The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Snoopy on September 05, 2009, 05:02:20 PM
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So SWWLTBO says "I have defrosted the big freezer so could you go on line to Asda?" a cunning move because that puts the bill on my card and not hers.
Anywhoo I have a speedy trawl round the store and buy about £100 worth of stuff (most of which will not go into the freezer anyway) because there are shouted requests for "ladies items" and sundry tins, jars and bottles.
I tell her the job is done and that delivery will be on Tuesday as she requested.
She then puts on her coat, "borrows" a hundred quid (that I will never see again) and says she is going shopping. Comes back two and a half hours later with 6 carrier bags full. Where had she been?
You know it don't you.
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.fvcking ASDA! Banghead
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Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
point:
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Je d?sesp?re
If I live to be 1000 I know I will still not understand them. noooo:
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It may be Asda carrier bags but that does not necessarily mean she has been to Asda whistle:
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The mahoosive fook up with the fooking rug last night was ALL HER FAULT. This was proven THREE fooking times. Result? Contrition? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It was, and still is, angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041:
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It may be Asda carrier bags but that does not necessarily mean she has been to Asda whistle:
They are so devious Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
And And they have stoopid magazines that have articles in about men's faults WITH FOOKING QUIZZES! Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
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It may be Asda carrier bags but that does not necessarily mean she has been to Asda whistle:
The giveaway being the labels on the tins, jars, bottles and packets. Mostly she has bought the things she stood in the kitchen and shouted out that she needed me to order for Tuesday delivery. censored:
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cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
Where will you put it all? cussing: cussing: cussing:
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shrugs:
I expect a lot of it will be converted into Meals on Wheels and transported by her to her mother's freezer in Lincolnshire. The old lady relies on us to provide ready cooked and portioned meals that she can microwave back to life as she (MiL) is now going blind as well as being 80, not recovering from last year's stroke and barely able to get around the house but still will not go into a care home.
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angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041: Explode:
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Now now boys, calm down....sit down...deep breaths ......exhale slowly .......close your eyes
Let your mind wander....go back, way back, to the days when you had just met your beloved. Remember those wonderful feelings of attraction, lust, affection, adoration cloud9: cloud9: cloud9: cloud9:
When laughter was abundant, when sex was frequent , when you 'wanted' to spend your time in her company.
Do you remember now?
Well that was years ago and whilst she is doing everything you are sitting on your arse in your chair with your eyes closed. No wonder she is less than happy lol:
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evil:
I have done something, I know not what, to my back and it hurts like h*ll. I can only get up the stairs one at a time. Sitting and standing are an agony. Every cough or sneeze brings tears to my eyes. Last night I went slowly up to bed, took two painkillers and fell asleep. When she came to bed she woke me up because it didn't "look like you were breathing".
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WIMMIN Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
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Now now boys, calm down....sit down...deep breaths ......exhale slowly .......close your eyes
Let your mind wander....go back, way back, to the days when you had just met your beloved. Remember those wonderful feelings of attraction, lust, affection, adoration cloud9: cloud9: cloud9: cloud9:
When laughter was abundant, when sex was frequent , when you 'wanted' to spend your time in her company.
Do you remember now?
Well that was years ago and whilst she is doing everything you are sitting on your arse in your chair with your eyes closed. No wonder she is less than happy lol:
What is this sex of which you burble?
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It's what 2 people do when they love each other
or fancy each other
or pay one or the other
or when they're pissed
or when they need something from the other person
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It's what 2 people do when they love each other
or fancy each other
or pay one or the other
or when they're pissed
or when they need something from the other person
Get a man in
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For what whistle:
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I dimly recall some of those noooo:
Do mops, kids, sofas, shopping, cooking, painters and washing come into any of that?
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Now now boys, calm down....sit down...deep breaths ......exhale slowly .......close your eyes
Let your mind wander....go back, way back, to the days when you had just met your beloved. Remember those wonderful feelings of attraction, lust, affection, adoration cloud9: cloud9: cloud9: cloud9:
When laughter was abundant, when sex was frequent , when you 'wanted' to spend your time in her company.
Do you remember now?
Well that was years ago and whilst she is doing everything you are sitting on your arse in your chair with your eyes closed. No wonder she is less than happy lol:
What is this sex of which you burble?
It's what the man delivers the coal in.
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For what whistle:
Whichever of the 4 options you require
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I'm fine thanks whistle:
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Sven is back with his power tools noooo:
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Sex is something married men have to get away from home ~ like Lobster Thermidor
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and get boiled alive if caught whistle:
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and get boiled alive if caught whistle:
drumroll:
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and get boiled alive if caught whistle:
rubschin: So far so good then
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cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
Must call that air hostess evil:
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But we're all the same - remember that whistle:
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Banghead
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But we're all the same - remember that whistle:
That's why I learned to cook Lobster whistle:
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noooo:
Man with deep fishing nets catches more than he bargained for whistle:
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Woman in fishnets gets exactly what she is asking for. whistle:
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Wimmin claim they want simple things but don't cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
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We males are simple enough surely and they are never satisfied with us.
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noooo:
Man with deep fishing nets catches more than he bargained for whistle:
Like crabs?
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Indeed Miss C ;)
As for wanting simple things Snoops and women not being satisfied - the female posters on here are generally not moaning about their men to anywhere near the same extent as you guys whistle:
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The wimmin here are all divorced (mostly). The men are married angel1
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Most of the women here have partners tho....as do the blokes rubschin:
but obviously your suffering is greater ;D
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Even you must see the irrationality of SWWLTBO's actions today noooo:
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I'm just being mischievous dear Snoops ....
I'm looking forward to another PM from Nick that goes something along the lines of
cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
lol:
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I do, however, take your point Miss D and frankly admit that if I didn't want to be here (ie married) I would leave. Having a bleat on here is just letting off some of the steam.
Besides the sheer sillyness of some of the antics of both Mrs S#2 and Mrs Nick do make for comedy.
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I would never ever get married again. When I told my boss that we wer getting married (she knew both of us) she fell off her chair noooo:
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As we all do !!!
And yes I would actually agree that your beloved actions were irrational and would drive anybody up the wall noooo:
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Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: angry041: angry041: angry041:
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I would never ever get married again. When I told my boss that we wer getting married (she knew both of us) she fell off her chair noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
Which is one of the reasons that I would never tell any of my friends that their relationships, forthcoming marriages etc will not work . First of all who the hell I am to know ( hardly a glowing reference myself) and secondly they won't listen anyway.
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Are there secular monasteries? With nearby handy convents?
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As we all do !!!
And yes I would actually agree that your beloved actions were irrational and would drive anybody up the wall noooo:
Wot she said. I may be speaking out of turn here but I think the girlies on here are a decent, normal, bunch and are slightly/hugely different from most wimmin. whistle:
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Seconded 8)
Motion carried - VP wimmin are the bestest whistle:
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As we all do !!!
And yes I would actually agree that your beloved actions were irrational and would drive anybody up the wall noooo:
Wot she said. I may be speaking out of turn here but I think the girlies on here are a decent, normal, bunch and are slightly/hugely different from most wimmin. whistle:
happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
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And just how long have you had this death wish Nick? eveilgrin:
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September 10 1994 eveilgrin:
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September 10 1994 eveilgrin:
Good grief you are heading rapidly toward and anniversary. I sincerely hope that you have done what needs to be done to mark this event.
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Nick is planning a special pyrotechnic display to mark the occasion. He's already bought a new microwave and 100 tea towels whistle:
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The microwave thing is soooo last year, and the year before. noooo:
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September 10 1994 eveilgrin:
Good grief you are heading rapidly toward and anniversary. I sincerely hope that you have done what needs to be done to mark this event.
Somehow I doubt it .....he likes being in trouble lol:
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Do you think he does or has he just accepted the fact that it is a permanent thing and is making the best of it. razz:
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Mmmmm I think this should be the subject of a PhD
Nick's Chaos Theory - self induced or self deluded rubschin:
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I am seriously considering doing a OU course this year, I will go and look it up. lol:
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Nick's Chaos Theory made easy
The Complete Idiots Guide to String
Theory (and other unified theories)
www.strings.musser.com
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You miss the point ladeeys.
Nick is Chaos. End of story. ;D
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You miss the point ladeeys.
Nick is Chaos. End of story. ;D
I think he may be a Quark.
Obviously not a bit of a Quark (that bit was for you Uncle M)
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Mrs Nick bought a jacket last week and asked me what I thought of it. I told her that it fitted badly and looked nasty. She took it back. She got another one and asked me my view. Bored of this I said it looked fine. She then told me it was the same jacket redface:
Wimmin!
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You see if you paid more attention you wouldn't fall into these traps .
It's your fault whistle:
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Mrs Nick bought a jacket last week and asked me what I thought of it. I told her that it fitted badly and looked nasty. She took it back. She got another one and asked me my view. Bored of this I said it looked fine. She then told me it was the same jacket redface:
Wimmin!
point:
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Mrs Nick bought a jacket last week and asked me what I thought of it. I told her that it fitted badly and looked nasty. She took it back. She got another one and asked me my view. Bored of this I said it looked fine. She then told me it was the same jacket redface:
Wimmin!
You do ask for trouble.
The correct response to any such question is "When I look at you I remember why we got married, I don't see what you are wearing, I see the inner you". You then make your escape whilst she is thinking up a suitable response.
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She would not believe me noooo:
And she'd be right razz:
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Mrs Nick bought a jacket last week and asked me what I thought of it. I told her that it fitted badly and looked nasty. She took it back. She got another one and asked me my view. Bored of this I said it looked fine. She then told me it was the same jacket redface:
Wimmin!
You do ask for trouble.
The correct response to any such question is "When I look at you I remember why we got married, I don't see what you are wearing, I see the inner you". You then make your escape whilst she is thinking up a suitable response.
Alternatively, "I only married half of you"... whistle:
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I like the question "Does this make my bottom look big?"
This is a favourite of SWWLTBO.
My reply is always "No ~ your arse always looks that size"
Annoys the hell out of her eveilgrin:
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Lets face it- if your partner liked what you were wearing you would know, whether it was his tongue hanging out , his eyebrows raised, or any other physical signs whistle:
Every other thing you wear is just ok or average and not worthy of a comment ....... Shrugs:
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TBH as men we don't much care ~ mainly because we don't notice.
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Exactly .....and you're only interested when you like the clothing that much you want to take it off whistle:
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Right!
Who care about the wrapping ~ it's the pressy we're after.
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But the wrapping can often make the present much more attractive ....
If we all walked around naked can you imagine what a horrific world that would be noooo:
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Which is why I have shares in elastic and whalebone angel1
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whistle:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.successfulmodelling.co.uk%2Fimages%2Flegs.jpg&hash=dce251940607032868d4f73c001f6973ad1bc098)
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noooo: noooo: noooo:
The reality
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F413n8mJzgnL._SX280_SH35_.jpg&hash=335369d3a0ee15b2841806092be3228aacf21cf5)
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That knee looks a bit "blokey" to me.
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noooo: noooo: noooo:
The reality
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F413n8mJzgnL._SX280_SH35_.jpg&hash=335369d3a0ee15b2841806092be3228aacf21cf5)
But only after the wedding. evil:
Blatant breach of Trades Descriptions Act
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Aye that'll be right - cos blokes never let themselves 'go' do they noooo:
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Of course not! whistle:
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noooo: noooo: noooo:
The reality
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F413n8mJzgnL._SX280_SH35_.jpg&hash=335369d3a0ee15b2841806092be3228aacf21cf5)
But only after the wedding. evil:
Blatant breach of Trades Descriptions Act
I wore those to my interview!!!!
Poor Mr Wench. Not even married and he has to suffer such sights! :D
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Over trousers I hope not with a PTMS eeek:
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Or by themselves eyes:
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Over trousers I hope not with a PTMS eeek:
Not over but under trousers!!! I don't really do skirts for work and never really do PTMS!
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noooo: noooo: noooo:
The reality
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F413n8mJzgnL._SX280_SH35_.jpg&hash=335369d3a0ee15b2841806092be3228aacf21cf5)
But only after the wedding. evil:
Blatant breach of Trades Descriptions Act
I wore those to my interview!!!!
Poor Mr Wench. Not even married and he has to suffer such sights! :D
sick2:
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Over trousers I hope not with a PTMS eeek:
Not over but under trousers!!! I don't really do skirts for work and never really do PTMS!
I meant under ...over trousers would just be plain silly ;D
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Over trousers I hope not with a PTMS eeek:
Not over but under trousers!!! I don't really do skirts for work and never really do PTMS!
I meant under ...over trousers would just be plain silly ;D
Stops them getting caught in the chain ;D
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Over trousers I hope not with a PTMS eeek:
Not over but under trousers!!! I don't really do skirts for work and never really do PTMS!
I meant under ...over trousers would just be plain silly ;D
Stops them getting caught in the chain ;D
drumroll:
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At 10 this morning Mrs Nick announces that she is taking The Boy for a haircut and will have her own hair cut at the same time.
Simples.
No. At 1.00 she is still faffing about and suddenly suggests that I take The Boy for a haircut. rubschin:
Me: But you are going to get your hair cut and his done at the same time. If I take him that would be just silly.
Her: angry041:
Anyhoo they have gone.
PS all the local hair shops shut at 1 on Saturdays
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At 10 this morning Mrs Nick announces that she is taking The Boy for a haircut and will have her own hair cut at the same time.
Simples.
No. At 1.00 she is still faffing about and suddenly suggests that I take The Boy for a haircut. rubschin:
Me: But you are going to get your hair cut and his done at the same time. If I take him that would be just silly.
Her: angry041:
Anyhoo they have gone.
PS all the local hair shops shut at 1 on Saturdays
In some ways you two are so well matched..
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angry041:
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I have spent the morning shopping for a new pair of shoes for The Brat . She wants a black pair of ballet style pumps. How hard could it be rubschin:
Banghead Banghead Banghead
3 hours later and a zillion shops done we finally found a pair she said were 'alright'
I was at the till before she uttered another word noooo:
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http://www.movedancewear.co.uk/categories/dance_shoes/21/ (http://www.movedancewear.co.uk/categories/dance_shoes/21/)
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I have spent the morning shopping for a new pair of shoes for The Brat . She wants a black pair of ballet style pumps. How hard could it be rubschin:
Banghead Banghead Banghead
3 hours later and a zillion shops done we finally found a pair she said were 'alright'
I was at the till before she uttered another word noooo:
I did tell you that the THW wanted these. She ended up with a black pair and a white pair.
She still looks like Minnie Mouse in the white ones whistle:
PS Ignore Mr Helpful ~ he has no idea.
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And they have to be "Just so" ::)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.dailymail.co.uk%2Fi%2Fpix%2F2008%2F05_01%2FshoesDM2903_228x113.jpg&hash=19aa060388353e98a580293da9c2b8037dda05c8)
To satisfy "Madam" and the skool rools
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I know Snoops ....black and white pairs and black socks with white pumps - apparently it's 'in' - but what do I know noooo:
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I know that they won't keep the rain out, that they will fall apart within weeks and they cost a bloody fortune. The pair that the THW liked were ?70. The answer was NO!
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Had same situation here with Teen Monster. New Look - ?20 - take it or leave it.
Im 'ard I am.....
She took them lol:
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You have a Teen Monster too...?
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Yeah ...another one to share our teen angst with cloud9:
Perhaps we should have like a VP Teen Swap Boot Camp ...I 'm quite happy to lend mine out for however long the treatment will take whistle:
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I used to dream of an offer from a rich Arab, something along the lines of "Fifty Camels for the leetle gerl" but now I'd settle for a bag of sugar ~ and I don't even like sugar.
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I used to dream of an offer from a rich Arab, something along the lines of "Fifty Camels for the leetle gerl" but now I'd settle for a bag of sugar ~ and I don't even like sugar.
Perhaps ebay...? whistle:
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I thought about asking Ed Balls if his department would consider some sort of scrappage arrangement.
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I know somebody who likes that style and would make an offer. . . .
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcoloringpagesforkids.info%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2008%2F09%2Fmickey%2520mouse%2520coloring%2520pages%25206.gif&hash=1c165cb40973039851ccf269114b9f1eaedb5dd1)
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I thought about asking Ed Balls if his department would consider some sort of scrappage arrangement.
Gets my vote!
Yep - got a female Teen Monster at home. My son has left home lol: lol: Oh yes! It does happen! YAY! happ096
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I thought about asking Ed Balls if his department would consider some sort of scrappage arrangement.
Gets my vote!
Yep - got a female Teen Monster at home. My son has left home lol: lol: Oh yes! It does happen! YAY! happ096
Was it a tearful parting...?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzZFsk9TWqI
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Only on his part when he realised he would no longer have easy access to my awesomely amazing macaroni cheese........
;D
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Only on his part when he realised he would no longer have easy access to my awesomely amazing macaroni cheese........
;D
Poor kid... that's what drove him away prolly... noooo:
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If that's all it takes I'll get Nick to order me some whistle:
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sad24:
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sad24:
Don't let the Baldymort get to you Rare, it's bound to taste better than hir BBQ'd goat whistle:
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sad24:
Don't let the Baldymort get to you Rare, it's bound to taste better than hir BBQ'd goat whistle:
Does he perform the appropriate sacrificial rituals tho?
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sad24:
Don't let the Baldymort get to you Rare, it's bound to taste better than hir BBQ'd goat whistle:
Does he perform the appropriate sacrificial rituals tho?
No ~ he just drowns them in the pool.
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sad24:
Don't let the Baldymort get to you Rare, it's bound to taste better than hir BBQ'd goat whistle:
Does he perform the appropriate sacrificial rituals tho?
No ~ he just drowns them in the pool.
whistle:
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I thought about asking Ed Balls if his department would consider some sort of scrappage arrangement.
Gets my vote!
Yep - got a female Teen Monster at home. My son has left home lol: lol: Oh yes! It does happen! YAY! happ096
Watch out 'cos the little beggars do try & come back, had a false alarm each from my daughter & eldest son before they finally moved out 'for good'.