Violent Swans

[Nick]

 

He is still keeping a very close eye on me. Maybe I should disguise myself?

[Uncle Mort]

Good idea!

[Nick]

 

[Barman]

Good idea!

[Barman]

[Darwins Selection]

I suspect they would peck your eyes out before starting on your shoes? 

  Think about midway between eye and shoe level.

[Barman]

I suspect they would peck your eyes out before starting on your shoes? 

  Think about midway between eye and shoe level.

[Nick]

They bite your bum?

[Darwins Selection]

They bite your bum?

If you can turn and run quick enough.

[Mr Happy]

Nick, I am disgusted with you.  Sitting in my office on the Liverpool/Cheshire border yesterday I saw a swan mown down in cold blood.  Actually, the swan has enjoyed attacking cars since Mrs Swan was up the duff!  The RSPCA came and shoveled him up.  Doris the tea lady has contacted them and the Swan is clinging to life.

Could I ask your whereabouts at 2pm on 20th June.

P.S I could see the car approaching and attempted to help, i shouted "duck" but the Swan just looked confused...

[Mozo]

The swans who live across the road have just produced SEVEn cygnets and this has sent them into hyper protective mode. Just been to fetch a newspaper and Daddy Swan watched me corss the road then sort of reared up and advanced on me with his wings up

I scarpered and on the way back I saw him watching me again and had to cross the road and dive in through the back door.

I fear I am a marked man. I have to go to Tesco now and am wondering if I will make it to the car.

Do swans attack cars?

Do I recall my Father warning this young son not to aggravate swans as their wings were capable of breaking a boy's arm?

[Snoopy]

The swans who live across the road have just produced SEVEn cygnets and this has sent them into hyper protective mode. Just been to fetch a newspaper and Daddy Swan watched me corss the road then sort of reared up and advanced on me with his wings up

I scarpered and on the way back I saw him watching me again and had to cross the road and dive in through the back door.

I fear I am a marked man. I have to go to Tesco now and am wondering if I will make it to the car.

Do swans attack cars?

Do I recall my Father warning this young son not to aggravate swans as their wings were capable of breaking a boy's arm?

No-one here has ever met anyone who has had their arm broken by a swan's wing. Absolute Bollox. Go on ... Google it ~ there is no recorded case of this ever happening anywhere.

[Darwins Selection]

The swans who live across the road have just produced SEVEn cygnets and this has sent them into hyper protective mode. Just been to fetch a newspaper and Daddy Swan watched me corss the road then sort of reared up and advanced on me with his wings up

I scarpered and on the way back I saw him watching me again and had to cross the road and dive in through the back door.

I fear I am a marked man. I have to go to Tesco now and am wondering if I will make it to the car.

Do swans attack cars?

Do I recall my Father warning this young son not to aggravate swans as their wings were capable of breaking a boy's arm?

No-one here has ever met anyone who has had their arm broken by a swan's wing. Absolute Bollox. Go on ... Google it ~ there is no recorded case of this ever happening anywhere.

I am assured by my pal, the Veterinary surgeon, that it is a myth.

There are no bones in the bird capable of delivering such an impact.

He suggests any fractures have been caused by blokes falling over trying to avoid getting a peck in the plums.