Other peoples dogs

[GROWLER]

Look, I like dogs...generally speaking...but I DO NOT like other peoples dogs bounding up to me like some long lost master, and then taking a dive at my chest, muddy paws first. 

"oh, don't worry, he won't bite, he's just being friendly!"

Well you rabid munting dog infatuated nerd, I'M NOT friendly, and I DO bite. OK?

[Snoopy]

Why do they always say "he doesn't bite"? ................ All fecking dogs bite if they feel like it  


My best encounter was when I was a postie ....... Dog bounded up and took a lump outta me arm. Owner said "He's never bitten anyone before".
As I wrapped a hankie round the bleeding wound on my wrist I replied, with what I still feel was commendable dignity, "No madam, and he'll never do it again" .... The dog was put down, by order of the local magistrates court, a week later.

The moral of that tale ...... If your dog has to bite a postman make sure he doesn't take a nip at the Secretary of the local branch of the Union of Communication Workers  



Especially when one of the magistrates is the Chief Inspector at the same sorting office 

[GROWLER]

I had to go into a customers house when I worked for Brit. Gas, many years ago.
She had one of those nasty snappy tiny little brown apologies for being a dog rug rats, you know, the ones ALL blue rinsed oap overly self opinionated living alone and members of the wimmins institute and knitting / cake making club have. They nurse caress and kiss them all the time, and talk to them as though they are 3 year old kiddy winks.

It came snapping and yapping at me, and she said the usual. "oh, he won't bite you"
The little nasty 4 legged rat rug twat did though, right on me ankle. It wasn't big enough to bite anywhere else though, rancid rabid nasty little bastard it was.

As soon as the owner turned her back on me and went out of the room, I bloody well launched it courtesy of my boot right in the nuts.
It slithered off whimpering. Never saw it again.