Subject: The Immigration Fairy
Ahmed Ranjit Oluwalu lands at Heathrow in a jumbo jet from foreign lands
and talks his way past the immigration officer with a sorry,contrived tale
of woe,misery and persecution. He's sitting in the hall wondering how he's
going to get by when he feels a light tug at the leg of his pyjamas and
looks down to see a tiny man with large ears and a pointy hat.
"Who are you?" says Ahmed.
The little man replies "I'm the immigration fairy. As the one thousandth
sorry case to blag his way into the U..K. today I can grant you three
wishes."
Ahmed can't believe his luck but ponders on his choices for a moment and
says "OK, first of all I'd like to be wealthy beyond anything I could have
made back in my homeland."
The fairy claps his hands and says "It is done." and Ahmed finds he has a
state benefits book in his hands.
Ahmed goes on to say "Thank you kind fairy. Now I'd very much like to live
for free in a wonderful home grander than anything I could have built out
of mud back home.."
The fairy claps his hands and says "It is done." and Ahmed finds he's
holding the keys to a five bedroomed council house in Bradford."
Ahmed can't believe his luck but thinks his next choice will be the
clincher to beat his wildest fantasies.
"Fairy," he says "I want to fit in and be treated like I've lived here all
my life. Make me an englishman."
The fairy claps his hands and says "It is done." and Ahmed finds he's
white skinned, blonde haired and dressed in a pinstripe suit but the house
keys and his benefit book have disappeared.
Dismayed he asks the fairy "What happened to my other wonderful gifts?"
The fairy replies "Well, sunshine. If you want to live like a white
englishman in the U.K. you're entitled to fuck all."
