The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Nick on November 13, 2008, 08:49:47 AM
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Just to start you off.
At a party, saw 2 women who looked a bit similar. "Ah, " I said in a jolly way, " you must be mother and daughter."
"No, we are sisters."
I left
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Just to start you off.
At a party, saw 2 women who looked a bit similar. "Ah, " I said in a jolly way, " you must be mother and daughter."
"No, we are sisters."
I left
One of them probably thought you were charming. ::)
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Mistakenly impersonating a hovercraft in a job interview redface:
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1. Offering the Round Table the muck-spreader to tart up as 'Santa's Sleigh'.
2. Trying to justify said offer on the grounds of "Authentic Reindeer aroma"
3. Telling Mrs DS #3 about 1 and 2. redface:
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Saying a lot of very rude things about Virginia Bottomley to a woman I met at a reception.
When I had finished she boomed, "Young man. I am Virginia Bottomley's mother." scared2:
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3. Telling Mrs DS #3 about 1 and 2
Fetches popcorn
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Father Wench telling Brother Wench, whilst pissed, that he was a mistake.
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eeek:
Mind you, so was I noooo:
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I was wanted. cloud9:
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But no longer...?
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I was at the time and that is all that matters! Angry9:
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I was wanted. cloud9:
Did he tell you that when pissed as well?
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eeek:
Mind you, so was I noooo:
Strangely, I think we had worked that out for ourselves like whistle:
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I'm impressed, I had assumed this would be a purely Nick thread. whistle:
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We await reports of your top gaffe whistle:
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We await reports of your top gaffe whistle:
It must involve clotted cream and lard. .
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I am assisting Mrs Nick with a project at her university. She has said that it would be impossible to work together (correct) but that I will liaise with one of her colleagues "You are the same personality type as him," she said.
"What's he like?" I asked.
"Can't stand him."
sad24:
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I am assisting Mrs Nick with a project at her university. She has said that it would be impossible to work together (correct) but that I will liaise with one of her colleagues "You are the same personality type as him," she said.
"What's he like?" I asked.
"Can't stand him."
sad24:
point: point: happy001 happy001 Fvcking classic!
But we love you lol: lol: lol:
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I am assisting Mrs Nick with a project at her university. She has said that it would be impossible to work together (correct) but that I will liaise with one of her colleagues "You are the same personality type as him," she said.
"What's he like?" I asked.
"Can't stand him."
sad24:
point: point: happy001 happy001 Fvcking classic!
But we love you lol: lol: lol:
In a wholesome, masculine, comradely kind of way, naturally.
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I am assisting Mrs Nick with a project at her university. She has said that it would be impossible to work together (correct) but that I will liaise with one of her colleagues "You are the same personality type as him," she said.
"What's he like?" I asked.
"Can't stand him."
sad24:
point: point: happy001 happy001 Fvcking classic!
But we love you lol: lol: lol:
In a wholesome, masculine, comradely kind of way, naturally.
Naturally
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Introducing Michael Watson onto a stage some time after his fight with Eubank (whilst he was still in wheelchair) and fillingin the long gap by announcing "maybe he's done a runner " redface:
Saying the wrong name at the wrong time ....but we've all done that haven't we redface:
Confirming invite to a surprise party by email and copying in the birthday girl by mistake redface:
And the list goes on cry: cry: cry:
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Introducing Michael Watson onto a stage some time after his fight with Eubank (whilst he was still in wheelchair) and fillingin the long gap by announcing "maybe he's done a runner "
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Pray continue
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Introducing Michael Watson onto a stage some time after his fight with Eubank (whilst he was still in wheelchair) and fillingin the long gap by announcing "maybe he's done a runner " redface:
Saying the wrong name at the wrong time ....but we've all done that haven't we redface:
Confirming invite to a surprise party by email and copying in the birthday girl by mistake redface:
And the list goes on cry: cry: cry:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Featdrink062.gif&hash=b3abaf9b2c446ed752be0e69a9bda8266b12e368) (http://www.freesmileys.org)
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As previously reported, e mailing a young woman I had never met in a rather PC organisation and asking her if "she was busy", but writing "busty" by mistake.
She went bonkers
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One of the members of my team had circulated a Theasurus of profanities to his friends...was very funny but obviously triggered the IT Support Defcom 3 button.
As his manger I was then sent an email from our IT dept stating that action was required against this officer as he had sent an email containing:
24 F**K
6 c***
32 Ar**holes
21 Bas***d
and the list literally went on for over a page but they had not put in the asterisk's
Was hysterical .... so what did I do...forward their email to my mate (externally) ....D'oh !!!!!!!!! noooo:
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Pressing Reply All instead of Reply in an e mail making invidious comparisons between the physical characteristics of 2 women at a meeting Banghead
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I wonder if BM has ever made any gaffes whistle:
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I wonder if BM has ever made any gaffes whistle:
rubschin:
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I wonder if BM has ever made any gaffes whistle:
rubschin:
Perhaps LL could tell us some of them, like
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I once met the MD coming into the building as I was sidling out.
"Where are you off to?" he asked
"To get a haircut" I replied
"In company time?"
"Well it grows in company fvcking time"
MY next appraisal was not good. whistle:
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Not directly my gaffe, but Mrs DS #2 farted loudly at a wedding during the silence after the "Does anyone know any reason . . " part.
I sniggered of course, and got an elbow in the ribs which everyone took to mean that I was the culprit, which on this rare occasion, I was not.
That may have been the high point of our marriage.
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Let the fart gaffes commence.
I imagine Wenchy has a few eveilgrin:
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I wonder if BM has ever made any gaffes whistle:
I started a website once for my pals but they just take the piss out of me all the time like... sad24:
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What website was that then?
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You have pals? eeek:
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I wonder if BM has ever made any gaffes whistle:
I started a website once for my pals but they just take the piss out of me all the time like... sad24:
I wasn't going to mention that one. whistle:
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They visit his cinema point:
Only once, mind
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You have pals? eeek:
I used to.... sad24:
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You have pals? eeek:
I used to.... sad24:
As Nick says that must have been before you tried to cram them into your "cinema" point:
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You have pals? eeek:
I used to.... sad24:
As Nick says that must have been before you tried to cram them into your "cinema" point:
point:
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This one speaks for itself...
A RETIRED teacher who sent an email to Jamie Oliver complaining about him swearing on TV has received a foul-mouthed response.
The 61-year-old, who does not wish to be named, criticised the chef for his use of the F-word during his Ministry of Food series on Channel 4.
Days later he had a reply from Oliver's team, which said: "What do you think I should write back apart from 'F*** off you ****'." The teacher said: "I found that quite offensive. We are coming to the stage where the use of the F-word is completely unacceptable. I had gone to the trouble of writing something that was reasonable and their response was to laugh."
The email was written by Kris Boobyer, 25, from Oliver's enquiry team, and had been intended as an internal joke between him and the chef's publicist Peter Berry, but it was accidentally copied into the formal response.
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This one speaks for itself...
A RETIRED teacher who sent an email to Jamie Oliver complaining about him swearing on TV has received a foul-mouthed response.
The 61-year-old, who does not wish to be named, criticised the chef for his use of the F-word during his Ministry of Food series on Channel 4.
Days later he had a reply from Oliver's team, which said: "What do you think I should write back apart from 'F*** off you ****'." The teacher said: "I found that quite offensive. We are coming to the stage where the use of the F-word is completely unacceptable. I had gone to the trouble of writing something that was reasonable and their response was to laugh."
The email was written by Kris Boobyer, 25, from Oliver's enquiry team, and had been intended as an internal joke between him and the chef's publicist Peter Berry, but it was accidentally copied into the formal response.
happy001
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I had a very lovely Sunday lunch today with some friends. One of the gents had brought his fiancée, a charming and attractive lady who spoke with a European accent; the others clearly knew where she was from, I didn't, so eventually I asked her. She said she was from Finland. Oh, I said, small talk continued and I eventually mentioned that I had an old friend who was Finnish... difficult language to pronounce... I could never get his name right...
What was his name, she asked. I attempted to pronounce his name just as there was a lull in the conversation...
She screamed with laughter and embarrassment, holding her hands to her face and had to leave the table! What have I said? Was my accent that bad? She was so embarrassed she couldn't say... more giggles and looks at me as if I knew!
Eventually she whispered to her man the translation of what I'd said... He turned to me and said, "You've just told her that your friend's name was Heikki Shag-you-from-behind-in-a-rough-kind-of-way!"
redface: redface: redface:
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They have names like that in Finland.It prolly IS his name
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They have names like that in Finland.It prolly IS his name
Well, he might have bloody told me! eeek:
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I had a very lovely Sunday lunch today with some friends. One of the gents had brought his fiancée, a charming and attractive lady who spoke with a European accent; the others clearly knew where she was from, I didn't, so eventually I asked her. She said she was from Finland. Oh, I said, small talk continued and I eventually mentioned that I had an old friend who was Finnish... difficult language to pronounce... I could never get his name right...
What was his name, she asked. I attempted to pronounce his name just as there was a lull in the conversation...
She screamed with laughter and embarrassment, holding her hands to her face and had to leave the table! What have I said? Was my accent that bad? She was so embarrassed she couldn't say... more giggles and looks at me as if I knew!
Eventually she whispered to her man the translation of what I'd said... He turned to me and said, "You've just told her that your friend's name was Heikki Shag-you-from-behind-in-a-rough-kind-of-way!"
redface: redface: redface:
Perhaps a bunch of flowers and a note confirming your apologies and total innocence might not go amiss.
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Perhaps a bunch of flowers and a note confirming your apologies and total innocence might not go amiss.
I was apology'ed-out by the time I left and she insisted it was quite alright, still laughing. I think the others'll be dining out on it eeek:
In the meantime, Heikki has mail evil:
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You must try getting your tongue round some Finnish
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Mrs DS #3 had a woman from the WI and her husband round for a drink last night. They were telling us how their son had just returned from Germany after a tour of Christmas fayres, where he had an excess of beer and huge German sausages.
My quip that it sounded like something Quentin Crisp would have organised was met by a stony silence and much shoe staring.
It would have helped if Mrs DS had told me before they arrived, that the lad actually is gay. redface:
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Mrs DS #3 had a woman from the WI and her husband round for a drink last night. They were telling us how their son had just returned from Germany after a tour of Christmas fayres, where he had an excess of beer and huge German sausages.
My quip that it sounded like something Quentin Crisp would have organised was met by a stony silence and much shoe staring.
It would have helped if Mrs DS had told me before they arrived, that the lad actually is gay. redface:
happy001
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Mrs DS #3 had a woman from the WI and her husband round for a drink last night. They were telling us how their son had just returned from Germany after a tour of Christmas fayres, where he had an excess of beer and huge German sausages.
My quip that it sounded like something Quentin Crisp would have organised was met by a stony silence and much shoe staring.
It would have helped if Mrs DS had told me before they arrived, that the lad actually is gay. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
I should get #4 lined up PDQ Darwin....