The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Comedy Room => Topic started by: ice and a slice on June 10, 2008, 06:31:24 PM
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Apologies if you've seen these before, actually no I don't care if you've seen them before! lol:
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a
pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone.
It's a miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets Go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the
Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got One in from a very wealthy man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his Nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year'.
The Scouser said 'You're bullsh*tting me!'
The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car.
It later turned out to be a tax disc.
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drumroll:
Now bring back my hub caps... noooo:
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scared2: surrender:
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scared2: surrender:
Mrs. TG has a partner... scared2:
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Be afraid, be very afraid. ;)
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Be afraid, be very afraid. ;)
I am...
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drumroll:
Now bring back my hub caps... noooo:
tut tut... Angry9:
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drumroll:
Now bring back my hub caps... noooo:
tut tut... Angry9:
And you can bring back the charity box… cussing:
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drumroll:
Now bring back my hub caps... noooo:
tut tut... Angry9:
And you can bring back the charity box… cussing:
That was TG! scared2:
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drumroll:
Now bring back my hub caps... noooo:
tut tut... Angry9:
And you can bring back the charity box… cussing:
That was TG! scared2:
I thought so... rubschin:
You filthy grass! point:
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noooo:
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I agree TG ~ there is nothing funny about Liverpool ~ not even the "comedians".
As proof I offer Jimmy Tarbuck, Ken Dodd, Alexi Sayle, Ted Ray, Rob Wilton, Arthur Askey, Tommy Handley, Chris Cairns ........ the list of unfunny "comics" from Liverpool is endless and all with the same "Cheeky Chappy" routines.
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I agree TG ~ there is nothing funny about Liverpool ~ not even the "comedians".
As proof I offer Jimmy Tarbuck, Ken Dodd, Alexi Sayle, Ted Ray, Rob Wilton, Arthur Askey, Tommy Handley, Chris Cairns ........ the list of unfunny "comics" from Liverpool is endless and all with the same "Cheeky Chappy" routines.
Alexi Sayle is a good writer but a crap performer.
As for the others, I would not argue with your assessment.
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I agree TG ~ there is nothing funny about Liverpool ~ not even the "comedians".
As proof I offer Jimmy Tarbuck, Ken Dodd, Alexi Sayle, Ted Ray, Rob Wilton, Arthur Askey, Tommy Handley, Chris Cairns ........ the list of unfunny "comics" from Liverpool is endless and all with the same "Cheeky Chappy" routines.
God i only know first three! Ken Dodd is still going strong and is a funny man - well to us sense of humour scousers!
Think the last scouse comdedian i used to really like is Tom O'connor!
The scouse jokes are funny i admit, but bit outdated now, we need a bit of fresh stuff!
but not far up road is Peter Kay who is soooo funny... eyes:
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Tom O'connor
noooo:
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I agree TG ~ there is nothing funny about Liverpool
Just curious to that sentence? enlighten me please whistle:
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It means "There is nothing funny about Liverpool"
noooo:
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Tom O'connor
noooo:
He was back in 70's and every dog has his day!
What you think of Peter Kay?
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Tom O'connor
noooo:
Agreed... noooo:
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It means "There is nothing funny about Liverpool"
noooo:
Nothing funny about any town in uk! they all got there share of problems! Dont get me started on Leicester i tell you! asks myself why do i live here!!!! eyes:
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Tom O'connor
noooo:
Agreed... noooo:
Well you cant regain that time and if we see him now I wouldent find it so funny
but it was in that era! bet he cringes at it too! whistle:
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Tom O'connor
noooo:
He was back in 70's and every dog has his day!
What you think of Peter Kay?
Yes... it was a tuesday - after that he was shite. noooo:
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Tom O'connor
noooo:
He was back in 70's and every dog has his day!
What you think of Peter Kay?
Yes... it was a tuesday - after that he was shite. noooo:
MMMM What you think of Peter Kay then?
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Tom O'connor
noooo:
He was back in 70's and every dog has his day!
What you think of Peter Kay?
Yes... it was a tuesday - after that he was shite. noooo:
MMMM What you think of Peter Kay then?
A Thursday I think... noooo:
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Tom O'connor
noooo:
He was back in 70's and every dog has his day!
What you think of Peter Kay?
Yes... it was a tuesday - after that he was shite. noooo:
MMMM What you think of Peter Kay then?
A Thursday I think... noooo:
oooppps we gone off thread in the comedy room...get the jokes posted again.... point:
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This place gets more and more like a HOme for the Confused noooo:
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This place gets more and more like a HOme for the Confused noooo:
I am gettin to that age whats everyone elses excuse? whistle:
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This place gets more and more like a HOme for the Confused noooo:
Indeed. Bun shops that sell trains. Whatever next. ;)
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They don't SELL trains. They just have a train set. Banghead
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This place gets more and more like a HOme for the Confused noooo:
Indeed. Bun shops that sell trains. Whatever next. ;)
A train shop that sells buns?
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It's a BAKERS SHOP WITH A TRAIN SET
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This place gets more and more like a HOme for the Confused noooo:
Indeed. Bun shops that sell trains. Whatever next. ;)
A train shop that sells buns?
That would be a station buffet.
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It's a BAKERS SHOP WITH A TRAIN SET
we beleive you although it does sound familiar..... rubschin:
http://www.ilike.org.uk/2006/06/the_great_british_holiday_day.html
not this is it..
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This place gets more and more like a HOme for the Confused noooo:
Indeed. Bun shops that sell trains. Whatever next. ;)
A train shop that sells buns?
That would be a station buffet.
lol: lol: lol:
I think Nick has hit the buffers!
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Maybe this lot do a sideline in cakes : http://www.southportmodelrailway.org.uk/
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Maybe this lot do a sideline in cakes : http://www.southportmodelrailway.org.uk/
all this talk of Southport making me homesick...shall we go for few days darling, when we up that end for sons 21st?
eyes:
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Maybe this lot do a sideline in cakes : http://www.southportmodelrailway.org.uk/
Either they're not very ambitious or these are cakes:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2Fgx5kex9.jpg&hash=9ec700352e0837288a2e62307b53fd94cca6a9e2) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gx5kex9)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2Fgx5kjwr.jpg&hash=d4b3c696c9ec8bf3f578c38b5a15d1184b3b1796) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gx5kjwr)