Bank security checks

[GROWLER]

Yes, I know. They are there to protect us, but come on, I ONLY want a bloody paying in book!

What's your FULL name, the first line of your address, your postcode, your business name in full, d.o.b., mothers maiden name, your last 2 c/q's you paid in and out, and to whom and for the exact amount. The list goes on.
LISTEN MUNTER. I ONLY want a paying in book, you lnow, to pay c/q's in, NOT a withdrawl of ther entire account.

Mrs G was listening to me losing me rag apparently, and claims I'm uneccessarily bad mannered and exceedingly bad tempered.
WHAT?!

I, on the other hand, am fast losing the will to bass turd live in this  Hi Tech modern digital society, I really am.

[Nick]

Phone them back and ask them for the same info. They won't give it, the bastards.

[GROWLER]

Phone them back and ask them for the same info. They won't give it, the bastards.

You 'avin' a laf?!

Takes 5 minutes just to suss out which bloody option to choose to actually speak to someone, before the usual loop taped crap decends upon your ears....all our operators are currently very busy, but your call is so important to us, please hold and in the meanwhile we'll play you our co-orporate shite music for so long that you'll become terminally insane and die.

[Barman]

Move to Cyprus Growler, you'd love it...

Bank staff all know us by name and recognise us on the phone... None of that security pissing about here... 

[GROWLER]

Move to Cyprus Growler, you'd love it...

Bank staff all know us by name and recognise us on the phone... None of that security pissing about here... 

I only wanted a bloody paying IN book for christus' sake.

At the end of the stroppy conversation...me not her I hasten to add, she was so so so infuriatingly and sickenigly sympathetic,reading from her script.... she asked was their anything else she could help me with today.
I said YES. A bloody mental nursing home phone number please!

[Nick]

"ooh yes BM, you are the bald man with the crap old car. We serve you. You need dosh, like?"

[Barman]

"ooh yes BM, you are the bald man with the crap old car. We serve you. You need dosh, like?"

Of course... 

[Pastis]

Now I've switched (only taken 2 months  ) I really never want to go into or speak to the bank again but I'll probably have to at some point 

The last action on closing the old accounts was to contact my "relationship manager"  . They asked who it was, I said I haven't a clue, we're probably separated or divorced. I'd heard nothing from them in years.

[Barman]

It is no coincidence that 'bank' rhymes with summat else like...