Performance Assessments Thesaurus

[Miss Demeanour]

The time is upon me again ...writing out loads of B.S on mid year performance reviews for my team. The next couple of weeks are chocca with meetings to discuss targets, objectives, development plans, service improvements, blah , blah, blah.

I am getting so bored of writing the same things 

You don't need to know the characters just give me some other ways of saying the same ol thing in a different way 

[Pirate]

http://www.personalitypage.com/high-level.html

[Snoopy]

An asset to any organisation = Encourage them to seek other employment
Exceptional personal performance over the past months = Pity we all know they are fecking useless.
Demonstrates astonishing communication skills = Never shuts up.
Always willing to help colleagues = Can't keep their nose out of other people's business.
Shows good technical skills at all times = Forever playing games on their PC.
Shares problem solving skills with all = Always ready with 15 good reasons why they can't do something simple when asked.
Strives to acquire management skills = The b@st@rd is after my job.
Possesses good time management skills = Always manages to have their coat on ten minutes before it's time to go home.
Someone I am always pleased to say good morning to = Seldom turns up before lunchtime.

[Snoopy]

Eager to learn new skills = Always asking others to help them out of trouble.
Great organisational skills = Forever planning another office party.
A sympathetic nature = Spends part of each week wandering round the office soliciting cash for charitable causes.
Wonderful diary keeper = Always taking up collections for birthdays, leavers, etc.
Eager to help with inter-office relationships = Billy-No mates always asking us to go on the piss with them.
Likes to forge new relationships with colleagues = Always trying to get someone into the stationery cupboard for a grope.
Never one to refuse a challenge = Always willing to go into the stationery cupboard with anyone.
Has a wide and varied range of interests outside of the office = Always on the phone to their mates.



How many more do you need?

As the Sales Manager I used to vie with my chum (Sales Director) to come up with suitably "damning with faint praise" assessments of the staff.

[Darwins Selection]

Eager to learn new skills = Always asking others to help them out of trouble.
Great organisational skills = Forever planning another office party.
A sympathetic nature = Spends part of each week wandering round the office soliciting cash for charitable causes.
Wonderful diary keeper = Always taking up collections for birthdays, leavers, etc.
Eager to help with inter-office relationships = Billy-No mates always asking us to go on the piss with them.
Likes to forge new relationships with colleagues = Always trying to get someone into the stationery cupboard for a grope.
Never one to refuse a challenge = Always willing to go into the stationery cupboard with anyone.
Has a wide and varied range of interests outside of the office = Always on the phone to their mates.



How many more do you need?

As the Sales Manager I used to vie with my chum (Sales Director) to come up with suitably "damning with faint praise" assessments of the staff.