The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 04:37:46 PM

Title: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 04:37:46 PM
How do you cook a Leek please?
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Barman on April 01, 2008, 04:38:32 PM
How do you cook a Leek please?
No idea... check the Intermong?

 shrugs:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 04:44:22 PM
How do you cook a Leek please?
No idea... check the Intermong?

 shrugs:

No good. Can only find posh methods only involving baking roastina nd sauntering or summat, with oils garlics and lobsters.

Do you simply chop it up and stuff it in hot water for half an hour or summat?

Which end do you chop up or off and leave?

Wish I had a can of processed peas. Can cope with them
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Barman on April 01, 2008, 04:45:17 PM
Ere... (http://homecooking.about.com/od/howtocookvegetables/a/leektips.htm)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 01, 2008, 04:52:44 PM
Cut off dark green bits and hairy roots at the other end ~ wash the remainder thoughly as they can have some soil between the tighly packed leaves.

Melt a little butter in a pan, slice leeks thinly in rounds and toss them in the butter until they are bright green, serve with cheese sauce or just melt cheese over them under the grill.

Alternatively. Prepare as before then slice them in half lengthways. Place into boiling water and cook for ten minutes. Serve with sauce as before.

Or if you want to get really cheffy prepare as before then thinly slice them lengthways into long strips about 2mm wide. pick up a large handful and form into a sort of birds nest shape, Drop into very hot deep fat and fry until crisp and brown. Take out of fat and you should have what looks like a tangle of thin brown grass (as in a birds nest) Serve as an accompaniment to steak, chicken breast or anything that takes your fancy.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 04:53:22 PM
Ere... (http://homecooking.about.com/od/howtocookvegetables/a/leektips.htm)

Too complicated. However, apparently and I quote..."Raw leeks may be sliced thin and added to salads.

Having some chickeny type stewy stuff that she put in the oven before leaving me sort out the complicated stuff whilst she's out working playing, so that'll count as being a bit like salady type stuff then won't it?
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Barman on April 01, 2008, 04:54:44 PM
What Snoopy said...

Alternatively, chuck in bin and get a take-away...  whistle:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 01, 2008, 04:57:02 PM
If the leeks are fresh "baby" leeks then yes.
Older, bigger, darker leeks would be a bit strong for that.
If they are the older variety prep them as described above, then chop them into rounds and sling 'em into the stew about 15 to 20 mins before you want to eat it. They will taste like mild onions which may be a bit much if the stew already has onions in it.
See Toilet Paper thread and learn it before 12 hours have passed since you ate the stew and leeks.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 04:58:56 PM
Is there ANYTHING yuou don't know about Snoops? eeek:


Wonder if the kids'll tell her if I go the chippy? rubschin:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Barman on April 01, 2008, 05:01:32 PM
Is there ANYTHING yuou don't know about Snoops? eeek:


Wonder if the kids'll tell her if I go the chippy? rubschin:
Bloody cod 'n chips twice is nearly ten quid now in Windsor!  cussing:

Get a kebab in Growler - that's what we're doing tonight...  whistle:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 05:02:19 PM
Panic sort of over. I've bribed Mini Moose with some sweets if she does it and the spuds
Keeps asking me flamin' questions though? ::)

How long do you boil them for now,...the leeks that is, not the spuds?
P'raps we could do them together to save on the washing up p'raps? rubschin:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 01, 2008, 05:03:52 PM
Is there ANYTHING yuou don't know about Snoops? eeek:


Wonder if the kids'll tell her if I go the chippy? rubschin:

We used to run a couple of pubs and I was the chef. Got me Food Hygeine Cert an' and me City 'n' Guilds 706/1 & /2.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 05:04:40 PM
Mini Moose sez a sexist pig for telling her to do it! eeek:

"Men hunt, wimmin cook OK?".... didn't go down to well. scared:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 05:05:48 PM
HOW LONG DO YOU BOIL THEM FOR...........PLEASE!!?

My ears are boiling 'ere. Banghead
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 05:06:58 PM
If the leeks are fresh "baby" leeks then yes.
.

They're about 12" long and they're not screaming so does that make them 'adult Leeks' ?
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Barman on April 01, 2008, 05:07:39 PM
'til they don't taste raw...  ::)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 05:08:45 PM
Wish we were 'avin' turnips, and then darwin could help. ::)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 05:11:43 PM
What's wrong with processed peas in a can ey?  ::)

I'm gonna bloody murder her, leaving me all these instructions without instruction if you get me drift, when she gets home.
Bloody welsh floppy veggie crap. They'd look better in a flamin' plant pot ffs! cussing:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Barman on April 01, 2008, 05:12:37 PM
Chuck em in the bin, get a kebab in - job done, stop whinging...  ;)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 05:16:30 PM
Chuck em in the bin, get a kebab in - job done, stop whinging...  ;)

It's mini Moose that's whinging. I'm just the messenger.

I'VE got to do the washing up after now she tells me!  happy001

 :lalalala
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 01, 2008, 05:53:45 PM
You boil them until they are just soft but still have a "bite" to them. Any longer and you'll have a green, stringy mush fit only for pigs swill. Time this takes depends on how big they are. Treat 'em like cabbage.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 06:01:10 PM
Treat 'em like cabbage.

I DON'T do cabbage. Satans chosen vegetable. eveilgrin:

All sorted and eaten now anyway. Thanks for your help.
Mini moose will know how next time.

Dish washing sorted too! Left loads of stuff with her tea in it rather than putting it on a plate in the oven...mainly pans. The rest i've just lobbed in the dishwasher! Sorted. happy088

Got to go 'hunting' for sweets now though. ::)
Bloody wimmen. Banghead
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 01, 2008, 06:04:22 PM
Wish we were 'avin' turnips, and then darwin could help. ::)
Indeed.

That'll teach you to eat Taffy veg  noooo:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: The Moan Ranger on April 01, 2008, 06:56:25 PM
I've got a leek in the bathroom - how do I sort it :-/
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 01, 2008, 07:09:48 PM
I despair of Mr Growler. He is now afraid of vegetables!
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: The Moan Ranger on April 01, 2008, 07:15:32 PM
Nick, I will not hear of it! You may not be entirely human, but you are far from being a vegetable...
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Uncle Mort on April 01, 2008, 07:18:45 PM
The trouble with most receipes is that they often assume you know how to do the basic preparation. Not necessarily true.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 01, 2008, 07:34:19 PM
Chop it up and steam it you tit!
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Uncle Mort on April 01, 2008, 07:35:58 PM
Charming  eeek:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 01, 2008, 07:37:51 PM
Christ the man is frightened by a leek! Maybehis dad wasWelsh or summat noooo:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Uncle Mort on April 01, 2008, 07:44:58 PM
My dad was was born in Wales ~ Maerdy.



Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 01, 2008, 08:03:11 PM
Christ the man is frightened by a leek! Maybehis dad wasWelsh or summat noooo:

My dad WAS Welsh, but that's nowt to do with it.

1) I'm NOT a tit. they are useful, and in the kitchen I admit....I'm 100% crap.
Must be the caveman in me. ALL cookin' should be done outside over an open flame. happy088
2) I'm not frightened of vegatables, apart from the one I'm married to....a little bit sometimes, but not too often.

The washing up ploy worked anyway. I can hear the gentle tinkle of pans being washed, and mini moose is stuffing her face with a bag of Herbos selection under the safety of a pillow.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Just One More on April 01, 2008, 08:49:08 PM
Is there ANYTHING yuou don't know about Snoops? eeek:


Wonder if the kids'll tell her if I go the chippy? rubschin:
Bloody cod 'n chips twice is nearly ten quid now in Windsor!  cussing:


You got off lightly, more than £11 in Basingstoke and Winchester
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Barman on April 02, 2008, 04:45:01 AM
Is there ANYTHING yuou don't know about Snoops? eeek:


Wonder if the kids'll tell her if I go the chippy? rubschin:
Bloody cod 'n chips twice is nearly ten quid now in Windsor!  cussing:


You got off lightly, more than £11 in Basingstoke and Winchester
noooo:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 07:44:55 AM
All veg is prepared to a 1cm dice or slice can be steamed in about 10 mins. At least that is what Mr Wench does.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 02, 2008, 07:46:14 AM
'Cept for the larva bread of course which we all know is seaweed boiled to within an inch of its life and turned out as a blackish, green slime. sick2:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 07:46:34 AM
 sick2:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 08:49:03 AM
South Wales is well-known for its laver bread. It is made from laver, an edible seaweed and an excellent source of vitamins. The first time I had some, it had been made into little cakes. These had been fried and they were served with bacon. I had my doubts about them, but I found them very tasty.

4 ozs (25g) prepared laver bread
1 oz (25g) medium/fine oatmeal
1 egg
a little plain flour
bacon fat or butter to fry

Beat the egg, mix with the laver bread and oatmeal. Form into about 6 balls, to11 them in the flour and flatten into little cakes. Fry in the fat, turn over once and place directly in the bin.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 08:49:23 AM
Anyway. I'm quite proud of how the situation was so tactifully handled last night.
I got my own way, mini moose ended up happy stuffing her face...again, Mrs G washed the pans and stuff, me and G jnr were fed, and I've learnt how to instruct mini moose to cook leeks.
Seems Mrs G is going to be out at work playing again at nose bag time  tonight, so will no doubt be left MORE demands for feeding the tribe with NO instruction on how to carry them out.  ::)

 
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 08:51:42 AM
Purchase one chicken
Stick some garlic in a hole you may discover at one end of it
Put some salt and pepper on the outside
Stick it in an oven for an hour or so (Gas 4)
While you wait for it to cook bake some potatoes
Take some leeks and cook them

Put bits of chicken, leeks and spuds on the required number of plates.

Insert contents of plate into facial orifice.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 09:00:47 AM
Purchase one chicken
Stick some garlic in a hole you may discover at one end of it
Put some salt and pepper on the outside
Stick it in an oven for an hour or so (Gas 4)
While you wait for it to cook bake some potatoes
Take some leeks and cook them

Put bits of chicken, leeks and spuds on the required number of plates.

Insert contents of plate into facial orifice.

Well THAT'S roughly what I cooked last night...eventually.
Tasted like shite tbh, as Mrs G had already shoved a tin of cooked tomatoes in the stewy stuff.

Kebab tonight if I have my own way....and she can leave the money out for them too.
Wonder if they do telephone orders and delivery?
Can't be messin' about tonight. Got some very serious footie to watch whilst eating me 'footie puddin' as mini moose calls it...a family size bag of Revels. cloud9:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 09:09:41 AM
I continue to admire Growler's excellent apostrophe work! happy088 happ096
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 02, 2008, 09:10:43 AM
Well I had a lonely Fray Bentos Pie in a Tin last night whilst watching Man U v a bunch of foreigners (or perhaps the foreigners were Man U ?) cloud9:

Then I got a call from THW to say that Mrs S was speeding toward the local A&E as Minimus had suffered an allergic reaction to something his Grandmother had fed him evil:

Two worried hours later got the call to say he had recovered and was "sleeping it off".

I said before they went "Leave the boy here .... you know what happens whenever he goes to your mother's" but would she listen?  Banghead

We all know he has more allergies than you can shake a stick at BUT Nuts and Eggs are the biggest problems. So she feeds him a pie for his pudding ..... that she later reveals had been egg washed to give it a glaze  "but I didn't think a little beaten egg would do any harm ..... it's not like he is eating a whole egg is it?" Banghead Banghead

How many f*cking times do you have to tell people?  cussing:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 09:13:09 AM
But will she make the same mistake again??
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 02, 2008, 09:14:58 AM
But will she make the same mistake again??

Without doubt  Banghead

I am not permitted to speak my mind on this or any other matters pertaining to the MiL therefore I will not go there.
It looks as if Minimus will be keeping me company on the next visit as it is the only way I can be certain of his safety.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 09:15:26 AM
Well that is idiotic!!
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 09:18:04 AM
Well that is idiotic!!

Woman? ::)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 09:18:35 AM
Well obviously. noooo:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 09:20:14 AM
But will she make the same mistake again??

Without doubt  Banghead

I am not permitted to speak my mind on this or any other matters pertaining to the MiL therefore I will not go there.
It looks as if Minimus will be keeping me company on the next visit as it is the only way I can be certain of his safety.

I have to say if MILFH or even my own Mum pulled tricks like that on my child there is no way in hell they would either consume food made by them or be allowed to be alone with them at any time.  evil:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 02, 2008, 09:23:29 AM
Just one more reason for moving here and living 200 miles from the nearest of my wife's family.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 09:26:13 AM
Just one more reason for moving here and living 200 miles from the nearest of my wife's family.

And yet I am moving closer to mine.  scared2:





Growler, fry up some mince and onions stick a jar of dolmio in and cook some spaghetti. Easy.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 09:31:37 AM
Quote
And yet I am moving closer to mine

When? Why? WHere?
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 09:33:40 AM
Wales, cheap housing, better quality of life, as soon as Mr Wench gets a job.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 09:42:04 AM
Just one more reason for moving here and living 200 miles from the nearest of my wife's family.

And yet I am moving closer to mine.  scared2:





Growler, fry up some mince and onions stick a jar of dolmio in and cook some spaghetti. Easy.

I've had problems with spaghetti in the past tbh.
Be nice with oven chips though. I do do oven chips quite successfully.
 
Mrs G will no doubt leave me instructions as to what is on tonights menu anyway, so mini moose can sort that again.

Mrs G thought I cooked the tea last night. She was impressed. I told her it was a joint effort between me and MM.
Mini moose was sworn to secrecy, but no doubt she'll spill the beans sometime in the near future when it suits her. ::)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 09:43:54 AM
Then stick some jacket potatoes in the microwave or some pasta shapes.

MM will either spill the beans or require more bribery!
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 09:47:55 AM
Then stick some jacket potatoes in the microwave or some pasta shapes.

MM will either spill the beans or require more bribery!

Mrs G won't have a microwave in the house. Claims they are dangerous radiating dodgy waves around the place. ::)
Those pasta shapes are ok. Even i can cook them, and much easier to handle than that spaghetti stuff. Satans string that is. evil:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 09:49:04 AM
There you go then. Dolmio shapes it is. Stick some garlic bread in the oven too and you are sorted.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 09:53:04 AM
Wales, cheap housing, better quality of life, as soon as Mr Wench gets a job.

Also: Welsh people, leeks, larva bread, chapels, MILFH, sheep, grit, etc.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 02, 2008, 09:56:02 AM
Wales, cheap housing, better quality of life, as soon as Mr Wench gets a job.


Housing is certainly cheaper and in North Wales (despite the Mad Mullah AKA The Chief Constable) crime does not so much wave as nod a greeting. South Wales has different problems to the North but if you pick you spot (Pembrokeshire, Cardigan Bay etc) it is worth living there just to get up and look out of the window in the morning. That's how I feel about  this place. I can put up with the natives, their nationalism, their stupid language and their slowness just to be able to enjoy the views, the cleaner air and the general feeling that I am living "on holiday". AND of course I could not afford a large house back in Hampshire where I couldn't buy a shed for what I paid for this place.

For about 8 to 10 weeks of the year we get invaded by shaven headed Scallys in shell suits, their ugly wimmin and even uglier children but we take their money and the rest of the year it is all ours. Further south I understand the annual invasion is mainly Brummy based (though one or two creep in from the Leicester area but they're not so bad ~ Eh TG?)

Wales really is two different countries. The North/South split is even more noticable here than in England.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 10:01:41 AM
Wales, cheap housing, better quality of life, as soon as Mr Wench gets a job.


Housing is certainly cheaper and in North Wales (despite the Mad Mullah AKA The Chief Constable) crime does not so much wave as nod a greeting. South Wales has different problems to the North but if you pick you spot (Pembrokeshire, Cardigan Bay etc) it is worth living there just to get up and look out of the window in the morning. That's how I feel about  this place. I can put up with the natives, their nationalism, their stupid language and their slowness just to be able to enjoy the views, the cleaner air and the general feeling that I am living "on holiday". AND of course I could not afford a large house back in Hampshire where I couldn't buy a shed for what I paid for this place.

For about 8 to 10 weeks of the year we get invaded by shaven headed Scallys in shell suits, their ugly wimmin and even uglier children but we take their money and the rest of the year it is all ours. Further south I understand the annual invasion is mainly Brummy based (though one or two creep in from the Leicester area but they're not so bad ~ Eh TG?)

Wales really is two different countries. The North/South split is even more noticable here than in England.

Basically it is going to be near to Cardiff. I need to work and I think I stand a better chance of getting a job there. Plus close access to an airport is a must for me, what with a parent who isn't getting any younger still being in foreign parts. Also, Mr Wench would like to go to more football, which seems fair so Cardiffish it is. It's near the sea which will please me, has "good" train links into London. It seems to be the sensible thing to do really.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 10:04:59 AM
I e mailed Honest John (www.honestjohn.co.uk) about the Brunstrom "speed camera in ahorsebox" idiocy.

He replied:

Quote
Brunstrom is a Labour Government hero transgression tax collector.

Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 10:07:18 AM
Wales, cheap housing, better quality of life, as soon as Mr Wench gets a job.


Housing is certainly cheaper and in North Wales (despite the Mad Mullah AKA The Chief Constable) crime does not so much wave as nod a greeting. South Wales has different problems to the North but if you pick you spot (Pembrokeshire, Cardigan Bay etc) it is worth living there just to get up and look out of the window in the morning. That's how I feel about  this place. I can put up with the natives, their nationalism, their stupid language and their slowness just to be able to enjoy the views, the cleaner air and the general feeling that I am living "on holiday". AND of course I could not afford a large house back in Hampshire where I couldn't buy a shed for what I paid for this place.

For about 8 to 10 weeks of the year we get invaded by shaven headed Scallys in shell suits, their ugly wimmin and even uglier children but we take their money and the rest of the year it is all ours. Further south I understand the annual invasion is mainly Brummy based (though one or two creep in from the Leicester area but they're not so bad ~ Eh TG?)

Wales really is two different countries. The North/South split is even more noticable here than in England.

Basically it is going to be near to Cardiff. I need to work and I think I stand a better chance of getting a job there. Plus close access to an airport is a must for me, what with a parent who isn't getting any younger still being in foreign parts. Also, Mr Wench would like to go to more football, which seems fair so Cardiffish it is. It's near the sea which will please me, has "good" train links into London. It seems to be the sensible thing to do really.

Fair enough.I livedin London for 25 years and loved it, and still do love it, but it all got too hectic for me and the traffic and parking and transport were the stuff of nightmares. We moved to The Village, bought a vast house for next to nothing, and, as you say, enjoy a better quality of life(though a bit close to Wales from my liking  eveilgrin:)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 10:09:42 AM
Don't get me wrong, I love where we live at the moment but we will never stand a chance of being able to buy round here and I will certainly never be able to give up work. The whole Wales thing just makes sense really. I don't have any ties to anywhere and would pretty much go wherever, but Mr Wench is Welsh, so Wales it is.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 02, 2008, 10:11:09 AM
Tenby is nice .... in a Brightonish sort of way. And has all you require in the way of transport links etc.

North Wales offers better access to top flight footy but as he is a Cardiff supporter forget it.... it is quicker to get to London that Cardiff from here.  Flights from Liverpool and Manchester would get you to Spain.
Only problem I see in Cardiff is the language, many schools insist on staff being bi-lingual as do most employers in fact. Not such an issue in the North unless you want to work for the Council, the Police or the NHS.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 10:12:42 AM
Tenby is nice .... in a Brightonish sort of way. And has all you require in the way of transport links etc.

North Wales offers better access to top flight footy but as he is a Cardiff supporter forget it.... it is quicker to get to London that Cardiff from here.  Flights from Liverpool and Manchester would get you to Spain.
Only problem I see in Cardiff is the language, many schools insist on staff being bi-lingual as do most employers in fact. Not such an issue in the North unless you want to work for the Council, the Police or the NHS.

Not all of the schools do, Mr Wench is taking his Welsh GCSE this year and apparently that would do the job for all but the Welsh speaking schools which he has no interest in anyway.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 10:16:17 AM
I reckon that anyone can speak Welsh by speaking English without the vowels in a sing song voice. I reckon most of the Welsh speakers are spoofing anyway eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 02, 2008, 10:22:57 AM
I had assumed he would speak or have learned to speak the lingo ..... it was you that I was more concerned about.

Learning Welsh is not easy unless you have a "background" which he has ... even without knowing it he can pronounce place names etc correctly thus has a good start .... however Welsh obeys none of the normal language rules. Inflections are different and it is an inflective language. Get the wrong inflection and you mean something completely different even if written down it looks the same. Then there is this nonsense they have of changing either the last letter of a word or the first letter of the next word to make it possible to say the two without actually being sick. The Welsh spoken in the South is not understood by the Welsh speakers in the North and vice-versa. They are two quite different languages. Between them they have five different words for milk!
AND How can you take seriously any language where the place is full of people called Jones, Jenkins, and Jackson when there is no bloody J in their alphabet!
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 10:24:52 AM
Driving down the A483 once I got a call. The voice sdaid "Where are you?"

I looked at the sign outside the town I was entering and replied "I couldn't possibly say."
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 10:26:08 AM
Ahhh me not so much of a worry. There are a few really big companies (multinationals) in Cardiff that don't care about the Welsh thing that always have jobs on offer in my sort of area. Failing that I just won't be able to work at all.  whistle:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 10:27:51 AM
And breifly back on topic

Berek recommends Ping Pong Pie



Quote
2 chicken breasts
1 large onion
peas
tin of Campells condensed chicken soup
potato croquettes

Fry the onion and diced chicken until browned, add the peas and soup, do not add water, put in oven proof dish, top with croquettes, cover with foil and bake for 1 hour, remove foil for last 20 minutes to brown

its really nice like..
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 10:28:58 AM
I'm always perturbed by recipes that contain campbells soup.  rubschin: I'm not sure why though.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 10:29:23 AM
It's because it's Scottish eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 02, 2008, 10:30:31 AM
'cactly. Mr Wench, even if he was not raised to speak Welsh would be able to read the signs .... they all can. evil:

I am learning ~ slowly.

If I go to Holland, Germany or even France and give it my best attempt the locals always smile gently and help me ~ they appreciate that I am trying to speak their languiage. In Holland of course everuyone speakjs English but they still appreciate my trying.
In Wales, when you try to pronounce even a place name they simply look at you as if you are something they have stepped in on the pavement and ignore your efforts to communicate.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 10:31:19 AM
It's because it's Scottish eveilgrin:

No I don't think that is it.

What could you use instead of the soup?

I now have a craving for croquettes/potato waffles/fishfingers.  redface:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 10:32:44 AM
'cactly. Mr Wench, even if he was not raised to speak Welsh would be able to read the signs .... they all can. evil:

I am learning ~ slowly.

If I go to Holland, Germany or even France and give it my best attempt the locals always smile gently and help me ~ they appreciate that I am trying to speak their languiage. In Holland of course everuyone speakjs English but they still appreciate my trying.
In Wales, when you try to pronounce even a place name they simply look at you as if you are something they have stepped in on the pavement and ignore your efforts to communicate.

I had to order takeaway there the other week for delivery. I couldn't for the life of me get them to understand. I had to tell them that someone else would call with the address. redface:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 10:34:02 AM
It's because it's Scottish eveilgrin:

No I don't think that is it.

What could you use instead of the soup?

I now have a craving for croquettes/potato waffles/fishfingers.  redface:

YOu ought to eat at Growler's caff!
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 01:22:01 PM
76 ways to cook a leek. I'm impressed. eeek:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 01:22:40 PM
Which are? rubschin:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 01:26:21 PM
All here apparently:

http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=3297.75
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 01:29:17 PM
Kebabs are in season!
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 01:39:04 PM
D'y'know...impressive ey...2 abbreviated werds together  cloud9: I've never had a kebab.
What's in 'em? Look tasty. Isn't they what you eat when you've been out on 'the raz' all night normally?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 01:40:37 PM
Call me you dolt!

Kebabs are made of guinea pigs and leeks.We allknow that!
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 01:43:15 PM
OK. You're a 'you dolt'.

Just looked in the kitchen.

A monster block of frozen mincy stuff....I think...is sitting in a dish defrosting.
God help us.
Stand by for panic posting later. ::)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 01:44:29 PM
You twerp.

Let's get muddy and I will show you what to do with it!
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 02:12:30 PM
OK. You're a 'you dolt'.

Just looked in the kitchen.

A monster block of frozen mincy stuff....I think...is sitting in a dish defrosting.
God help us.
Stand by for panic posting later. ::)

You're having bolognase.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 02:19:21 PM
You can get a spray for that!
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 04:46:56 PM
OK. You're a 'you dolt'.

Just looked in the kitchen.

A monster block of frozen mincy stuff....I think...is sitting in a dish defrosting.
God help us.
Stand by for panic posting later. ::)

You're having bolognase.

Correct it seems. Onion and spinach to be sorted too apparently, and some saucy stuff gunge. ::)

I'm going on line to sort a pizza out. I'm fedup and tired, while SHE goes out workin' alledgedly playing. evil:

Another man victim hopefully
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 06:08:49 PM
I'm considering a walk to the chinese takeaway. I can't be arsed to cook either.  redface:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 06:13:38 PM
Growlr gave us a bumpy ride earlier cloud9:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 06:15:03 PM
I've decided chinese is worth the walk. Back later.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 06:34:56 PM
I'm going to be in very very deep shit when Mrs G gets home., very.

I felt ropey so went for a little lie down, whilst young G jnr decided to make the tea.

15 minutes later I heard tremendous crashing banging and shouting.
Went down and he's only stuffed everything in one big pan, including the uncooked spaghetti, and warmed it up until it burnt.
She's going to absolutely bloody steaming livid. Always here her going on about this beautiful expensive pan that she's so proud of.
For once, I am actually shittin' meself, and that doesn't happen very often over marital matters...if ever, until now

Tried to scrape the remnants out of Mrs G's best (apparently according to mini moose) but now burnt pan with a knife. I've only gone and wrecked all the non stick stuff in it, and there's burnt food and bits of raw spaghetti all over the kitchen.

Not a good evening at Growler Towers. noooo:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 02, 2008, 06:36:32 PM
How much time did you spend around Nick today, sounds like he's rubbing off on you  whistle:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 06:39:18 PM
How much time did you spend around Nick today, sounds like he's rubbing off on you  whistle:

He IS injured, I saw the big bog seat cut over his eye.
I'm presently going to be hospitalised I fear.

I'd try to cover up the silver scratches in the pan, only it's so badly encrusted with burnt bolanese that' it's hardly worth the trouble tbh.
P'raps I'll offer to buy her a new one. happy088

Hope this one didn't have any sentimental value attached, cus it IS fooked. noooo:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 02, 2008, 06:40:51 PM
How much time did you spend around Nick today, sounds like he's rubbing off on you  whistle:

He IS injured, I saw the big bog seat cut over his eye.
I'm presently going to be hospitalised I fear.
Just put the chip pan on and torch the kitchen, same as you would with a nicked motor. whistle:   ;)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 06:45:13 PM
How much time did you spend around Nick today, sounds like he's rubbing off on you  whistle:

He IS injured, I saw the big bog seat cut over his eye.
I'm presently going to be hospitalised I fear.
Just put the chip pan on and torch the kitchen, same as you would with a nicked motor. whistle:   ;)

Looks like a bomb has hit it anyway tbh. Pan currently covered with various other kitcheny disaster stuff to delay her seeing it.

This is not good, really, and I've got some very serious footie to watch too. It may be interupted I fear.

To make matters worse, HER tea is in the bin too. Not goin' the chippy again. Kick off in just 10 minutes, and she's not home yet.noooo:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 02, 2008, 06:51:15 PM
Just a thought but is there anyone nearby who delivers?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 06:51:42 PM
Even I know that you cook the spaghetti first.
What was he thinking putting it with the meat raw?
Thought they taught kids thease basic things in cookery lessons ffs!

Growler jnr is VERY upset, cus he thinks their's going to be a big row, and all mini moose can do is gloat, which is causing them to fight.

Hat ,coat, door, car, woods, one eyed dog, and shed beckons.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 06:54:02 PM
Just a thought but is there anyone nearby who delivers?  rubschin:

New pan delivery service? I wish!

She's going to kick off about the wasted expensive best lean mince and associated bits too.

Solicitor anyone?
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 02, 2008, 06:55:49 PM
Using your own inimical style you could always point out to mini moose 'that if she had gotten up off her arse and helped Growler jnr then the disaster could have been avoided' (Apologies for the bad Growler impression there)  redface:. Nothing stops gloating faster than being told you could have done something to stop the event.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 06:56:09 PM
Footie. TTFN or ever even.


SHIT!!!! cShe's back!
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 06:58:05 PM
I feel that I should point out that if she comes home to fucked pan, fucked kitchen and you in front of the football it is going to be much worse for you than if it was only fucked pan and fucked kitchen. Get yourself online and find a replacement and issue her with the email confirmation. It is your only hope!
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 02, 2008, 07:03:17 PM
http://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_10001_10001_64861_355557_-1
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2008, 07:13:30 PM
Oh dear.

We got very muddy there and much fun.

Yes I have a bog seat scar over my left eye. That's DIY for you!

I recommend it for all parties (if you like mud)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 02, 2008, 09:53:19 PM
Christ on a bike. I'm still alive!

She took it very well considering the mess, and was very calm about it.
 I'm highly suspicious tbh. You know, when something just doesn't feel right?
She should have kicked off. Summat is very fishy.  rubschin:


I've told her that I'M going to sort the next meal out whilst sh'e out working playing.
Mixed grill, my speciality. Chops, back bacon, sausages, sliced mushrooms,white pudding, fresh tomato, beans and chips.  cloud9:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 02, 2008, 10:29:46 PM
She should have kicked off. Summat is very fishy.  rubschin:
Check her car for dents, scrapes or knackered tyres.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Landlady on April 03, 2008, 06:21:41 AM
She should have kicked off. Summat is very fishy.  rubschin:
Check her car for dents, scrapes or knackered tyres.

Oh you little cynic you  ::)
You could have bounded with your friend in distress (not in dis dress) and sent around a cartload of turnips to replace the missed (and messed) evening meal - everyone knows turnips are tasty  sick2:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2008, 06:29:14 AM
I've decided chinese is worth the walk. Back later.


I too decided, following a call from SWMBO to say that her planned return to the kennel was now deferred until midnight, to go for a Chinese. In my case that involved a drive to the next village but what the h***. Well I fetched it in, sat down and the phone rang. Got rid of caller in short order and the phone rang, this time to inform me that ETA was 11pm and not midnight (it was about 7pm by now). Argument on phone about the necessity of telling me that she would be an hour earlier, did she think I needed to speed up whatever I was doing with another woman or was she deliberately delaying my eating the now rapidly cooling chinese meal?
Finally ate half the meal, which was not good. It has since returned sick2:.
Oh and SWMBO got in at 11.35 so I told her she was late.


Growler ~ there is space in my doghouse for one more.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Landlady on April 03, 2008, 06:56:11 AM

Oh and SWMBO got in at 11.35 so I told her she was late.


 ::) ::) ::) Bet you didn't get any bonies that night then  ::) ::) ::)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2008, 06:59:32 AM
I spent much of the night talking to God on the big white telephone in the bathroom.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Landlady on April 03, 2008, 07:27:00 AM
I spent much of the night talking to God on the big white telephone in the bathroom.

ah but if you'd been a nicer loving hound when she got back she might have been there with you rubbing you back, bringing you water to sip, and making sympathetic noises - perhaps???
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2008, 07:28:54 AM
Oh Yeah!
And BM will give up collecting watches, cameras and other expensive boys toys. The tooth fairy will turn out to be real and the Easter Bunny is my Aunty.  ::)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 03, 2008, 08:28:44 AM
She should have kicked off. Summat is very fishy.  rubschin:
Check her car for dents, scrapes or knackered tyres.

My thoughts entirely. She's gone out to work play yet again, so I'll check it later.

Can't be another man, as they'd slide off her face with the amount of all this slippy shite she covers it in. sick2:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2008, 08:29:57 AM
Well I decided to use up the previous night's roast chicken in a sort of curry. Someone had given us loads of fresh chillies so I bunged some of those in. It was like eating fire surrender:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2008, 08:31:05 AM
You failed to de-seed the chillies?
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 03, 2008, 08:31:25 AM
Well I decided to use up the previous night's roast chicken in a sort of curry. Someone had given us loads of fresh chillies so I bunged some of those in. It was like eating fire surrender:

Bog roll in the fridge in readiness?
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2008, 08:31:46 AM
Quote
You failed to de-seed the chillies?
That was part of the problem. Yes redface:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 03, 2008, 08:46:29 AM
I spent much of the night talking to God on the big white telephone in the bathroom.

As did I. Fucking chinese.  sick2:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2008, 08:47:47 AM
I spent much of the night talking to God on the big white telephone in the bathroom.

As did I. Fucking chinese.  sick2:

Indeed











I did once and it's not true.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on April 03, 2008, 08:48:23 AM
I wonder how the food will affect the outcome of the Olympics rubschin:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on April 03, 2008, 08:49:09 AM
Seems it all went a bit 'tits up' (or down as the case may be  lol:) for most of us last night then ey?
My fish 'n' chips were bloody scrumptious! cloud9:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2008, 08:51:26 AM
I wonder how the food will affect the outcome of the Olympics rubschin:


If the bad air quality doesn't kill someone then the noodles will.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 03, 2008, 09:00:12 AM
I spent much of the night talking to God on the big white telephone in the bathroom.
As did I. Fucking chinese.  sick2:
Sounds as if the 'Yellow Peril' is getting up to speed again all over the country.

If it wasn't you and Snoopy I might think they were trying to knock out our athletes.  whistle:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 03, 2008, 09:01:36 AM
Instead they are trying to knock out the intelligensia.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Snoopy on April 03, 2008, 09:03:10 AM
 happy001 happy001

Bless you! Nice try BW but somehow I don't see "them" buying that idea.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Darwins Selection on April 03, 2008, 09:04:25 AM
Instead they are trying to knock out the intelligensia.
A double miss then.  whistle:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Bar Wench on April 03, 2008, 09:07:53 AM
happy001 happy001

Bless you! Nice try BW but somehow I don't see "them" buying that idea.

It was worth a go.  redface:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on September 04, 2012, 05:16:06 PM
Another classic thread  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Barman on September 04, 2012, 05:19:39 PM
Shouldn't it be in the Classic Threads thread then...?  ::)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on September 04, 2012, 05:20:42 PM
 rubschin:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on September 05, 2012, 07:34:55 PM
Shouldn't it be in the Classic Threads thread then...?  ::)

Where is the Classic Threads thread?
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Just One More on September 05, 2012, 07:52:30 PM
 Here you go Miss C  (http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=10985.0)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on September 05, 2012, 09:59:48 PM
Oooooo, thanks. I feel all warm and cosy inside now...not cus I've pissed meself, but cus one of me threads has now got 'classic status.. cloud9:

Tar. :thumbsup:
Do I gerra prize like? 8)

Can't believe I didn't know how to cook a ruddy leek. eeek:
Worra plant pot. redface: lol:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on September 05, 2012, 10:06:19 PM
Have a Golden Coconut  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Barman on September 06, 2012, 09:40:34 AM
Have a Golden Coconut  :thumbsup:

Where is my Golden Coconut?  cussing:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on September 06, 2012, 10:06:00 AM
Have a Golden Coconut  :thumbsup:

Where is my Golden Coconut?  cussing:

If you had one would you pan fry it?
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Barman on September 06, 2012, 10:07:14 AM
Have a Golden Coconut  :thumbsup:

Where is my Golden Coconut?  cussing:

If you had one would you pan fry it?

 noooo:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons) on September 06, 2012, 10:11:56 AM
Thanks for the heads up JOM.
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 06, 2012, 12:51:00 PM
Thanks for the heads up JOM.

No wonder he is sore.  noooo:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on September 06, 2012, 05:19:10 PM
 drumroll:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on September 06, 2012, 05:24:09 PM
Tipsy is an potty brain
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Just One More on September 06, 2012, 05:55:11 PM
Thanks for the heads up JOM.

No wonder he is sore.  noooo:

 Spank2:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: GROWLER on September 06, 2012, 05:57:41 PM
Have a Golden Coconut  :thumbsup:

Where is my Golden Coconut?  cussing:

Here.

You'll be getting TWO when 'MeMi'  cloud9:  is finished and launched too! :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Just One More on September 06, 2012, 06:08:45 PM
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts (Merv Griffin) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf670orHKcA#)
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Barman on September 06, 2012, 06:20:14 PM
Have a Golden Coconut  :thumbsup:

Where is my Golden Coconut?  cussing:

Here.

You'll be getting TWO when 'MeMi'  cloud9:  is finished and launched too! :thumbsup:

 cloud9:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on September 06, 2012, 06:24:40 PM
Never then  noooo:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Barman on September 06, 2012, 06:29:29 PM
Never then  noooo:

 evil:
Title: Re: Cookin' 'elp required NOW!
Post by: Nick on September 06, 2012, 06:34:13 PM

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs7.postimage.org%2F5n8uy35xz%2Fdownload_12.jpg&hash=bd0cd164d0f3da52bd4cac8ab7451daa35fe8bcd) (http://postimage.org/)