Customers who ...

[Pastis]

Customers who... , well you can add your own 

One of mine this morning said they were going to send a couple of files over on email. Fine, says I; out of interest, how large are they?

Pause.....

Errrr.... I think..... errr .... 67Mb

      

No sign of anything yet  . I think he has a problem

[Snoopy]

Assure you that a verbal order is acceptable but forget to tell their payments section that an order number is not mandatory.

[Barman]

Can't understand why you haven't received their payment. 

[Snoopy]

Call you in and ask you to provide a full technical specification for a contract and then use that as the basis to call for "competitive quotations"

[Snoopy]

Oh let's face it ~ I always said that without the friggin customers and the boneheads we employed in operations we would have a really efficient business.

[Snoopy]

Then there was the major client who wanted a guardforce of 36 people (yes it was a large site) and demanded that they be equally divided on an ethnic and racial basis. The idiot that dreamt that one up would not (or could not) get his head round the simple fact that whilst we could ensure a fairly even spread of black, yellow and white we could not persuade West Indians to work alongside Africans (all West Indians believe that Africans are lazy n*ggers and will say so at every opportunity) and that a Parsi will not take orders from a Muslim no matter what the circumstances as the Parsi sees himself as racially superior to all others from the Sub-continent.

[Pastis]

whose accounts departments tell you (and this happens to every freelancer / consultant / self employed bod I know) that for some reason you've missed the cheque run this month! 

In one case I even asked how they'd feel if their salary cheque didn't go through, for some feckin' reason ... 

[Pastis]

(all West Indians believe that Africans are lazy n*ggers and will say so at every opportunity)

   Oh, so true... You should hear what the West Indians shout at the Nigerian taxi drivers 'round here 

[Snoopy]

Query some piddling little detail that costs pence simply to delay paying what they agreed to pay months ago BUT forget to tell you they have this query.

[Snoopy]

(all West Indians believe that Africans are lazy n*ggers and will say so at every opportunity)

   Oh, so true... You should hear what the West Indians shout at the Nigerian taxi drivers 'round here 

Indeed ~ Jack Straw would have us locked up and the key thrown away if we even dared to think what the West Indian boys have no hesitation in calling their Nigerian cousins.

[Pastis]

Query some piddling little detail that costs pence simply to delay paying what they agreed to pay months ago BUT forget to tell you they have this query.

If I'd not been a party to the deal, I would not believe what I'm about to relate. A large-ish contract which took some 15 months to put together and ok, there were some part payments on account but the final invoice was in INRO ?200K. It was queried by finance... why?

They reckoned that the VAT element was incorrect. By how much?








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