I have wrote another an article (for News Biscuit)

[Nick]

 

[Barman]

New Year equal opps shock for lift travellers

In a little remarked move from the European Equal Opportunities Commission it had been decreed that from January 2015 all lifts must be multilingual. The move is destined to give a much needed boost to the European translation industry.

Announcements made by lifts throughout the EU such as “Doors Closing” and “Second Floor” will have to be made in French, German, Spanish, Polish, Danish, Dutch, Portuguese, Serbo Croat, Italian, Somali and Czech  as well as English.  All lifts throughout the EU will remain stationary with the doors open until the new announcements are completed.

EU spokesman, Dr Nancy Glouberman, explained, “For too long monolingual lifts have been confusing Europe’s mobile workforce and effectively discriminating against speakers of different languages. This will level the international lift playing field at a stroke, n’est ce pas?”

It is reported that plans are well advanced for other talking technologies to be adapted. Supermarkets have been warned that self service checkouts will soon follow and will have to explain that there is an “unexpected item in the bagging area” in 22 languages.
Consumer spokesman Ron Angry complained, “This is yet another insane EU ruling which will test customers’ already fragile sanity. I foresee outbursts of lift rage and public disorder.”

I posted this on the Tesco Faceache page. "Traci" replies, "Why dont they mind their own business it is our country." 

 

[Just One More]

Have Tesco removed it. The fun was just starting when I last looked 

[Nick]

Still there 

[Just One More]

Ah, found it

John

And just how long have Serbia and Somalia been in the EU? This is BS - sounds like a Ukipper spreading more posion.

Nick

WHat is posion?

[Nick]

Not enough nutters there for my liking    Prefer the VP

[Nick]

Starbucks to open in-shop coffee shops

In a move that has set the coffee shop industry reeling Starbucks announced today that they plan to open coffee shops inside their coffee shops.

A spokesman said, “The coffee shop industry is approaching saturation point. We have branches in libraries, schools, stations, supermarkets, airports, department stores, universities, stations and even buses. In some parts of Europe now every shop on the High Street is a coffee shop. We are running out of places to put them.”

Starting next month Starbucks plans to open new coffee shops inside its existing coffee shops. Naturally, staff will be able to use them during breaks from asking customers their names and customers will enjoy a greater choice of coffee consumption venues.

A spokesman for Costa said, “This is a pretty low trick. We shall be submitting tenders to open branches of Costa inside branches of Starbucks. We think we can steal their trade with cunning pricing of pain aux raisins and by employing staff who can simulate enthusiasm convincingly.”

[Barman]

Starbucks to open in-shop coffee shops

In a move that has set the coffee shop industry reeling Starbucks announced today that they plan to open coffee shops inside their coffee shops.

A spokesman said, “The coffee shop industry is approaching saturation point. We have branches in libraries, schools, stations, supermarkets, airports, department stores, universities, stations and even buses. In some parts of Europe now every shop on the High Street is a coffee shop. We are running out of places to put them.”

Starting next month Starbucks plans to open new coffee shops inside its existing coffee shops. Naturally, staff will be able to use them during breaks from asking customers their names and customers will enjoy a greater choice of coffee consumption venues.

A spokesman for Costa said, “This is a pretty low trick. We shall be submitting tenders to open branches of Costa inside branches of Starbucks. We think we can steal their trade with cunning pricing of pain aux raisins and by employing staff who can simulate enthusiasm convincingly.”

 

[Steve]

Starbucks to open in-shop coffee shops

In a move that has set the coffee shop industry reeling Starbucks announced today that they plan to open coffee shops inside their coffee shops.

A spokesman said, “The coffee shop industry is approaching saturation point. We have branches in libraries, schools, stations, supermarkets, airports, department stores, universities, stations and even buses. In some parts of Europe now every shop on the High Street is a coffee shop. We are running out of places to put them.”

Starting next month Starbucks plans to open new coffee shops inside its existing coffee shops. Naturally, staff will be able to use them during breaks from asking customers their names and customers will enjoy a greater choice of coffee consumption venues.

A spokesman for Costa said, “This is a pretty low trick. We shall be submitting tenders to open branches of Costa inside branches of Starbucks. We think we can steal their trade with cunning pricing of pain aux raisins and by employing staff who can simulate enthusiasm convincingly.”

 

 

[apc2010]

Starbucks to open in-shop coffee shops

In a move that has set the coffee shop industry reeling Starbucks announced today that they plan to open coffee shops inside their coffee shops.

A spokesman said, “The coffee shop industry is approaching saturation point. We have branches in libraries, schools, stations, supermarkets, airports, department stores, universities, stations and even buses. In some parts of Europe now every shop on the High Street is a coffee shop. We are running out of places to put them.”

Starting next month Starbucks plans to open new coffee shops inside its existing coffee shops. Naturally, staff will be able to use them during breaks from asking customers their names and customers will enjoy a greater choice of coffee consumption venues.

A spokesman for Costa said, “This is a pretty low trick. We shall be submitting tenders to open branches of Costa inside branches of Starbucks. We think we can steal their trade with cunning pricing of pain aux raisins and by employing staff who can simulate enthusiasm convincingly.”