The all new gaffes and foot in mouth thread

[Snoopy]

I had a very lovely Sunday lunch today with some friends. One of the gents had brought his fiancée, a charming and attractive lady who spoke with a European accent; the others clearly knew where she was from, I didn't, so eventually I asked her. She said she was from Finland. Oh, I said, small talk continued and I eventually mentioned that I had an old friend who was Finnish... difficult language to pronounce... I could never get his name right...
What was his name, she asked. I attempted to pronounce his name just as there was a lull in the conversation...
She screamed with laughter and embarrassment, holding her hands to her face and had to leave the table! What have I said? Was my accent that bad? She was so embarrassed she couldn't say... more giggles and looks at me as if I knew!

Eventually she whispered to her man the translation of what I'd said... He turned to me and said, "You've just told her that your friend's name was Heikki Shag-you-from-behind-in-a-rough-kind-of-way!"

   

Perhaps a bunch of flowers and a note confirming your apologies and total innocence might not go amiss.

[Pastis]

Perhaps a bunch of flowers and a note confirming your apologies and total innocence might not go amiss.

I was apology'ed-out by the time I left and she insisted it was quite alright, still laughing. I think the others'll be dining out on it 

In the meantime, Heikki has mail 

[Nick]

You must try getting your tongue round some Finnish

[Darwins Selection]

Mrs DS #3 had a woman from the WI and her husband round for a drink last night. They were telling us how their son had just returned from Germany after a tour of Christmas fayres, where he had an excess of beer and huge German sausages.

My quip that it sounded like something Quentin Crisp would have organised was met by a stony silence and much shoe staring.

It would have helped if Mrs DS had told me before they arrived, that the lad actually is gay. 

[Baldy]

Mrs DS #3 had a woman from the WI and her husband round for a drink last night. They were telling us how their son had just returned from Germany after a tour of Christmas fayres, where he had an excess of beer and huge German sausages.

My quip that it sounded like something Quentin Crisp would have organised was met by a stony silence and much shoe staring.

It would have helped if Mrs DS had told me before they arrived, that the lad actually is gay. 

 

[Barman]

Mrs DS #3 had a woman from the WI and her husband round for a drink last night. They were telling us how their son had just returned from Germany after a tour of Christmas fayres, where he had an excess of beer and huge German sausages.

My quip that it sounded like something Quentin Crisp would have organised was met by a stony silence and much shoe staring.

It would have helped if Mrs DS had told me before they arrived, that the lad actually is gay. 

 

I should get #4 lined up PDQ Darwin....