The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Comedy Room => Topic started by: Miss Demeanour on August 24, 2009, 07:15:59 AM
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A panel of nine comedy critics each had a pool of about 7,200 different jokes to listen to before creating a shortlist for a public vote.
And the winner?
'Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?'
rubschin:
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You prolly had to have been there noooo:
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and drunk quite a bit rubschin:
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and be simple
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The full list:
1) Dan Antopolski - "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"
2) Paddy Lennox - "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."
3) Sarah Millican - "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."
4) Zoe Lyons - "I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West."
5) Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."
6) Adam Hills - "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."
7) Marcus Brigstocke - "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"
8 ) Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."
9) Dan Antopolski - "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."
10) Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) - "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."
Kind of glad I didn't go.
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I liked the one about the Spa Hotel
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I don't get that one rubschin:
I like 2 and 5
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No 5 would have got my vote
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Be honest ~ they're all crap.
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Honestly, 2 and 5 would have made me laugh
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If forced I would be with Pastis ~ at least that one has the benefit of accuracy.
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If forced I would be with Pastis
eeek:
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If forced I would be with Pastis ~ at least that one has the benefit of accuracy.
I don't get it.
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If forced I would be with Pastis ~ at least that one has the benefit of accuracy.
I don't get it.
You would if you were with Pastis! eveilgrin:
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8 ) Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."
Most "Spa" hotels are exactly the same as any other hotel but they go in for a lot of odd pictures ~ For example a pebble ~ to emphasise their "back to all things natural" aspect ......... such as:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimagecache5.art.com%2Fp%2FLRG%2F15%2F1552%2FZ57DD00Z%2Famelie-vuillon-flower-and-pebble.jpg&hash=c1912dea91ce73d23e13f821e7f48816a9cd1e94)
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happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
Oh god! I've split my sides laughing.
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Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit ~ my old Mum used to say.
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No, that joke was. ;)
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I laughed at this one but many find it offensive:
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick?s Day. Mick, the bartender, finally says, ?You?ll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy.?
Paddy replies, ?OK Mick, I?ll be on my way then.?
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
?Shoite,? he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again, ?Shoite, Shoite!?
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he?ll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better, and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
?Bi?Jesus?. I?m fockin ? focked,? he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and goes inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says, ?No fockin? way.? He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says. ?I can make it to the bed.? He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says ?Fock it? and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, ?Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night??
Paddy says, ?I did, Jess. I was fockin? pissed. But how did you know??
?Mick phoned? you left your wheelchair at the pub.?
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Much better happy088
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Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman queuing up at the army medical centre after being called up.
Englishman goes in to see the MO and comes out with a big smile on his face.
?Excellent?, he says, ?I?m FF and don?t have to fight?
?What is FF??, ask the other two.
?Flat feet?, says the Englishman.
Then it is the turn of jock to go in. After a short while he too comes out with a big smile on his face.
?Och aye, excellent?, says the jock, ?I?m SS and don?t have to fight?.
?What is SS?? ask the other two.
?Short sighted?, says jock.
Lastly, Paddy goes in and after a while he comes out grinning from ear to stupid ear.
?Excellent?, says Paddy, ?I?m LC and don?t have to fight!?
?What is LC?? ask the other two.
?Lung Cancer? grins Paddy?
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What do Prince Charles, Barman and a gorilla have in common?
Prince Charles is the Heir Apparent.
BM man has no hair apparent.
A gorilla has a hairy parent.
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What do Prince Charles, Barman and a gorilla have in common?
Prince Charles is the Heir Apparent.
BM man has no hair apparent.
A gorilla has a hairy parent.
rubschin:
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If I'd not been werkin', like, I'd have explained the bit about the pebble to you Unc. ;)
See also:
Bamboo, statuettes of Buddha, pics of clouds and sea etc.
Ironically, in my view there's nothing wrong with any of these things, but Brand Management at hotels are pretty much clueless ::)
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I liked the one about the Spa Hotel
Me too ;D
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noooo:
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1st-5
2nd-2
3rd-4
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1st-5
2nd-2
3rd-4
**cough** and my joke...? whistle:
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1st-5
2nd-2
3rd-4
**cough** and my joke...? whistle:
Oh yes, bravo, how could I forget to commend it.
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1st-5
2nd-2
3rd-4
**cough** and my joke...? whistle:
Oh yes, bravo, how could I forget to commend it.
Well you did... evil: