The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on June 16, 2007, 10:36:25 AM

Title: Violent Swans
Post by: Nick on June 16, 2007, 10:36:25 AM
The swans who live across the road have just produced SEVEn cygnets and this has sent them into hyper protective mode. Just been to fetch a newspaper and Daddy Swan watched me corss the road then sort of reared up and advanced on me with his wings up eeek:

I scarpered and on the way back I saw him watching me again and had to cross the road and dive in through the back door.

I fear I am a marked man. I have to go to Tesco now and am wondering if I will make it to the car.

Do swans attack cars?
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Barman on June 16, 2007, 10:42:16 AM
The swans who live across the road have just produced SEVEn cygnets and this has sent them into hyper protective mode. Just been to fetch a newspaper and Daddy Swan watched me corss the road then sort of reared up and advanced on me with his wings up eeek:

I scarpered and on the way back I saw him watching me again and had to cross the road and dive in through the back door.

I fear I am a marked man. I have to go to Tesco now and am wondering if I will make it to the car.

Do swans attack cars?
Not normally... but he'll probably attack yours!
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Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Nick on June 16, 2007, 10:49:40 AM
I just looked out of the window and they have vanished. This is worrying cos the cygnets are too small to fly. I think they may be hiding round a corner or something scared2:
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Snoopy on June 16, 2007, 12:38:05 PM
We have all heard that a blow from a swan's wing can break an arm or a leg ~ but have we ever actually met anyone so injured ..... I think not. Yes they are protective but not to the point of stupidity. He will stand between you and the cygnets and make a lot of fuss but it is all show.
Another thing about male swans is that as soon as the male cygnets get big enough the father chases them out of his pond as he cannot stand the competition. Having a grown up son I know the feeling.
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 16, 2007, 02:18:27 PM
I just looked out of the window and they have vanished. This is worrying cos the cygnets are too small to fly. I think they may be hiding round a corner or something scared2:
They are inside your car, waiting.
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Nick on June 16, 2007, 04:29:55 PM
 scared2:
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Barman on June 16, 2007, 05:31:09 PM
Swan curry?
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 16, 2007, 07:14:55 PM
Swan curry?

Swan Vesta curry of course. ::)

A bit fiery for my taste. redface:
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on June 16, 2007, 08:57:01 PM
I have it on good authority that you can get a nasty suck from a duck though!
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Snoopy on June 17, 2007, 02:47:25 PM
HM tends to get a bit shirty about  people eating her swans too.
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: The Moan Ranger on June 17, 2007, 02:56:18 PM
Swans are extremely tasty - let it chase you into your garden, where The Boy, armed with a shovel will dispense with it. Voila, a perfect roast for next Sunday.
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Snoopy on June 17, 2007, 03:16:35 PM
Swans are extremely tasty - let it chase you into your garden, where The Boy, armed with a shovel will dispense with it. Voila, a perfect roast for next Sunday.


Problem is, at Nick's house one never knows who might be popping in for tea. It might be HM or one of her extended family and then his goose would be ~ like the swan ~ cooked.
Still I understand the food's not bad at:
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Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 17, 2007, 06:13:57 PM
I just looked out of the window and they have vanished. This is worrying cos the cygnets are too small to fly. I think they may be hiding round a corner or something scared2:

I don't know about them hiding around the corner but the male could be circling round your house waiting to swoop down and attack you the moment you step out the front door.

Whatever happens dont let it bite you, I've seen a swan bite straight through a steel toecap and take someone's toe off before......   eeek:
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Snoopy on June 17, 2007, 07:12:12 PM
I just looked out of the window and they have vanished. This is worrying cos the cygnets are too small to fly. I think they may be hiding round a corner or something scared2:

I don't know about them hiding around the corner but the male could be circling round your house waiting to swoop down and attack you the moment you step out the front door.

Whatever happens dont let it bite you, I've seen a swan bite straight through a steel toecap and take someone's toe off before......   eeek:

Nick doesn't have steel toecaps on his Gucci Loafers. ::)
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Barman on June 18, 2007, 08:41:20 AM
I just looked out of the window and they have vanished. This is worrying cos the cygnets are too small to fly. I think they may be hiding round a corner or something scared2:

I don't know about them hiding around the corner but the male could be circling round your house waiting to swoop down and attack you the moment you step out the front door.

Whatever happens dont let it bite you, I've seen a swan bite straight through a steel toecap and take someone's toe off before......   eeek:

Nick doesn't have steel toecaps on his Gucci Loafers. ::)
I suspect they would peck your eyes out before starting on your shoes?  ::)
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Nick on June 18, 2007, 08:51:46 AM
 scared2:

He is still keeping a very close eye on me. Maybe I should disguise myself?
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Uncle Mort on June 18, 2007, 09:01:38 AM
Good idea!

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Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Nick on June 18, 2007, 09:07:28 AM
 evil:
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Barman on June 18, 2007, 09:07:49 AM
Good idea!

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point:
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Barman on June 18, 2007, 09:08:52 AM
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.concertseries.org%2Fimages%2F04-05_shows%2FSwan%2520Lake.jpg&hash=a48e918907846f12b369a03a67815b11c02011bc)
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 18, 2007, 09:09:33 AM
I suspect they would peck your eyes out before starting on your shoes?  ::)

 noooo: Think about midway between eye and shoe level. scared2:
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Barman on June 18, 2007, 09:35:19 AM
I suspect they would peck your eyes out before starting on your shoes?  ::)

 noooo: Think about midway between eye and shoe level. scared2:
shocked003
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Nick on June 18, 2007, 10:37:25 AM
They bite your bum?
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 18, 2007, 10:50:24 AM
They bite your bum?
If you can turn and run quick enough. scared2:
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Mr Happy on June 21, 2007, 08:22:27 PM
Nick, I am disgusted with you.  Sitting in my office on the Liverpool/Cheshire border yesterday I saw a swan mown down in cold blood.  Actually, the swan has enjoyed attacking cars since Mrs Swan was up the duff!  The RSPCA came and shoveled him up.  Doris the tea lady has contacted them and the Swan is clinging to life.

Could I ask your whereabouts at 2pm on 20th June.

P.S I could see the car approaching and attempted to help, i shouted "duck" but the Swan just looked confused...
Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Mozo on June 22, 2007, 07:03:09 AM
The swans who live across the road have just produced SEVEn cygnets and this has sent them into hyper protective mode. Just been to fetch a newspaper and Daddy Swan watched me corss the road then sort of reared up and advanced on me with his wings up eeek:

I scarpered and on the way back I saw him watching me again and had to cross the road and dive in through the back door.

I fear I am a marked man. I have to go to Tesco now and am wondering if I will make it to the car.

Do swans attack cars?

Do I recall my Father warning this young son not to aggravate swans as their wings were capable of breaking a boy's arm?






Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Snoopy on June 22, 2007, 07:15:32 AM
The swans who live across the road have just produced SEVEn cygnets and this has sent them into hyper protective mode. Just been to fetch a newspaper and Daddy Swan watched me corss the road then sort of reared up and advanced on me with his wings up eeek:

I scarpered and on the way back I saw him watching me again and had to cross the road and dive in through the back door.

I fear I am a marked man. I have to go to Tesco now and am wondering if I will make it to the car.

Do swans attack cars?

Do I recall my Father warning this young son not to aggravate swans as their wings were capable of breaking a boy's arm?









No-one here has ever met anyone who has had their arm broken by a swan's wing. Absolute Bollox. Go on ... Google it ~ there is no recorded case of this ever happening anywhere.

Title: Re: Violent Swans
Post by: Darwins Selection on June 22, 2007, 08:59:07 AM
The swans who live across the road have just produced SEVEn cygnets and this has sent them into hyper protective mode. Just been to fetch a newspaper and Daddy Swan watched me corss the road then sort of reared up and advanced on me with his wings up eeek:

I scarpered and on the way back I saw him watching me again and had to cross the road and dive in through the back door.

I fear I am a marked man. I have to go to Tesco now and am wondering if I will make it to the car.

Do swans attack cars?

Do I recall my Father warning this young son not to aggravate swans as their wings were capable of breaking a boy's arm?


No-one here has ever met anyone who has had their arm broken by a swan's wing. Absolute Bollox. Go on ... Google it ~ there is no recorded case of this ever happening anywhere.
I am assured by my pal, the Veterinary surgeon, that it is a myth.

There are no bones in the bird capable of delivering such an impact.

He suggests any fractures have been caused by blokes falling over trying to avoid getting a peck in the plums.