The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on January 29, 2009, 03:27:06 PM
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I quite like animals, especially mammals. I come from a long line of mammals myself and most of my friends are mammals. I even married a mammal (I think).
OK, mammals do tend to behave oddly: suddenly shag your leg, explode, attack, butt, make strange noises and so on, but hey, that's mammals for you. And you can't trust horses. Ever.
Frogs and things in the slithery department are a noooo:
Insects I prefer to keep at a distance, especially big ones with lots of eyes.
And that brings us to worms.
The Boy has brought home some worms from school. I don't even mind that. It's just that they are those sort of worms which live inside you evil:
The Boy and I have had our pills and await developments sick2:
I shall be giving Mrs Nick her dosage this evening eveilgrin:
She may find that bucket useful after all eveilgrin:
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I quite like animals, especially mammals. I cone frm a long line of mammals myself and most of my friends are mammals. I even married a mammal (I think).
OK, mammals do tend to behave oddly: suddenly shag your leg, explode, attack, butt, make strange noises and so on, but hey, that's mammals for you. And you can't trust horses. Ever.
Frogs and things in the slithery department are a noooo:
Insects I prefer to keep at a distance, especially big ones with lots of eyes.
And that brings us to worms.
The Boy has brought home some worms from school. I don't even mind that. It's just that they are those sort of worms which live inside you evil:
The Boy and I have had our pills and await developments sick2:
I shall be giving Mrs Nick her dosage this evening eveilgrin:
She may find that bucket useful after all eveilgrin:
Tape Worms...?
Taenia Solium if I remember correctly from school... whistle:
point:
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I recall the biology master at school telling us that a colleague once grew one (internally) in the interests of research shocked003
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What kind of research was that FFS?! eeek:
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He was a Biologist. Prolly had an ology in tape worms shrugs:
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I recall the biology master at school telling us that a colleague once grew one (internally) in the interests of research shocked003
They can be about five meters long can't they? point:
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Did he let it out to have a look at it?
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Did he let it out to have a look at it?
Are you going to show us yours? point:
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I haven't met it myself yet! SHould I give it a name?
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You're right! I recall him saying something about it being 25' long eeek:
He had a nickname for it, and when he ate he'd say one for me and one for "George" whacky115
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I haven't met it myself yet! SHould I give it a name?
It?
Them you mean! point:
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I was thinking of a gerl's name. It doesn't feel like a George rubschin:
Speaking of which my mate Tony is visiting next weekend. I must ask him what his elephant's name is (he's not bringing it)*
*At least I don't think he is eeek:
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You felt it? eeek:
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I maight have imagined that bit. When someone tells you you may have a 25 foot long wild animal inside you your imagination can get a bit fevered.
Anyhoo, off to the flamenco evening soon. Mustn't forget anything.
Tickets: check
Wallet: check
4 gallon bucket: check
Worm medicine: check
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Call it Vermicella ;)
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Given that this is Nick we are talking about it may explain why the infamous John hurt scene in Alien suddenly springs to mind... eeek:
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evil:
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Call it Vermicella ;)
Wormicella?
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Call it Vermicella ;)
Wormicella?
Er.... yes.
Vermicelli is very fine, long strands of pasta - like a skinny spaghetti - often used in soups. The name means 'little worms' in Italian. It's available fresh or dried.
;)
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Alternate therapy perhaps?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FaVKk8F0.jpg&hash=4833ccd0e9781147c78ea070ecc5ea53a8f69c0f) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=aVKk8F0)
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evil:
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I'd recommend keeping a change of clothing close by Nick. Given your track record with wildlife odds are the moment your 'passenger' realises who it is residing in you'll find it rocketing out from your arse at Mach 9.. whistle:
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Am I being really thick here ( please don't all shout at once you'll deafen me lol: ) but what on / in earth is the point of bringing them home confused2:
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I was thinking of a gerl's name. It doesn't feel like a George rubschin:
Speaking of which my mate Tony is visiting next weekend. I must ask him what his elephant's name is (he's not bringing it)*
*At least I don't think he is eeek:
He got a zoo by any chance? I'm looking for a suitable zoo...like.
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Am I being really thick here ( please don't all shout at once you'll deafen me lol: ) but what on / in earth is the point of bringing them home confused2:
School children ~ being filthy little beasts frequently "come home" with worms. These are not 25 foot long tape worms but are passed from child to child by poor toilet hygiene. They reside just inside the anus, are a couple of millimetres in length and are never normally seen, they are white in colour. The first signs are usually that the child spends a lot of time scratching its bottom. Sometimes but not always, if you are very quick and willing to look, you can see them in the child's stools. The worms abhor light and as soon as the child drops it's underwear they retreat up into the anus. Dark pants can often be whipped down and examined in the hopes of proving an infestation. Usual treatment is a course of tablets over several days or even weeks to ensure that all the worms and their later hatching eggs are removed. The infection usually spreads quite quickly through a school. Washing of hands and frequent applications of ointment to sooth the itch are recommended. They are BTW Thread Worms.
We have been down this route several times ~ another good reason for home education.
Use Detol or something similar to clean the toilet seat at home everytime it is used and make sure every one washes their hands EVERY TIME preferably with a hospital type handwash.
PS How do you know The Boy has them Nick and why would you think (other than as a result of a fevered imagination) that you will have caught them from him already? Mrs S#2 and I have never caught them despite both boys having "Brought them home" on several occasions
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I was being thick doh: i thought he'd bought one home intentionally noooo:
Time for a lie down sleep021
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I was being thick doh: i thought he'd bought one home intentionally noooo:
Time for a lie down sleep021
This is Nick we are talking about Miss D, when wierd stuff happens it is NEVER intentional whistle:
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Agreed GM - but this was the boy and anything goes then shrugs:
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TBF to both The Boy and Nick ~ Thread worms are as common as nits these days.
Whereas when I was at school the nit nurse would regularly examine every child and any visit to the "bogs" was always followed by a bellowed "AND WASH YOUR HANDS BOY" nowdays no-one bothers until a parent complains that their child has "Caught something" and then the schools send out pathetic letters asking parents to examine their own children and treat them if anything is found.
Of course the standard excuse is that nits are nowadays more resistant to treatment etc ~ bollox! We can cure them in five days in this house. The same excuses are trotted out about the Thread Worms. It is bad hygiene and nothing more but the Teachers do not see it as their job to remind children to wash their hands after going to the toilet and before going into the dining hall.
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I hated those letters it meant a night of combing / whinging / crying etc from the brat when you have to go through their hair, wash the linen evil:
Why does it all seem to stop when they go to secondary school though - do nits not go too big school ???
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Looking back I'd say they end up teaching there Miss D. whistle:
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lol: Oh how true that is in my recent experience.
No Miss D ~ I think it has more to do with the fact that the "little ones" tend to work at "grouped" tables, leaning close to one another, often touching heads/hair whereas by the time they reach secondary school they are (a) more aware of the dangers of nits and (b) more desirous of personal space ~ until, like the THW, they discover the delights of tongue wrestling when, frankly, nits would be the last of our worries ~ in fact we would almost welcome them as we welcome and thank God for the arrival of the painters each month. She is hell to live with for about two out of every four weeks but rather that than another mouth to feed. ::)
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Agreed Snoops. The brat sat in the front room the other night and casually asked if you have to pay for an abortion !!! She is 12 FFS!!!
I nearly fell off my high horse noooo:
After much quizzing it appeared to be related to some song she was listening to ...but I believe I aged about 20 yrs in that one question scared2:
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The THW and boyfriend announced last night that two of their school chums (both in 6th Form Year 12 I think it is ~ anway between 16 and 17 years of age) are expecting a little bundle of joy in about 6 months.
They (the proud parents) have it all mapped out. They plan that her mum will give up work to look after the baby whilst they finish their A levels (another 18 months) and then go to Uni together. They are however willing to forego their "Gap Year".
We have not been informed of what either set of grandparents to be have said about the matter or even if they know yet.
Wife sat there with her chin on the floor.
I, of course, was not surprised as I have been here before ~ older daughter is 39 this year (August) and eldest (son) will be 41 in April. FFS I have grandchildren older than these expectant parents!
For the record The Teenage Hormone Wreck will be 16 on June 1st and her BF is 11 months older than her.
It gets no better as they get older ~ if that is any consolation.
And Nick worries about an itchy arse! evil:
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All sensible words... happy088
Being Nick tho the whole family is almost certainly riddled with tape worm... whistle:
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Like this you mean?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthe3500.files.wordpress.com%2F2007%2F01%2Ftapeworm.jpg&hash=f3073dd04a5f4a34963cb0ffa62a39c0beca80ed)
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They are however willing to forego their "Gap Year".
How sweet generous considerate and thoughtful of them. Angels. Bless. Angry9:
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Like this you mean?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthe3500.files.wordpress.com%2F2007%2F01%2Ftapeworm.jpg&hash=f3073dd04a5f4a34963cb0ffa62a39c0beca80ed)
Yes... but more prolly... whistle:
And resistant to drugs like... whistle:
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All sensible words... happy088
Being Nick tho the whole family is almost certainly riddled with tape worm... whistle:
I've been to his house and eaten his CAKE FFS! eeek:
I'm going for a a very nervous shit. scared2:...and why am I now scratching meself like?
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All sensible words... happy088
Being Nick tho the whole family is almost certainly riddled with tape worm... whistle:
I've been to his house and eaten his CAKE FFS! eeek:
I'm going for a a very nervous shit. scared2:...and why am I now scratching meself like?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bugsforthugs.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2FAlien_chestburster.jpg&hash=4351c86f656f39689f3492811b03ca8e329e1c78)
noooo:
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He might need that bucket for something else now sick2:
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Reading all this makes me quite glad that my family duties only extend to being an Uncle ;) But I've seen my sister go through it with her two lads.
Now the testosterone has kicked in it's a different game ~ the latest episode apparently involved them driving a quad bike across the fields at night, one riding shotgun bagging rabbits in the headlights eeek:
DS would probably appreciate the merits of that sort of training...
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All sensible words... happy088
Being Nick tho the whole family is almost certainly riddled with tape worm... whistle:
I've been to his house and eaten his CAKE FFS! eeek:
I'm going for a a very nervous shit. scared2:...and why am I now scratching meself like?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bugsforthugs.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2FAlien_chestburster.jpg&hash=4351c86f656f39689f3492811b03ca8e329e1c78)
noooo:
I knew I wouldnt be the only person who thought of that. whistle:
Not to worry Nick any more than he already is but that picture does make it look kind of feminine... eveilgrin:
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All sensible words... happy088
Being Nick tho the whole family is almost certainly riddled with tape worm... whistle:
I've been to his house and eaten his CAKE FFS! eeek:
I'm going for a a very nervous shit. scared2:...and why am I now scratching meself like?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bugsforthugs.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2FAlien_chestburster.jpg&hash=4351c86f656f39689f3492811b03ca8e329e1c78)
noooo:
I knew I wouldnt be the only person who thought of that. whistle:
Not to worry Nick any more than he already is but that picture does make it look kind of feminine... eveilgrin:
You know some strange women... noooo:
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Is it the lipstick noooo:
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Pills all round
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Pills all round
Most are, only some are spherical.
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And whatever happened to warts? The nit nurse used to visit my primary school and go through our hair. Then she would check for other stuff and all those with warts (always boys) would get marched off and painted purple. Do they still do that? rubschin:
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In Wales (as I suspect with the rest of the UK) School Nurses are a rare breed and one usually covers several schools. The regular (annual) check-ups given in my school days are a thing of the past however should staff reprot any particular problem to the School Nursing Service then a letter will be sent to the parents. They do carry out sight and hearing tests during the first years at school and again during the first year at Secondary School. We were informed by letter that the Nurse had "detected serious deficiencies" in the THW's eyesight. T asked the child one question and then telephoned the School Nursing Service and spoke to the Doctor in charge. I made only one observation ~ "When giving a child an eye test it would be sensible if the nurse were to ask the child if they normally wear glasses" ~ YES You guessed it. The THW does indeed wear specs in the classroom but removes them when out and about (for obvious reasons of vanity) and when the nurse had not asked if she wore glasses she assumed that they wanted to test her eyes as the optician regularly does.
The same nurse carried out a hearing test on Snoopy Minor and pronounced him deaf. Again we received a letter and took him to our GP who carried out the same test and hooted with laughter when Minor observed that the headphones used by the GP fitted better than those used by the school nurse. The child is not deaf but the headphones used by the nurse slipped off his ears and when he tried to tell her this she told him to be quiet and pay attention to the test so he told her he couldn't hear anything.
Again I contacted the Doctor in charge of the local School Nursing Service who sighed heavily.
Then came the one that really did for me. Minimus is allergic to many things but principally Eggs and Nuts. Eggs or anything made with eggs make him very sick and bring out a hideous rash. Nuts have been known to cause Anaphylaxis. Accordingly he is seen regularly, at the local hospital, by a consultant. This Consultant prescribed medication to be administered immediately on signs of an allergic reaction and "epi-pens" with which to inject the child in the event of Anaphylaxis. The injection has to be administered within minutes or the child could die.
We provided the school with the necessary "crash bag" of medications and the school nurse was sent in to deliver instruction to all the staff on how to administer the injections. (Basically for those who don't know you remove the cap and stab the child in the upper thigh ~ the equipment delivers the measured dose, you then phone for an ambulance using 999 and note the time the injection was given. If there is no improvement in the child's condition you administer a second injection after 5 minutes but usually the paramedics are there to take over by then.)
The School nurse then examined the medications we had collected from the pharmacy and left with the school. She took issue with the dosages prescribed and telephoned our GP to ask about the child's medical history. The GP told her to p*ss off under patient confidentiality rules ~ he then phoned me to tell me.
Again I phoned the School Nursing Service and spoke, this time, to the Nurse herself to ask why she had instructed the school staff that "Under no circumstances were they to administer the dosage of Antihistamine that had been prescribed" She told me that "in her opinion it was too high a dose" ... I pointed out that a Consultant at the local hospital had prescribed exactly the dose that she was questioning. She asked his name and when I gave it said "Well I've never heard of him ~ he cannot be much good". So I called him and relayed the conversation. One week later she was removed from post and offered early retirement, or a position within another part of the NHS and the school were sent a letter by the Consultant telling them exactly what they were to do should the need arise.
And people wonder why I have taken two of the children out of school. noooo:
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In Wales (as I suspect with the rest of the UK) School Nurses are a rare breed and one usually covers several schools. The regular (annual) check-ups given in my school days are a thing of the past however should staff reprot any particular problem to the School Nursing Service then a letter will be sent to the parents. They do carry out sight and hearing tests during the first years at school and again during the first year at Secondary School. We were informed by letter that the Nurse had "detected serious deficiencies" in the THW's eyesight. T asked the child one question and then telephoned the School Nursing Service and spoke to the Doctor in charge. I made only one observation ~ "When giving a child an eye test it would be sensible if the nurse were to ask the child if they normally wear glasses" ~ YES You guessed it. The THW does indeed wear specs in the classroom but removes them when out and about (for obvious reasons of vanity) and when the nurse had not asked if she wore glasses she assumed that they wanted to test her eyes as the optician regularly does.
The same nurse carried out a hearing test on Snoopy Minor and pronounced him deaf. Again we received a letter and took him to our GP who carried out the same test and hooted with laughter when Minor observed that the headphones used by the GP fitted better than those used by the school nurse. The child is not deaf but the headphones used by the nurse slipped off his ears and when he tried to tell her this she told him to be quiet and pay attention to the test so he told her he couldn't hear anything.
Again I contacted the Doctor in charge of the local School Nursing Service who sighed heavily.
Then came the one that really did for me. Minimus is allergic to many things but principally Eggs and Nuts. Eggs or anything made with eggs make him very sick and bring out a hideous rash. Nuts have been known to cause Anaphylaxis. Accordingly he is seen regularly, at the local hospital, by a consultant. This Consultant prescribed medication to be administered immediately on signs of an allergic reaction and "epi-pens" with which to inject the child in the event of Anaphylaxis. The injection has to be administered within minutes or the child could die.
We provided the school with the necessary "crash bag" of medications and the school nurse was sent in to deliver instruction to all the staff on how to administer the injections. (Basically for those who don't know you remove the cap and stab the child in the upper thigh ~ the equipment delivers the measured dose, you then phone for an ambulance using 999 and note the time the injection was given. If there is no improvement in the child's condition you administer a second injection after 5 minutes but usually the paramedics are there to take over by then.)
The School nurse then examined the medications we had collected from the pharmacy and left with the school. She took issue with the dosages prescribed and telephoned our GP to ask about the child's medical history. The GP told her to p*ss off under patient confidentiality rules ~ he then phoned me to tell me.
Again I phoned the School Nursing Service and spoke, this time, to the Nurse herself to ask why she had instructed the school staff the "Under no circumstances were they to administer the dosage of Antihistamine that had been prescribed" She told me that "in her opinion it was too high a dose" ... I pointed out that a Consultant at the local hospital had prescribed exactly the dose that she was questioning. She asked his name and when I gave it said "Well I've never heard of him ~ he cannot be much good". So I called him and relayed the conversation. One week later she was removed from post and offered early retirement, or a position within another part of the NHS and the school were sent a letter by the Consultant telling them exactly what they were to do should the need arise.
And people wonder why I have taken two of the children out of school. noooo:
Excellent result. Any trouble with warts, though or have they become extinct?