The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on October 05, 2009, 09:14:53 AM
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Hi
As many of you will know I am having a rather tough time at present. My thanks for all the messages and good wishes I have been receiving from VPers. Not sure when I will be back.
TTFN
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Rest assured that we'll be here with sarcasm and shite whenever you return... ;)
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Good to see you in here briefly Nick.
Barman, one in the pump for Nick please, put it on my slate
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Good to see you in here briefly Nick.
Barman, one in the pump for Nick please, put it on my slate
Slate??? eeek: (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Fsmiley-sick032.gif&hash=3d1d2d51f3033f967ef07033998b63f0734032ec) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
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Good to see you in here briefly Nick.
Barman, one in the pump for Nick please, put it on my slate
What he said, chin up Nick.
BM told me he wasnt doing slates any more. rubschin:
Glad to hear he has had a change of heart. ;D
BM, larger Talisker and a pint for my good pals JOM and Nick.
Have one yourself and pop it all on my slate, theres a good chap. ;)
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Can I have a Tequila sunrise please whistle:
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My ashtray is empty whistle:
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I feel poorly... noooo:
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No too poorly to serve.....now get your best glasses out whistle:
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BM, drinks for my chums on the slate please.
And give the dog a clean ashtray while you are at it
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No too poorly to serve.....now get your best glasses out whistle:
There's nothing wrong with my eyes! evil:
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Well they are stuck in a bucket for starters whistle:
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No too poorly to serve.....now get your best glasses out whistle:
There's nothing wrong with my eyes! evil:
His eyes are fine Miss D, the double vision has been caused by his daredevil roof diving routine. whistle:
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Still surviving - just
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Still surviving - just
Hello Nick! ;D
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Hi Nick !
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Top of the morning Nick
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Still surviving - just
Bout time you got here ....no one has taken the piss out of me in ages cloud9:
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It is bloody quiet without Mr. Nick... tunble:
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Some progress in the last 24 hours. Now all I have to do is to get Mrs Nick sectioned
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Some progress in the last 24 hours. Now all I have to do is to get Mrs Nick sectioned
We have been waiting for that for the last five years. Popcorn:
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Some progress in the last 24 hours. Now all I have to do is to get Mrs Nick sectioned
Don't stand too close when they have the looney detector in operation. . .
Take care old horse. ;)
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Well, I am still alive and with you in spirit! Still a tad frail. Many thanks for all the kind wishes. I have a sort of intermong connection now and am about to face about 400 e mails. I may be some time!
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happy088
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Nice to have him back.
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Hi Fella - good to see you here cloud9:
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Yay! cloud9:
Welcome back Nick! ;D
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happ096 Good to see you mate!
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Good to see you chap... ;D
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happy088
Go! Dongle Go!
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Hurrah!
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Hello Nick
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Off to London today. 2 hour meeting at Euston station and then straight back oop north
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Reet geezer. I'm missing the insult hurling, so would you mind gettin' yer arse back in here asap please, thank you. evil:
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Off to London today. 2 hour meeting at Euston station and then straight back oop north
Train spotters association gathering? Got yer duffle coat on? rubschin:
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Off to London today. 2 hour meeting at Euston station and then straight back oop north
Train spotters association gathering? Got yer duffle coat on? rubschin:
He is going to meet the Fat Controller prolly... .
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Off to London today. 2 hour meeting at Euston station and then straight back oop north
Train spotters association gathering? Got yer duffle coat on? rubschin:
He is going to meet the Fat Controller prolly... .
But I won't be there. noooo:
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Nick my good man!! Excellent to see you. Hope things are settling down!
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Wenchy Lives cloud9:
Even if she doesn't answer her emails. evil:
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Ahhhh I was about to PM you and say did I owe you one. redface:
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Wenchy and Nick! cloud9:
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The gang's all here!
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Off to London today. 2 hour meeting at Euston station and then straight back oop north
What could possibly go wrong? noooo:
Has anyone heard from him since?
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We exchanged texts at mid-day(ish). All was well at that point.
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Most excellent news.
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I have a cunning plan!! It involves black underwear eyes:. Just blagged my way into first class on the train back eveilgrin:
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I have a cunning plan!! It involves black underwear eyes:. Just blagged my way into first class on the train back eveilgrin:
eeek:
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He is back cloud9: cloud9: cloud9:
eeek:
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I have a cunning plan!! It involves black underwear eyes:. Just blagged my way into first class on the train back eveilgrin:
eeek:
He's tied himself to a chair with a couple of thongs whistle:
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I have a cunning plan!! It involves black underwear eyes:. Just blagged my way into first class on the train back eveilgrin:
Popcorn:
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Nick is here! cloud9:
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In Cyprus?
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In Cyprus?
eeek:
Noooooooooooo...
He was here in the pub... but now he has gone... Shrugs:
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You frightened him off evil:
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You frightened him off evil:
sad24:
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You frightened him off evil:
He frightens everyone off....except ME! evil:
Oi twat! Stop pissing about and get friggin' postin' you great titmouse. ;)
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Hi Nick! happy088
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Right then. Doctor at 10 and solicitor at 11.
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Go for it fella! happy088
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Good luck lad. ;)
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Right then. Doctor at 10 and solicitor at 11.
Pub at 12 cloud9:
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Morning Mr. Nick! ;D
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Right then. Doctor at 10 and solicitor at 11.
Pub at 12 cloud9:
LMCO lol:
Problee true though.
OK BIG bearded bloke?
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Vanished again. ::)
Gonna 'ave a bevvy with him next week sometime. eastdrink048
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Right then. Doctor at 10 and solicitor at 11.
That will be two minutes silence at ?zillions per hour or part thereof then. noooo:
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I have reluctantly set the wheels in motion.
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happy100 For what it is worth I don't think you have any other options.
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Shrugs:
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Well done you. Know its hard . But if you don't protect yourself no one.else will
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I feel better for having taken some action.
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Glad to hear it. happy088
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I have reluctantly set the wheels in motion.
Shitty things have to be done sometimes matey, but if it's for the better, then applaud yourself for taking positive steps rather than mopesing (sp) around.
I'll see you in the ale 'ouse next week hopefully. ;)
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Nick 09:08:40 AM Viewing the topic Pet Hates.
OI BOLLOCKS!
SPEAK! cloud9:
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Hello
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Hello
Is THAT it? Banghead
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Well get yerself round here then
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Well get yerself round here then
' round. razz:
Gotchya! lol:
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You don't seem to be bizzy
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You don't seem to be bizzy
Doing jobs inbetween typing, like trying to get through to me bank for a new c/q book and envelopes.
First appointment at 10:30 to destink a doggy smelly car. sick2:
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You don't seem to be bizzy
Doing jobs inbetween typing, like trying to get through to me bank for a new c/q book and envelopes.
First appointment at 10:30 to destink a doggy smelly car. sick2:
But then it will smell of you
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I seem to be the only one who hasn't got a clue what's going on here.
Spect I'll find out in the fullness of time.
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What is puzzling you?
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I seem to be the only one who hasn't got a clue what's going on here.
Spect I'll find out in the fullness of time.
Nick=nutter
Mrs Nick=bigger nutter
Critical mass of nuttiness exceeded= Explode:
Simples
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But I have a certificate proving I am sane.
They gave it to me after I tried to escape from the mental hospital confused:
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But I have a certificate proving I am sane.
They gave it to me after I tried to escape from the mental hospital confused:
Of course. Only a sane person would try to escape. happy100
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That's exactly what I told them! Great minds, and all that happy088
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When we used to guard Barnet General the secure unit was always the source of problems ~ mainly with people trying to break in. rubschin:
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I seem to be the only one who hasn't got a clue what's going on here.
Spect I'll find out in the fullness of time.
I have idea what is happening either.
I note that the forum monthly post count has dropped somewhat. rubschin:
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Mrs Nick has consented to see me at a fooking garden centre tomorrow. I despair!
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One of our local garden centres has a miniature railway in it. And the cafe there does a nice line in cakes.
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One of our local garden centres has a miniature railway in it. And the cafe there does a nice line in cakes.
Now, now Uncle... nonono:
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Be careful Nick ...she might have a plant there scared2:
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One of our local garden centres has a miniature railway in it. And the cafe there does a nice line in cakes.
Now, now Uncle... nonono:
But it does!
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Be careful Nick ...she might have a plant there scared2:
No, she is hedging her bets.
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Be careful Nick ...she might have a plant there scared2:
No, she is hedging her bets.
Can we get to the root of all this...?
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Be careful Nick ...she might have a plant there scared2:
No, she is hedging her bets.
Can we get to the root of all this...?
Are you potty?
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Be careful Nick ...she might have a plant there scared2:
No, she is hedging her bets.
Can we get to the root of all this...?
Are you potty?
Oh leaf it out will you Darwin...? ::)
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Be careful Nick ...she might have a plant there scared2:
No, she is hedging her bets.
Can we get to the root of all this...?
Are you potty?
Oh leaf it out will you Darwin...? ::)
So mulch for you being my pal. sad24:
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FOOK OFF evil:
And where is that bastard Growler when you need him?
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Eating Christmas cake and shitting in the woods prolly. whistle:
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Be careful Nick ...she might have a plant there scared2:
No, she is hedging her bets.
Can we get to the root of all this...?
Are you potty?
Oh leaf it out will you Darwin...? ::)
So mulch for you being my pal. sad24:
Now that really wood be a turnip for the books.
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eeek: Good Grief! I go to the horsepickle and anarchy breaks out!
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Sorry sir ...we couldn't resist redface:
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Be careful Nick ...she might have a plant there scared2:
No, she is hedging her bets.
Can we get to the root of all this...?
Are you potty?
Oh leaf it out will you Darwin...? ::)
So mulch for you being my pal. sad24:
There, there petal... happy100
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Sorry sir ...we couldn't resist redface:
And it is Friday after all.
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I shall be obliged to take a leaf out of your book.
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eeek: Good Grief! I go to the horsepickle and anarchy breaks out!
I rather think we branched out...
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rubschin: I am logging it all.
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rubschin: I am logging it all.
That just compounds it. noooo:
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You're a vine one to stalk DS.
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I have had a letter from a Mrs Trellis of North Wales complaining about the quality of puns ~ she says "Call those puns? More like punnets if you ask me"
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You are Mrs Trellis of North Wales and I claim my ?5.00
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Your Garden Centre Gift Voucher is in the post razz:
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YOU FOOKERS evil:
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So nothing has really changed. noooo:
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Just the usual badinage... plus ?a change, etc ;)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs3.postimage.org%2FPE31r.jpg&hash=e4211b0f8958c7ef013c9e9989843f0a2417f842) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=PqPE31r)
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So nothing has really changed. noooo:
Ah... your bark was worse than your bite...
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So nothing has really changed. noooo:
Ah... your bark was worse than your bite...
Indeed ~ Time I was put out to grass. surrender:
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Do you put dogs out to grass? rubschin:
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Only if you want them to vomit sick2:
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I thought that was cats.
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I can assure you that dogs do it too evil:
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Very brave meeting at a Garden Centre. Scythes, Forks, Secateurs, Chainsaws, and lots of manure. Could be dangerous. But there will be sheds ! fence: fence:
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One of our local garden centres has a miniature railway in it. And the cafe there does a nice line in cakes.
That has to be the funniest statement of the month.
Coffee splatter cleaner now required for the screen. happy001
sorry Nick, but it really was funny. lol:
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Eating Christmas cake and shitting in the woods prolly. whistle:
I was actually, only the 'woods' were at the N.E.C. Beeerminghum.
Clarkson sends his regards btw. cloud9:
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Well that was weird. Mrs Nick (ever anal) made notes of the meeting noooo:
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"You are not obliged to say anything but anything you do say will be written down and it may harm your defence should you later wish to say something you have failed to mention now" whistle:
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Well that was weird. Mrs Nick (ever anal) made notes of the meeting noooo:
Did you record it...?
How did it go?
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noooo: noooo: noooo:
You should have spoke in shorthand lol:
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As usual I had trouble getting a word in. At one point she tried to forbid me from speaking to my own sister! noooo:
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Did you heed my advice confused2:
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Yes Miss
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Did you heed my advice confused2:
Yes Miss
And where did you hide the body?
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JOM's just finishing off the patio as we speak whistle:
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The garden centre had a fine selection of pointy stakes which I eyed thoughtfully rubschin:
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Well. London tomorrow for werk and then back here, and then 2 days in Bradford where, oddly, I have been asked to address a conference on the subject of "50 ways to surprise people" eeek:
Then back here. Then Brummagem, then London again, then straight to Glasgow (dinner with sex offender scared2:) than Manchester and then fooking Aberdeen.
I may be gone for some time
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So what would be your top 3 suggestions for surprising people rubschin:
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BOO!
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Tickety ...now that would be a surprise lol:
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I can't tell you, it's a surprise angel1
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BM is going to pay for a round of drinks?
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No, that would be shock angel1
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and who would drink them scared2:
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I am here you know! evil:
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No ...that hasn't particularly surprised me I have to say Shrugs:
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Well. London tomorrow for werk and then back here, and then 2 days in Bradford where, oddly, I have been asked to address a conference on the subject of "50 ways to surprise people" eeek:
Then back here. Then Brummagem, then London again, then straight to Glasgow (dinner with sex offender scared2:) than Manchester and then fooking Aberdeen.
I may be gone for some time
Nick has a flaming good idea. whistle:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Festb.msn.com%2Fi%2F71%2FD7A0ED93258FF2AFDAF84F594E2.jpg&hash=046221ccf4d0bf7ccf632587b153687a8f70b86f)
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Well, I have given Mrs Nick an ultimatum. Unless she responds by Sunday night I shall be moving back to London
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eeek:
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London you say eeek: eeek: eeek:
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Actually that makes sense. Saves on werk related travel too.
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London you say eeek: eeek: eeek:
point:
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I too am frit. scared2:
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I too am frit. scared2:
As am I.
50 miles is too close for comfort.
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Here's hoping Mrs Nick sees sense.
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Mmmmmmm ...sense and Mrs Nick in the same sentence - an interesting concept rubschin:
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Here's hoping Mrs Nick sees sense.
If that is what we have to rely on I fear we are on to a loser!!
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I too am frit. scared2:
As am I.
50 miles is too close for comfort.
200 for me instead of 6! cloud9:
P'raps you softie sutherners will then begin to apreciate what I've had to endure all these years. Banghead
P'raps I'll become more gentle and mellow like, ahhhh. cloud9:
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Let's face it there's fat chance of you becoming a mellow yellow bear is there noooo:
But any tips you may have for dealing with the near and present danger would be gratefully received scared2:
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Let's face it there's fat chance of you becoming a mellow yellow bear is there noooo:
That's a birarsh. cry:
I can be, ask Nick.
2nd thoughts. DON'T ask Nick. Waste of time. He'll just slag me off...as ususal. ::)
Ask the rest of the Growler family.
No, that won't werk either. ::)
Ask SNOOPS! He's met me, and he luvs me and will gladly confirm that I'm a big softie really. cloud9:
tenner on the way Snoops.
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I am not saying that you are not a big softy, given the chance, you daft fluff ball lol:
Just that the chances of the things that annoy you disappearing are very very slim - even if Nick does move down to London lol: lol: lol:
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I am not saying that you are not a big softy, given the chance, you daft fluff ball lol:
Just that the chances of the things that annoy you disappearing are very very slim - even if Nick does move down to London lol: lol: lol:
But it's his irritating ways that get me all snarly in the first place like, and then it just spirals downwards from there.
It's the localised Nickorays that cause the problems. Everyone up here is agitated.
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No more cake for you evil:
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No more cake for you evil:
Rest me case. ::)
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Anyhoo. Her deadline is Monday.
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Anyhoo. Her deadline is Monday.
That's moved forward ha'nit? rubschin:
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Mornin' Nick...
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Mornin'
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Well, I gave Mrs Nick her marching orders last night and also gave notice to my tenants in London. Got the full waterworks treatment and expect a visit shortly
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Your tenants are travelling north to plead their case? eeek:
Seriously tho' going to live on your own in London cuts the string Mrs Nick has been dangling you on .... of course she will turn on the waterworks ~ now you will need to find out if the tears are for you or for her. Crocodile tears or real ones? rubschin:
Harden your heart lad and seek only the truth. Nothing else will last.
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It occurred to me recently that virtually all the virtual regulars are divorced rubschin:
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It occurred to me recently that virtually all the virtual regulars are divorced rubschin:
Indeed, and in fact virtually everyone I know is or has been.
Miserable in'it.
rubschin:
Maybe not on 2nd thoughts! cloud9:
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It is not that so many of us are divorced that I find worrying ~ it is our apparent inability to learn from the experience.
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It occurred to me recently that virtually all the virtual regulars are divorced rubschin:
Indeed, and in fact virtually everyone I know is or has been.
Miserable in'it.
rubschin:
Maybe not on 2nd thoughts! cloud9:
I will have a spare room in London Better than the shed
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It occurred to me recently that virtually all the virtual regulars are divorced rubschin:
Indeed, and in fact virtually everyone I know is or has been.
Miserable in'it.
rubschin:
Maybe not on 2nd thoughts! cloud9:
I will have a spare room in London Better than the shed
You won't go, I can feel it in me bones. noooo:
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As predicted Mrs Nick just turned up, but as she had thought fit to bring The Boy I refused to answer the door. There are some conversations one should have sans The Boy. noooo:
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Well, I gave Mrs Nick her marching orders last night and also gave notice to my tenants in London. Got the full waterworks treatment and expect a visit shortly
What on earth did she expect you to do ::)
Hope you are ok though - much as we may jest about this situation it is not going to be easy on you and we know is not what you want.
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It occurred to me recently that virtually all the virtual regulars are divorced rubschin:
Indeed, and in fact virtually everyone I know is or has been.
Miserable in'it.
rubschin:
Maybe not on 2nd thoughts! cloud9:
I will have a spare room in London Better than the shed
You won't go, I can feel it in me bones. noooo:
You are just worried that you will miss me ::)
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It occurred to me recently that virtually all the virtual regulars are divorced rubschin:
Indeed, and in fact virtually everyone I know is or has been.
Miserable in'it.
rubschin:
Maybe not on 2nd thoughts! cloud9:
I will have a spare room in London Better than the shed
You won't go, I can feel it in me bones. noooo:
You are just worried that you will miss me ::)
happy001 happy001 happy001
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ANd you can watch out TMR. I shall shortly be joining the Sarf London Posse
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ANd you can watch out TMR. I shall shortly be joining the Sarf London Posse
scared2:
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Battersea chapter eveilgrin:
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Nick in the hood surrender:
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Oh gawd scared2:
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Battersea chapter eveilgrin:
Battersea Park/Chelsea Bridge many moons ago - meeting at burger stall with Road Rats and Nightingales, occasionally some of the Windsor & Walton crew as well.
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My flat is near Chelsea Bridge eveilgrin:
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Don' think the burger stall is still there though.
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In my flat? eeek:
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Who knows! It was a wooden shed type building.
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Battersea fun fair! cloud9:
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Who knows! It was a wooden shed type building.
rubschin:
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Battersea fun fair! cloud9:
At that time of night, it was mainly some stupid bint pulling a train. Not verycloud9:
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It is not that so many of us are divorced that I find worrying ~ it is our apparent inability to learn from the experience.
redface:
Will there be a custody battle over the rug?
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No, I have my own hair
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It is not that so many of us are divorced that I find worrying ~ it is our apparent inability to learn from the experience.
redface:
Will there be a custody battle over the rug?
they could cut it down to make his and her bath mats rubschin:
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No, I have my own hair
At the moment. . .
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It is greying rapidly noooo:
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Mrs Nick sends me a long e mail cataloguing all my (alleged) faults over a 20 year period. noooo:
She clearly has a phenomenal memory
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Mrs Nick sends me a long e mail cataloguing all my (alleged) faults over a 20 year period. noooo:
So completion of the email should be done by.....mmmm, rubschin:...2035? whistle:
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Did you say thank you - hoped that it was very cathartic for her and make sure she sends it to the Pope as this will fast track her application for saint hood noooo:
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It is not that so many of us are divorced that I find worrying ~ it is our apparent inability to learn from the experience.
redface:
Will there be a custody battle over the rug?
I'd possibly stop ranting about that bastard flea ridden unbelievably horrendously priced rat furred apology of a RUG cussing: if Nick would stay up here.
rubschin: Maybe that's going a bit too far actually. noooo:
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Growler has agreed to help me move house cloud9:
What can possibly go wrong? scared2:
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Growler has agreed to help me move house cloud9:
What can possibly go wrong? scared2:
Slight exageration Nick, if you don't mind me saying so? ::)
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But you are!
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But you are!
Only the bit on wheels. ::)
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Mrs Nick sends me a long e mail cataloguing all my (alleged) faults over a 20 year period. noooo:
She clearly has a phenomenal memory
They always do that. Mrs S#1 presented me (this being pre www days) with a typed list, covering 3 pages of A4, of all her complaints covering our 20 year marriage and that was for an uncontested divorce on the grounds of my "admitted adultery with persons un-named". She still had to get all her grievances, real and imagined, off her chest. For instance: It was, according to her, my fault that she had picked up her bus driver in a pub, spent the night with him and 5 days later decided to leave home, me and 2 children to move in with him. It seems, by her twisted logic, that none of this would have happened if I hadn't been working a night shift on that particular evening. Even her own solicitor told her that he couldn't argue that one. ::)
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Thanks to a tip provided by Pastis I have been doing some checking. It seems my humble flat is worth ?250000 eeek:
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Which may go some way to explaining Mrs Nick's tears ................ or is that being too bitchy?
Well sod it ..... you are my pal.
Prices are relative tho' .... you may have to spend that sort of money to get what you want to buy once you have sold it.
Don't forget also that Mrs N will be wanting her share ~ you see if she doesn't.
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Which may go some way to explaining Mrs Nick's tears ................ or is that being too bitchy?
Well sod it ..... you are my pal.
Piss off. He was my pal first, and I'm helping him move 'ouse brick by brick. evil:
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OK you be bitchy then. ;)
Anywhoo you are both my beshtesht friends eastdrink048
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Which may go some way to explaining Mrs Nick's tears ................ or is that being too bitchy?
Well sod it ..... you are my pal.
Prices are relative tho' .... you may have to spend that sort of money to get what you want to buy once you have sold it.
Don't forget also that Mrs N will be wanting her share ~ you see if she doesn't.
Oh yes, most definately. Can almost hear the knives being sharpened as we merrily type. ::)
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I shall be moving oop north once the flat is sold.
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I shall be moving oop north once the flat is sold.
Oh bollox. You'll be coming back then? sad32:
WHERE exactly in the North though? Hebrides p'raps? happy088
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I know not. Perhaps Nottingham
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There is a difference between London prices and opp North prices but it is not as great as people imagine is all I am saying.
Even around here properties are starting at ?185,000 for a 2 bed cottage. Yes you can buy a studio flat in the west end of Rhyl for ?25,000 but who in their right mind would want to live there where the crunch underfoot is not gravel but discarded syringes?
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I know not. Perhaps Nottingham
Are you basing this on the myth that there is 5 women to every man in Nottingham rubschin:
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My home town cloud9:
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You are Robin Hood and I claim my ?5 lol:
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Take no notice of him
YOU ARE A LACE MAKER AND I CLAIM MY ?5.00
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Mrs Nick calls to harangue me me at length noooo:
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Has she managed to convey what it is she wants you to do yet ???
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I am baffled noooo:
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I am baffled noooo:
Nowt new there then ey? ::)
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Look ~ it is simple really.
Everything you do and everything you say is WRONG
Everything she says, everything she does and everything she thinks she has said or done is RIGHT
All you have to do is agree with her or not as she desires.
Are you taking notes? Because questions will be asked later ........
Next you have to anticipate her wishes, not what you THINK she may want but what she actually wants and factor in all the indecision and mind changing games that she will play and then admit that you are still wrong.
You must NEVER contradict her but you must not be a doormat or she will not respect you and will tell you so frequently. She will say that she doesn't want a doormat but she does want a "partner" (sub-text here is that she wants a partner who can read her mind and there is no way that will be you)
In fact what she really really wants is .............. well she doesn't actually know but she does know that whatever she has she doesn't want it.
About 10 years after our divorce Mrs S#1 told our daughter that she didn't realise at the time that what she really wanted from our marriage was there all along but that she hadn't recognised it because she didn't actually know what it was she was seeking. She admitted that she hadn't found it in her second marriage or in the several relationships she squandered en route to the current marriage. Never satisfied would about sum it up and I'm not talking eyes: either.
-
Nothing to add to that noooo:
-
Look ~ it is simple really.
Everything you do and everything you say is WRONG
Everything she says, everything she does and everything she thinks she has said or done is RIGHT
All you have to do is agree with her or not as she desires.
Are you taking notes? Because questions will be asked later ........
Next you have to anticipate her wishes, not what you THINK she may want but what she actually wants and factor in all the indecision and mind changing games that she will play and then admit that you are still wrong.
You must NEVER contradict her but you must not be a doormat or she will not respect you and will tell you so frequently. She will say that she doesn't want a doormat but she does want a "partner" (sub-text here is that she wants a partner who can read her mind and there is no way that will be you)
In fact what she really really wants is .............. well she doesn't actually know but she does know that whatever she has she doesn't want it.
About 10 years after our divorce Mrs S#1 told our daughter that she didn't realise at the time that what she really wanted from our marriage was there all along but that she hadn't recognised it because she didn't actually know what it was she was seeking. She admitted that she hadn't found it in her second marriage or in the several relationships she squandered en route to the current marriage. Never satisfied would about sum it up and I'm not talking eyes: either.
What he said
-
Yup fair comments from the Hound in the know, the great Grandfather of knowledge and life in general. ;)
-
Again she calls! SHe says she wants to 'talk' to me. I point out that this request involves a 30 minute monologue on her part noooo:
-
I think you need to change the title of this thread rubschin:
-
rubschin:
-
Three more calls! Full on waterworks each time. My resolve is actually hardening rubschin:
-
To what end ? ..does she want you to stay but not actually live in the same house as her or in the other house or see The Boy but just be close if she needs a hand with her internet shopping ? whacky115
-
I have no fooking clue noooo:
-
Nick. You can never argue with someone who has strong Roman Catholic beliefs; you will always be "lower" in their opinion. I know from experience.
-
Popcorn:
-
A previous girlfriend...not that she was a fully practicing RC, she just always used to say "but you're just a Proddie..."
I would then whistle The Sash and put my bowler hat on and march down to the pub with my tin whistle.
Some people have no sense of humour.
-
The Mrs Nick family are a bunch of Liverpool Irish hypocritical control freaks. evil:
-
Send them this:-
Their cries and screams they did not heed as they did the dirty deed. They held them down in darkened halls while they tampered with their balls . For in their care these kids were placed , the awful memories can not be erased the evil Scum of the church of rome did not provide a loving home. Beaten by nuns and raped by priests left in the care of filthy beasts. Its -Ireland's shame but they have none, it was in the name of the father and the son.
-
Is she actually related to Cherie Booth? scared2:
-
No need. I have already divulged details of the sex offender in Glasgow whistle:, though only to my sour faced MiL
-
Is she actually related to Cherie Booth? scared2:
No, though she has met her and pronounces her to be 'charming' noooo:
-
Send her some Glasgow Rangers christmas cards - I have a supply you can have free :-)
-
You are on form today!!
-
After the shennanigans in the pub last night, coupled with the daughter's latest tantrum, I find myself unwinding with a few pints of Leffe and this seems to be lifting my mischeviousness.
-
No need. I have already divulged details of the sex offender in Glasgow whistle:, though only to my sour faced MiL
...oh, and not forgetting every other bastard on the WWW that pops in here for a browse of course! whistle:
-
They can all read the Scottish SUn whistle:
-
They can all read the Scottish SUn whistle:
That you kindly provided the link to earleir in this thread, or was it another thread....I'm fast losing track, oh, and the will to carry on too. noooo:
-
I have just realised that it is Mrs Nick's birthday on Saturday. Any suggestions?
-
I have just realised that it is Mrs Nick's birthday on Saturday. Any suggestions?
A six-legged bear chair...? rubschin:
-
With fleas? rubschin:
She has phoned me 4 times today noooo:
-
Hankies. Lots of them.
-
Still on form I see
-
Still on form I see
Must be the Leffe.
-
My extremely
sexy French blonde with leather trousers charming ex tenant requires a flat sitter in London over Xmas and New Year. I have accepted that challenge (including kitten sitting). A first step in my new life cloud9:
-
What could possible go wrong...
happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
-
evil:
-
The poor kitten... noooo:
Does the RSPCA allow you to keep animals...?
-
His name is Bertie. She is on my Facebook page eyes:
She is a Cambridge graduate with a sideline in modelling black underwear eyes:
-
His name is Bertie. She is on my Facebook page eyes:
She is a Cambridge graduate with a sideline in modelling black underwear eyes:
The kitten is a Cambridge graduate with a sideline in modelling black underwear...? rubschin:
-
His name is Bertie. She is on my Facebook page eyes:
She is a Cambridge graduate with a sideline in modelling black underwear eyes:
The kitten is a Cambridge graduate with a sideline in modelling black underwear...? rubschin:
Shall I do the "trimmed pussy" gag, or will you?
-
I am surrounded by idiots noooo:
-
I am surrounded by idiots noooo:
So how does the Cambridge graduate feel about decapitated 6 legged bears? Or those that flaunt them?
-
His name is Bertie. She is on my Facebook page eyes:
She is a Cambridge graduate with a sideline in modelling black underwear eyes:
The kitten is a Cambridge graduate with a sideline in modelling black underwear...? rubschin:
Shall I do the "trimmed pussy" gag, or will you?
You do it TMR... happy088
-
I am surrounded by idiots noooo:
In Glasgow? whistle:
-
I am surrounded by idiots noooo:
In Glasgow? whistle:
Default mode again. ;)
-
I am surrounded by idiots noooo:
Now that's harsh Nick. I'd personally say anyone who braved point blank Nickorays was incredibly brave. whistle:
-
I note that the Sarf London posse has not been rushing to invite me to Xmas parties and suchlike evil:
-
They are a shy bunch ~ not pushy if you know what I mean. Prolly waiting for you to make the first move with an invite to your flat warming party. whistle:
-
doh: In January? eeek:
-
Psst! He is flat sitting over Christmas. ;)
-
Oh. rubschin:
-
I note that the Sarf London posse has not been rushing to invite me to Xmas parties and suchlike evil:
The Sarf London posse is pretending that Christmas isn't happening whistle:
-
I won't be in my flat ::)
I am looking after Bertie the Cat from December 20 to 28 in Highbury ::)
-
Actually the London I remember emptied over Christmas and the New Year as everyone who was anyone rushed to the country to
sponge off visit rellies and such. When we worked over the holiday period we seemed to have the whole damn city to ourselves. Hard put to find a pub open anywhere inside the square mile.
-
I won't be in my flat ::)
I am looking after Bertie the Cat from December 20 to 28 in Highbury ::)
Ah, so you'll miss out on the parties this Friday and next Saturday then... shame.
-
sad24: sad24:
-
sad24: sad24:
point:
Even I was invited to those! happy001
-
sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad24:
-
sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad24:
point:
-
sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad24: sad24:
-
sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad24: sad24:
point: point:
-
We are SURREY, not BMW pimp drivers (Merc for north of river)
Have some respect.
-
Ooooohh get you lol:
-
rubschin: Surrey ~ where they break wind and make love with a ph ~ except around Camberley where they do both with two small fs.
-
Mrs Nick calls. It seems her mother is unwell and in hospital. Very sad.
Sinister: Sinister: Sinister: Sinister: Sinister:
-
happy001
-
Tis bound to be your fault somehow Nick whistle:
-
Oh I am waiting for that accusation Miss D. It is bound to be the case noooo:
-
One thing for sure ~ you are unlikely to benefit from the will.
-
sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32: sad32:
-
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthebsreport.files.wordpress.com%2F2009%2F07%2Fcrocodile_tears.jpg&hash=05487c2fbf66e4b980d3712a6feb3e767172c806)
-
Apparently the MIL is much improved
cry:
-
Apparently the MIL is much improved
cry:
happy100
-
Well she must peg out soon FFS. She's 85` with a dodgy heart (triple heart bypass 5 years ago). Here sister is even more venomous. She lives nearby. She is a fooking NUN and a really nasty piece of werk evil:
-
Well she must peg out soon FFS. She's 85` with a dodgy heart (triple heart bypass 5 years ago). Here sister is even more venomous. She lives nearby. She is a fooking NUN and a really nasty piece of werk evil:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcareerping.files.wordpress.com%2F2009%2F06%2Fnun_gun2.jpg&hash=2f1dc2e01c33af82434fa3a8a0691ba2584ef423)
scared2:
-
Seroiusly. This one is some kind of community nun. Poverty, chastity and good works and stuff noooo: Last time we went to her house I sat on the sofa and it collapsed eeek:
SHe used to come to us for lunch or whatever and practically hoovered up the food then denounced us for being materialistic.
The other sister hated her husband but wouldn't countenance DIVORCE so spent TWENTY YEARS not speaking to husband but communicating only in writing noooo: Kids fooked up. He died. Now she is some sort of Line Dancing fanatic eeek: She lives in Ainsdale, near a famous cake shop eveilgrin:
-
Seroiusly. This one is some kind of community nun. Poverty, chastity and good works and stuff noooo: Last time we went to her house I sat on the sofa and it collapsed eeek:
SHe used to come to us for lunch or whatever and practically hoovered up the food then denounced us for being materialistic.
The other sister hated her husband but wouldn't countenance DIVORCE so spent TWENTY YEARS not speaking to husband but communicating only in writing noooo: Kids fooked up. He died. Now she is some sort of Line Dancing fanatic eeek: She lives in Ainsdale, near a famous cake shop eveilgrin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbarryjude.com%2Fblog%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F10%2FTwilightZone_blog.jpg&hash=fde9a8bb2e42edfef38430009fab3b6d47589caf)
-
That is Mrs Nick's family for you noooo:
-
I have invited Mrs Nickout fur lunch for her birthday scared2: Chances of this leading to a shagathon seem remote evil:
-
I have invited Mrs Nickout fur lunch for her birthday scared2: Chances of this leading to a shagathon seem remote evil:
Is that what they call positive mental attitude...? rubschin:
-
I have invited Mrs Nickout fur lunch for her birthday scared2: Chances of this leading to a shagathon seem remote evil:
Is that what they call positive mental attitude...? rubschin:
It's called a death wish. noooo:
-
I have invited Mrs Nickout fur lunch for her birthday scared2: Chances of this leading to a shagathon seem remote evil:
Wear clean underwear ~ in my experience wimmin react in the most unexpected ways under these circs. Whatever happens it will be your fault. Mrs S#1 practically ripped my clothes off when we met for lunch at a hotel to discuss divorce arrangements and the following day claimed I had "taken advantage" of her after she had consumed too much collapso.
-
Indeed and just don't tell her what she should wear eyes:
-
I will take my beard trimmer too. Just in case, like
-
noooo:
It will end in tears...
-
Inevitably ::)
-
I'm welling up now... sad24:
-
Match postponed. It seems the MiL has "taken a turn for the worse".
Sinister:
-
Take those pins out of the plasticine doll nonono:
-
Mrs Nick informs me that The Boy will be out of the way between 12 and 2. Lunch is booked for 12. Maybe if they did a takeaway OR we ate it really fast..... rubschin:
-
Well, that was a disaster noooo:
-
Well, that was a disaster noooo:
No shag then? point:
-
Was it a carvery scared2:
-
Restaurant was quite warm but our table practically had icicles on it noooo:
Then they produced the birthday cake and the whole place sang Happy Birthday.
The words "lead" and "balloon" spring to mind noooo:
-
Restaurant was quite warm but our table practically had icicles on it noooo:
Then they produced the birthday cake and the whole place sang Happy Birthday.
The words "lead" and "balloon" spring to mind noooo:
Oh Nick... noooo:
I must say, I admire your boundless optimism... happy100
-
Not optimistic, just stoopid noooo:
-
Not optimistic, just stoopid noooo:
Optimistic, hopeful.... but not stupid... noooo:
-
sad24:
-
sad24:
happy100
-
The important thing is that you tried tho
-
And failed noooo: Maybe I ought not have mentioned about her hair going grey. At this rate I will have to advertise my services to desperate wimmin on the intermong noooo:
-
The important thing is that you tried tho
Indeed... he is very trying...
-
And failed noooo: Maybe I ought not have mentioned about her hair going grey. At this rate I will have to advertise my services to desperate wimmin on the intermong noooo:
Good luck with that scared2:
-
sad32:
-
Good try mate ~ Worth giving it a go.
-
Cost me ?50 eeek: sad24:
-
Send her an invoice for her share then eveilgrin:
Tho' I would say money well spent as now you know the answer.
-
Spent the morning with fifteen 18 year old gerls (all in black tights, though not me) eyes:
The word "nubile" is on my mind for some reason rubschin:
-
Spent the morning with fifteen 18 year old gerls (all in black tights, though not me) eyes:
The word "nubile" is on my mind for some reason rubschin:
Strange. "Dirty old man" is on theirs! point:
-
I was very polite and charming unto them angel1
-
I was very polite and charming unto them angel1
Of course, of course! Liar:
-
Cost me ?50 eeek: sad24:
First werd that springs to mind competition anyone? rubschin:
RUG! sick2: Explode:
-
Had the most fantastic argument with Mrs Nick last night. Had to go and throw up afterwards redface:
-
Popcorn:
I am We are agog.
-
Popcorn:
-
I ventured to raise some of the more, ahem, questionable aspects of her own past. This was not wise noooo:
-
I ventured to raise some of the more, ahem, questionable aspects of her own past. This was not wise noooo:
Was that strictly necessary at this stage...? rubschin:
-
As a mere male you are not permitted to remember such things. She, being female, has the licence to remember everything you have ever said and/or done and to spin that into whatever meaning she cares to put on it, be it true or not.
Men are not permitted to even apply for that sort of licence. noooo:
-
I ventured to raise some of the more, ahem, questionable aspects of her own past. This was not wise noooo:
Well that's the moral high ground lost.
-
I ventured to raise some of the more, ahem, questionable aspects of her own past. This was not wise noooo:
So, with you being alledgedly intelligent with a fine and successful education behind you goes and commits a highly dozy and thick cardinal sin....and you expect some sort of sympathy? happy001
-
I ventured to raise some of the more, ahem, questionable aspects of her own past. This was not wise noooo:
Well that's the moral high ground lost.
redface:
-
I ventured to raise some of the more, ahem, questionable aspects of her own past. This was not wise noooo:
So, with you being alledgedly intelligent with a fine and successful education behind you goes and commits a highly dozy and thick cardinal sin....and you expect some sort of sympathy? happy001
sad32:
-
You may need this
http://www.pavingexpert.com/flagdiy3.htm
-
You need to go and see a top notch electrician with a view to getting your 'ed re-wired you
half fully baked bufoon. ::)
-
You need to go and see a top notch electrician with a view to getting your 'ed re-wired you half fully baked bufoon. ::)
sad32:
-
You need to go and see a top notch electrician with a view to getting your 'ed re-wired you half fully baked bufoon. ::)
sad32:
Is that the best defence you can offer.......... sad32:...FFS you bloody halfwit. Banghead
Pissed were we p'raps? That's always a great excuse in'it? ::)
-
I may very much be in the minority here but at least you stood up for yourself.
Saying that a war of words is not going to help this situation right now - you are getting stronger but strength does not only show itself by what you say and do but also what you don't say or do !!!!!
-
redface:
-
I may very much be in the minority here but at least you stood up for yourself.
Saying that a war of words is not going to help this situation right now - you are getting stronger but strength does not only show itself by what you say and do but also what you don't say or do !!!!!
Filosophie even ;D
-
I may very much be in the minority here but at least you stood up for yourself.
Saying that a war of words is not going to help this situation right now - you are getting stronger but strength does not only show itself by what you say and do but also what you don't say or do !!!!!
Where exactly does he say that he stood up for himself ey? WHERE? Shrugs:
No, he dropped himself in it, and then when the regulo went off the scale he'll have batted off straight down his mouse hole. ::)
-
Growler's being horrid sad24:
-
Growler's being horrid sad24:
Correct. I've been reminded several times over the weekend that I AM actually a nasty piece of work with no friends and no wonder, so fuck everyone then if that's the truthful case.
Past bloody caring what people think and say about me tbqath. eveilgrin:
-
happy100
-
happy100
DO NOT patronise me. cussing:
I'm defo NOT in the mood for meaningless niceties. sick2:
I suggest you go and try putting you arm around Mrs Nick, and pat her on the head, you great friggin' ape brained goon.
-
Do you have a sore head? rubschin: rubschin:
-
Do you have a sore head? rubschin: rubschin:
No, sore paws smashing away at this kepboard in anger. cussing:
-
What's a kepboard?
-
Popcorn: I am We are agog.
I'm not a gog well, I don't think I am. Mentally challenged blonde and have serious CRAFT moments but a gog, never!
-
Where exactly does he say that he stood up for himself ey? WHERE? Shrugs:
Let's face it - he has not got much left to lose in this situation - so she got rattled - tough shit although obviously caused Nick some distress.
What on earth does she expect him to do - be a muppet and say nothing, accept that this is all fine and that he is perfectly happy with the arrangements noooo:
Other people are entitled to their opinion and though she may angrily disagree and deny any of what was suggested or discussed he has a right to feel the way he does.
Attempting to have reasonable conversations may be a little ambitious at this stage though scared2:
-
What's a kepboard?
Yet ANOTHER peadantic moment ey?
keYboard, ok now? ::)
-
Where exactly does he say that he stood up for himself ey? WHERE? Shrugs:
Let's face it - he has not got much left to lose in this situation - so she got rattled - tough shit although obviously caused Nick some distress.
What on earth does she expect him to do - be a muppet and say nothing, accept that this is all fine and that he is perfectly happy with the arrangements noooo:
Other people are entitled to their opinion and though she may angrily disagree and deny any of what was suggested or discussed he has a right to feel the way he does.
Attempting to have reasonable conversations may be a little ambitious at this stage though scared2:
Well I'd say time to simply 'shut up shop'...and mouth... and move on. Any reasonable conversation at this time will be fruitless, going by what we all know so far, and will always bear nowt but bitterness and resentmant.
I know, I've been down this bumpy road myself in the past as have many others in here and nationwide too.
-
And you have met Mrs Nick scared2:
Her behaviour on that occasion was pretty odd I think you agree.
-
And you have met Mrs Nick scared2:
Her behaviour on that occasion was pretty odd I think you agree.
A bit, yes, but I put it down to shyness. She doesn't/didn't really know me, be fair.
Most would be shy and shrink away when they meet me tbh, yes?
-
And you have met Mrs Nick scared2:
Her behaviour on that occasion was pretty odd I think you agree.
A bit, yes, but I put it down to shyness. She doesn't/didn't really know me, be fair.
Most would be shy and shrink away when they meet me tbh, yes?
Mrs Snoopy#2 thinks you are cuddly ................... but then again it takes all sorts confused:
-
And you have met Mrs Nick scared2:
Her behaviour on that occasion was pretty odd I think you agree.
A bit, yes, but I put it down to shyness. She doesn't/didn't really know me, be fair.
Most would be shy and shrink away when they meet me tbh, yes?
Mrs Snoopy#2 thinks you are cuddly ................... but then again it takes all sorts confused:
Thanks for that Snoops. Self esteeem is positively buzzin' now. ::)
-
And you have met Mrs Nick scared2:
Her behaviour on that occasion was pretty odd I think you agree.
A bit, yes, but I put it down to shyness. She doesn't/didn't really know me, be fair.
Most would be shy and shrink away when they meet me tbh, yes?
Mrs Snoopy#2 thinks you are cuddly ................... but then again it takes all sorts confused:
Thanks for that Snoops. Self esteeem is positively buzzin' now. ::)
Hey! Don't knock it .... she did choose me after all. sparkle:
But then she likes Nick too ............whacky115
-
Specsavers beckons noooo:
-
You could be right mate ................. many years ago she had problems with her contact lenses and wore glasses when we went to a party. During the evening I groped my way into her dress and stroked an intimate part ~ she breathed "That's nice .................. it is your hand isn't it?"
-
You could be right mate ................. many years ago she had problems with her contact lenses and wore glasses when we went to a party. During the evening I groped my way into her dress and stroked an intimate part ~ she breathed "That's nice .................. it is your hand isn't it?"
#
Corrected for you whistle:
-
confused: The point was it took her several minutes to wonder whose hand it was stroking her bare arse.
-
But then she likes Nick too ............whacky115
He's ok in his own way I suppose, just gets on your tits a bit sometimes...bit like you seemingly did with Mrs Snoops 2 ! lol:
-
confused: The point was it took her several minutes to wonder whose hand it was stroking her bare arse.
Sensible woman 8)
Just in case like whistle:
-
Just like to apologise for ranting at Nick this morning. I was feeling particulary agitated and unhappy about several things, and shouldn't have said all I that did. noooo:
Still think he's a great tit though. happy088
-
rubschin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.zoo.ox.ac.uk%2Fimages%2FGreat%2520Tit.jpg&hash=38a8e0c95176d272f5fe649198929d352fd122e4)
-
Just like to apologise for ranting at Nick this morning. I was feeling particulary agitated and unhappy about several things, and shouldn't have said all I that did. noooo:
Still think he's a great tit though. happy088
Growler still loves me cloud9:
-
Just like to apologise for ranting at Nick this morning. I was feeling particulary agitated and unhappy about several things, and shouldn't have said all I that did. noooo:
Still think he's a great tit though. happy088
Growler still loves me cloud9:
He's never apologised to me... sad24:
-
No-one does ::)
-
I know... sad24:
-
Anyhoo, I am not in a good mood after another hour of face to face ranting with Mrs Nick (this time with a referee). cussing:
-
Anyhoo, I am not in a good mood after another hour of face to face ranting with Mrs Nick (this time with a referee). cussing:
Yellow card for anyone...?
-
I reached into my coat pocket at one point and everyone dived for cover redface:
-
Just like to apologise for ranting at Nick this morning. I was feeling particulary agitated and unhappy about several things, and shouldn't have said all I that did. noooo:
Still think he's a great tit though. happy088
Growler still loves me cloud9:
Errrrr, WHERE exactly did I say that please, WHERE/WHEN?
Precisely, I DIDN'T. Banghead
-
I reached into my coat pocket at one point and everyone dived for cover redface:
point:
-
Just like to apologise for ranting at Nick this morning. I was feeling particulary agitated and unhappy about several things, and shouldn't have said all I that did. noooo:
Still think he's a great tit though. happy088
Growler still loves me cloud9:
Errrrr, WHERE exactly did I say that please, WHERE/WHEN?
Precisely, I DIDN'T. Banghead
Growler experiences angst about his own inner cuddliness noooo:
-
Just like to apologise for ranting at Nick this morning. I was feeling particulary agitated and unhappy about several things, and shouldn't have said all I that did. noooo:
Still think he's a great tit though. happy088
Growler still loves me cloud9:
He's never apologised to me... sad24:
Sorry? Shrugs:
That better? cloud9:
-
Just like to apologise for ranting at Nick this morning. I was feeling particulary agitated and unhappy about several things, and shouldn't have said all I that did. noooo:
Still think he's a great tit though. happy088
Growler still loves me cloud9:
Errrrr, WHERE exactly did I say that please, WHERE/WHEN?
Precisely, I DIDN'T. Banghead
Growler experiences angst about his own inner cuddliness noooo:
Ey? rubschin:
-
Growler still loves me cloud9:
He's never apologised to me... sad24:
Oh alright - we're sorry that you are who you are
Does that make you feel better now whistle:
-
Just like to apologise for ranting at Nick this morning. I was feeling particulary agitated and unhappy about several things, and shouldn't have said all I that did. noooo:
Still think he's a great tit though. happy088
Growler still loves me cloud9:
He's never apologised to me... sad24:
Sorry? Shrugs:
That better? cloud9:
Oh yes... cloud9:
-
Anyhoo, I am not in a good mood after another hour of face to face ranting with Mrs Nick (this time with a referee). cussing:
Oh what now rthen FFS? ::)
Who was the ref then?
-
Someone charging ?40 per hour (or part thereof) evil:
-
Taxi driver rubschin:
-
Just like to apologise for ranting at Nick this morning. I was feeling particulary agitated and unhappy about several things, and shouldn't have said all I that did. noooo:
Still think he's a great tit though. happy088
Growler still loves me cloud9:
He's never apologised to me... sad24:
Sorry? Shrugs:
That better? cloud9:
Oh yes... cloud9:
Always happy to please, and just as quick to explode. I'm not one for holding back on me inner feelings like. noooo:
-
Someone charging ?40 per hour (or part thereof) evil:
A prostitute? eeek:
-
No you dork, a referee.
I am surrounded by idiots
-
No you dork, a referee.
I am surrounded by idiots
Like a football referee like...? rubschin:
With a whistle?
-
and bitter oranges to suck on rubschin:
-
Someone charging ?40 per hour (or part thereof) evil:
Some bloody busybody know it all nosey marriage guidance creep then? ::)
I'd have ref'd for nowt + bar expenses like. I could do with a bloody good chortle tbh.
-
Growler would have made an interesting ref rubschin:
-
Growler would have made an interesting ref rubschin:
Oh yes. Truths WOULD have been issued with venom. eveilgrin:
-
and bitter oranges to suck on rubschin:
And make them change ends at half time like... rubschin:
-
As the actress said to the....oh, why do I bother?
-
Growler would have made an interesting ref rubschin:
Oh yes. Truths WOULD have been issued with venom. eveilgrin:
rubschin:
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-
As the actress said to the....oh, why do I bother?
I'm listening. cloud9:
I may appear to be a bit aggresive sometimes, but I'm a good listener before I erupt like.
-
As the actress said to the....oh, why do I bother?
Shrugs:
-
As the actress said to the....oh, why do I bother?
I'm listening. cloud9:
I may appear to be a bit aggresive sometimes, but I'm a good listener before I erupt like.
Ooh Matron whistle:
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-
Bishop. Actress noooo:
-
Someone charging ?40 per hour (or part thereof) evil:
A prostitute? eeek:
eeek: In Liverpool? ~ ?40 would buy you her time for the whole weekend.
-
So Mrs Nick calls me yesterday and out of the blue proposes I move back in immediately rubschin:
I told her I had made other arrangements eveilgrin:
-
So move in today ~ pack all your kit that you haven't been able to get at and move out again with aforementioned kit tomorrow. whistle:
-
So move in today ~ pack all your kit that you haven't been able to get at and move out again with aforementioned kit tomorrow. whistle:
Brilliant! happ096
-
I am too bizzy noooo:
-
So Mrs Nick calls me yesterday and out of the blue proposes I move back in immediately rubschin:
I told her I had made other arrangements eveilgrin:
A wumman scorned and all that.
Don't be expecting 'boquettes' upon your return, or the front door key to fit either. noooo:
-
Tell her you can't as you have someone coming over for dinner ;)
-
And it would be very cruel and lose you whatever portion of the moral high ground you still retain.... But it was a nice thought to play with for a moment.
-
Tell her you can't as you have someone coming over for dinner ;)
She'd stake the place out if he did that.
-
So how long before he's home then rubschin:
-
I'm keeping out of this.
I smell long term trouble. whistle:
-
I'm keeping out of this.
I smell long term trouble. whistle:
Tears before bedtime I reckon.
Nick needs to play his cards very carefully and needs to be sure he knows what he really wants at the end of all this.
-
I'm keeping out of this.
I smell long term trouble. whistle:
You ARE long term trouble you great furry oaf. Do you want some of my veggy chocolate? angel1
-
I'm keeping out of this.
I smell long term trouble. whistle:
Tears before bedtime I reckon.
Nick needs to play his cards very carefully and needs to be sure he knows what he really wants at the end of all this.
I gather my sister has had werds with her scared2: My sister takes no prisoners eveilgrin:
-
I'm keeping out of this.
I smell long term trouble. whistle:
Tears before bedtime I reckon.
Nick needs to play his cards very carefully and needs to be sure he knows what he really wants at the end of all this.
I gather my sister has had werds with her scared2: My sister takes no prisoners eveilgrin:
And supplies Chilli Chocs to the unwary lol:
-
I'm keeping out of this.
I smell long term trouble. whistle:
You ARE long term trouble you great furry oaf. Do you want some of my veggy chocolate? angel1
I don't cause anyone trouble. noooo:
I'm on me own most of the time ffs. ::)
-
And why would that be?
-
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I shall say no more whistle:
-
And why would that be?
Cus that's the way I choose it to be thanks.
-
He's not safe to be allowed out noooo:
-
Well tomorrow I am meeting Mrs Nick and The Boy in Scallypool for some sort of festive stuff. Dunno what. Then I shall come back and pack for my Big SMoke Adventure with Bertie rubschin:
-
And tomorrow I head for London. My train arrives at 2.45 and I go straght to Islington to be introduced to Bertie. My lovely ex-tenant then leaves at 3.30 to catch her Eurostar to Paris.
What can possibly go wrong?
Oh redface:
-
And tomorrow I head for London. My train arrives at 2.45 and I go straght to Islington to be introduced to Bertie. My lovely ex-tenant then leaves at 3.30 to catch her Eurostar to Paris.
What can possibly go wrong?
Oh redface:
Bertie will savage you and you'll spend Xmas in A & E...?
Should we start a poll? rubschin:
-
SHe is catching the EUROSTAR ::)
-
Channel tunnel is closed
-
SHe is catching the EUROSTAR ::)
Are you attempting to influence the voting...? rubschin:
-
Yargh:
-
Yargh:
What...? Shrugs:
-
Xmas1:
-
So the French gerl calls
"I can't get out of the country" sad24:
Me: "What about a ferry?"
Calais is shut evil:
Me: "A plane then?"
Nothing is landing or taking off cussing:
Me: "So now what?"
I am determined to get home, I will call you when I have found a way to do so Banghead
What can possibly go wrong?
-
Has the poll started yet...?
-
This may be the curse of Nick rubschin:. Recall the time I flew to Gatwick and that entire air traffic contol system collapsed noooo:
-
This may be the curse of Nick rubschin:. Recall the time I flew to Gatwick and that entire air traffic contol system collapsed noooo:
Precisely...
I'm still voting for getting savaged by the dog... whistle:
-
What dog?
-
What dog?
Bertie... ? Shrugs:
-
Bertie the Cat you mean? rubschin:
-
Bertie the Cat you mean? rubschin:
Oh a cat...? eeek:
Then it is even more likely that you get savaged by it! point:
-
You have forgotten the boozy lunch with Miss D.And the possible Young's match with TMR.
What can possibly go wrong? evil:
-
You have forgotten the boozy lunch with Miss D.And the possible Young's match with TMR.
What can possibly go wrong? evil:
Where shall I start...? Shrugs:
-
Well least Uncle will be safe. We were meant to be going out on Monday evening, like noooo:
-
Well least Uncle will be safe. We were meant to be going out on Monday evening, like noooo:
Uncle hasn't been around for a while... has the curse of Nick struck already? rubschin:
-
Frozen to death I spect noooo:
-
Stop all this negativity nonono:
If French girl can't go then you shall have the company of another woman for 10 days - she cannot renege on the arrangement now that you have sorted out all your stuff
You will still get to meet up with many of us southern softies as Growler so fondly refers to us ;D
See life is good whistle:
-
Stop all this negativity nonono:
If French girl can't go then you shall have the company of another woman for 10 days - she cannot renege on the arrangement now that you have sorted out all your stuff
You will still get to meet up with many of us southern softies as Growler so fondly refers to us ;D
See life is good whistle:
Indeed... he could bring her to meet you all...
... if she exists of course... whistle:
-
Oh she will get home.I know her! Just a delay, which helps since I have stuff to do here. I have sent Pastis a pic of her which he is drooling over even as we speak eyes:
-
Can't wait for Wednesday then noooo: - should just leave you two to it ::)
-
I still bet Richard branson will fook it up though.He should have stuck to chutney maunfacturing noooo:
-
Oh she will get home.I know her! Just a delay, which helps since I have stuff to do here. I have sent Pastis a pic of her which he is drooling over even as we speak eyes:
I have to admit... she's a good looking lass mademoiselle eyes:
-
She used to be a lingerie model you know.... eyes:
-
I think Nick should meet me first so that he can witness how we "Southern softies" handle our ale. Tomorrow?
-
I won't be there tomorrow you dolt Banghead
Fooking Eurostar cussing: "ooh, the trains encountered some WARM AIR and they all broke down" What the fook is that about?
I am surrounded by idiots noooo:
-
So when are you coming down now then or are you waiting for the French all systems go signal rubschin:
-
She eyes: will call me, but I shall be in London Wednesday whatever happens.
OK? evil:
-
But whenever you come to London the train breaks down rubschin:
-
I know.I could fly there but....you know what happens noooo:
-
What about National Express ? scared2: scared2: scared2:
-
I tried them once. Never again noooo:
-
So when are you coming down now then or are you waiting for the French all systems go signal rubschin:
Oh bollox, I thought he was leaving us northern 'well 'ard weather beaten 'ard knocks' in peace from today. ::)
Have a nice time, and don't hurry back now. ;)
-
Nope he's still with you I'm afraid - something about just couldn't tear himself away from his bessy mate whistle:
-
Nope he's still with you I'm afraid - something about just couldn't tear himself away from his bessy mate whistle:
He hasn't got any mates though! noooo:
-
Eurostar reckons to be back up and running tomorrow morning. Bertie will need Nick then.
-
Eurostar reckons to be back up and running tomorrow morning. Bertie will need the RSPCA then.
Agreed... scared2:
-
Tuesday I think rubschin:
Assuming the weather doesn't gub Virgin trains
-
It's that extreme winter weather again eh - that'll be a bit of snow and some ice and not very warm. Winters were never like this in the past rubschin:
-
Tuesday I think rubschin:
Assuming the weather doesn't gub Virgin trains
Poor Bertie.. . sad24:
-
Tomorrow night now. She tells me she is driving there scared2:
-
Instructions are received!
So, Bertie: he's a really cute cat who is very vocal and likes to be stroked. He doesn't particularly like being picked up or sitting on your lap, but he's friendly and playful. The way to his heart is definitely through his stomach, and there are treats for him under the kitchen sink, in a paper bag on the right hand top shelf- I tend to give him a little something every day. Under the sink is also where his food lives: he has about 50 to 60g of dried food a day (Hill's plastic bag of dry food and measuring jug under sink), divided between morning and evening feeds. There are also some portions of wet food which you can give him once or twice during your stay if you want to win a friend for life! He has various spots throughout the flat where he sleeps. He doesn't have a litter tray as he's able to pop in and out through his catflap. There is, however, a mean bully cat (also a tabby, so easily confused! Bertie is slim and sleek, bully-cat is fatter and shorter) who tries to get in the flat whenever he can to beat Bertie up and eat his food. He also beats Bertie up outside so shoo him away if you see him lurking about. Apparently he stole the neighbours' sausages from their fridge, so he's fearless!
scared2: scared2:
-
Oh god - you are going to inadvertently kill Bertie and replace with bully cat aren't you scared2:
-
;D It will all end in tears you mark my words. noooo:
-
RIP Bertie... noooo:
-
RIP my sausages evil: evil:
Well, here I go.Growler let me down so I called a taxi sad24:
-
So how are you and Bertie getting along whistle:
-
He just keeps throwing his stuffed mouse at me cry:
-
When did I create you characters in my puzzled mind and write my autobiography, sounds like my dilemmas of the past 6 months.
My wrongs include:
Being unhappy that one of Mrs H's work colleagues claimed to have slept with her yet she failed to fire him
Being unhappy that Mrs H isn't sure she 'loves me'
Being unhappy to have to live at my retarded sisters
Scaring her (though she's happy to leave me with the kids whilst attending all night parties)
Being unhappy that my wife thinks speed is not much different to red bull
Not being as much fun as i once was
Being possesive but
Not paying her enough attention
Leaving hospital (8 years ago) when she was close to labour (thrown out by nurses)
Having parents that she doesn't like (despite her being doleite inbred sex offenders)
Being unhappy that my wife feels the truth is something to be used sparingly
Not trusting her
I've taken a new approach, you see I used to argue back thinking that I was right and I could demonstrate her errors. The problem being she is a maniac, will get custody of our children and is more willing for us to be apart than I am. So the new approach is to tell her it is her life, she's old enough to make her own decisions and that I love her and will always be here (cause unfortunately that's the way I feel).
The problem is that I spend a lot of time feeling like "if Carlsberg made babysitters...". At what age can I expect a 31 year old woman to grow up? Her claims that "I am a good mum" I like to believe yet she's spent about an hour in their company this weekend and most of it was shouting at them because she has a headache (hangover)...
I am undecided whether it is brave to try and battle it out and attempt to mend what's broken (for her) or whether it's merely cowardice that is stopping me taking a very long walk?
-
eeek:
-
It looks bad in a list but let's break just one down:
"Being unhappy that one of Mrs H's work colleagues claimed to have slept with her yet she failed to fire him"
I found out about this in another pub speaking to the manager. I let the info sink in and went to speak to the Mrs carefully about it (as we were arguing a lot at the time). She told me that when she heard it had been said she'd made him look a twat and apologise in front of all the staff and people that had heard it. She seemed surprised that my issue was that she hadn't told me and claimed she didn't want me upset.
On pointing out how I'd found out was more upsetting and that I'd approached her with control rather than accusation she merely said "I don't care if you believe me it's up to you whether you trust me..."
Brilliant!
A few weeks later, on Xmas day, she has to work in the pub. I take the kids to see her for the last hour of her shift and this lad is there drinking his tips. On trying to make me leave I hear her tell him that he's still got three pints in. I go home, cook Xmas dinner and am texting her 90 mins later to tell her it'll be ruined. Another 30 mins later I serve up the kids dinner (disappointed as this is the one meal a year I'd expect us to be round the table). I go into the front room to put music on and hear her outside, the lad has walked her home and she's inviting him round for a drink later.
Now it prolly wasn't the best idea to say "so that's why you're so late" when she came in but she then refuses to eat or even sit at the table with us. I wait til all is done and the kids are out of the way and point out that it's a family day, I also point out that I don't particularly want said wanker in my house. The reply "oh so you're sneaking around listening into my conversations now, and he's apologised to me so what's the problem?"
Does she really not see what the problem would be here...
-
happy100
Tough times. Join the VP club. Everyone here seems to be divorced except Wench and that is only because she is engaged. noooo:
-
Blimey Mr H - that is one large plateful you have on your hands noooo:
That sounds so tough - especially when it is obvious you really love her and your kids but she would appear to be behaving totally unreasonably from what you say. There does not seem to be a great deal of consideration for your feelings .
I think you know you deserve to be treated better than this but you are putting your feelings aside in the hope that she will see sense. I hope she does and that you can work this out but value yourself as well as your wife.
-
happy100
Tough times. Join the VP club. Everyone here seems to be divorced except Wench and that is only because she is engaged. noooo:
Relationships eh .......and what is it exactly that makes me want another one rubschin:
-
I am still aiming not to be though.
Not being an arse like but I've only ever entered it for the long haul and I'll fight with all I've got. There may well come a point where I'm battered into submission, lord knows I've cried myself to sleep plenty, but she hasn't managed it yet.
I mean she is a troubled person, the aforementioned family background and bouts of post natal depression have made life tough. When she does look me in the eye and smile though I can forgive her anything (sucker). Just need to know occasionaly that she wants me to be here for her rather than the object of her unhappiness...
-
I hate to say it Mr H but that all sounds horribly familiar to me.
You feel you have to tough it out for the kids sake if nothing else but I doubt that it will improve.
Good luck and remember we are here if you feel the need to rant.
-
Deffo what he said.And check your PMs. YOu are far from alone
-
but value yourself as well as your wife.
That's where the biggest struggle has been.
She wanted a trial seperation in August which was the first I knew of her being unhappy.
Moved out for a month and she claimed she was happier yet I informed her that her life wouldn't be so simple if divorce happened. She seemed to think I'd still pay the mortgage, sit with the kids so she could go on the piss etc.
So then came me trying to be nice and ignore the idiocy, fail!
Then came the anger and me sticking up for myself, fail!
Then the upset and loss of self respect, not nice!
At the moment, as said, I'm more on the I know who I am and what I want. Not sure it's a give her the rope approach, more point out what she has and let her decide what she wants.
Unfortunately with mortgages, kids et al involved it is hard to call the bluff. Her so-called friends wouldn't stick around for long when she's in a shitty flat, taking the nippers to school, unable to work or afford the nights out...
"You feel you have to tough it out for the kids sake if nothing else but I doubt that it will improve".
Hoping it is just a phase, she certainly has them. I don't fancy being a weekend dad but I've told her aswell that I'm not doing it out of some misguided loyalty. Two unhappy parents together are not better to provide for them than those happily seperated. As said though, I still believe in us, I'm willing to fight because I know what was can still be. If she doesn't and has the balls to say that then I will take it as read...
-
I sense this is really complicated. And as an outsider I know where I would be heading, but as an insider you have other concerns. It was ever thus
-
Sorry to hear of your Mr Happy, I sincerely hope it all turns out OK.
I count myself lucky that my marital breakup went fairly well.
-
What an awful tale Mr H. There is nothing I can say except keep your chin up in that difficult situation.
None of my splits have been 1% as bad as that.
happy100
-
Good grief Mr H this all sounds dreadful and very complicated. I hope it all turns out as you would wish though I doubt it will be as simple as that. happy100
-
Oh Mr H what a muddle. I can't pretend to know what it is like but I hope it all works out for you in the end.
-
Mrs Nick will be getting a solicitor's letter in the morning eveilgrin:
-
Thought you'd been quiet today.
-
SHe won't be tomorrow Sinister:
-
No more extra curricular activities for you for a while then. ::)
-
No more extra curricular activities for you for a while then. ::)
Why do you think he is off to Amsterdam! lol: lol: lol:
-
scared2: scared2: scared2:
The wrath of Mrs Nick
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-
Mrs Nick has received her letter eveilgrin:
-
Mrs Nick has received her letter eveilgrin:
She'll be round for a 'chat' later then...? whistle:
-
I doubt it eveilgrin:
-
I doubt it eveilgrin:
Didn't the last shag-a-thon start after the first letter tho...? rubschin:
-
I forget. She was shouting quite a lot on the phone just now scared2:
-
I forget. She was shouting quite a lot on the phone just now scared2:
Popcorn:
-
I advised her to address her remarks to my lawyer whistle:
-
I advised her to address her remarks to my lawyer whistle:
Well thats good...last time you were asking her to undress, not address
-
drumroll:
-
Right. I am getting very angry now.
I have seen Mrs Nick a lot since our split and have also been out with her and The Boy on various trips: concerts, sledging, walks and so on.
On Sunday I called her and suggested that I take the Boy out this weekend (to see Avatar) and then for something to eat. SHe said no. She cannot do this. Furthermore, when I spoke to him later I discovered that she had told him aboutr this prohibition!! eeek: That was bad and wrong and she is clearly nuts.
My solicitor wrote on Monday telling her she had to allow him to go.
No formal response to date Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9:
Escalation is inevitable, I fear
-
Right. I am getting very angry now.
I have seen Mrs Nick a lot since our split and have also been out with her and The Boy on various trips: concerts, sledging, walks and so on.
On Sunday I called her and suggested that I take the Boy out this weekend (to see Avatar) and then for something to eat. SHe said no. She cannot do this. Furthermore, when I spoke to him later I discovered that she had told him aboutr this prohibition!! eeek: That was bad and wrong and she is clearly nuts.
My solicitor wrote on Monday telling her she had to allow him to go.
No formal response to date Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9:
Escalation is inevitable, I fear
Rapidly followed by evacuation?
No shag-a-thons this weekend then presumably? noooo:
-
Depends if Mrs Nick decides she wants a bit tho doesn't it whistle:
-
She can fook off. SHe is out of order
-
Depends if Mrs Nick decides she wants a bit tho doesn't it whistle:
After eating all that All Bran too ey? ;D
What a criminal waste ey? Shrugs:
-
She can fook off. SHe is out of order
Most wimmin are. You only just discovered that you durk? ::)
I've just been bollocked for treading mud into the kitchen ffs.
I Haven't even been in the ferkin' kitchen ffs. Banghead
Young Growler is gardening and has problee trodden it in, but does it really matter anyway, DOES IT?
noooo:
Precisely. ::)
-
She can fook off. SHe is out of order
Painters...? rubschin:
-
feeling a bit flushed rubschin:
-
WIMMIN cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Banghead Banghead
-
Popcorn:
-
WIMMIN cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Banghead Banghead
Yes, and...... ::)
Now what? sleep021
-
WIMMIN cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Banghead Banghead
Don't forget Mothers day on Sunday ....you'll want to get her something large and expensive on behalf of The Boy whistle:
-
I have a shed angel1
-
Mmmmmm on the list of possible pressies - that wouldn't be near the top noooo:
-
WIMMIN cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Banghead Banghead
Don't forget Mothers day on Sunday ....you'll want to get her something large and expensive on behalf of The Boy whistle:
Another bastard eye watering TWO THOUSAND POUND, YES, TWO UNBELIEVABLE FRIGGIN THOUSAND POUNDS OF heaving flea ridden rancid rug to match the other rancid heaving flea ridden bastard rag too p'raps? rubschin:
-
I wonder if they'll cut the rug in half as part of the settlement like...? rubschin:
Lengthways or crossways I wonder...?
-
I wonder if they'll cut the rug in half as part of the settlement like...? rubschin:
Lengthways or crossways I wonder...?
I'd do it for them. My absolute and total pleasure of pleasures. Sinister:
My maths ain't too good however.
How many thousand pieces are there in an 'arf like? cloud9:
God almighty. I don't half HATE that rug , really I do, just thinking about it raises my bladder way beyond and over explosive levels Angry9:
-
I wonder if they'll cut the rug in half as part of the settlement like...? rubschin:
Lengthways or crossways I wonder...?
I'd do it for them. My absolute and total pleasure of pleasures. Sinister:
My maths ain't too good however.
How many thousand pieces are there in an 'arf like? cloud9:
Oh, several... whistle:
-
Mr G seems oddly troubled rubschin:
-
I wonder if they'll cut the rug in half as part of the settlement like...? rubschin:
Lengthways or crossways I wonder...?
I'd do it for them. My absolute and total pleasure of pleasures. Sinister:
My maths ain't too good however.
How many thousand pieces are there in an 'arf like? cloud9:
Oh, several... whistle:
No, it should be left to Mr & Mrs Nick. One cuts the rug, the other chooses which bit they want... whistle:
Don't know if you could trust either of em with a pair of scissors tho rubschin:
-
I wonder if they'll cut the rug in half as part of the settlement like...? rubschin:
Lengthways or crossways I wonder...?
I'd do it for them. My absolute and total pleasure of pleasures. Sinister:
My maths ain't too good however.
How many thousand pieces are there in an 'arf like? cloud9:
Oh, several... whistle:
No, it should be left to Mr & Mrs Nick. One cuts the rug, the other chooses which bit they want... whistle:
Don't know if you could trust either of em with a pair of scissors tho rubschin:
A chain saw...? rubschin: