The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Nick on March 31, 2008, 10:09:58 AM
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So the phone rings and it's the Californian Breast Feeding Therapist.
"HOw are you with dead animals?"
Me: What sort?(Thinks rhino, hippo)
CBFT: Probably a rat, but there's a crow eating it. It's on my lawn.
Me: Well at least it's being recycled (she is keen on that)
CBFT: But we scared the crow away. Can you come round and remove it?
Me: Yes, but where to?
CBFT: Anywhere.
Off I go!
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So the phone rings and it's the Californian Breast Feeding Therapist.
"HOw are you with dead animals?"
Me: What sort?(Thinks rhino, hippo)
CBFT: Probably a rat, but there's a crow eating it. It's on my lawn.
Me: Well at least it's being recycled (she is keen on that)
CBFT: But we scared the crow away. Can you come round and remove it?
Me: Yes, but where to?
CBFT: Anywhere.
Off I go!
noooo:
Nick will get rabies from it for sure...
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scared2:
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The crow had finished it off by the time I got there. Apart from the skull and the tail sick2:
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The crow had finished it off by the time I got there. Apart from the skull and the tail sick2:
Soup , perhaps ? whistle:
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Carcinogenic I am told
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Carcinogenic I am told
No one has ever said that about my soup before cussing:
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They were being kindly to you. Truth will out! noooo:
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Carcinogenic I am told
Rattatouie is perfectly safe to eat so I've been told... whistle:
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To "ear"?
Christ. Straight to the brain then!
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Carcinogenic I am told
Rattatouie is perfectly safe to ear so I've been told... whistle:
Well if you are putting it in your 'ear' then no wonder your tummy isn't getting upset noooo:
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They were being kindly to you. Truth will out! noooo:
Everyone is kindly to me cloud9: as I am in turn kindly to them whistle:
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Try Landlady's cooking. Then you will know about your bowels! eveilgrin:
They are there, you know. Just tucked away waiting for a curry to kick up!
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Try Landlady's cooking. Then you will know about your bowels! eveilgrin:
They are there, you know. Just tucked away waiting for a curry to kick up!
Yes of course as you know when odering any bar food you also have, included in the very fair bar food tariff price I have to mention, my witty 45 minute anatomical lecture on the workings and interactions of the large and lower bowels rubschin: Plus you recieve three FREE sheets of soft toilet paper eyes:
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Only three sheets? eeek:
On Lacky's curry I managed at least five in 24 hours ~ sorry, too much information I 'spect.
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Sheets?
Rolls more like!
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Sheets?
Rolls more like!
Best put them in the fridge before starting the meal. noooo:
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QUe?
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I am temporarily fixated with the phrase 'Que?'. Please try to understand and excuse me…
Chilled Andrex is kinder to the ring of fire (you dolt!)
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I have a bidet cloud9:
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I defer to your greater experience of the after effects of curried turnips
Turnips (spawn of the devil) evil:
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I have a bidet cloud9:
It must get some thrashing spider:.Is there a guarantee?
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Given my fondness for a curry it does get used regularly. The boys think it is funny and won't use it. THW thinks the concept "GROSS" so only Mrs S and I avail ourselves of this civilised device .... separately of course!
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separately of course!
Anything else would be just too cheeky
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:lalalala
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Landlady has mail eyes:
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Save water - bidet with a friend shocked003 :lalalala shocked003
Bm always says our toilet roll consumption increase ten fold (ha ha) when I return - NOT because of bottom issues noooo: but because 'most' ladies , in my unofficial poll, are a three/four sheet user minimum for even simple wee wee wipes whistle:
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We are now officially in the "too much information" area.
Again
And for BM, try "Stay Free Pene Pads" to avoid that little map of Ireland on his shorts eveilgrin:
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On "Active service" I recall that the rations for RAF chaps was 5 sheets a day ..... for WAAFS it was 7 sheets a day.
We used to wonder if that entitled the gals to 1 sh*t, 1 Pee and a polish or 1 sh*t and 2 pees.
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:lalalala
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1 sh*t, 1 Pee and a Polish
Going for an Indian I have heard of, but going for a Polish?
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The Boy wanted to go over the road to feed our resident ducks last night. They return each year and get on with breeding.
We wandered over with some crusts and met the local bold fox coming the other way with Mrs Duck hanging limply out of his jaws eeek:
Talk about traumatic noooo:
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Save water - bidet with a friend shocked003 :lalalala shocked003
Bm always says our toilet roll consumption increase ten fold (ha ha) when I return - NOT because of bottom issues noooo: but because 'most' ladies , in my unofficial poll, are a three/four sheet user minimum for even simple wee wee wipes whistle:
It is true! whistle:
What is considered a normal amount to use then?
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Oh Wenchy noooo:
What have you started?
I imagine there is an academic study somewhere on the interweb
Meantime
http://www.kcprofessional.com/us/tools/productusecalc.asp (http://www.kcprofessional.com/us/tools/productusecalc.asp)
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To answer the question what is reasonable for a girl to use in the way of toilet "tissue" ~ To judge by both of my daughters they must wrap it from finger tip to elbow and back several times. Toilet paper usage increases dramatically when eldest daughter is here. It dropped significantly when youngest daughter was in France for a week.
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redface:
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redface:
point:
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And after a curry?
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So the phone rings and it's the Californian Breast Feeding Therapist.
"HOw are you with dead animals?"
Me: What sort?(Thinks rhino, hippo)
CBFT: Probably a rat, but there's a crow eating it. It's on my lawn.
Me: Well at least it's being recycled (she is keen on that)
CBFT: But we scared the crow away. Can you come round and remove it?
Me: Yes, but where to?
CBFT: Anywhere.
Off I go!
Be careful, be very careful.. Rats are very cunning, hence the phrase 'as cunning as a rat" They sometimes pretend to be dead even getting a crow or other bird involved in the deception. When you approach the rat and get within striking distance it will immediately go for your throat. The resultant infection from the bite will turn you into one of the walking dead, fat Kev told me that, and he should know, he works for the council. eeek:
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So the phone rings and it's the Californian Breast Feeding Therapist.
"HOw are you with dead animals?"
Me: What sort?(Thinks rhino, hippo)
CBFT: Probably a rat, but there's a crow eating it. It's on my lawn.
Me: Well at least it's being recycled (she is keen on that)
CBFT: But we scared the crow away. Can you come round and remove it?
Me: Yes, but where to?
CBFT: Anywhere.
Off I go!
Be careful, be very careful.. Rats are very cunning, hence the phrase 'as cunning as a rat" They sometimes pretend to be dead even getting a crow or other bird involved in the deception. When you approach the rat and get within striking distance it will immediately go for your throat. The resultant infection from the bite will turn you into one of the walking dead, fat Kev told me that, and he should know, he works for the council. eeek:
eeek:
Have they been putting LSD instead of bromide in the NAAFI tea?
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And after a curry?
I have dodgy bowels due to the medication day I take. In the Wench bathroom everyday is curry day. redface:
That is more than you needed to know isn't it. redface:
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Yes ~ but since we have the same problem for the same reasons happy100
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Yes ~ but since we have the same problem for the same reasons happy100
happy100
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I know just how you feel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2iv_E-Fn9E
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So the phone rings and it's the Californian Breast Feeding Therapist.
"HOw are you with dead animals?"
Me: What sort?(Thinks rhino, hippo)
CBFT: Probably a rat, but there's a crow eating it. It's on my lawn.
Me: Well at least it's being recycled (she is keen on that)
CBFT: But we scared the crow away. Can you come round and remove it?
Me: Yes, but where to?
CBFT: Anywhere.
Off I go!
Be careful, be very careful.. Rats are very cunning, hence the phrase 'as cunning as a rat" They sometimes pretend to be dead even getting a crow or other bird involved in the deception. When you approach the rat and get within striking distance it will immediately go for your throat. The resultant infection from the bite will turn you into one of the walking dead, fat Kev told me that, and he should know, he works for the council. eeek:
eeek:
Have they been putting LSD instead of bromide in the NAAFI tea?
It wasn't me DS, it was Fat Kev from the council that I quoted, he works on the bins so he is a bit of an expert on all things or so he tells me ::)