The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Nick on December 18, 2010, 03:38:40 PM
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Happily out of it myself, but the svelte redhead has been carting stuff in and out of the house for days now and has never stopped yapping at her boyfriend argue: argue:. Clearly he has mates staying, I heard the bottles clinking last night, and she is in full martyr mode argue: noooo:
So, put your arguments here. Therapeutic and entertaining happy088
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angel1
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angel1
You mean you are doing as you are told point:
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Or he's lost his voice lol:
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"The view from the helicoptor" (http://www.mil-millington.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/things.html) ;D
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I had forgotten about that website. Fab!!
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angel1
You mean you are doing as you are told point:
We're not talking since the kitchen sink fiasco - Ipso facto no chance of domestic disharmony.... cloud9:
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"The view from the helicoptor" (http://www.mil-millington.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/things.html) ;D
Brilliant I am off perusing, I may be gone a while. lol:
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I just bumped into the svelte redheads hungover boyfriend. I enquired how CHristmas preparations were going eveilgrin:
He adopted a sort of standing up foetal position and groaned and said "SHe's doing my head in." point:
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I opened the dishwasher and the door bumped into her...
All I said was "Sorry, I underestimated your girth" ::)
WW3 has now broken out... noooo:
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In trouble if you lie and in trouble if you tell the truth noooo:
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In trouble if you lie and in trouble if you tell the truth noooo:
You're right... sad24:
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I opened the dishwasher and the door bumped into her...
All I said was "Sorry, I underestimated your girth" ::)
WW3 has now broken out... noooo:
Why didn't you just stop at sorry noooo:
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I opened the dishwasher and the door bumped into her...
All I said was "Sorry, I underestimated your girth" ::)
WW3 has now broken out... noooo:
Why didn't you just stop at sorry noooo:
Shrugs:
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THW was bending over doing summat and Minimus wanted to get past. He asked politely three times then jabbed her in the arse with a plastic ruler. She started ranting at him at which point Minor came wandering by "What's all the fuss?"
Minimus: "She wouldn't move when I said 'scuse me THREE TIMES! ... So I poked her with my ruler" Holds up 6 inch plastic ruler.
Minor "That's no good, you need a fucking cattle prod to shift her fat arse"
Weeping with laughter I had to tell him not to use such words.
His defence "Well it's true"
I said "That may be but.........."
At which point THW went angry041: Explode: sad32: and called her mother.
Boys and I are now in the sh*t with all wimmin in the house.
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Things have been a tad frosty here today in more ways than one. The matriarchal wrinklie wanted to deliver Christmas presents. Ordered patriarchal wrinklie to get the car out of the garage. Upon doing so a flat tyre was discovered.
Much panicking and squawking ensued. Followed by loud and accusatory (aimed at pater wrinklie) phone calls to Anita, Mary, Martha and several others. it's grim ooop north I tell you. noooo:
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Grim is, I would suggest, an understatement .... but you all know my prejudice.
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Indeed we do Snoops and a better and more rounded prejudice would be hard to find.
Women here have a particular pitch when they talk/squawk it is like the cry of a baby very irritating but difficult to ignore. The local accents also seem to twist their mouths into a grimace much of the time. many are prime candidates for a gurning competition. Don't tempt me on the size of their backsides. sick2:
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People used to think Last of the Summer Wine was a comedy ~ more a social commentary in my view.
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Well this mornings excitement has just died down.
Much loud and agitated squawking from the wrinklie matriarch was to be hear echoing round the house shortly after 7am. Roused from the mattress on the floor we staggered out to find out what the commotion was about.
There was a note on the shower room door. DO NOT USE THE SHOWER.
Much squawking could now be heard from downstairs along with banging of doors. It seems that the out side pipes may have frozen, distinct possibility this house is in a time warp nothing and I mean nothing has been touched in the last 40 years if not longer.
Matriarch then decides that pipes in attic may be frozen, distinct possibility, huge house no central heating -10 outside and 2 inches of insulation.
Lurkio 50 year old son who still lives at home and has never had a job is screeched at from the bottom of the stairs he is ordered into the loft. He can't go into the loft as his hotwater bottle has burst in his bed, could well be a bed-wetting mid life crisis thing given what goes on here. noooo:
Loft is entered by Mr C. Matriarch standing at the bottom of the ladder telling him that he will fall through the roof and that the tank can't be frozen despite not being insulated as it is made out of fibreglass. This dear reader is one of many pearls of wisdom that drop from her mouth. whacky115
Patriarch wrinklie has retired to his study where as I type he is being berated by the harridan for not lagging the pipes in the outside lav several years ago befor he had a series of mini strokes and could barely walk.
Lurkio is in the dining room trying to dry two quilts with a hair dryer that looks like this. He is muttering darkly about Pound Shop hot water bottles.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs1.postimage.org%2F19awvjflw%2Fhair.jpg&hash=2dc2204db8222630918062845c93f8cb96c49579) (http://postimage.org/image/19awvjflw/)
Not sure what he is going to do about his sodden mattress. noooo: He has two bedrooms next to each other each with a double bed in them. I heard the harridan shouting at him to move into the other bed he shouted back that this would involve moving all the clutter from said bed.
I will be going out in a while I may be gone for some time. surrender:
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eeek:
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None of my business, but if there is a spare bed adjacent to Lurkios room, why are you on a mattress on the floor?
It maybe of course, that this maximises the distance between you and Lurkio, in which case all is explained.
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None of my business, but if there is a spare bed adjacent to Lurkios room, why are you on a mattress on the floor?
It maybe of course, that this maximises the distance between you and Lurkio, in which case all is explained.
I thought that too Darwin! rubschin:
I also wondered why he was trying to dry the bed with a hair-dryer that had no plug on it... Shrugs:
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None of my business, but if there is a spare bed adjacent to Lurkios room, why are you on a mattress on the floor?
It maybe of course, that this maximises the distance between you and Lurkio, in which case all is explained.
I thought that too Darwin! rubschin:
I also wondered why he was trying to dry the bed with a hair-dryer that had no plug on it... Shrugs:
Well not quite like that obviously but then again in this place nothing would surprise me. noooo:
The mattress on the floor is because Lurkio has the run of the two bedrooms and they are full of his stuff as is the room that we are in as is the dining room and the lav. He could not possibly be expected to accommodate his brother in any way.
Of course there is the added bonus of maximising the distance between us. lol:
Two weeks ago Lurkio was sent spiralling into a deep depression (AKA four day alcoholic binge) when on going to his usual bank to withdraw money he was told that he would have to have a pin number. During the four days it was his matriarch wrinklies birthday. Lurkio usually buys the card for patriarch and was unable to do so him being in a drunken stupor and all that. I purchased a card which said 'happy birthday wife'.
The night before her birthday wrinklie matriarch (WM) harassed husband to go upstairs to Lurkios room and get him to sign the wife card. Wrinklie patriarch (WP) cannot walk up stairs he has to crawl on his hands and knees but he complied. Something a little sick2: is going on here IMHO.
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noooo: noooo: noooo:
The escape committee is forming as we speak, we'll have you out in no time scared2:
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noooo: noooo: noooo:
The escape committe is forming as we speak, we'll have you out in no time scared2:
Sounds like nobody will notice if they drop the tunnel earth indoors, that will speed things up.
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Thanks chaps and chapesses. I will take pictures so that you get an idea of the lay out here and the risks that you will be taking.
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Poor Miss C, I'm caught somewhere between ;D and eeek: and noooo: and (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/Smileys/default/happy100.gif)
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Poor Miss C, I'm caught somewhere between ;D and eeek: and noooo: and (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/Smileys/default/happy100.gif)
Thanks JOM. Luckily other than being cold most of the time I'm happy001 happy001 shutup: shutup:
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I give you...
CDs under the kitchen sink
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimage.org%2F2z0gacktg%2FP9150074.jpg&hash=b733bec69fe292c32f453e3a840db6484c892cfa) (http://postimage.org/image/2z0gacktg/)
There are three cupboards full.
2x floor to ceiling shelves in utility room mostly LPs.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimage.org%2F2z0rv409w%2FP9150077.jpg&hash=5d71ac22970147600a0a1790c2e811e3b6270ffe) (http://postimage.org/image/2z0rv409w/)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimage.org%2F2z153es84%2FP9150078.jpg&hash=158d9008e2d6445f1e36ab867ac70e58410d8db7) (http://postimage.org/image/2z153es84/)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimage.org%2F2z1x7jomc%2FP9150079.jpg&hash=f1a21313996c0f7bfcf2970308648b6ae7dcb59a) (http://postimage.org/image/2z1x7jomc/)
The shower room.
The lav.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimage.org%2F2z274rrl0%2FP9150086.jpg&hash=4df141c58e2541e9c40d851c1094d36944c38890) (http://postimage.org/image/2z274rrl0/)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimage.org%2F2z2uaamhw%2FP9150082.jpg&hash=7860f9f0e173cec608436053425aa649902f095b) (http://postimage.org/image/2z2uaamhw/)
The room I sleep in floor to ceiling books videos LPs and CDs.
I think that you are prolly getting the gist of things here. confused:
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eeek:
Get out while you can Miss C! scared2:
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Oh and the room that I am currently
tunnelling typing from. Floor to ceiling books LPs and cassettes.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimage.org%2F2z6ablnj8%2FP9150087.jpg&hash=4e2ba688baca5a75873d579f6e3b991b1d988aa0) (http://postimage.org/image/2z6ablnj8/)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs4.postimage.org%2F2z6p7frz8%2FP9150089.jpg&hash=d43de8cc0768446c5c33d7d315cbbed5494a0ba6) (http://postimage.org/image/2z6p7frz8/)
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Are you there by choice or is it a punishment?
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She's in the naughty house... noooo:
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Not my choice Tel. evil: House purchase has been delayed. Banghead Angry9: Hotel as of Thursday. cloud9:
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She's in the naughty house... noooo:
Bloody mad house more like. I may invite Nick up he would be right at home. angel1
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The Butler?
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Nick or Lurkio?
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She's in the naughty house... noooo:
Bloody mad house more like. I may invite Nick up he would be right at home. angel1
Quite so. Do your girls have healthy chests?
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THW v SWWLTBO .... The return match.
This time it is about Homework that should have been handed to the teacher in October. THW has been given a deadline of 1700hrs tomorrow to email it to the teacher and has spent this afternoon moaning about how unfair it all is. SWWLTBO has attempted to put some academic rigour into what is supposed to be a 2500 word report supported by graphs etc demonstrating observations of inflow and outflow at a local reservoir with readings taken before and after rainfall plus conclusions drawn from said observations.
TBF the THW had submitted her report and had it thrown back at her as it ran to 7800 words. "But how can I explain everything with such a low word allowance (2500)?"
SWWLTBO said "I too would have returned your work ~ far too verbose, cut the bullshit and just detail 'What you did, what you saw, what conclusions did you draw' it really is that simple. The bloody teacher doesn't want to know there was a azure sky and ducks on the fecking lake. Just tell her where you took the measurements, how you took the measurements and the results. Stick in some nice graphs showing the rates of flow both in and out comparing before and after rain. It's that simple".
THW said "It's easy for you, you've already got the qualifications"
SWWLTBO "Then fecking well listen to me and stop telling me I'm wrong"
And on and on and on and on ........... tunble:
Meanwhile I'm hiding in my study ~ my one intervention, with a suggestion, was about as welcome as a turd in a swimming pool.
The boys haven't been seen since lunch ~ they too are 'laying low'.
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Shouldn't there be injections for those sort of gerls.
Or all gerls in fact? rubschin:
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Shouldn't there be injections for those sort of gerls.
Or all gerls in fact? rubschin:
Gaffer tape would do the job eveilgrin:
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Miss C eeek:
It looks like a highly organised Mr Trebus's noooo:
Is that a can of deicer in the bathroom?
Forget the shower, Karcher are doing offers on steam cleaners
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It Mr Trebus x 3 JOM
Lurkio collects DVDs books and pictures of astronauts.
WP collects books cassettes LPs videos and DVDs
WM collects china and assorted tat.
Whilst that isn't de-icer in the lav it should be this morning the ice was half an inch deep at the bottom of the windows. lol: lol:
Steamer = warm and clean. cloud9: cloud9: Let me at it. surrender:
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THW said "It's easy for you, you've already got the qualifications"
SWWLTBO "Then fecking well listen to me and stop telling me I'm wrong"
happy001 happy001 happy001 So familiar!
Miss C, please tell me they all wear 3 cardigans and fingerless gloves in the style of Steptoe.
All that 1970's Hifi equipment must be priceless for the certifiable collectors of such things.
What was that film where a character had a vast cupboard containing dozens of huge glass jars holding all his urine for the last 20 years?
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Steamer = warm and clean. cloud9: cloud9: Let me at it. surrender:
I'm firing it up now. To save any embarressment I have a blindfold. If you're shy, you can put it on ;)
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Steamer = warm and clean. cloud9: cloud9: Let me at it. surrender:
I'm firing it up now. To save any embarressment I have a blindfold. If you're shy, you can put it on ;)
I've bought LL a steam cleaner for Xmas... redface:
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noooo: noooo: noooo:
You do actually have a death wish don't you ?
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noooo: noooo: noooo:
You do actually have a death wish don't you ?
What? Shrugs:
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Anyone want to give odds on LL using it to steam clean the inside of the bucket.................
....while BM is still wearing it point:
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But, but but... she likes cleaning... whistle:
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But not as a present noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo:
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But, but but... she likes cleaning... whistle:
No, she just doesnt like being surrounded by your mess lol:
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But not as a present noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo:
Oh... redface:
I'm dead then? (https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.freesmileys.org%2Fsmileys%2Fsmiley-sick013.gif&hash=1c62f25f8bcc8ac2a4f6473a589fdff5660e754f) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
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No you aren't dead BM, LL wouldn't let you off that easily. noooo:
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She'll love it... if Amazon deliver it on time! scared2:
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Of course you have a back up plan whistle:
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Of course you have a back up plan whistle:
A broom? rubschin:
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Of course you have a back up plan whistle:
'Accidentally' falling off the roof banking on the sympathy vote from LL whistle:
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Steamer = warm and clean. cloud9: cloud9: Let me at it. surrender:
I'm firing it up now. To save any embarressment I have a blindfold. If you're shy, you can put it on ;)
lol:
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This is a mad house. I am tring to keep my mouth shut but will say something when we leave here. Pater wrinklie told me before Christmas that he did not want my girls here. I knew this but it was delivered in a very aggressive way. Mr C was present and was mortified and hurt, I managed to get my own back sort of as the girls called me and asked what the wrinkles names were they were making biscuits and wanted to ice them with names. On our return to the family house I handed the biscuits over. eveilgrin:
Mr C has a rather delightful son (25) he was planning on coming to see his grandparents tomorrow and has been visiting his sister locally, they, the sister and brother have argued today. Mr C asked his parents if their grandson could stay overnight tonight.
The reply Lurkios second bed was covered in stuff so no. This is their one and only grandchild FFS they live in a six bedromed house they defer to a 50 year old twat and cannot accommodate their own grandson. I have whinged on here about my mother but she would offer Mr Cs son a bed.
I am in a fury. Explode:
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If it wasn't for weirdos like them, you wouldn't stand out as the beacon of near-normality that you are.
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If it wasn't for weirdos like them, you wouldn't stand out as the beacon of near-normality that you are.
happy001
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happy100
Poor Miss C, Christmas is supposed to be about family and friends, )oh, and Jesus) . How long before you leave there? Have your one day Christmas with those you love and love you then. And I wouldn't even bother sending a card, let alone going there next year
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We should have a VP Xmas - all together like... cloud9:
Apart from Nick of course... noooo:
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We had it on Sunday, it was only as we staggered home at the end of the night that we realised you hadn't been there cos there was nobody there to pay the bill. That moment when LL jumped out of the big Christmas cake will live in my memory for a long time whistle:
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sad32:
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We had it on Sunday, it was only as we staggered home at the end of the night that we realised you hadn't been there cos there was nobody there to pay the bill. That moment when LL jumped out of the big Christmas cake will live in my memory for a long time whistle:
I thought we had decided to leave the mess to see how well the new floor steam cleaner could cope with such a task whistle:
You were a devil with that mistletoe ;)
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We had it on Sunday, it was only as we staggered home at the end of the night that we realised you hadn't been there cos there was nobody there to pay the bill. That moment when LL jumped out of the big Christmas cake will live in my memory for a long time whistle:
I thought we had decided to leave the mess to see how well the new floor steam cleaner could cope with such a task whistle:
You were a devil with that mistletoe ;)
Oh get a room you two! ::)
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Ooh, I think the Travelodge sale started yesterday, £9 rooms and all that. Never let it be said I don't know how to treat a lady ;)
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Oh , the extravagence lol:
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£4.50 each....? rubschin:
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Aaah but he is taunting her by having mail delivered to her address where he once lived sad24:
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Wot?
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wrong thread .... redface:
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wrong thread .... redface:
Dipstick! point:
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I know...... lol:
Think I need some chocolate to help me restore my alertness like whistle:
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A kind moderator might remove it... in exchange for chocolate of course... whistle:
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Snoops is soooo good to me cloud9:
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Don't bovver. SHe is already planning her weepy acceptance speech for the Poster of the Year ceremony ::)
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Oh noes ....I think there is plenty of time for a last minute voter splurge whistle:
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Oh noes ....I think there is plenty of time for a last minute voter splurge whistle:
Yep, Nick's multiple personalities are going to reappear and vote him a landslide victory lol: lol:
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rubschin:
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Oh noes ....I think there is plenty of time for a last minute voter splurge whistle:
Yep, Nick's multiple personalities are going to reappear and vote him a landslide victory lol: lol:
doh:
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This mornings gems from the wriklie harridan...
Pater wrinklie comes shambling into the kitchen
WH squawks; 'PW it's too early for your coffee'
PW looks somewhat surprised and replies 'I have come for a leather.'
WH 'Well, what do you want a leather for?'
PW 'To clean my screen.'
WH 'Oh well, it's too early for your coffee PW.'
PW ' I don't want me coffee I want a leather.'
WH; ' They are in the offshot.' (utility room to you and I)
PW Wombles off and returns with a leather.
WH 'PW what have you got there?'
PW ' A leather for my screen.'
WH ' Well, PW it's too early for your coffee and I have got to iron two black shirts for our Lurkio. You will get indigestion.'
PW 'Oh.'
PW leaves the kitchen.
Me to WH 'Why have you got to iron two shirts for Lurkio?'
WH 'He'll just burn them.'
Me wearing sensible head... Banghead shutup: I leave the kitchen.
Five minutes elapse the kitchen door opens and WM shouts from the bottom of the stairs.. 'PW your coffee is ready.' whacky115
Barking I tells you completely barking.
Don't get me started on yesterdays debacle.
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Does it not provide you with some small comfort Miss C that you are nothing like these odd balls ? happy100
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She's worried that it might "be catching" ~ like flu.
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Does it not provide you with some small comfort Miss C that you are nothing like these odd balls ? happy100
Thank you Miss D.
WH is now dusting like a maniac as she has just taken her tree down and the squirrel has left muddy paw prints on the window...Her words not mine.
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Does it not provide you with some small comfort Miss C that you are nothing like these odd balls ? happy100
Thank you Miss D.
WH is now dusting like a maniac as she has just taken her tree down and the squirrel has left muddy paw prints on the window...Her words not mine.
Freeview Advert?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIbQ-oPzlTc
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A squirrel stole my loaf evil:
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A squirrel stole my loaf evil:
You need to get Tipsy round ... she has a lot of suitable recipes.
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A squirrel stole my loaf evil:
A pig flew over my wheelie bin.
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A hippo took over my body redface:
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fs2.postimage.org%2F2umlddf6s%2Fcsales.jpg&hash=fd1232633ebf1f1534ae67000888f18233c8fdb7) (http://www.postimage.org/)
spider: