Common knowledge GM, there is even an entry on Wiki about it eyes:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 27, 2009, 09:38:20 PM
Don't you mean Wili?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on June 27, 2009, 11:02:47 PM
Behave! BTW The internet is often referred to as the 'WEB' as it was originally conceived by the Welsh Enterprise Board. The internet that we know now is based on their initial idea of connecting all of the computers in Wales with a tiny thread, along which spiders would carry messages.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 27, 2009, 11:16:52 PM
I hate to disagree with you GOS but it wasnt spiders that were used in networks, it was pixies, imps and the like whistle:
Quote
Basically, networks operate by having a number of pixies work together in order to move packets of data from one place to another. To control the movement and interaction of these pixies, various types of protocol exist which we will look at in greater detail in the rest of this document. At this point, it must be pointed out that Microsoft use imps instead of pixies, and Novell use both. Various different pixie control protocols are in common use, and we will look in more detail at some: This is an oversimplfication since it sort of bundles transport protocols with other things. To networks people this is important to systems managers it isn't.
TCP:
TCP stands for "Totally Controllable Pixies" - This protocol was invented by the Americans who are well known for exaggerating many claims. In actuality, the pixies are not under much control and do pretty much what they want. Often seen in association with the Totally Controllable Pixie protocol are two other phrases, "IP" (Intelligent Pixies) and "UDP" (Unusually Dumb Pixies). As a general rule, if you use the Intelligent Pixie protocol, you stand a better chance of the packets being delivered than if you use the Unusually Dumb Pixie protocol. Since TCP is by far the most common pixie protocol these days, we will look at this in more detail later, but for completeleness, we will look at some others.
DECNET:
No-body knows what DECNET stands for, nobody knows how DECNET works. It just does. There were rumours in the late 60's that DECNET expolited faries who had sniffed too much magic dust, but this has never been proven.
X25:
X25 was invented by a Rumanian scientist called Yarakov Gevtenads. It works by having differing numbers of pixies carrying various different sizes of packets in a very strict manner. The British stole Yarakov's system and renamed it simply "Pixie Synchronisation System" or PSS. In the 1970's, Janet Higgins at Rutherford Labs changed the structure of PSS to fit into an academic framework. She gave the pixies smaller packets and gave them lots of tea breaks and shorter working hours, and thus Janet's Network was founded. Janet's Network (JANET for short) was "the place to work" for pixies, with the Camtec cafes, "Tea Service Reset" breaks and a practically zero confidence level from the users of having their packets delivered, making their life a doddle. [See also ATM]
SNA:
SNA actually stands for "Send No Acknowledgement" - Basically, it is the same as X25 except that the pixies have to wear suits and get to drive from location to location in blue Vauxhall Cavilers. Because these pixies are considered so reliable, they don't need to acnowledge delivery of the packets.
NETBUI:
This is Microsoft's own, "NETworked, Blue Ugly Imp" protocol. In typical Miscoroft style, this name was chosen as a subtle dig at IBM. The Blue Ugly Imp protocol is a propietry protocol. Little information about how it works is available since Microsoft have employed everyone who can speak Imp language. It is not advisable to try and run NETBUI and any Pixie protocol on the same network since Imps eat Pixies.
IPX:
IPX (Imp/Pixie eXchange protocol) is Novell's attempt to make the Imp protocol and the Pixie protocols interact. Generally speaking, it gave the pixies roller skates and smaller packets in the hope that they could escape the Imps and not be eaten. Whilst IPX is believed to be a good protocol, it is quite expensive and if you are running it on the same network as pixies who don't have rollerscates, the Imps may still eat them!
ATM:
ATM is what happened when the Germans got hold of X.25 and decided that it wasn't efficient enough. Firstly, a bunch of Large Pixies with Newcastle accents go and build a bobsleigh run from one place to another and then truckloads of much smaller pixies all pick up a tiny bit of information and are shot at high speed down this bobsleigh run. Efficient German pixies then join together all the bits of infomation at the other end and deliver the message. The bobsleigh is a two way affair, how this is done is unknown but it seems to work. Although the super efficient German Pixies are amazingly good at what they do, the pixies on the bobsleigh run occasionally get carried away and shoot off the end of the run without ever being seen again. No-one knows what happens to these poor lost pixies. Note that ATM has nothing to do with Magic Money Machines although some of these use ATM to move their magic money around.
Ok, so that's the transports and protocols, what about the networks? This is a slightly over simplistic explanation, since none of our networking experts were prepared to tell us too many details. Presumably, like systems management, the field of network management wants to keep some secrets to itself. Basically, all a network is, is a means by which a group of (hopefully) co-ordinated pixies to get from one place to another. They do this by running very very fast (except in the case of SNA, where they use blue Vauxhall Cavilers, and IPX where they use roller skates) along the inside of the network cables. If the cables are made of glass, they occasionally "glass skate" which means the pixies get from one end of a cable to another more quickly.
Pixies can't run that far - This is an important thing to remember and this, is where networks managers come onto the scene. If you only have a small network, that will fit on a single peice of cable, you don't need a network manager. All the pixies are required to do is to run from one machine to another, deliver a packet of information and then have a little rest - An average Local Area Network will have about 10 million pixies with only a few percent of them doing anything at a given time. If you want to deliver too many packets of information and you get all the pixies working too hard, they will tire out, and start to bump into one another - As a general rule, if more than 30% of the pixies are active at once, things will start to go wrong.
Network managers can be viewed as "pixie tamers" and "pixie travel agents". As soon as a network gets too big for a single pixie to be able to deliver the packet in a single mad dash, they have to relay the packets to other pixies so they can do the next leg of the journey. Also, when a network gets really big, the pixies may have to start using public transport, and even fly across the sea in some cases! They will also need to know where to go.
What do all the networky bits do, and what are the protocols for? The best way of explaining this is to look at various components of a network, and to show what they do. We will also look at some protocols that this equipment uses and how they work. Some of the information in this section may not be 100% accurate since the networking people I spoke to were loath to tell me too much. It seems they want to keep some of the darker aspects of this secret. Repeaters:
This is best viewed as a refreshment and resting hole for pixies. Basically, it is a little house containing a few million pixies at all times. When a pixie comes in, exhausted from its run, it will give its packet to a refreshed pixie, who will then do the next leg of the journey.
Routers:
A router is similar to a repeater, only it is a lot bigger, costs more and usually comes in a prettier box. A router is also the basic unit of a network manager's salary, the more routers they control, the more money they earn. In pixie operational terms, a router is more like a postal sorting office; a pixie will run into the router, exhausted, give his packet to a supervisor and the supervisor will then decide what to do with it. This supervisor has a lot of power, and is usually a fairy, rather than a pixie. The fairys often talk to network managers over the course of a day, and the network manager tells the fairy how it should be running things and where the packets should go.
Lines:
The concept of a line can be quite confusing to systems managers. In normal terms, a line is a peice of wire, or a peice of glass that, if you are sufficiently drunk, you can often see and hear the pixies running along. When network managers talk of lines, they don't necessarialy mean "peices of wire" they sometimes just mean "lines of communication". Lines come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and they all have names that bear little connection to reality. A hint here, when a networks manager says "we are getting a T3 in to the USA" what he means is that he is giving your network the capability of moving 45 million pixies a second from a suitably big router on your home network to another suitably big router in the USA - How this is done is magic, but, and this is an important but, if you want to be cocky, ask what will happen when 45 million pixies a second try to all get at once onto a peice of physical wire that will only allow 10 million pixies a second on - And, on top of that, remember what happens to this wire then all the little pixies are working too hard! Obviously, this is where good network managers win over bad ones, they take care of their pixies, and they will have thought of ways round this.
Protocols: A protocol can be thought of as a jockey's whip. By their very nature, pixies are workshy and playful (we suspect this is why Microsoft use Imps, and why IBM make their pixies wear suits) so they need some motivation and encouragement to move packets around. The supervising fairys in conjunction with the network managers use the "speak softly and carry a big stick" approach. It is no mistake that most routing protocols were invented in Sicily, with RIP, a rather unsubtle protocol, where pixies that didn't perform to standard are killed and unceremoniously dumped in the routers "underperformers graveyard", being the most famous. A newish protocol from America called the Big Gremlin Protocol (BGP) takes the unique approach of deliberately introducing big gremlins into the routers (theoretically under the control of the network managers) to chase the pixies out of the routers and on their way. There is an overhead to this protocol in that gremlins are a lot bigger than pixies and so take up some of the room that pixies would otherwise use for running around.
Whilst not a protocol as such, it is a good place to mention "SMDS" (Some May Die Soon) - SMDS is a rather clever idea where the older senile pixies are all dumped into a big cloud and fed on fairy dust. Packet movement is achieved by the natural Brownian motion of the stoned, senile pixies and more by luck then judgement, the packet eventually reaches its destination.
In summary: It is hoped that this report will enable a competent systems manager to see that networks managers do have their place in society. Whilst one may not want to take them to the pub and talk about politics to them (after all, they spend most of their lives talking to fairys) they do an important job and should be respected for this.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on June 28, 2009, 04:14:15 AM
Bloody 'eck! lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 28, 2009, 09:19:47 AM
Spider turned up yet? whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 28, 2009, 09:26:17 AM
Spiders are cunning buggers BM, you'll find him hiding in the last place you would expect. somewhere you havent seen in a long time that rarely sees the light of day as they will feel safe there.
Checked the inside of your wallet lately? whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 28, 2009, 02:29:14 PM
Spiders are cunning buggers BM, you'll find him hiding in the last place you would expect. somewhere you havent seen in a long time that rarely sees the light of day as they will feel safe there.
Checked the inside of your wallet lately? whistle:
happy001
evil:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 28, 2009, 02:37:07 PM
BM decides to give LL the fright of her life by concocting attire for the dog
Spiders are cunning buggers BM, you'll find him hiding in the last place you would expect. somewhere you havent seen in a long time that rarely sees the light of day as they will feel safe there.
Checked the inside of your wallet lately? whistle:
happy001
evil:
whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Snoopy on June 28, 2009, 08:46:58 PM
Spiders are cunning buggers BM, you'll find him hiding in the last place you would expect. somewhere you havent seen in a long time that rarely sees the light of day as they will feel safe there.
Checked the inside of your wallet lately? whistle:
No chance the spider would be in there. The moths would have eaten it. Miss D swears that when he was forced to extract a note to pay for a round of drinks the queen on the fiver he produced bore more than a passing resemblance to Queen Victoria.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2009, 04:54:43 AM
I caught it! eeek:
Walked in the kitchen this morning and there was the enemy... between me and the kettle, astaring at me with all its little eyes.... scared2:
If it wasn't for my craving for tea I would have made a hasty exit... but I knew it had to be him or me... scared2:
Quick as a flash, I leapt for the industrial sized kitchen roll tore off two sheets and dropped them on my nemesis!
Shocked by the unexpected turn of events he headed for the door, taking the roll with it. I knew I had but one chance to save the day... I grabbed the moving paper! eeek:
The next few minutes are somewhat of a blur, a desperate struggle as he tried to prise my fingers open and strike at me with his vicious fangs of death! Eight strong, hairy legs against my ten fingers... sweat poured from my brow... fortune passed one way and then the other...
Time passed, I struggled toward the door in a desperate battle with my dangerous cargo. I stepped outside and with the last strength in my body hurled the beast into the garden!
He his the floor with a loud 'thud!' then turned slowly and looked at his foe before walking away...
We both knew he would be back. scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 29, 2009, 06:36:09 AM
Is this like how the story of David and Goliath started noooo: noooo: noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: The Moan Ranger on June 29, 2009, 06:36:12 AM
You just stamped on it, didn't you?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on June 29, 2009, 06:41:30 AM
I bet he has loads of hairy mates scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on June 29, 2009, 06:42:57 AM
His mother will come looking for her beloved who hasn't returned home 8)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on June 29, 2009, 06:45:06 AM
Not a very good paint job BM ~ all those pits and brush marks ~ we said you should have got a man in.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:26:40 AM
I was just thinking that. He appears to favour the peasant look
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 02, 2009, 11:27:37 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmU_q5xrnto
Scale.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:27:59 AM
Kerristtttt! It can move quickly... it has run up the wall to safety... scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:30:21 AM
Quote
Wolf spiders are members of the family Lycosidae, from the Greek word "λύκος" meaning "wolf". They are robust and agile hunters, and have good eyesight. They live mostly solitary lives and hunt alone. Some are opportunistic wanderer hunters, pouncing upon prey as they find it or chasing it over short distances. Others lie in wait for passing prey, often from or near the mouth of a burrow.
Either way, he's doomed
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:47:20 AM
He's disappeared again... noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:50:09 AM
Quote
Others lie in wait for passing prey
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:51:18 AM
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:52:53 AM
Quote
or chasing it over short distances
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:54:19 AM
LL will be back from the shops soon... I'll use her as bait... whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 11:56:39 AM
Secretly though, she mustn't suspect. Just get her to walk about slowly, pointing out things to her. YOu might smear her with something like jam too, but unobtrusively
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 11:58:30 AM
Secretly though, she mustn't suspect. Just get her to walk about slowly, pointing out things to her. YOu might smear her with something like jam too, but unobtrusively
Our minds are as one... whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: The Moan Ranger on July 02, 2009, 12:05:13 PM
Secretly though, she mustn't suspect. Just get her to walk about slowly, pointing out things to her. YOu might smear her with something like jam too, but unobtrusively
Our minds are as one... whistle:
Is that a good thing? rubschin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 12:07:11 PM
Secretly though, she mustn't suspect. Just get her to walk about slowly, pointing out things to her. YOu might smear her with something like jam too, but unobtrusively
Our minds are as one... whistle:
Is that a good thing? rubschin:
Um, on that particular subject I meant, obviously... whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 02, 2009, 12:09:34 PM
Too late - you are condemned -
BM and Nick - separated at birth lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on July 02, 2009, 12:47:04 PM
LL will be back from the shops soon... I'll use her as bait... whistle:
I like your thinking BM, tie her to a long pole, push her into the room, waggggle pole with the aforementioned LL attached.. seductively, when spider appears, attracted by LL's movements..POUNCE!! I would recommend the Vulcan Death Grip at the back of the thorax.. sorted!
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 01:26:59 PM
We are of one mind cloud9:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 01:27:08 PM
It werked! eeek:
LL was faffing around putting the shopping away and out came the spider!
I trapped it and dumped it in a neighbour's garden... whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Uncle Mort on July 02, 2009, 01:31:32 PM
He will be back.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 01:33:05 PM
Why don't you just shoot it and be done with?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Uncle Mort on July 02, 2009, 01:33:40 PM
Drown it in the pool.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 01:33:52 PM
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on July 02, 2009, 01:52:10 PM
BM, I'm not intending to imply insult or judgment here but I am curious to know in order to be able to respond to your posts in an appropriate manner, so please forgive what appears to be, but in fact is not intended as, an insulting question: Are you a twonk?
It will be back just like a homing pigeon and you are on a spider migration trail in a week or two it will be like living on the Serengeti Plain during the rainy season
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 01:53:40 PM
They migrate eeek:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 01:54:37 PM
BM, I'm not intending to imply insult or judgment here but I am curious to know in order to be able to respond to your posts in an appropriate manner, so please forgive what appears to be, but in fact is not intended as, an insulting question: Are you a twonk?
It will be back just like a homing pigeon and you are on a spider migration trail in a week or two it will be like living on the Serengeti Plain during the rainy season
Pah!
I'm sure my neighbour's home will provide a domicile much more to his liking... whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 01:55:06 PM
48 hours?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: grumpyoldsoldier on July 02, 2009, 01:57:06 PM
I'll have a quid each way on that
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2009, 02:01:40 PM
How will we know if it is the same one tho...? whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 02:04:08 PM
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 07:25:27 PM
Sounds rude
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Bar Wench on July 02, 2009, 08:05:55 PM
I really have no clue what is going on on this thread. noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 08:06:56 PM
NO change there then. Wenchy provides consistency to our lives cloud9:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Miss Demeanour on July 02, 2009, 08:15:50 PM
BM is making a crisis out of a drama ::)
If LL had seen the spider in the kitchen it would have been sorted . BM however has spent 3 days being stalked by an itsy bitsy spider and his tales are becoming more embellished each day whistle:
Tomorrow it will be like something out of War of the Worlds lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2009, 08:16:31 PM
LL would just stamp on it, we know
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Pastis on July 02, 2009, 09:36:17 PM
The spider or the embellishments? rubschin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Bar Wench on July 02, 2009, 09:59:43 PM
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on February 09, 2016, 06:20:02 PM
Another reason to not go to Australia scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 09, 2016, 06:38:41 PM
They are prolly over here by now, same was as tarantulas are now that they are considered good pets. Apparently there is a colony(?) of them near St Austell after someone decided to get rid of theirs by dumping them.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on February 09, 2016, 06:41:39 PM
scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on February 09, 2016, 06:55:22 PM
Given that I only go to St Austell if I am forced to as it's an absolute hole populated by some of the strangest people I've ever seen it's a safe bet I won't be finding out. lol:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: apc2010 on February 09, 2016, 06:59:40 PM
Given that I only go to St Austell if I am forced to as it's an absolute hole populated by some of the strangest people I've ever seen it's a safe bet I won't be finding out. lol:
Thumbs:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Steve on February 09, 2016, 11:01:39 PM
And the Padlock Pockets award for bad jokes goes to Baldymort... noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 24, 2016, 12:36:55 AM
So having shoved a twig into the spider hole and pissing off it's large resident your technique then involves putting your face near the entrance and making stupid noises? eeek:
So having shoved a twig into the spider hole and pissing off it's large resident your technique then involves putting your face near the entrance and making stupid noises? eeek:
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN THE BLUE CORNER WE HAVE THE MASTER OF DISASTER, THE BUCKETHEAD OF BUGGERATION, THE ONE AND ONLY BALDYMORT!!!!!
AND IN THE RED CORNER WE HAVE THE BIGGEST HUNTSMAN SPIDER WE HAVE EVER BLOODY SEEN....
PLACE YOUR BETS!!
rubschin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on November 03, 2016, 02:45:51 PM
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN THE BLUE CORNER WE HAVE THE MASTER OF DISASTER, THE BUCKETHEAD OF BUGGERATION, THE ONE AND ONLY BALDYMORT!!!!!
AND IN THE RED CORNER WE HAVE THE BIGGEST HUNTSMAN SPIDER WE HAVE EVER BLOODY SEEN....
PLACE YOUR BETS!!
rubschin:
scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 26, 2017, 01:33:39 AM
I don't care if it is a rare creature or not, bright colours tend to mean dangerous... eeek:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 08, 2019, 11:11:29 PM
The Goliath spider. Something tells me that both Mr Darwin sir's man and Baldymort would fail the newspaper test here...
Quote
They usually grow to be around 11.9 cm ( 4.5 inches) in length, but some Goliath Birdeaters have been known to reach lengths of 11 inches, which is about as big as a dinner plate. Their leg span is an amazing 28 cm, and they can weigh a whopping 175 grams, which is a little less than half a pound. eeek:
Thankfully, you're unlikely to encounter one of these monsters in your home or back yard. They only inhabit the rain forests of northern South America, living marshy or swampy areas. Phew!
Right up until people decide that they would make great pets and then dump them somewhere when they get bored.
The Goliath spider. Something tells me that both Mr Darwin sir's man and Baldymort would fail the newspaper test here...
Quote
They usually grow to be around 11.9 cm ( 4.5 inches) in length, but some Goliath Birdeaters have been known to reach lengths of 11 inches, which is about as big as a dinner plate. Their leg span is an amazing 28 cm, and they can weigh a whopping 175 grams, which is a little less than half a pound. eeek:
Thankfully, you're unlikely to encounter one of these monsters in your home or back yard. They only inhabit the rain forests of northern South America, living marshy or swampy areas. Phew!
Right up until people decide that they would make great pets and then dump them somewhere when they get bored.
The Goliath spider. Something tells me that both Mr Darwin sir's man and Baldymort would fail the newspaper test here...
Quote
They usually grow to be around 11.9 cm ( 4.5 inches) in length, but some Goliath Birdeaters have been known to reach lengths of 11 inches, which is about as big as a dinner plate. Their leg span is an amazing 28 cm, and they can weigh a whopping 175 grams, which is a little less than half a pound. eeek:
Thankfully, you're unlikely to encounter one of these monsters in your home or back yard. They only inhabit the rain forests of northern South America, living marshy or swampy areas. Phew!
Right up until people decide that they would make great pets and then dump them somewhere when they get bored.
The Goliath spider. Something tells me that both Mr Darwin sir's man and Baldymort would fail the newspaper test here...
Quote
They usually grow to be around 11.9 cm ( 4.5 inches) in length, but some Goliath Birdeaters have been known to reach lengths of 11 inches, which is about as big as a dinner plate. Their leg span is an amazing 28 cm, and they can weigh a whopping 175 grams, which is a little less than half a pound. eeek:
Thankfully, you're unlikely to encounter one of these monsters in your home or back yard. They only inhabit the rain forests of northern South America, living marshy or swampy areas. Phew!
Right up until people decide that they would make great pets and then dump them somewhere when they get bored.
Not that I want to worry old Buckethead even more but given their size I'd say they were the enforcers of the spider kingdom and would likely be sent out to deal with anyone who would fling a spider out the door....
Walked in the kitchen this morning and there was the enemy... between me and the kettle, astaring at me with all its little eyes.... scared2:
If it wasn't for my craving for tea I would have made a hasty exit... but I knew it had to be him or me... scared2:
Quick as a flash, I leapt for the industrial sized kitchen roll tore off two sheets and dropped them on my nemesis!
Shocked by the unexpected turn of events he headed for the door, taking the roll with it. I knew I had but one chance to save the day... I grabbed the moving paper! eeek:
The next few minutes are somewhat of a blur, a desperate struggle as he tried to prise my fingers open and strike at me with his vicious fangs of death! Eight strong, hairy legs against my ten fingers... sweat poured from my brow... fortune passed one way and then the other...
Time passed, I struggled toward the door in a desperate battle with my dangerous cargo. I stepped outside and with the last strength in my body hurled the beast into the garden!
He his the floor with a loud 'thud!' then turned slowly and looked at his foe before walking away...
We both knew he would be back. scared2:
*Gets blacks suit from cleaners.......*
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Steve on July 09, 2019, 06:02:47 PM
2009?
You could prolly go round the world for 50p then - and still have change
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 09, 2019, 06:43:06 PM
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on January 27, 2020, 07:12:32 PM
LL will help you :thumbsup:
Oh, she is away point:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 27, 2020, 07:54:13 PM
Apparently they range from India to Southeast Asia, Africa, Europe, Australia, and the Americas so Smugland probably has a colony somewhere....
To make things worse for Baldymort their sting is one of the most painful according to the Schmidt sting pain index. I will point out that Schmidt was of questionable sanity given he tested all of them out on himself... noooo:
Pain Level 1 Some of the insect stings Schmidt considers to be at a pain level of 1 include the Southern fire ant, the elongate twig ant, the Western paper wasp, the digger bee, and most small bees. The duration of the pain of insect stings categorized into Pain Level 1 generally is five minutes or less.
Since many small bees are categorized into a pain level of 1, most toxic polypeptides in bee venom are melittin, apamin, and MCD peptide. Melittin is the main toxin of bee venom, and it damages red blood cells and white blood cells. Apamin is a neurotoxin that augments polysynaptic reflexes. MCD peptide destroys mast cells.
Feeling only slight pain, Schmidt has described the sting of a digger bee, categorized into Pain Level 1, as "almost pleasant, a lover just bit your earlobe a little too hard." Also rated into Pain Level 1, Schmidt has described the sting of the sweat bee as "light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm."
Pain Level 2 Schmidt sets the sting of the Western honey bee at a pain level of 2 to be the anchoring value, basing his categorization of all other stings on it. He has categorized a variety of wasps, bees, and ants into Pain Level 2, including yellowjackets, the Asiatic honey bee, the trap-jaw ant, and the bald-faced hornet. The duration of the stings in this level is generally between five and ten minutes long. Schmidt categorized the majority of Hymenopteran stings as having a pain level of 2.
The sting of a termite-raiding ant, categorized as a pain level of 2, has a similar feeling as "the debilitating pain of a migraine contained in the tip of your finger," according to Schmidt. On the contrary, a yellowjacket's sting was described as being "hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue." Though the sting was a different feeling, the yellowjacket was also rated at a pain level of 2.
Pain Level 3 Most insects that are characterized as having a pain level of 3 are wasps, including the red paper wasp, the metricus paper wasp, and the velvet ant (which is actually a wasp, not an ant). The duration of the sting pain can range anywhere from one minute (such as the sting of the red paper wasp) to half an hour (such as the sting of the velvet ant). Wasp venom uniquely contains wasp kinin that exhibit kinin-like activity. One of the kinins found in wasp kinin, "polistes kinin 3", is found to lead to similar effects on smooth musculature and circulation as bradykinin.
Some ants are also rated at a Pain Level 3, including the giant bull ant and the Maricopa harvester ant. Schmidt considered the sting of the Maricopa harvester ant as having a pain level of 3, describing it as such: "After eight unrelenting hours of drilling into that ingrown toenail, you find the drill wedged into the toe."
Pain Level 4 Pain Level 4 is the highest level in the Schmidt sting pain index. Schmidt's original index rated only one such example, the sting of the bullet ant, as a 4.[1] Schmidt has described the sting as "pure, intense, brilliant pain...like walking over flaming charcoal with a three-inch nail embedded in your heel."The bullet ant's venom primarily contains poneratoxin, a paralyzing neurotoxic peptide.
Schmidt later gave the sting of the tarantula hawk a rating of a 4, which he described as "blinding, fierce and shockingly electric." The composition of the tarantula hawk venom is unknown, though the duration of pain from the sting is short-lived, lasting only approximately 5 minutes.
Schmidt also rates the sting of the warrior wasp as a 4, describing it as "Torture. You are chained in the flow of an active volcano. Why did I start this list?", saying the pain lasts up to two hours.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on February 07, 2020, 03:03:22 PM
You'd probably have a better chance of hitting it but I'm not sure what LL would do to you when she notices you have blown large holes in the wall/floor/ceiling/toilet/sink/door... rubschin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on September 03, 2020, 04:16:29 PM
https://youtu.be/CaLKWa3f9rk
Any strange sound that BM hears at night now... eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on September 03, 2020, 04:18:21 PM
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 18, 2020, 06:05:43 PM
All of a sudden spiders don't seem so scary... eeek:
You only need to watch the first 30 seconds or so but how big is that bloody insect???? scared2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83ysf_GO2aw
"It's very hard to get them to sting you" Something tells me the only reason it's hard is because anyone with common sense sees one of those things flying towards them and either runs away screaming or pulls out a flamethrower.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on October 18, 2020, 06:15:19 PM
All of a sudden spiders don't seem so scary... eeek:
You only need to watch the first 30 seconds or so but how big is that bloody insect???? scared2:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83ysf_GO2aw
"It's very hard to get them to sting you" Something tells me the only reason it's hard is because anyone with common sense sees one of those things flying towards them and either runs away screaming or pulls out a flamethrower.
eeek:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on October 18, 2020, 06:18:42 PM
It is the time of year when the big buggers emerge from my Victorian skirting boards scared2:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 18, 2020, 06:21:34 PM
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Uncle Mort on January 24, 2021, 09:23:45 AM
Just no eeek:
Serial Box Will Publish Justin C. Key’s Spider King Miniseries (https://www.tor.com/2021/01/22/serial-box-will-publish-justin-c-keys-spider-king-miniseries/#more-629761)
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on January 24, 2021, 09:43:19 AM
Serial Box Will Publish Justin C. Key’s Spider King Miniseries (https://www.tor.com/2021/01/22/serial-box-will-publish-justin-c-keys-spider-king-miniseries/#more-629761)
eeek:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 24, 2021, 03:51:25 PM
I believe the phrase is 'fuck that for a game of soldiers' eeek:
https://youtu.be/EPhPP2icIMg
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Steve on January 24, 2021, 03:55:16 PM
Walked in the kitchen this morning and there was the enemy... between me and the kettle, astaring at me with all its little eyes.... scared2:
If it wasn't for my craving for tea I would have made a hasty exit... but I knew it had to be him or me... scared2:
Quick as a flash, I leapt for the industrial sized kitchen roll tore off two sheets and dropped them on my nemesis!
Shocked by the unexpected turn of events he headed for the door, taking the roll with it. I knew I had but one chance to save the day... I grabbed the moving paper! eeek:
The next few minutes are somewhat of a blur, a desperate struggle as he tried to prise my fingers open and strike at me with his vicious fangs of death! Eight strong, hairy legs against my ten fingers... sweat poured from my brow... fortune passed one way and then the other...
Time passed, I struggled toward the door in a desperate battle with my dangerous cargo. I stepped outside and with the last strength in my body hurled the beast into the garden!
He his the floor with a loud 'thud!' then turned slowly and looked at his foe before walking away...
Walked in the kitchen this morning and there was the enemy... between me and the kettle, astaring at me with all its little eyes.... scared2:
If it wasn't for my craving for tea I would have made a hasty exit... but I knew it had to be him or me... scared2:
Quick as a flash, I leapt for the industrial sized kitchen roll tore off two sheets and dropped them on my nemesis!
Shocked by the unexpected turn of events he headed for the door, taking the roll with it. I knew I had but one chance to save the day... I grabbed the moving paper! eeek:
The next few minutes are somewhat of a blur, a desperate struggle as he tried to prise my fingers open and strike at me with his vicious fangs of death! Eight strong, hairy legs against my ten fingers... sweat poured from my brow... fortune passed one way and then the other...
Time passed, I struggled toward the door in a desperate battle with my dangerous cargo. I stepped outside and with the last strength in my body hurled the beast into the garden!
He his the floor with a loud 'thud!' then turned slowly and looked at his foe before walking away...
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Steve on September 27, 2021, 11:35:18 AM
So we're now going through a moral dilemma. I throw this to the wisdom bank of the VP
Mrs K detests spiders big time. This makes me a hero several times a week as I trap Mr/Ms Six Legs and deposit them outside the front door. Now we read that they don't survive outside and can die within hours cry:
Do we
- let them run wild in the house and I lose my (mostly vestigial) hero status?
- just kill them when seen and I not only lose said hero status but look a meanie?
- still throw them out to die a slow horrible death - and me look a bigger meanie
- throw them in the garage - and get all my stuff covered in cobwebs?
- try looking at this from a wider perspective than my outcome?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on September 27, 2021, 11:47:24 AM
So we're now going through a moral dilemma. I throw this to the wisdom bank of the VP
Mrs K detests spiders big time. This makes me a hero several times a week as I trap Mr/Ms Six Legs and deposit them outside the front door. Now we read that they don't survive outside and can die within hours cry:
Do we
- let them run wild in the house and I lose my (mostly vestigial) hero status?
- just kill them when seen and I not only lose said hero status but look a meanie?
- still throw them out to die a slow horrible death - and me look a bigger meanie
- throw them in the garage - and get all my stuff covered in cobwebs?
- try looking at this from a wider perspective than my outcome?
I kill ants, the millipedes go down the bog but I let spiders run free - apart from the mahoosive ones which take their chances outside...
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Steve on September 27, 2021, 12:22:04 PM
Oh yes ants in the house = doom for them.
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Nick on September 27, 2021, 02:06:05 PM
I have a Daddy Longlegs crisis here noooo:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Barman on September 27, 2021, 02:43:07 PM
So we're now going through a moral dilemma. I throw this to the wisdom bank of the VP
Mrs K detests spiders big time. This makes me a hero several times a week as I trap Mr/Ms Six Legs and deposit them outside the front door. Now we read that they don't survive outside and can die within hours cry:
Do we
- let them run wild in the house and I lose my (mostly vestigial) hero status?
- just kill them when seen and I not only lose said hero status but look a meanie?
- still throw them out to die a slow horrible death - and me look a bigger meanie
- throw them in the garage - and get all my stuff covered in cobwebs?
- try looking at this from a wider perspective than my outcome?
I see a solution here for the pair of you. Box up the spiders and post them to Nick, then they can take care of the daddy longlegs problem.. :thumbsup:
What's the worst that could happen? whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Steve on September 27, 2021, 03:43:12 PM
Well what has currently happened here is we have a spider amnesty on forced evictions and as a result loads of cobwebs with dead/dying daddy longlegs stuck in them. But then aren't they the cause of leather jackets?
Aint nature compelcated?
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 07, 2021, 09:08:12 PM
Just think, the next time you try to deal with a spider it could do the exact same thing.. whistle:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on January 01, 2023, 04:45:02 AM
Not a spider, this is a Little Barrier Island giant weta from New Zealand. While they aren't dangerous something tells me if BM came across one of these in his kitchen we'd hear the scream back in Blighty.. whistle:
Not a spider, this is a Little Barrier Island giant weta from New Zealand. While they aren't dangerous something tells me if BM came across one of these in his kitchen we'd hear the scream back in Blighty.. whistle:
I knew someone who took one of those, hid a small remote controlled car in it and got the legs and tail to look like they were moving on their own. Guaranteed way to clear a room eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Mahoooooosive Spider
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 19, 2024, 12:29:07 PM