The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Medical Centre => Topic started by: Miss Demeanour on June 27, 2010, 06:51:23 AM
-
Miss D's guide to mistakes that you should not repeat noooo:
Do not go to the bathroom late at night... open bottle , splash some contents onto a cotton wool pad and realise once you have started wiping onto your face and eyes that it is not actually your cleanser but your bottle of nail varnish remover that you have used noooo: noooo: noooo:
-
eeek:
-
But are you cleaner now?
-
Yes ....who needs the first layer of skin on your face anyway lol:
-
Miss D's guide to mistakes that you should not repeat noooo:
Do not go to the bathroom late at night... open bottle , splash some contents onto a cotton wool pad and realise once you have started wiping onto your face and eyes that it is not actually your cleanser but your bottle of nail varnish remover that you have used noooo: noooo: noooo:
Hairspray in a gentlemans armpit can give you that all-day, crispy seaweed feeling as well. redface:
-
Yes ....who needs the first layer of skin on your face anyway lol:
People pay good money fro skin peels I believe.
Swapping hair removal cream for toothpaste is never good, still had a hair free mouth for ages. redface:
-
Yes ....who needs the first layer of skin on your face anyway lol:
People pay good money fro skin peels I believe.
Swapping hair removal cream for toothpaste is never good, still had a hair free mouth for ages. redface:
lol: lol: lol:
And what tasted of toothpaste...? whistle:
-
lol: lol: lol:
-
My old mother taught me never to attempt hair removal of any sort in the dark. angel1
-
Never brush your teeth with Anusol evil:
-
Never brush your teeth with Anusol evil:
Nobby Stiles point:
-
I broke a rib at work on Wednesday.
I'm a receptionist.
I was at my desk.
On my own.
Yet I managed to break a rib. Not easy let me tell you.
But it can be done if you try hard enough. happy088
-
How ?????????????????????????????????
-
How ?????????????????????????????????
Shagging prolly... whistle:
-
Years ago, I was at my brother's and we were well oiled - to say the least. He and his wife went to bed but I decided to have another. I fancied a large Bushmills, so found the bottle and luckily found a whiskey tumbler on the worktop. I poured a very large, large one, drank it (tasted a bit funny though) and went to bed.
In the morning my sister-in-law asked where the tumbler containing her contact lenses (in saline) had gone redface:
I offered to let nature takes its course and return them. She declined.
-
Years ago, I was at my brother's and we were well oiled - to say the least. He and his wife went to bed but I decided to have another. I fancied a large Bushmills, so found the bottle and luckily found a whiskey tumbler on the worktop. I poured a very large, large one, drank it (tasted a bit funny though) and went to bed.
In the morning my sister-in-law asked where the tumbler containing her contact lenses (in saline) had gone redface:
I offered to let nature takes its course and return them. She declined.
I bet you saw your arse for that one. ;)
-
Years ago, I was at my brother's and we were well oiled - to say the least. He and his wife went to bed but I decided to have another. I fancied a large Bushmills, so found the bottle and luckily found a whiskey tumbler on the worktop. I poured a very large, large one, drank it (tasted a bit funny though) and went to bed.
In the morning my sister-in-law asked where the tumbler containing her contact lenses (in saline) had gone redface:
I offered to let nature takes its course and return them. She declined.
lol: lol: lol:
-
I thoughtfully informed Growler of Miss D's unfortunate mishap angel1
His reply in full:
"Hahahahahahahahahahahah, lmfco!!! Poor old trout. Did she mistake it for make up remover? Absolute class. Off to bomb some turds over a local crouts tent now, must dash."
-
How can one man possibly be so refined ? noooo: noooo: noooo:
-
It certainly beggars belief Miss D. BTW do you have a clue what he is on about? PM me if you do. ;)
-
lol: lol:
-
Growler has perfected the "Bouncing Turd"? eeek:
Zee war vill be over before Christmas!
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.close-upfilm.com%2Fpictures%2Fthe%2520dambusters.jpg&hash=00b2d59335c24bcfc2d4900a794cf864f78d85ec)
-
Maybe Nick mis-heard and it was a bouncing Kurd.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs1.postimage.org%2FkjEyS.jpg&hash=a98586eead6cc89bafc37573b8e8ea15f7c0284c) (http://www.postimage.org/)
-
The instructor on the first aid course I was on told us of a horrific mishap he saw when one of us asked him about resetting dislocated limbs. He'd been playing rugby and one of his team mates had been tackled hard, dislocating his femur so they decided to reset it while waiting for the ambulance. (For those of a nervous disposition or male I've whited this next bit out, if you do want to read it just highlight it.) Unfortunately they managed to trap one of his testicles in the joint At that point the poor bugger started screaming so loudly he ripped his larynx. eeek:
-
sick2:
-
shocked003 shocked003 shocked003 shocked003 shocked003 shocked003 shocked003 shocked003
-
Hey ~ I like that whiting out trick ~ how d'you do dat den?
PM me the secret please.
-
Not worried about the poor chaps bollocks then Snoops. lol:
-
The instructor on the first aid course I was on told us of a horrific mishap he saw when one of us asked him about resetting dislocated limbs. He'd been playing rugby and one of his team mates had been tackled hard, dislocating his femur so they decided to reset it while waiting for the ambulance. (For those of a nervous disposition or male I've whited this next bit out, if you do want to read it just highlight it.) Unfortunately they managed to trap one of his testicles in the joint At that point the poor bugger started screaming so loudly he ripped his larynx. eeek:
Was he playing for Dorking? - it's just that we had a similar event about 20 years ago when I was playing. I've never heard a man scream like that. It chilled me to the bone.
Similarly, on another occasion, a chap took a good blow to the gentleman vegetable area. Massive swelling ensued and by the time St. John turned up his sack was the size of a melon. they had no choice other than to relieve the pressure. He howled a bit too.
I gave up rugby shortly after.
-
Hey ~ I like that whiting out trick ~ how d'you do dat den?
PM me the secret please.
Oh it is quite simple... you just change the text colour yo white... ;)
-
I Know now ..... cos he told me how in a PM. I am now pondering other applications ~ I notice that it is bolloxed when anyone "quotes" it though. Mind you everything is easy once you know the answer whistle:
-
I Know now ..... cos he told me how in a PM. I am now pondering other applications ~ I notice that it is bolloxed when anyone "quotes" it though. Mind you everything is easy once you know the answer whistle:
Clever Clogs
-
Precisely ;D
-
I just got my shoelaces caught in my electric drill! eeek:
That was a scary few moments I can tell you.... noooo:
-
point: point: point: point:
-
point: point: point: point:
Thanks for your concern... sad24:
-
Why were you drilling your shoes?
-
He wasn't ~ it's just with LL away he has nobody to tie his laces for him....... Poor little chap.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.soccershopusa.com%2FImages_Products%2FToddlerShoes-ClubAmerica-NavyYellow-2009-1.jpg&hash=2d23b613e60fc34b533399988c1be99da989ad67)
-
Why were you drilling your shoes?
I wasn't drilling my shoes! cussing:
-
Why were you drilling your shoes?
I wasn't drilling my shoes! cussing:
Buffing up your nails?
-
Why were you drilling your shoes?
I wasn't drilling my shoes! cussing:
Buffing up your nails?
I wasn't buffing up my nails! cussing:
-
I just got my shoelaces caught in my electric drill!
I always imagined you in sandals, with socks. rubschin:
-
Why were you drilling your shoes?
I wasn't drilling my shoes! cussing:
Bucket on back to front again? lol:
-
I may have spilled some Guinness. The new hound may have drunk it.
Dog acting a bit mad now...
-
I may have spilled some Guinness. The new hound may have drunk it.
Dog acting a bit mad now...
Could just be a delayed reaction to living in the TMR household. whistle:
-
I may have spilled some Guinness. The new hound may have drunk it.
Dog acting a bit mad now...
Could just be a delayed reaction to living in the TMR household. whistle:
Button it, Horlicks breath!
-
The dog's definitely pissed - just caught her ringing up the local kebab asking for a large doner "with plenty of chilli sauce, no cabbage and a portion of chips".
Not good. noooo:
Mrs TMRBB will kill me scared2:
-
I just got my shoelaces caught in my electric drill!
I always imagined you in sandals, with socks. rubschin:
Gasp! eeek:
Oh no Darwin... never... noooo:
-
The dog's definitely pissed - just caught her ringing up the local kebab asking for a large doner "with plenty of chilli sauce, no cabbage and a portion of chips".
Not good. noooo:
Mrs TMRBB will kill me scared2:
No cabbage???? eeek:
Has she got rabies or summat? noooo:
-
Concrete mixer + Mrs TMRBB's head = split eyebrow noooo:
-
Concrete mixer + Mrs TMRBB's head = split eyebrow noooo:
Shouldn't have put it in there. noooo:
Or is this part of measuring up for the patio? rubschin:
-
Concrete mixer + Mrs TMRBB's head = split eyebrow noooo:
Shouldn't have put it in there. noooo:
Or is this part of measuring up for the patio? rubschin:
She said she could lift her side. I lifted my side, but her willowy arms failed to reciprocate, hence the rim of the mixer clonked her straight on the bonce. Honest, m'lud.
Perhaps pissing myself laughing wasn't the correct response though noooo:
-
Concrete mixer + Mrs TMRBB's head = split eyebrow noooo:
Shouldn't have put it in there. noooo:
Or is this part of measuring up for the patio? rubschin:
She said she could lift her side. I lifted my side, but her willowy arms failed to reciprocate, hence the rim of the mixer clonked her straight on the bonce. Honest, m'lud.
Perhaps pissing myself laughing wasn't the correct response though noooo:
You shouldn't have given her the side with the motor either.... noooo: