The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Snoopy on December 16, 2008, 01:21:36 PM

Title: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Snoopy on December 16, 2008, 01:21:36 PM
Not the first and I doubt that it'll be the last BUT

I hate receiving Christmas cards from Friends and Rellies who have printed sticky labels rather than sat down and written my name and address on them. This is an acceptable business practice where I am not personally known to the sender but frankly if you can't be arsed to write the envelope you can stick your card ~ because I KNOW you are doing this at work ~ where you are stealing the computer time, your employer's labels and taking time that your employer is paying for to do it.
It is theft pure and simple and in sending it to me you make me an accomplice.  cussing:

Today the ultimate ~ not only a sticky label on the envelope but a sticky label inside the card saying "With all our love XXXXX & YYYYY.

Well that is going straight back with a curt hand written note about good manners. If all I am worth to them is the effort it takes to mail merge a greeting with their fvcking address book and push print they can go to hell! Angry9:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 16, 2008, 01:23:28 PM
My Stepfather does that... but he is registered blind so he has no choice...  noooo:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Snoopy on December 16, 2008, 01:28:06 PM
My Stepfather does that... but he is registered blind so he has no choice...  noooo:

Frankly BM ~ that is about the only acceptable excuse. You may remove your stepfather from my list of hated people and please wish him a very Merry Christmas.
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Bar Wench on December 16, 2008, 01:28:40 PM
It is irritating, if you can't even be arsed to write my name in the card then you are off my list for next year. Lazy bastards!
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Snoopy on December 16, 2008, 01:30:21 PM
It is irritating, if you can't even be arsed to write my name in the card then you are off my list for next year. Lazy bastards!

Exactly ~ Even the Royal Family (HRH & Co) sit down and personally sign their cards.











Only popped in to drop some bits off and have a cuppa ~ must fly, more to do.
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 16, 2008, 01:34:12 PM
I have handwriting that would match any GP prescription pad.

If I wrote the envelopes by hand, our recipients would never receive them and have the annual joy of:

He: "WTF is Derwent, or Oarwing or Dahlin?"
She:"Must be one of your boozy pals, did we send a card?"
He: "Probably one of your dotty old school biddies"
She: "Sod you, cook your own supper, I am going out"
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 16, 2008, 01:55:16 PM
I am reminded of an incident a few (many) years ago, which Mrs DS (#3) still retells at this time of year, well last night in fact, which is why I remember it. . . .


"Knock, Knock". Open door to find three smart-suited, earnest looking young men clutching small books.

Man 1: "Good evening sir, I am Elder Thomas, this is Elder Walter and Elder Samuel"

DS: "What a coincidence you all having the same Christian name"

Man 2: "Errr. no, well actually. . "

DS: "Anyway, nice to see you. I am Rabbi Selection, why don't you all come in and we'll have a nice chat"

Awkward pause.

Man 1: "Er.. actually we just came to leave you this leaflet, perhaps another time. .  "

All three scuttle for the gate.

Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 16, 2008, 05:32:49 PM
I am reminded of an incident a few (many) years ago, which Mrs DS (#3) still retells at this time of year, well last night in fact, which is why I remember it. . . .


"Knock, Knock". Open door to find three smart-suited, earnest looking young men clutching small books.

Man 1: "Good evening sir, I am Elder Thomas, this is Elder Walter and Elder Samuel"

DS: "What a coincidence you all having the same Christian name"

Man 2: "Errr. no, well actually. . "

DS: "Anyway, nice to see you. I am Rabbi Selection, why don't you all come in and we'll have a nice chat"

Awkward pause.

Man 1: "Er.. actually we just came to leave you this leaflet, perhaps another time. .  "

All three scuttle for the gate.


lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Just One More on December 17, 2008, 06:54:11 AM
There's no escaping Christmas. I was in a meeting yesterday at H-quarters-Q on a business park when one of the usual sarnie delivery vans pulled up outside. None of the usual "La- Cucharacha" bollocks at 100 decibels for this prat, oh no, we got "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" chimed out instead. First time I've said FFS in a meeting
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 06:58:59 AM
There's no escaping Christmas. I was in a meeting yesterday at H-quarters-Q on a business park when one of the usual sarnie delivery vans pulled up outside. None of the usual "La- Cucharacha" bollocks at 100 decibels for this prat, oh no, we got "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" chimed out instead. First time I've said FFS in a meeting
Did he have turkey and stuffing sarnies...?
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Just One More on December 17, 2008, 07:03:14 AM
Strangely enough, I never ventured out to see
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 07:11:38 AM
Strangely enough, I never ventured out to see
Oh...  redface:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Bar Wench on December 17, 2008, 08:35:10 AM
Strangely enough, I never ventured out to see

But the turkey and stuffing sandwiches!?!?! Best bit of Christmas! eeek:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Snoopy on December 17, 2008, 08:39:49 AM
Strangely enough, I never ventured out to see

But the turkey and stuffing sandwiches!?!?! Best bit of Christmas! eeek:

Indeed ~ but not until after Christmas day. Turkey this side of Christmas is just wrong.
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 08:39:58 AM
Strangely enough, I never ventured out to see

But the turkey and stuffing sandwiches!?!?! Best bit of Christmas! eeek:
Indeed Wenchy... with a little bit of cranberry - not too much mind...  cloud9:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 08:40:45 AM
Strangely enough, I never ventured out to see

But the turkey and stuffing sandwiches!?!?! Best bit of Christmas! eeek:

Indeed ~ but not until after Christmas day. Turkey this side of Christmas is just wrong.
noooo:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Bar Wench on December 17, 2008, 08:59:47 AM
Well, I had turkey last Friday. Will be having turkey this weekend and then of course the main event next week. This year Mr Wench will have consumed five turkey meals.  noooo:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 09:02:40 AM
There is a sign outside a shop in Windsor high street...

"The Goose will be lean this year"

WTF?  Shrugs:

Is it some secret password like? I was thinking of going in and saying "Autumn comes early in the Urals" to see if they handed me a big fat envelope full of fivers like...?

BTW it is a wine shop...  rubschin:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 17, 2008, 09:04:18 AM
There is a sign outside a shop in Windsor high street...

"The Goose will be lean this year"

WTF?  Shrugs:

Is it some secret password like? I was thinking of going in and saying "Autumn comes early in the Urals" to see if they handed me a big fat envelope full of fivers like...?

BTW it is a wine shop...  rubschin:

Somebody nicked the "C".
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Bar Wench on December 17, 2008, 09:06:01 AM
There is a sign outside a shop in Windsor high street...

"The Goose will be lean this year"

WTF?  Shrugs:

Is it some secret password like? I was thinking of going in and saying "Autumn comes early in the Urals" to see if they handed me a big fat envelope full of fivers like...?

BTW it is a wine shop...  rubschin:

I have it on good authority that the phrase is "but the duck will be fluffy"  ;)
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Snoopy on December 17, 2008, 09:07:48 AM
Well, I had turkey last Friday. Will be having turkey this weekend and then of course the main event next week. This year Mr Wench will have consumed five turkey meals.  noooo:

Poor Mr Wench ~ for once I feel sorry for him.

I ALWAYS managed to avoid the Turkey Dinner options at all business events (by pleading vegetarianism if necessary).
IMHO it completely ruins Christmas to start the Turkey and trimmings before the 25th.
We are having a multi bird roast (Duck Chicken and Pheasant) this Christmas Day but a 4 kilo turkey will be cooked as well, so that I can have cold turkey through to New Year. cloud9:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Bar Wench on December 17, 2008, 09:08:58 AM
He choose to have turkey at all these events!  noooo:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Snoopy on December 17, 2008, 09:09:25 AM
He choose to have turkey at all these events!  noooo:

He's Welsh ~ what do you expect. ::)
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 09:09:38 AM
There is a sign outside a shop in Windsor high street...

"The Goose will be lean this year"

WTF?  Shrugs:

Is it some secret password like? I was thinking of going in and saying "Autumn comes early in the Urals" to see if they handed me a big fat envelope full of fivers like...?

BTW it is a wine shop...  rubschin:

I have it on good authority that the phrase is "but the duck will be fluffy"  ;)
Poor Fluffy...  sad24:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: GROWLER on December 17, 2008, 09:15:06 AM
He choose to have turkey at all these events!  noooo:

He's Welsh ~ what do you expect. ::)

Leek pie? ::)
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Bar Wench on December 17, 2008, 09:18:19 AM
Leek pie  cloud9:

I'm cooking the turkey this weekend too.  noooo:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: GROWLER on December 17, 2008, 09:21:39 AM
Leek pie  cloud9:

I'm cooking the turkey this weekend too.  noooo:

I was only messin' actually. eeek:

Leek  sick2: pie?

Summat not right there.
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 09:27:16 AM
Leek pie  cloud9:

I'm cooking the turkey this weekend too.  noooo:

I was only messin' actually. eeek:

Leek  sick2: pie?

Summat not right there.
It would be about three feet long... how would it fit in the oven like...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: GROWLER on December 17, 2008, 09:28:15 AM
My bruvvers wife has insisted on me ...and the rest of the Growlers ...cooking summat for their/our tea this coming saturday....Jamie Oliver crap comp type thing, think I've mentioned it before in a previous rant.

Apparently "it's going to be ....fun", and I must join in with the frivolities. ::)

Errr, no it's not, and no I'm not going to. No bloody way. noooo:

If they want fun, they can come out with me into the woods like, and I'll cook a breakfast no problem, bloody southern softies
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: GROWLER on December 17, 2008, 09:30:59 AM
Leek pie  cloud9:

I'm cooking the turkey this weekend too.  noooo:

I was only messin' actually. eeek:

Leek  sick2: pie?

Summat not right there.
It would be about three feet long... how would it fit in the oven like...?  rubschin:

I dunno. Fold it in arf p'raps?
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Snoopy on December 17, 2008, 09:32:03 AM
Leek pie  cloud9:

I'm cooking the turkey this weekend too.  noooo:

I was only messin' actually. eeek:

Leek  sick2: pie?

Summat not right there.

Thinly slice leeks into rounds. Push the circles out to make lots of 'o's. Fry gently in a little olive oil and butter, when leeks are bright green and soft, sprinkle on a little flour, stirring as you do so to make a roux, Pour in milk, a little at a time, alternating with double cream. Serve immediately either in little tart cases as a starter or without the pastry as an accompanying vegetable. Excellent with German pork sausages.

Snoopy's Creamed Leeks  cloud9:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Bar Wench on December 17, 2008, 09:32:49 AM
 Banghead
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Snoopy on December 17, 2008, 09:34:06 AM
My bruvvers wife has insisted on me ...and the rest of the Growlers ...cooking summat for their/our tea this coming saturday....Jamie Oliver crap comp type thing, think I've mentioned it before in a previous rant.

Apparently "it's going to be ....fun", and I must join in with the frivolities. ::)

Errr, no it's not, and no I'm not going to. No bloody way. noooo:

If they want fun, they can come out with me into the woods like, and I'll cook a breakfast no problem, bloody southern softies

Take along some popping corn. The children will all love it, nobody can fvck it up and you'll leave your SiL's best saucepan burnt to buggery
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Snoopy on December 17, 2008, 09:34:39 AM
Banghead

Problem petal?
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: GROWLER on December 17, 2008, 01:56:27 PM


Are hard times threatening your Christmas dinner? Well then, Peru has the answer: guinea pig.
Officials in the coastal Peruvian province of Callao hailed the Andean rodent as a low-cost, low-fat alternative to a traditional turkey Christmas dinner.

Guinea pigs can feed seven or eight for about £2, Callao official Mario Sanguinity said.

 eeek:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 01:59:02 PM


Are hard times threatening your Christmas dinner? Well then, Peru has the answer: guinea pig.
Officials in the coastal Peruvian province of Callao hailed the Andean rodent as a low-cost, low-fat alternative to a traditional turkey Christmas dinner.

Guinea pigs can feed seven or eight for about £2, Callao official Mario Sanguinity said.

 eeek:

Feed seven or eight whats? Not people... unless they were on a hunger strike...  noooo:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Snoopy on December 17, 2008, 02:35:37 PM
Guinea Pig dinner for one

(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.shelfordfeast.co.uk%2Fgrape%2Fcuy_as_dinner.jpg&hash=262cfbda77e3f8891d2aca82e10fd0528ed7e013)


But I suspect that for £2 you can buy a lot of Guinea Pigs in Peru ~ apparently they are overrun with the little beggars.



More Recipes can be found: http://www.shelfordfeast.co.uk/guineapig.html
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 02:38:41 PM
You're right... it does say Guinea pigs for £2...
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Uncle Mort on December 17, 2008, 02:44:57 PM
Back on topic...

I posted all my Christmas cards this morning, all with nicely handwritten envelopes.  angel1
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 17, 2008, 02:45:24 PM
You're right... it does say Guinea pigs for £2...

You'd think they ought to be £1.05 each?
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 02:46:21 PM
You're right... it does say Guinea pigs for £2...

You'd think they ought to be £1.05 each?
Quite so Darwin, quite so...

Twenty one shillings Wenchy... a Guinea...  ::)
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Snoopy on December 17, 2008, 02:47:48 PM
Back on topic...

I posted all my Christmas cards this morning, all with nicely handwritten envelopes.  angel1

Ours went last week ~
We are now getting the obvious "Shit ~ they've sent us a card, better send them one" replies  lol:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 02:48:41 PM
Back on topic...

I posted all my Christmas cards this morning, all with nicely handwritten envelopes.  angel1

Ours went last week ~
We are now getting the obvious "Shit ~ they've sent us a card, better send them one" replies  lol:
I bought LL a card today... my one contribution to Xmas...  whistle:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Bar Wench on December 17, 2008, 02:49:27 PM
Better get one for Miss Piggy and the piglet!  whistle:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 02:50:04 PM
Better get one for Miss Piggy and the piglet!  whistle:
Oh my giddy aunt...  confused:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Bar Wench on December 17, 2008, 02:51:21 PM
Nooooo giddy grandpa!
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 02:53:11 PM
Nooooo giddy grandpa!
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Fsick032.gif&hash=810cca939094732bca9cd84eef8b8fd33a34d55a) (http://www.freesmileys.org)
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Bar Wench on December 17, 2008, 02:55:28 PM
 point: point:

They are probably going to announce Christmas Day! Maybe you will get a special Christmas card/present for Grandpa!
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 02:57:22 PM
point: point:

They are probably going to announce Christmas Day! Maybe you will get a special Christmas card/present for Grandpa!
noooo:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 17, 2008, 03:03:26 PM
Better get one for Miss Piggy and the piglet!  whistle:
Piglets

Never less than 6.  whistle:


Poor old Kaboose.
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Darwins Selection on December 17, 2008, 03:14:01 PM
Back on topic...

I posted all my Christmas cards this morning, all with nicely handwritten envelopes.  angel1
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffelixsmith.com%2FLetter-to-Santa.gif&hash=e6a6be65cc870b2845d827f1e80703aa0f3357a5)
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 03:35:15 PM
Better get one for Miss Piggy and the piglet!  whistle:
Piglets

Never less than 6.  whistle:


Poor old Kaboose.
sad24:
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: GROWLER on December 17, 2008, 04:52:58 PM
Haven't even bought any card/s yet, let alone write it/them. ::)
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: Barman on December 17, 2008, 04:58:58 PM
Haven't even bought any card/s yet, let alone write it/them. ::)
Good man!  happy088
Title: Re: A Seasonal Rant
Post by: GROWLER on December 17, 2008, 05:58:17 PM
Haven't even bought any card/s yet, let alone write it/them. ::)
Good man!  happy088

Don't do it deliberately now, just to piss Mrs G off.  lol:

2nd thoughts, I just can't be arsed either tbh. noooo: