The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: DDD on March 07, 2009, 11:19:55 PM
-
Myself and the Significant Spender are trying to scratch a living here in Cyprus. The credit crunch saw our dreams of a retail empire scuppered, so we are working the markets, like.
Five weeks ago, I spent all of twelve seconds flogging a Valentines card to a disinterested individual who was going through the motions in order to keep her-in-doors happy. It was his choice of lovers-card and although he begrudged the concept of it all, I felt I had served another satisfied punter.
Two minutes after he left, the Significant Spender realised that I had flogged said card, but without the accompanying envelope. As instructed, I toured the market, looking for the envelope-less individual. Sadly, he had vacated the retail hedonism and I was left to accept the wrath of SS for being 'so stupid'!
Today, I had the pleasure of meeting the Gentleman again.
G: 'You sold me a fec*in card with no envelope you bstard'
Me: 'I'm so sorry sir, we realised the mistake just after you left our stall - I did go round the market to look for you, but alas you could not be found'.
G: 'My wife gave me fec*in grief all day 'cos of you, you bstard. There was no fec*in envelope!'
Me: 'Once again, Sir, I can only offer my apologies. I'm not sure what you paid, because we only keep a record of numbers sold and then we tally our takings at the end of the day, but I do know that we don't sell *any* cards for more than €3, so if I refund you that amount, will that be acceptable?'
G: 'No it fec*in wont! My missus is givin' me grief and it's your fec*in fault. '
Me: 'I accept that the problem was as a result of our error and I am offering you a refund. ' (Politely and seriously I also said:) 'Along with the refund, I can also give you the envelope - maybe you could make use of the card next year?'
G: 'Fe*k you, you fe*ker - you need to pay me for the grief I've fec*in had before I come round there and stuff your fec*in cards up your fec*in arse!'
Me: (Agitated by now) 'What, you want the shirt off my back? Take the car mate, take the stall, take the f*ckin lot. Want the missus? Take her, take everything. Tell you what mate, take yourself and F*CK OFF before I F*CKIN kill you!
Oops! All hell broke loose. Perhaps my sales technique is not what it once was, but I was *genuinely* trying to help and to appease the situation *before* he became totally un-reasonable. This idiot is demanding compo for something that we might have been responsible for, but nevertheless tried our hardest to rectify.
Feck 'im.
An hour later, the SS was spending quality time with a lady who wanted a 'nice' card for her daughters wedding. After spending the best part of 10 minutes (assisted by SS) choosing the correct one and oozing comments such as 'That's nice, ooh I like that, this one is pretty' etc, she chose a card from the 'value range'. As SS was bagging it, doting-daughter-loving-woman enquired of the price.
€1. 50 announced SS.
'That's expensive', she said, and fec*ed off!!
Sorry, but I HATE YOU ALL - every single one of you!
We got up at 5. 00am to go to this frickin market. We took €26. 25.
After taking off the pitch fee (€10), stock cost, VAT (Yep, we do business properly unlike the rest of you chavs here on the market) and our petrol, we made the grand sum of €5 for 14 hours work. (2 of us X 7hrs)
Oh, and then I nearly gave you your frickin refund. . . .
It's really not been the best day! Sympathy may be required, like.
-
Cyprus you say... This bloke, was he bald and had scarred shins? rubschin:
(Welcome to the asylum Virtual Pub)
-
That's the one!
I think during his tirade of abuse that there was a small mention of bar duties. . .
-
Welcome DDD 8)
The Cypriot Support Group is gaining momentum ;D
Coming here looking for sympathy could be a dangerous strategy - they are a heartless bunch ( only joking ) eeek:
However they will share your pain and put you right I'm sure.
As for the envelope - it will all have been the wimmin's fault - just you wait and see noooo: noooo: noooo:
-
That's the one!
I think during his tirade of abuse that there was a small mention of bar duties. . .
eeek:
-
Welcome DDD, despite what Miss D says we're not heartless, just realists ;)
€1.50 for a card ~ I just wish Clinton Cards charged as little. (although they will point out if the envelope is missing whistle:)
-
Welcome DDD, despite what Miss D says we're not heartless, just realists ;)
€1.50 for a card ~ I just wish Clinton Cards charged as little. (although they will point out if the envelope is missing whistle:)
I said I was only joking Uncle M cry:
You are the loveliest bunch of people I don't know whacky115
-
Sorry Miss D, I'm sure you're one of the loveliest people I don't know either.
-
Sorry Miss D, I'm sure you're one of the loveliest people I don't know either.
I'm not. whistle:
Welcome DDD anyway.
-
Welcome ~ I hadn't realised that BM's Cyprus cinema was equiped with 3D ~ will we all have to wear cardboard specs with one red and one green lens to read your posts?
Having worked the markets myself ~ during a temporary blip in the change over from self to paid employment I know exactly what you mean.
Still ~ there are compensations ....... and given time I'm sure I shall remember what they were.
-
Welcome DDD. If a strange man approaches trying to interest you in the purchase of some special beer DO NOT BY
-
Welcome DDD. If a strange man approaches trying to interest you in the purchase of some special beer DO NOT BY
In fact do not even BUY whistle:
-
Banghead
-
Banghead
point:
-
I just wish Clinton Cards charged as little.
They should - it's their ex-stock that I'm importing, for pennies. ;)
Having worked the markets myself ~ during a temporary blip in the change over from self to paid employment I know exactly what you mean.
I sold out from a profitable businesses years ago because of the headaches and hassles from miserable customers and then disappeared to Cyprus to get away from them all. When I decided that we ought to earn a few Euro's rather than sitting on our arses from summer to summer, I deliberately chose something that I thought wouldn't give us any grief. How wrong I was.
How can anyone get so wound up over a sodding envelope?
Anyhow, thanks for all your welcomes, and warnings. ;D
I'll now just check this post for spelling and grammar - I don't wish to fall foul of Snoops. angel1
-
I just wish Clinton Cards charged as little.
They should - it's their ex-stock that I'm importing, for pennies. ;)
Having worked the markets myself ~ during a temporary blip in the change over from self to paid employment I know exactly what you mean.
I sold out from a profitable businesses years ago because of the headaches and hassles from miserable customers and then disappeared to Cyprus to get away from them all. When I decided that we ought to earn a few Euro's rather than sitting on our arses from summer to summer, I deliberately chose something that I thought wouldn't give us any grief. How wrong I was.
How can anyone get so wound up over a sodding envelope?
Anyhow, thanks for all your welcomes, and warnings. ;D
I'll now just check this post for spelling and grammar - I don't wish to fall foul of Snoops. angel1
Nick is the resident English Grammar Pedant ~ Try misplacing your apostrophes when he is around. noooo:
I only chime in occasionally to keep him up to the mark ~ You are quite safe ........ unless one of us is in p*ss taking mode.
Simple rule of thumb ~ take nothing personally on here or everyone will point:
You are, of course, duty bound to be seriously ranting in "The Commons"
-
Which market s this at by the way... rubschin:
-
Nick is the resident English Grammar Pedant ~ Try misplacing your apostrophes when he is around. noooo:
I only chime in occasionally to keep him up to the mark ~ You are quite safe ........ unless one of us is in p*ss taking mode.
The Apostrophe Police are hard core here eeek: - trained by the KGB at Guantenomo Bay
However us eejits (by that I mean me cry: ) actually do learn a thing or two occasionally - only on the grammar front of course . As I wumman I know everything about everything else anyway lol:
-
Guantenomo Bay
Where? rubschin:
-
I couldn't even be bothered to Spell Check that - but I thought it would be as good as - should have known better lol:
-
The Apostrophe Police are hard core here eeek: - trained by the KGB at Guantenomo Bay
However us eejits (by that I mean me cry: ) actually do learn a thing or two occasionally - only on the grammar front of course .
Grammar but not Current Affairs/History it would seem. ::)
-
She may know something we don't, like
-
Grammar but not Current Affairs/History it would seem. ::)
So shoot me Shrugs:
-
She may know something we don't, like
"Comrade Colonel Demeanorvska" rubschin:
-
Grammar but not Current Affairs/History it would seem. ::)
So shoot me Shrugs:
I don't think so.
A tethered goat can always be handy. Ask BM. whistle:
-
She may know something we don't, like
"Comrade Colonel Demeanorvska" rubschin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimagecache2.allposters.com%2Fimages%2Fpic%2FSSPOD%2Fsuperstock_445-3413_b%7EBikini-Clad-Snow-Skier-Posters.jpg&hash=209f530672b2f51822d40d88a4b8e065e40f2654)
-
She may know something we don't, like
"Comrade Colonel Demeanorvska" rubschin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimagecache2.allposters.com%2Fimages%2Fpic%2FSSPOD%2Fsuperstock_445-3413_b%7EBikini-Clad-Snow-Skier-Posters.jpg&hash=209f530672b2f51822d40d88a4b8e065e40f2654)
Is that you fleeing with 007 bringing up your rear?
-
Indeed - I also have the box of Milk Tray tucked somewhere discretely ;)
-
Indeed - I also have the box of Milk Tray tucked somewhere discretely ;)
Just a small box I hope?
-
Stall eh? rubschin:
Perhaps you should try a new product range.
Cakes for instance. You either bake your own or if you don't have the requisite skill to hand you could buy in a shedfull of those cheap ones they sell in Poundland. You know the ones, so loaded with preservatives the have a shelf life of 14 years.
Of course this alone will not set the market place on fire but if you add a range of locomotives (yes, trains, chuff chuff's etc) this will become a major talking point and will make squillions.
I know it sounds odd but we have it on good authority that such outlets exist.
Welcome aboard and good look for the future. happy088
TG : VP small business start up advisor.
-
There is a place like that in AINSDALE. Odd you should come up with the idea, like
-
Indeed how peculiar. Perhaps you could furnish us with some pictures so we have a rough idea of how such a place could be set up?
-
I shall get to Ainsdale as soon as reasonably possible
-
happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
-
By train, or with Growler perhaps. Since it's a cake shop, like
-
I shall get to Ainsdale as soon as reasonably possible
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm1.static.flickr.com%2F66%2F163709772_b97119c3ed.jpg&hash=5a537068161994d8f420fb1be7e1d7d91fcc7923)
-
Which market s this at by the way. . .
Erm, I'm not quite sure which retail outlet you may be enquiring of (due to the bad spelling and unitelligible mutterings), but it's located in southern Cyprus.
More than that I will not say in case, once again, you come to attack me with your surly/brusque manner and scarred knees. whacky115
Cakes for instance.
TG, I have to thank you most sincerely for your eager input and free consultation regarding my retail expansion. I have, today, convened an extra-ordinary board meeting with my fellow directors and colleagues where the matter was discussed at length. After fevered discussion, and a short break for tea, we concluded that Cathy's Sticky-Bun Stall has that area of the market covered. We do, however, see opportunities for expansion in the crap tools/fake JCB rental sector for hapless DIY customers. Perhaps you could let me know your thoughts. I'd also be grateful if Nick could foreward his resume, since we may also be looking for an experienced JCB operative. char067
-
rubschin:
-
rubschin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.telegraph.co.uk%2Ftelegraph%2Fmultimedia%2Farchive%2F00674%2Fdigger-crash-404_674934c.jpg&hash=f6fc9b83b7fdc4ddb290c83d1e2b96cc29652d83)
point: