The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: The Moan Ranger on September 10, 2008, 08:36:52 AM
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The chap that cleans our room is, to be charitable, mental.
I did the usual and left a five quid tip on the first day - this is a lot for them.
Since then, every time we return to the room, we have a (nice) little surprise - a bowl of fresh fruit, a half bottle of champers in an ice bucket, chocolates, flowers and a towel sculpture of a swan which was placed on the bed reading the copy of Fast Bikes I brought over.
I'm expecting an ice sculpture next...
I turn the aircon off when we go out. When we came back last night, it was on and the room was a lovely cool 18 degrees.
All care of Mahmood, the mad menial.
He likes English football and is a Man Utd fan, so I have left the sport pages of the Torygraph for him to read through (he speaks excellent english).
Coming soon - the tale of the sick dove that Mrs TMR (to be) wanted to bring up to the room and nurse back to health...
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Ohhhhhh!
Are there pictures of the towel swan?
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Uh oh, Wenchy is in a towel tat mood noooo:
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The chap that cleans our room is, to be charitable, mental.
I did the usual and left a five quid tip on the first day - this is a lot for them.
Since then, every time we return to the room, we have a (nice) little surprise - a bowl of fresh fruit, a half bottle of champers in an ice bucket, chocolates, flowers and a towel sculpture of a swan which was placed on the bed reading the copy of Fast Bikes I brought over.
I'm expecting an ice sculpture next...
I turn the aircon off when we go out. When we came back last night, it was on and the room was a lovely cool 18 degrees.
All care of Mahmood, the mad menial.
He likes English football and is a Man Utd fan, so I have left the sport pages of the Torygraph for him to read through (he speaks excellent english).
Coming soon - the tale of the sick dove that Mrs TMR (to be) wanted to bring up to the room and nurse back to health...
Are you familiar with the term "grooming"?
Mahmood either wants to whisk Mrs TMR away to the desert for his pleasure or for you to sneak a large bag of "special sherbet" into the UK for his homesick cousin. noooo:
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Uh oh, Wenchy is in a towel tat mood noooo:
It is an extension of my obsession with decorative napkin folding. redface:
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A masterpiece! Four towels making a camel. This time reading the Top Gear magazine, opened on the Jeremy Clarkson column. The sports bit of the Torygraph now has annotations above the picture of Rooney, saying "fattie sheit". Genius.
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He's after another tip.
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Sounds like he's worth it for the entertainment value alone ;D
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If we introduced Olympic towel folding he could go for Gold.
(Any chance of some pics?)
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I've taken some on the BlackBerry, but can't seem to post them. I will work on it. This morning he showed me videos of his nine year old son playing football, which he had recorded on his phone.
The lad looks good. I'll see if I can get him signed up for Millwall.
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I've taken some on the BlackBerry, but can't seem to post them. I will work on it. This morning he showed me videos of his nine year old son playing football, which he had recorded on his phone.
The lad looks good. I'll see if I can get him signed up for Millwall.
Further to my earlier post, beware if he asks you to take back a number of videos of young boys for his cousin in the UK as well. noooo:
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I have told him that a Turnip farmer in England has suspicions. He asked "what ares turnip". I got a picture up on Google. He shrieked with laughter and said "camel cock"!
I nearly dropped the BlackBerry.
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A picture of Darwin or a turnip? eeek:
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A picture of Darwin or a turnip? eeek:
cussing:
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Gottim! point:
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Tonight we have another swan, this time gazing upon a towel ship on a towel sea. Not sure if I send these to Yoda Tel whether he can upload them for me.
Today has been utterly, utterly perfect. I may even break into a smile, which is extremely rare.
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Oh dear, this all seems to be going too well.
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It'll end in tears whistle:
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Why, did Nick get invited over there? whistle:
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Thank you all for your words of kindness and support!
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Be honest Moany, if we started giving you words of kindness and support you'd be scared witless waiting for the 4 horsemen to come knock on your door. point:
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The four horseman are, in no particular order:-
Gerry Adams
Bill Gates
Bill Oddie, and
Jonatan fucking Ross.
If they come calling, I will then worry. At the moment, my biggest worry is sunburnt ankles ;-)
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Just found this from our own trip....
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FPq1nOEFS.jpg&hash=01a1d0cc425dfdbb3c7dee6af99f27e6f5f80534) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq1nOEFS)
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How fab is that!
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Just found this from our own trip....
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FPq1nOEFS.jpg&hash=01a1d0cc425dfdbb3c7dee6af99f27e6f5f80534) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq1nOEFS)
If you didn't know they used spit to keep them stuck in shape, you could almost use it for a towel as well.
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How fab is that!
You should learn to do it Wenchy ~ should well upset the MiLTB on her next visit.
Mrs S#2 delights in doing similar things when her sister visits, just to aggravate like whistle:
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How fab is that!
You should learn to do it Wenchy ~ should well upset the MiLTB on her next visit.
Mrs S#2 delights in doing similar things when her sister visits, just to aggravate like whistle:
eveilgrin:
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How fab is that!
You should learn to do it Wenchy ~ should well upset the MiLTB on her next visit.
Mrs S#2 delights in doing similar things when her sister visits, just to aggravate like whistle:
eveilgrin:
Plenty of starch to stop the works of art unravelling as well. .
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I'm not falling for that one!
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Which one did you fall for then?
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Which one did you fall for then?
A short, dark, brooding Welshman I believe.
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Would that be a dwarf or a troll?
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Not sure how one tells the difference TBH.
Something about the eyebrow(s) perhaps?
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Popped back quickly to the room to retrieve more tobacco and Rizlas. On the bed, rose petals in the shape of a heart, with a glass vase in the middle filled with rose petals. And a bottle of white wine.
It's a tough life, innit.
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I hope you're not booked with the XL Group of holiday companies. ;)
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Nah - me bruvver has already been on the blower asking that.
Egypt Airlines. With no booze on board. And no bacon sarnies either. Life is full of disappointments...
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A kindly old Dutch lady just gave me her inflatable li-lo. She is going home tonight and couldn't be arsed to deflate and pack it.
Her words will stay with me forever - "I cannot give it to the bicycle thieves here".
For once, I was totally lost for words. She headed off, her silvery grey hair being buffeted by the slight breeze.
Most odd.
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Typically Dutch. I adore them and especially their attitude toward the British ~ they just love us.
When we used to go to Holland regularly one of the favourite games of the village children was to deliberately misdirect any car bearing German Number Plates whenever the driver asked for directions. lol:
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Perhaps she appreciated my renditions of "Two world wars and one world cup, doo-dah, doo-dah"...
I would not have done so if the bleedin' Krauts weren't so ill-mannered to the Egyptian hosts - throwing fag-butts on the floor when there was an ashtray within ten feet, chucking Pistacio nut shells over the floor, treating the barman (Ahmed today) like a dog and a general air of superiority that is not warranted.
They knew I was English but mistakenly though I couldn't speak German...after earwigging their conversation for about ten minutes at the in-pool bar, I asked them, in German, if they were enjoying their holiday. It went very quiet. Mrs TMR (to be) at the side of the pool knew something was going on and cast one of her Medusa stares at the crowd of Krauts. They swam off quietly...
That'll be another one they lost then...
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happ096
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I'm a nice person really, but I cannot abide bad manners. I know it's 5 star all-inclusive, but manners should always be at the forefront of your mind. It is only me and Mrs TMR (to be) who take our empty glasses back to the bar and empty our ashtray into the bin, before leaving. This has, I believe, been noted.
I can be one right nasty bastard on occasion, and if these fat Sauerkraut munchers want a lesson in manners, I am more than happy to oblige.
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worthy:
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Reinforcements are waiting in the wings.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2007%2F05_01%2FBasilFawltyBBC_228x300.jpg&hash=97c610494318c60a3addaf8b6beffecb7387b164)
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No towel sculptures today...
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But ... ?
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I think the portents of doom had gathered in his mind - Liverpool vs Man Utd. I believe Utd lost. He will be in mourning in the morning.
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Lost 2:1 apparently. The global brand that is MUFC knows no bounds ::)
And tomorrow? How about puncturing the German lilos in a covert SBS mission eveilgrin:
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Most of then need two lilos - one for each cheek. I shall download the dambusters tune and play it through the MP3 + speakers.
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And I should mention the ants here. Some our like ours. Some are hu-fucking-mongous! At least an inch long. Jaws that could tear a good slice out of you. And unbreakable. I stood on one - when I took my flat soled shoe off, it looked at me, shrugged and then attacked the shoe.
Four of them recently wandered off carrying Mrs TMR (to be), but unless they are deaf too, I am sure she will be back.
Four of them also took out a 3 inch lizard that made the mistake of crossing their path.
The old magnifying-glass trick just pisses them off even more...
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Asbestos ants...? rubschin:
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Asbestos ants...? rubschin:
Tut-ant-khamun silly. ::)
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Repellant... redface:
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Repellant... redface:
Formicable. whistle:
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Repellant... redface:
Formicable. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
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You pair of daft sods :-)
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You pair of daft sods :-)
Who??? eeek:
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You and Darwin.
Ant jokes, at you age, honestly...
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You and Darwin.
Ant jokes, at you age, honestly...
Do your own jokes then! cussing:
Having a good time today? Upset any crouts?
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I have a feeling that those Krauts have gone - as they are not by the pool. Shame.
Some Frogs turned up last night - they seem pleasant enought beneath their clouds of Gitanes.
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I have a feeling that those Krauts have gone - as they are not by the pool. Shame.
Some Frogs turned up last night - they seem pleasant enought beneath their clouds of Gitanes.
And garlic and hairy armpits (women)... sick2:
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I bet they shave their Gooters, though ;-)
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I bet they shave their Gooters, though ;-)
eyes:
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I bet they shave their Gooters, though ;-)
Go and ask
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I don't know the French for Gooter.
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Poil pubien if you want to be polite or Chatte is their version of the C word whistle:
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Poil pubien if you want to be polite or Chatte is their version of the C word whistle:
Voulez vous shavez le shat? rubschin:
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Chat is cat.
Good news! Some English have turned up.
Bad news...they're from Yorkshire.
Drooling mongs...
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Prolly brought their own butties, like
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They are dressed up for winter. Did they not realise it might be a tad warmer here?
(PS it is nice to be able to write "mongs" without having your post deleted...unlike the other place).
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Chat is cat.
Good news! Some English have turned up.
Bad news...they're from Yorkshire.
Drooling mongs...
I know Chat is Cat ~ I assume Chatte is Pussy ::)
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Chat is cat.
Good news! Some English have turned up.
Bad news...they're from Yorkshire.
Drooling mongs...
Just in case it hasn't been trotted out here:
A old couple from Leeds went on a self-catering holiday to Spain. Typical tykes, they took all the usual home comforts with them, yorkshire tea bags, Hartleys jam, crumpets etc.
Anyway, Sunday came around and they realised that they hadn't brought any Bisto with them for gravy with there roast beef and yorkshire puds. "Not to worry luv" said he, "I'll nip across to the couple on t'other side of the pool and see if they've got any
He knocks on the door and when the door is answered he says, "has't any bisto?"
"F**k off you Spanish git", came the reply
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Chat is cat.
Good news! Some English have turned up.
Bad news...they're from Yorkshire.
Drooling mongs...
I know Chat is Cat ~ I assume Chatte is Pussy ::)
Quite right, mon vieux chien ;)
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The head of the garlic-munching surrender-monkey Franch clan is wearing the same clothes as he arrived in yesterday...
Yuk...
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Why do I have this image of TMR looking like Del Boy on his hols?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2007%2F08_02%2FfoolshorsesREX_228x376.jpg&hash=c08d8c98a2552d60fa6eb44de160047ab99fa10d)
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I am wearing a suit tonight, I will have you know. WE were invited to dine with the General Manager of the resort. It seems he does this on occasion, not sure why we were invited, but the M+S best came in handy...
'Twas a great meal and he gave me two packs of L+M fags in return for a pouch of Golden Virginia. They all seem to think it is Hashish.
The ready mades are handy for when there is a breeze - it's a right sod when your roll-up gets taken by a gust and ends up scattered on your sun-creamed and sweaty body.
He wants us to go quad biking across the dunes to a Bedouin camp on Tuesday. Fifty quid. Tempted, but a bit apprehensive.
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It's Mrs TMR (to be) they are after. Mark my words.
They will want to fatten her up (a bit more)
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That's rich coming from you, Jabba!
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que?
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I am temporarily fixated with the phrase 'Que?'. Please try to understand and excuse me…
point:
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FPq1AkpJS.jpg&hash=1e2e729fb83756d45e4bb2255bea5106ab3454df) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq1AkpJS)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FPq1Akxdi.jpg&hash=a38c0c364f516944471efc768f24d60388bde940) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq1Akxdi)
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?
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He took two red tablets and one blue this morning, instead of one red and two blues.
He will be OK after the ECT.
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The words "Nick" and "OK" are mutually exclusive.
I second Yoda Tel's "?".
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I was right.Mrs TMR (to be) is being fattened up noooo:
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Sooooo.
18 days after getting here, the complex (Le Meridien) has just opened a night club above the lovely quiet restaurant we use.
Apparently they are expecting a load of Russians from 1st October onwards.
We are in there now. There are four of us in total - the other two are English (well, Northerners) as well. There are six bar staff.
They do the hubbly-bubbly smoking thing so I may crack on with some apple flavoured tobacco.
Let's rock!
(Shame the music is an Egyptian version of Britney...)
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Still going...us Englishers are only bound by decency. The entire place os filled with Russian/Ukranian prostitutes, trying to pay off their export fees. Very sad.
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Finally worked out how to connect the BB to the laptop with this new connection...for Wenchy - towel sculpture
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FaVr2SX0.jpg&hash=fa41f274e22ac7e6fbcf6178b5dd1ee517d2de7c) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=aVr2SX0)
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Me, on the left, Mrs TMR (to be) to my right and the two other Dorises on the nags. Note the nice sunset...
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FgxoKd90.jpg&hash=abdabf72426e8f71906e216019dcff025b382e0d) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxoKd90)
And another towel/flower thingy...
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FgxoKTyr.jpg&hash=e10f6eb80f50be02b8b6ce558320e7d7f74314c3) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=gxoKTyr)