The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Library => Topic started by: Grumpmeister on September 12, 2009, 08:04:05 PM
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Well as we already have a thread for films and books we would recommend I thought it was time to have one for the absolute garbage that we wouldnt want to inflict on someone we couldnt stand.
To kick the thread off we have Far Cry, a Uwe Boll film based upon the Ubisoft game. Now as Rare can attest its safe to say that I have a low opinion of this guy's films to date. All of them have been bloody awful game conversions, the first one, House of the Dead, even included footage from the arcade game in order to save money but anyway, on with Far Cry.
The plot is standard B movie wannabe fare, Jack Carver, a former member of the German Special Forces takes the journalist Valerie Cardinal to an island to visit her uncle Max who is working in a military complex on the island. As they arrive Valerie gets captured by the minions of Doctor Krieger. Jack does not care about her until his boat explodes. After the destruction of his boat Jack finds out about the true purpose of the facilities on the island, which is the creation of genetically modified soldiers.
Now to be fair, if I hadn't played the game I would have just considered it standard Sky3 late night naff film fare but with the degree he butchered the plot he may as well have just changed the character names and renamed the film 'The Island of Doctor Moronic'. From small things like why change the nationality of the lead character, after all Jack Carver sounds like such a German name. and compared to the original scientist plotline 'Uncle Max' is utterly bland. And what the hell was Boll smoking when he decided it would be a good idea to have a lard arsed 'food delivery guy' added to the plot as one of the heroes. The game plotline had the potential to make a decent film but all this hatchet job has accomplished is a late night waste of time. Now call me a picky bugger but surely if you make a film based upon a book or a game then you try and make it as close to the plot as you can.
Boll you utter, utter, utter, utter, utter talentless arsehole, I am now off to find that online petiton to stop him ever making another film. cussing:
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Can we include movies that are bad but are a guilty pleasure for the watcher?
e.g. The Transporter movies and Crank - 1 and 2?
If you havent watched - go watch. They arent good but they certainly have their moments! ;D
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To be honest compared to the utter shite that Boll manages to create those films are works of art but if you want to include them go ahead. lol:
I'm still trying to decide which thread Dead Snow is supposed to go into. rubschin:
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The film that prompted the message >> eeeeeeeew, the amputation scene just had me in hysterics lol <<
That definitely deserves a full write up in this thread! lol:
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I'm not so sure, it struck me in a similar way the original Evil Dead film did. Good because it was so naff. lol:
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Little Voice noooo:
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28 Days Later
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Little Voice noooo:
Why? I thought it excellent.
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Little Voice noooo:
Why? I thought it excellent.
Utter, utter shiteness of the highest order IMHO... noooo:
Were you pissed when you watched it? whistle:
Michael Caine, shame on you sir... evil:
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Utter, utter shiteness of the highest order IMHO... noooo:
Thank you for that well reasoned dissertation on the film. I can now see that my appreciation of the fine acting from Janes Horrocks and Brenda Blethyn defining the disfunctional mother/daughter relationship, the well observed portrayal of the seedy talent scout by Caine, the story line of a very shy young woman who has an extraordinary talent and is used by others for their own benefit, even the tentative love story between McGregor's charactor and Little Voice are totally misguided.
I shall burn my copy forthwith.
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Utter, utter shiteness of the highest order IMHO... noooo:
Thank you for that well reasoned dissertation on the film. I can now see that my appreciation of the fine acting from Janes Horrocks and Brenda Blethyn defining the disfunctional mother/daughter relationship, the well observed portrayal of the seedy talent scout by Caine, the story line of a very shy young woman who has an extraordinary talent and is used by others for their own benefit, even the tentative love story between McGregor's charactor and Little Voice are totally misguided.
I shall burn my copy forthwith.
You tell him UM.
I thought it a good film as well, although not for all those erudite reasons.
It had a beginning, middle and end with good acting throughout. happy088
It's probably not out on blue ray yet. ::)
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Utter, utter shiteness of the highest order IMHO... noooo:
Thank you for that well reasoned dissertation on the film. I can now see that my appreciation of the fine acting from Janes Horrocks and Brenda Blethyn defining the disfunctional mother/daughter relationship, the well observed portrayal of the seedy talent scout by Caine, the story line of a very shy young woman who has an extraordinary talent and is used by others for their own benefit, even the tentative love story between McGregor's charactor and Little Voice are totally misguided.
I shall burn my copy forthwith.
Don't burn it Uncle... you can use it as a beer mat or something... lol:
Nice review BTW... ;)
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redface:
sorry, a little OTT.
My worse film: David Lynch's "Dune"
Such a terrible visualisation of one of the best SF books ever written. Poorly cast (think Sting!) badly directed. Get Peter Jackson to do it again.
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I suspect BM saw a dodgy copy of Little Voice he got from Spiros the Spiv. The giveaway being Caine turning to Horrocks after one of her performances & saying...
wait for it.....
"You were only supposed to blow their bloody socks off". whistle:
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happy001
That line from The Italian Job will haunt his career for ever.
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I suspect BM saw a dodgy copy of Little Voice he got from Spiros the Spiv. The giveaway being Caine turning to Horrocks after one of her performances & saying...
wait for it.....
"You were only supposed to blow their bloody socks off". whistle:
doh:
Any chance of getting you back on your previous medication?
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redface:
sorry, a little OTT.
My worse film: David Lynch's "Dune"
Such a terrible visualisation of one of the best SF books ever written. Poorly cast (think Sting!) badly directed. Get Peter Jackson to do it again.
I remember watching it for the first time after reading the novel & thinking "what the feck is a wierding module?".
The versions of Dune and Dune Messiah/Children of Dune commisioned by the Sci Fi channel were far superior even though they were low budget productions.
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I got dragged off to see Harry Potter and the Half Bloody Prince last night. I thought the bastard would never end. Fortunately the Boy got
diar diaaro the shits and we had to leave
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Oooooohh... is it time for my Jim Morrison joke again (featuring Michael Caine)? razz:
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The versions of Dune and Dune Messiah/Children of Dune commisioned by the Sci Fi channel were far superior even though they were low budget productions.
Yes, much better.
Have you ever seen their "Riverworld" pilot film? In the words of BM "Utter, utter shiteness of the highest order"
So much of the original structure of the book(s) is ignored and/or changed it shouldn't be allowed to use the title.
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Riverworld?
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Are they those Irish jumping gerls?
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Are they those Irish jumping gerls?
lol: lol: lol:
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Amazon linky (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Scattered-Bodies-Go/dp/0586039392/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252838465&sr=8-2)
All humans ever born awakened in the valley of a monstrous river winding its course around the planet, can a novelist be any more ambitious? The daring hero is a known icon of his time, Sir Francis Richard Burton, now in the explorer's ultimate quest, to find the origins of that river and the gods who created it. A provoking caleidoscope, stuffed with history banged together, not a single dull page.
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http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/filmreviews/6173103/Miss-March-Generation-Penetration-film-review.html (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/filmreviews/6173103/Miss-March-Generation-Penetration-film-review.html)
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eeek:
Certainly not aimed at penetrating our generation.
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I have a nasty feeling that the Mass Effect movie is going to end up in here as it is another game conversion so there is a strong possibility Uwe Boll will be doing it cry:
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Well all know your heart races and you get palpitations of total adoration at the merest thought of the slightest possibility that your belloved Boll will release another masterpiece on the world Grupypants...... I see you on cloud9:
Runs and hides
whistle:
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evil:
No so much adoration and cloud9: as apoplexy and Explode:
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Anyone been reading the reviews of The Lost Symbol?
lol:
lol: lol:
happy001 happy001
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Having struggled to read the last "masterpiece" by this dickhead I couldn't be bothered to even look at the reviews. noooo:
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Pour a glass of something you like and have a chuckle at this... ;)
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/booknews/6194031/The-Lost-Symbol-and-The-Da-Vinci-Code-author-Dan-Browns-20-worst-sentences.html
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Indeed I just have, thank you. lol:
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I doubt Dan gives a monkeys about reviews. The bloke prolly has more cash than some African states.
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FAQ about time travel.
I had high hopes for this. Started well then seemed to lose its way.
I turned it off two thirds of the way through so it might have had a fantastic ending.
But I doubt it.
Also the remake of 'Race to witch mountain'. When you are in an internet DVD club there is a tendency to click on practically anything to keep a good number of films on the reserved list. Sometimes I look at the list and think 'WTF did I order that?' Sometimes a film arrives and I look at the disc and think 'WTF did I order that?' and send it back unwatched. This time I played it and afterwards though 'WTF did I order that?'
Shite. Dwayne should stick to stupid wrestling or whatever.
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That was playing on the plane back from holiday ......I refused to even watch it then noooo:
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That was playing on the plane back from holiday ......I refused to even watch it then noooo:
Did the baby in the next seat watch it...?
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Don't be daft ...I said holiday ( Egypt) ..not last week whistle:
SleazeyJet would not entertain you on a 4 - 5 hour flight ..... cry:
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Oh so that was a holiday... what was this then...? rubschin:
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That was a tour of duty whistle:
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A tour of my fridge and freezer more like... noooo:
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Repo the Genetic Opera....
WTF??? I should have known an opera that had Paris Hilton in it would have been godawful but this even makes Uwe Boll films look good. noooo:
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I worry about you ...I really do noooo: noooo: noooo:
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I worry about you ...I really do noooo: noooo: noooo:
What language is he talking in like...? Shrugs:
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Youff speak Barman..it would take to long to translate it for you lol:
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Youff speak Barman..it would take to long to translate it for you lol:
Ah... youff speak... redface:
Will he be my **cough** mate like...? whistle:
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I worry about you ...I really do noooo: noooo: noooo:
I'm not watching it by choice. Its movie night and one of the lasses thought we would enjoy this. My ears are bleeding & she wants to put the singalong tracks on.
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You must really fancy her to sit through that trash whistle:
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Hell no, Paris been ridden by more men than the 42 bus sick2:
Dozy tart now thinks she has broken the dvd player. Do you think l should tell her the remote control program on my pda works on it whistle:
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Not fancying Paris you dodo ...but the gerl whose idea it was to watch it doh:
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Nah, sooooo not my type. I prefer a lass who's eyes dont light up if you shine a torch in her ear noooo:
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Nah, sooooo not my type. I prefer a lass who's eyes dont light up if you shine a torch in her ear noooo:
Of course... ::)
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When I was younger I didnt mind if they couldnt hold a conversation but I'm getting picky in my middle age. whistle:
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Check for a pulse and get on with it ~ if you want conversation ................. Tell your mates about it afterwards.
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Things I found out today......There is a fifth Jaws film.
Thinks I wish I could unsee......There is a fifth Jaws film. noooo:
It makes Jaws 4 look like an Oscar winning work of art. eeek:
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Things I found out today......There is a fifth Jaws film.
Thinks I wish I could unsee......There is a fifth Jaws film. noooo:
It makes Jaws 4 look like an Oscar winning work of art. eeek:
Was Michael Caine in it ..?
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Things I found out today......There is a fifth Jaws film.
Thinks I wish I could unsee......There is a fifth Jaws film. noooo:
It makes Jaws 4 look like an Oscar winning work of art. eeek:
Was Michael Caine in it ..?
No, that was Jaws 4
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Things I found out today......There is a fifth Jaws film.
Thinks I wish I could unsee......There is a fifth Jaws film. noooo:
It makes Jaws 4 look like an Oscar winning work of art. eeek:
Was Michael Caine in it ..?
No, that was Jaws 4
I bet ..not a lot of people know that …. rubschin:
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Things I found out today......There is a fifth Jaws film.
Thinks I wish I could unsee......There is a fifth Jaws film. noooo:
It makes Jaws 4 look like an Oscar winning work of art. eeek:
Was Michael Caine in it ..?
No, that was Jaws 4
I bet ..not a lot of people know that …. rubschin:
;D
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Somewhat of a theme has emerged recently... last night watched Le Mans preceded by:
Papillon
The getaway
Bullit
The Thomas Crown Affair...
I wonder if you can spot the link...? lol:
Actually, the other evening I watched Kinds of Kindness and prior to that, Contact...
All good! Thumbs:
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Somewhat of a theme has emerged recently... last night watched Le Mans preceded by:
Papillon
The getaway
Bullit
The Thomas Crown Affair...
I wonder if you can spot the link...? lol:
Actually, the other evening I watched Kinds of Kindness and prior to that, Contact...
All good! Thumbs:
Brilliant actor and a very sad and too early loss.
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redface:
sorry, a little OTT.
My worse film: David Lynch's "Dune"
Such a terrible visualisation of one of the best SF books ever written. Poorly cast (think Sting!) badly directed. Get Peter Jackson to do it again.
Now I've heard more about what was going on behind the scenes I'm more inclined to give Lynch's Dune a little leeway. He originally wanted to adapt the novel as at least a 2 part epic if not a full trilogy but the studios were dead against that plan. I suspect they saw the soaring costs of Jodorowsky's attempted word for word production before it all collapsed and panicked which led him to the impossible task of adapting it into a single film. I'll agree on the casting, both Sting and Kyle MacLachlan were poor choices.