

You mean a soldering iron?  whistle:

 redface:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 01:33:16 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!
A welding iron?  ::)

You mean a soldering iron?  whistle:

 redface:
point:

Oh, you do make us laugh Wenchy!  cloud9:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Bar Wench on March 31, 2008, 01:33:50 PM
IT HURT! WHERE IS THE SYMPATHY!  angry041:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 01:34:35 PM
IT HURT! WHERE IS THE SYMPATHY!  angry041:
Yes, poor welding iron - you could've broken it...  whistle:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: GROWLER on March 31, 2008, 01:35:13 PM
Bread. Cheese on toast.Is that safe? cry:

yes... but don't toast the bread - you'll start a fire...  noooo:

I burnt the carpet this morning, but me knees are ok thanks. ;)
Hot glue gun. They DO get hot...very.
I've stuffed the chair leg over the burn for now, until I get 'round to fixing it...the carpet like, not the chair.

Just for a moment there I thought that perhaps you had caught Mrs G kneeling but then I read on.

'ave a werd will you? happy001  ::)

Are the fumes off hot glue carsagenic, 'cus I'm coffin?
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 01:35:21 PM
 happy100
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Bar Wench on March 31, 2008, 01:36:07 PM
Bread. Cheese on toast.Is that safe? cry:

yes... but don't toast the bread - you'll start a fire...  noooo:

I burnt the carpet this morning, but me knees are ok thanks. ;)
Hot glue gun. They DO get hot...very.
I've stuffed the chair leg over the burn for now, until I get 'round to fixing it...the carpet like, not the chair.

Just for a moment there I thought that perhaps you had caught Mrs G kneeling but then I read on.

'ave a werd will you? happy001  ::)

Are the fumes off hot glue carsagenic, 'cus I'm coffin?

I had thought the same  redface:

Open a window, hot glue can be an irritant.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 31, 2008, 01:36:14 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!

I can beat that (this will bring tears to some eyes).

Many moons ago when I was an army cadet we were on a 'weekend exercise' and I needed to answer the call of nature in the middle of the night so found a nice hedge to use......


That story you would hear about someone pi$$ing on a cattle fence? I can confirm it hurts like holy hell.  eeek:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 01:37:25 PM
I get spam emails from your sort! evil:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Bar Wench on March 31, 2008, 01:38:35 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!

I can beat that (this will bring tears to some eyes).

Many moons ago when I was an army cadet we were on a 'weekend exercise' and I needed to answer the call of nature in the middle of the night so found a nice hedge to use......


That story you would hear about someone pi$$ing on a cattle fence? I can confirm it hurts like holy hell.  eeek:

It's like that fish that travels up your piss stream and ejects spikes into your todger!  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: GROWLER on March 31, 2008, 01:39:10 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!




That story you would hear about someone pi$$ing on a cattle fence? I can confirm it hurts like holy hell.  eeek:

....and can cause 'willy cancer' too....apparently.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 01:39:57 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!

I can beat that (this will bring tears to some eyes).

Many moons ago when I was an army cadet we were on a 'weekend exercise' and I needed to answer the call of nature in the middle of the night so found a nice hedge to use......


That story you would hear about someone pi$$ing on a cattle fence? I can confirm it hurts like holy hell.  eeek:

It's like that fish that travels up your piss stream and ejects spikes into your todger!  eveilgrin:

Do you keep them in a tank?
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Bar Wench on March 31, 2008, 01:40:35 PM
 eveilgrin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 31, 2008, 01:42:47 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!

I can beat that (this will bring tears to some eyes).

Many moons ago when I was an army cadet we were on a 'weekend exercise' and I needed to answer the call of nature in the middle of the night so found a nice hedge to use......


That story you would hear about someone pi$$ing on a cattle fence? I can confirm it hurts like holy hell.  eeek:

Agreed  redface:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: GROWLER on March 31, 2008, 01:43:50 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!

I can beat that (this will bring tears to some eyes).

Many moons ago when I was an army cadet we were on a 'weekend exercise' and I needed to answer the call of nature in the middle of the night so found a nice hedge to use......


That story you would hear about someone pi$$ing on a cattle fence? I can confirm it hurts like holy hell.  eeek:

It's like that fish that travels up your piss stream and ejects spikes into your todger!  eveilgrin:

Do you keep them in a tank?

That odd geezer who's always roaming around in the jungle wearing karki stuff and shorts,was going on about some fishy thing that swims UP your willy when you're having a gush in the swamp....not mine, swamp that is.... apparently, and kills you or summat?
Was on telly on saturday night. Facinating, and must remember that next time I'm in the jungle bursting for a Geoff. ::)
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 31, 2008, 01:46:04 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!

I can beat that (this will bring tears to some eyes).

Many moons ago when I was an army cadet we were on a 'weekend exercise' and I needed to answer the call of nature in the middle of the night so found a nice hedge to use......


That story you would hear about someone pi$$ing on a cattle fence? I can confirm it hurts like holy hell.  eeek:

Agreed  redface:

According to the rest of my team the blood curdling scream that accompanies the act is also an extremely unpleasant way to be woken in the middle of the night.  redface:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 01:51:28 PM
What act? Mrs TMR is a screamer? eeek:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 01:53:08 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!

I can beat that (this will bring tears to some eyes).

Many moons ago when I was an army cadet we were on a 'weekend exercise' and I needed to answer the call of nature in the middle of the night so found a nice hedge to use......


That story you would hear about someone pi$$ing on a cattle fence? I can confirm it hurts like holy hell.  eeek:

It's like that fish that travels up your piss stream and ejects spikes into your todger!  eveilgrin:

Do you keep them in a tank?

That odd geezer who's always roaming around in the jungle wearing karki stuff and shorts,was going on about some fishy thing that swims UP your willy when you're having a gush in the swamp....not mine, swamp that is.... apparently, and kills you or summat?
Was on telly on saturday night. Facinating, and must remember that next time I'm in the jungle bursting for a Geoff. ::)
Geoff Hurst?  rubschin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 01:55:12 PM
I spoke to LL earlier. Do be careful, or I may repeat here what she told me about your little secret eveilgrin:

Yes, that one!
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 01:56:34 PM
I spoke to LL earlier. Do be careful, or I may repeat here what she told me about your little secret eveilgrin:

Yes, that one!
She said you were panting?  rubschin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 01:57:53 PM
No ~ she said he was pants!




I do the panting, it's what hounds do.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 01:58:33 PM
 point: point: point: point:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Bar Wench on March 31, 2008, 02:00:31 PM
I spoke to LL earlier. Do be careful, or I may repeat here what she told me about your little secret eveilgrin:

Yes, that one!

She mentioned that you had spoken. She seemed somewhat scared.  eeek:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 02:01:24 PM
I spoke to LL earlier. Do be careful, or I may repeat here what she told me about your little secret eveilgrin:

Yes, that one!

She mentioned that you had spoken. She seemed somewhat scared.  eeek:
She thought it was one of those calls...  ::)
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: The Moan Ranger on March 31, 2008, 02:02:57 PM
I trod on a welding iron a few years ago. Now that was painful!

I can beat that (this will bring tears to some eyes).

Many moons ago when I was an army cadet we were on a 'weekend exercise' and I needed to answer the call of nature in the middle of the night so found a nice hedge to use......


That story you would hear about someone pi$$ing on a cattle fence? I can confirm it hurts like holy hell.  eeek:

Agreed  redface:

According to the rest of my team the blood curdling scream that accompanies the act is also an extremely unpleasant way to be woken in the middle of the night.  redface:

It was reported that I leapt, involuntarily, backwards about 12 feet and reaching a height of approximately five feet. And the scream. Even the pet hound I was walking at the time quivered in fear.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Bar Wench on March 31, 2008, 02:03:33 PM
I spoke to LL earlier. Do be careful, or I may repeat here what she told me about your little secret eveilgrin:

Yes, that one!

She mentioned that you had spoken. She seemed somewhat scared.  eeek:
She thought it was one of those calls...  ::)

Wasn't it?  ;)
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 02:04:33 PM
I spoke to LL earlier. Do be careful, or I may repeat here what she told me about your little secret eveilgrin:

Yes, that one!

She mentioned that you had spoken. She seemed somewhat scared.  eeek:
She thought it was one of those calls...  ::)

Wasn't it?  ;)
Wello she was charging £1.50 per minute - discretely billed of course…  whistle:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 02:17:58 PM
Meanwhile back on topic
http://news.scotsman.com/health/Scientists-find-ethnic--link.3929795.jp

Whatever you do Nick ... do NOT have Ethnics for tea tonight.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 02:21:00 PM
I reckon most scientists couldn’t find their own navels… I’m sure most of these reports are made up by some random report generating software they all have – just select a few keywords and hey presto – 50,000 words of barely understandable gobbledegook to justify the grant and a single page press release for the Daily Mail with ‘Cancer’ in the title…  noooo:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 02:21:49 PM
Quiche.

Is that deadly too? evil:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 02:23:09 PM
Quiche.

Is that deadly too? evil:

Eggs  noooo:
Bleached flour for the pastry  noooo:
Fat to make the pastry  noooo:

Try some nice organic brown rice.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 02:23:41 PM
Rice!! Makes your eyes go slitty!!
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 02:24:25 PM
Rice!! Makes your eyes go slitty!!
That's curry... oh 'slitty'... I see...  redface:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 02:25:00 PM
Rice!! Makes your eyes go slitty!!


Somebody ~ OK the weird Sister in Law ~ gave us some wholemeal pasta once  sick2: sick2:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 02:27:53 PM
We bought Jasmine rice especially for a recipe the other day – tastes just like Uncle Bens but stickier!  noooo:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on March 31, 2008, 02:29:10 PM
I confess I've never tasted Uncle Ben's ... mainly because I don't believe he knows where there is a bunnies nest in the woods.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Barman on March 31, 2008, 02:29:48 PM
I confess I've never tasted Uncle Ben's ... mainly because I don't believe he knows where there is a bunnies nest in the woods.
shrugs:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 02:00:50 PM
The NHS is to offer screening for illnesses to everyone aged 40 to 74.

Health Secretary Alan Johnson is due to outline the scheme, which will check for diseases that kill 170,000 people a year.

Check-ups over a full English brekky to help along heart disease, stroke, diabetes and kidney disease are being made available on the NHS to focus attention on getting shut of all you moaning old bastards to eradicate the  clogging up of our wonderful deliberately filthy hospitals with your constant whinging and whining ailments.
It's estimated that early 'coffin of the clogs' could save Brown and his mates many tens of millions every year in reduced pension pay outs.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on April 01, 2008, 02:42:50 PM
Quote
could save Brown and his mates many tens of millions every year in reduced pension pay outs

But not for themselves, obviously.

Let us encourage John Prescott and SpeakerMartin to eat more pies.

I think I may start a "Send a Pie to your MP Fund" at the bar. eveilgrin:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 01, 2008, 02:47:42 PM
Quote
could save Brown and his mates many tens of millions every year in reduced pension pay outs

But not for themselves, obviously.

Let us encourage John Prescott and SpeakerMartin to eat more pies.

I think I may start a "Send a Pie to your MP Fund" at the bar. eveilgrin:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The last thing you want is Prezza in a Mr Creosote incident Nick  eeek:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on April 01, 2008, 02:49:43 PM
Remind me of the Creosote incident, there are so many disasters for some reason noooo:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on April 01, 2008, 02:50:34 PM
Monty Python!
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on April 01, 2008, 02:53:39 PM
I forget.It wasn't me then. Had a nasty fire here last night.That terracotta pot is knackered!
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on April 01, 2008, 02:56:12 PM
No ~ I think you are in the clear on that one Nick.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlK62rjQWLk
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: GROWLER on April 03, 2008, 12:46:02 PM
Rejoice! Haleybloodyluya!! Get the kettle on!

As little as one cup of coffee a day could have a protective effect against Alzheimer's disease, the most common form of dementia, according to new research.

A daily dose of caffeine blocks the disruptive effects of high cholesterol that scientists have linked to the disease, a study has found.

The findings, in the Journal of Neuroinflammation, were based on research by scientists at the University of North Dakota School of Medicine and Health Sciences.

In the study, researchers gave rabbits 3mg of caffeine each day, the equivalent of a daily cup of coffee for an average-sized person. The rabbits were fed a cholesterol-enriched diet during this time.
After 12 weeks, a number of laboratory tests showed that the blood brain barrier - which protects the central nervous system from the rest of the body's circulation - was "significantly" more intact in rabbits receiving a daily dose of caffeine.


No mention of causing cancer of anything, so it must be safe...today. ::)
No doubt some smart arse will be along shortly to 'piss in me brew' so to speak. ::)
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2008, 12:53:53 PM
I am of the opinion (he intoned pompously) that it is all, not to put too fine a point upon it, a load of bollox.

I have given up so many things, on the promise that I will live longer etc ...... and I find that in fact I will still die at the appointed time. I will not live longer but it will feel as if it is a long time.
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 03, 2008, 01:05:47 PM
WHOOHOO!!!!!!!

The amount of coffee I drink my mind must be completely dementia proof.  lol:
Title: Re: I'm quiverin' with fear
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2008, 01:36:39 PM
Rejoice! Haleybloodyluya!! Get the kettle on!

As little as one cup of coffee a day could have a protective effect against Alzheimer's disease, the most common form of dementia, according to new research.

A daily dose of caffeine blocks the disruptive effects of high cholesterol that scientists have linked to the disease, a study has found.

The findings, in the Journal of Neuroinflammation, were based on research by scientists at the University of North Dakota School of Medicine and Health Sciences.

In the study, researchers gave rabbits 3mg of caffeine each day, the equivalent of a daily cup of coffee for an average-sized person. The rabbits were fed a cholesterol-enriched diet during this time.
After 12 weeks, a number of laboratory tests showed that the blood brain barrier - which protects the central nervous system from the rest of the body's circulation - was "significantly" more intact in rabbits receiving a daily dose of caffeine.


No mention of causing cancer of anything, so it must be safe...today. ::)
No doubt some smart arse will be along shortly to 'piss in me brew' so to speak. ::)

So it cancels out the sausages?