The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Uncle Mort on July 14, 2008, 12:16:42 PM
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sometimes eeek: is the only possible reaction to a news story:
Last tenant 'found decapitated' (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/hampshire/7505443.stm)
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eeek:
His body was found by police on 5 July, who said his death was not suspicious. Post-mortem tests showed he died of a "complete transection of the neck".
He cut his own head off... with a chain saw? eeek:
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How is that even possible?
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How is that even possible?
I wouldn't have thought it was... noooo:
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No matter what method you choose to employ surely at some point you would become incapable of carrying out a full decapitation?
Unless he has a home guillotine?
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I guess if you were determined to do it you would fix the saw in place, set it going and place your neck on it. Wouldn't take long because after a couple of seconds you would not be able to withdraw but it must hurt like f***!
Some claim that suicide is a coward's way out but frankly it would take more courage than I have. noooo:
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I guess if you were determined to do it you would fix the saw in place, set it going and place your neck on it. Wouldn't take long because after a couple of seconds you would not be able to withdraw but it must hurt like f***!
Some claim that suicide is a coward's way out but frankly it would take more courage than I have. noooo:
Agreed... I just can't see anybody choosing such a ghastly method of ending it all... noooo:
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Living in Eastleigh, through which just about all South Coast/London bound trains pass, headbutting a 125 might have been an option if it's speed you are looking for. Pills etc seem to me to be likely to go wrong too often to be a reliable method. I guess the chainsaw made a statement for the poor sod and certainly there is no chance of being "saved" by some well meaning soul. Pretty horrible though.
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Perhaps he was just servicing it and had a Nickesque moment... whistle:
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Perhaps he was just servicing it and had a Nickesque moment... whistle:
rubschin: A sort of "I wonder what would happen if.......?" Yep, that's Nick alright.
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Living in Eastleigh, through which just about all South Coast/London bound trains pass, headbutting a 125 might have been an option if it's speed you are looking for. Pills etc seem to me to be likely to go wrong too often to be a reliable method. I guess the chainsaw made a statement for the poor sod and certainly there is no chance of being "saved" by some well meaning soul. Pretty horrible though.
There are far better ways if that is your choice of exit though. As you say all I can assume is that it made some sort of a statement.
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Perhaps he was just servicing it and had a Nickesque moment... whistle:
rubschin: A sort of "I wonder what would happen if.......?" Yep, that's Nick alright.
Mrs Nick won't let me have a chainsaw noooo:
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You don't seem surprised. lol:
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She knows I would try it out on her eveilgrin:
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I may be in a position to loan you one soon whistle:
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I have a chainsaw... petrol like... whistle:
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I have a chainsaw... petrol like... whistle:
So do I.
Mine is 24 inches long.
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I have a chainsaw... petrol like... whistle:
So do I.
Mine is 24 inches long.
So my plan to buy a 14 incher this weekend (to take care of the winter log supply) is pretty puny then redface:
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I have a chainsaw... petrol like... whistle:
So do I.
Mine is 24 inches long.
So my plan to buy a 14 incher this weekend (to take care of the winter log supply) is pretty puny then redface:
I put my little 12 incher to use yesterday, a bloody long time since I last used it
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I have a chainsaw... petrol like... whistle:
So do I.
Mine is 24 inches long.
So my plan to buy a 14 incher this weekend (to take care of the winter log supply) is pretty puny then redface:
I put my little 12 incher to use yesterday, a bloody long time since I last used it
We are but mere boys compared to Darwin with his 24 inches. surrender:
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I have a chainsaw... petrol like... whistle:
So do I.
Mine is 24 inches long.
So my plan to buy a 14 incher this weekend (to take care of the winter log supply) is pretty puny then redface:
I put my little 12 incher to use yesterday, a bloody long time since I last used it
We are but mere boys compared to Darwin with his 24 inches. surrender:
I'm not sure how big mine is... noooo:
Darwin is prolly confusing cm with inches... whistle:
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Sorry - just got back from eastleigh - thirsty work all this landlord and tenancy relations whistle:
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rubschin:
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Sorry - just got back from eastleigh - thirsty work all this landlord and tenancy relations whistle:
Eastleigh as in Hampshire? Birthplace of Benny Hill.
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Perhaps he was just servicing it and had a Nickesque moment... whistle:
rubschin: A sort of "I wonder what would happen if.......?" Yep, that's Nick alright.
Mrs Nick won't let me have a chainsaw noooo:
I'm not allowed one either. Nor one of those cold meat slicers you see in delis. noooo:
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Perhaps he was just servicing it and had a Nickesque moment... whistle:
rubschin: A sort of "I wonder what would happen if.......?" Yep, that's Nick alright.
Mrs Nick won't let me have a chainsaw noooo:
I'm not allowed one either. Nor one of those cold meat slicers you see in delis. noooo:
I have one of those electric carving knives, actually it was originally BaldyMort's Mum's and has been handed down as a family heirloom - obviously I don't let BM anywhere near it noooo:
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Perhaps he was just servicing it and had a Nickesque moment... whistle:
rubschin: A sort of "I wonder what would happen if.......?" Yep, that's Nick alright.
Mrs Nick won't let me have a chainsaw noooo:
I'm not allowed one either. Nor one of those cold meat slicers you see in delis. noooo:
I have one of those electric carving knives, actually it was originally BaldyMort's Mum's and has been handed down as a family heirloom - obviously I don't let BM anywhere near it noooo:
noooo:
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My late FiL swore by Electric Carving Knives ~ he kept giving us the bloody things. I hate them. Brother (butcher) taught me to carve, properly, all different meats years ago. All the ECKs have been given away to those inept at the essentially masculine skill of carving a roast joint..
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My late FiL swore by Electric Carving Knives ~ he kept giving us the bloody things. I hate them. Brother (butcher) taught me to carve, properly, all different meats years ago. All the ECKs have been given away to those inept at the essentially masculine skill of carving a roast joint..
redface:
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Oh for Heaven's sake!
There is only one essential .... Get a good carving knife and keep it sharp enough to shave with. If you cannot sharpen a knife most local butchers will be happy to oblige. It is a knack that you either have or have not.
Beef ~ Slice thinly across the "grain"
Horse ~ The same
Lamb ~ Cut in V shapes toward the bone. If boneless carve as per beef.
Goat ~ As Lamb
Ham ~ Slice very thinly
Pork ~ Carve in chunks
Venison ~ As per beef
Chicken/Turkey ~ Carve breast meat from rear to front of bird ~ never the other way round. Remove drumsticks, thighs, wings by using the point of the knife to cut the tendons at each joint (Elbow, ankle, knee etc) and with a twist of the wrist seperate from the rest of the fowl.
Duck ~ Get your butcher to bone, stuff and roll it. Leave Drumstick bones in, carve as per beef. There is not enough meat on a duck to carve otherwise.
Goose ~ As Turkey
Pheasant ~ As Chicken
Quail, Partridge, Widgeon etc Too small to carve ~ place one whole bird on each diner's plate and leave them to manage.
Swan ~ you will never need to know.... if you are anywhere that serves roast swan it will be done for you
Peacock/hen ~ ditto
Ostridge ~ will be served as steaks anyway.
Crocodile ~ likewise
Leave fat on for flavour ~ allow those eating to leave this delicacy if they wish WITHOUT pointed comments about "Don't know what's good for them".
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Wrong thread?
Useful though!
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Oh for Heaven's sake!
There is only one essential .... Get a good carving knife and keep it sharp enough to shave with. If you cannot sharpen a knife most local butchers will be happy to oblige. It is a knack that you either have or have not.
Beef ~ Slice thinly across the "grain"
Horse ~ The same
Lamb ~ Cut in V shapes toward the bone. If boneless carve as per beef.
Goat ~ As Lamb
Ham ~ Slice very thinly
Pork ~ Carve in chunks
Venison ~ As per beef
Chicken/Turkey ~ Carve breast meat from rear to front of bird ~ never the other way round. Remove drumsticks, thighs, wings by using the point of the knife to cut the tendons at each joint (Elbow, ankle, knee etc) and with a twist of the wrist seperate from the rest of the fowl.
Duck ~ Get your butcher to bone, stuff and roll it. Leave Drumstick bones in, carve as per beef. There is not enough meat on a duck to carve otherwise.
Goose ~ As Turkey
Pheasant ~ As Chicken
Quail, Partridge, Widgeon etc Too small to carve ~ place one whole bird on each diner's plate and leave them to manage.
Swan ~ you will never need to know.... if you are anywhere that serves roast swan it will be done for you
Peacock/hen ~ ditto
Ostridge ~ will be served as steaks anyway.
Crocodile ~ likewise
Leave fat on for flavour ~ allow those eating to leave this delicacy if they wish WITHOUT pointed comments about "Don't know what's good for them".
You lost me at 'grain'... shrugs:
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doh:
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doh:
;D
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There is only one essential .... Get a good carving knife and keep it sharp enough to shave with. If you cannot sharpen a knife most local butchers will be happy to oblige. It is a knack that you either have or have not.
If you could inform Mr Wench of this I would be grateful. He insists he has the knack and two of my most favorite knives now have huge gouges in them. noooo:
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Oh for Heaven's sake!
There is only one essential .... Get a good carving knife and keep it sharp enough to shave with. If you cannot sharpen a knife most local butchers will be happy to oblige. It is a knack that you either have or have not.
Beef ~ Slice thinly across the "grain"
Horse ~ The same
Lamb ~ Cut in V shapes toward the bone. If boneless carve as per beef.
Goat ~ As Lamb
Ham ~ Slice very thinly
Pork ~ Carve in chunks
Venison ~ As per beef
Chicken/Turkey ~ Carve breast meat from rear to front of bird ~ never the other way round. Remove drumsticks, thighs, wings by using the point of the knife to cut the tendons at each joint (Elbow, ankle, knee etc) and with a twist of the wrist seperate from the rest of the fowl.
Duck ~ Get your butcher to bone, stuff and roll it. Leave Drumstick bones in, carve as per beef. There is not enough meat on a duck to carve otherwise.
Goose ~ As Turkey
Pheasant ~ As Chicken
Quail, Partridge, Widgeon etc Too small to carve ~ place one whole bird on each diner's plate and leave them to manage.
Swan ~ you will never need to know.... if you are anywhere that serves roast swan it will be done for you
Peacock/hen ~ ditto
Ostridge ~ will be served as steaks anyway.
Crocodile ~ likewise
Leave fat on for flavour ~ allow those eating to leave this delicacy if they wish WITHOUT pointed comments about "Don't know what's good for them".
eeek: A what?
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Coming from you that is fvcking rich. noooo:
OK it is a spelling error on my part that the spell checker failed to pick up.
Ostrich ~ happy now?
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Have you seen that new Kronenbourg advert… with all those knives… highly irresponsible I would have said… noooo:
Practically encouraging the youth of today to stab each other...
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Coming from you that is fvcking rich. noooo:
OK it is a spelling error on my part that the spell checker failed to pick up.
Ostrich ~ happy now?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FaVcy_60.jpg&hash=67930dee328de0eb4429e6ab3d6dbd8fa28ed50c) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=aVcy_60)
lol: lol: lol:
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Coming from you that is fvcking rich. noooo:
OK it is a spelling error on my part that the spell checker failed to pick up.
Ostrich ~ happy now?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FaVcy_60.jpg&hash=67930dee328de0eb4429e6ab3d6dbd8fa28ed50c) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=aVcy_60)
lol: lol: lol:
I win I think
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hero.ac.uk%2Fresources%2Fcrocbag_300.jpg&hash=a51724510d7be0daac002cecbba888c13c419be2)
happy001 happy001 happy001
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That looks like my old manager!
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;)