The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => The Library => Topic started by: Nick on September 03, 2008, 11:37:16 AM

Title: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Nick on September 03, 2008, 11:37:16 AM
Post those top tips here.

#! for Barman: wear a harness when visiting rooftops
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Snoopy on September 03, 2008, 11:41:07 AM
#2 Remember to keep breathing
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: TG on September 03, 2008, 11:45:01 AM
#3 Download Chrome. Fast search results may be handy if in the middle of heart attack.   happy088
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Nick on September 03, 2008, 12:03:09 PM
#Eat chocolate and drink red wine as they are good for you(it says here)
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Bar Wench on September 03, 2008, 12:07:28 PM
In sensible quantities. Although really who is to say what a sensible quantity is.  eyes:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Nick on September 03, 2008, 12:09:04 PM
Don't trust scientists
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Nick on September 03, 2008, 12:20:26 PM
Don't drink three bottles of champagne at a sitting  whistle:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Uncle Mort on September 03, 2008, 12:46:23 PM
Don't shave your tongue and speak at the same time.
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Nick on September 03, 2008, 12:47:30 PM
Most sensible.

At last the voice of experience  cloud9:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Barman on September 03, 2008, 01:29:33 PM
Never trust a chiropractor...  whistle:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Nick on September 03, 2008, 01:49:30 PM
Never trust a chiropractor...  whistle:

Unless she is a pert redhead with green eyes and a black bra  cloud9:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Barman on September 03, 2008, 02:23:02 PM
Never trust a chiropractor...  whistle:

Especially if she is a pert redhead with green eyes and a black bra   scared2:
point:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 03, 2008, 02:29:25 PM
One for Nick, dont let Mrs Nick loose in the pub. One look at your comments about Donna and you won't need a funeral  point:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Snoopy on September 03, 2008, 02:42:44 PM
My Grandfather once told me that it was often a mistake to sleep with a woman ..... but always a mistake not to.
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Barman on September 03, 2008, 02:48:31 PM
My Grandfather once told me that it was often a mistake to sleep with a woman ..... but always a mistake not to.
Wise words...  whistle:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Uncle Mort on September 03, 2008, 02:50:03 PM
So it would be a mistake not to sleep with this (as an example)

 
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FgxGnfTS.jpg&hash=6d0ef311054cbe27df0f3b5bba2340dc517ddd62) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxGnfTS)
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Snoopy on September 03, 2008, 02:55:43 PM
My Grandfather once told me that it was often a mistake to sleep with a woman ..... but always a mistake not to.
Wise words...  whistle:

He also said something about keeping my bowels open daily.
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Barman on September 03, 2008, 03:17:22 PM
So it would be a mistake not to sleep with this (as an example)

 
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FgxGnfTS.jpg&hash=6d0ef311054cbe27df0f3b5bba2340dc517ddd62) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxGnfTS)

Well, I suppose that sleep is all you would want to do with that...  whistle:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 03, 2008, 03:38:56 PM
So it would be a mistake not to sleep with this (as an example)

 
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FgxGnfTS.jpg&hash=6d0ef311054cbe27df0f3b5bba2340dc517ddd62) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxGnfTS)


I dont think he meant bestiality Mort.  whistle:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Snoopy on September 03, 2008, 03:47:21 PM
So it would be a mistake not to sleep with this (as an example)

 
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FgxGnfTS.jpg&hash=6d0ef311054cbe27df0f3b5bba2340dc517ddd62) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxGnfTS)


That may be the bowel opening bit of the conversation.
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Barman on September 03, 2008, 03:56:42 PM
So it would be a mistake not to sleep with this (as an example)

 
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FgxGnfTS.jpg&hash=6d0ef311054cbe27df0f3b5bba2340dc517ddd62) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxGnfTS)


That may be the bowel opening bit of the conversation.
lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 03, 2008, 05:26:00 PM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FgxGnfTS.jpg&hash=6d0ef311054cbe27df0f3b5bba2340dc517ddd62) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxGnfTS)

What is that black flex for?
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Snoopy on September 03, 2008, 05:39:26 PM
 I am assuming that the picture is a still from a "reality" TV show and that is the lead to the microphone.
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 03, 2008, 05:41:59 PM
Unfortunately Snoops you are correct on both counts, although a wire leading directly to the national grid would have been far more entertaining.  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: TG on September 03, 2008, 07:44:04 PM
Perhaps it's time we cut the girl a break. Twat she may be but she does not deserve what she now appears to be facing.
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Mrs TG on September 03, 2008, 07:48:02 PM
Perhaps it's time we cut the girl a break. Twat she may be but she does not deserve what she now appears to be facing.

yep thats true, she made many silly mistakes in her life, but don't deserve this life threatening illness
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: TG on September 03, 2008, 07:51:39 PM
Oh fuck. The TG's are closing ranks around Jade Goody.  eeek:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Bar Wench on September 04, 2008, 08:26:14 AM
Isn't that one of the first signs of the apocalypse?  scared2:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Snoopy on September 04, 2008, 08:36:10 AM
Fair point TGs ~ who started it anyway?
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 04, 2008, 09:07:04 AM
Isn't that one of the first signs of the apocalypse?  scared2:

I do believe you are right.

Watch out for the Four Barmen.  scared2: scared2:

Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Uncle Mort on September 04, 2008, 09:08:54 AM
Sorry but having a life threatening illness doesn't stop her from being a pig ugly twat.
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 04, 2008, 09:43:02 AM
Perhaps I'm being unfairly cynical here but remembering Max Clifford saying it would take a miracle for her to rebuild her 'career' after alienating the entire Indian nation to the point that they were burning effigies of her it seems interesting timing that she is diagnosed while being on the Indian version of big brother.  rubschin:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Snoopy on September 04, 2008, 09:54:35 AM
Cynical? Yes ~ Unfairly? No
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Bar Wench on September 04, 2008, 10:20:14 AM
Given that she has had issues with this before I am inclined to believe her.
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Snoopy on September 04, 2008, 10:27:07 AM
Oh I am not doubting her and I do feel sorry for her but I can't help feeling that the "news" was "engineered" for her benefit. Still if she doesn't make it and she has manipulated matters to financially secure the future for her children why not? People have done much worse for purely selfish reasons.
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 04, 2008, 10:44:40 AM
I'm not saying that she may not be ill at the moment, just that the timing for the diagnosis seemed perfect for her.
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Uncle Mort on September 04, 2008, 10:49:13 AM
But would grandfather Snoopy have 'slept' with her?  ;)
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Snoopy on September 04, 2008, 10:51:34 AM
 rubschin: Hard to say ~ he was 80 when he imparted the knowledge.
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 04, 2008, 11:07:53 AM
Did he still have all his marbles by that point Snoop. That would have a definite impact on his decision.  rubschin:
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Snoopy on September 04, 2008, 02:30:48 PM
Hard to say ~ he had consumed a few pints at the time.
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Darwins Selection on September 05, 2008, 01:57:25 PM
Hard to say ~ he had consumed a few pints at the time.

How was his eyesight?
Title: Re: The all new free medical advice thread
Post by: Snoopy on September 05, 2008, 02:32:52 PM
Poor I think but again hard to tell as he could neither read nor write so had no need for spectacles.