Nursery Rhymes for Adults

[Snoopy]

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

[Snoopy]

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

[Snoopy]

Georgie Porgy Puddin' and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, 'cos he was gay.

[Snoopy]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.

[Snoopy]

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad ...
... she got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront
apartment, and a sports car.

[Just One More]

Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked the boys could see her thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
....but she didn't wear that one very often


Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept down beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.


Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000! volts went up it's arse
and turned it's wool to nylon

Mary had a little pig
She couldn't stop it gruntin'
She tied it to the garden gate
And kicked its ...                       better not