Little Johnny (again...)

[The Moan Ranger]

Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom to find his dad giving his mum one. His dad smirks & throws a pillow at the door saying "get outta here you little sh1t!"

A couple of hours later dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's bedroom. He goes up to find Johnny giving his grandma one...

Johnny smiles....."not so funny when its your mum is it.. ?"

[Uncle Mort]

That is

[Nick]

This reminds me of a true story. A woman was doing some after school shopping in a little supermarket in a small village. Her daughter (aged about 7) wanted sweets, but the mother said "No". The daughter yelled from the other end of the shop, "If you don't buy me some sweets I'll tell everyone I saw you kissing Daddy's willy."

The mother fled.

[Barman]

Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom to find his dad giving his mum one. His dad smirks & throws a pillow at the door saying "get outta here you little sh1t!"

A couple of hours later dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's bedroom. He goes up to find Johnny giving his grandma one...

Johnny smiles....."not so funny when its your mum is it.. ?"

[Bar Wench]

 

[Berek]

Teacher, who can give me a word beginning with the letter A

Little Johnny Arse, miss, all the kids giggle

Now, Johnny behave your self.

Teacher, lets try another, who knows a word beginning with B

Little Johnny Bollocks, Miss.

I wont tell you again Johnny, behave or you will be sent to the head master.

Teacher decides to skip the letter C, who knows a word beginning with D,

Little Johnny Dwarf, Miss. Thats much better Johnny, now can anyone tell me what a dwarf is.

Little Johnny Me miss it's a little cunt about 3 foot high Miss

[Darwins Selection]

Another little Johnny has been on a school trip to a farm.
He comes home and his mother asks him what animals they saw.

Johnny: "We saw sheep and pigs and fuckers and hens and ducks mum"

Mum: "Err.. what was that third one?"

Johnny: "Fuckers. The teacher called them 'eifers, but we knew what he meant. . ."

[Misunderstood]

Another little Johnny has been on a school trip to a farm.
He comes home and his mother asks him what animals they saw.

Johnny: "We saw sheep and pigs and fuckers and hens and ducks mum"

Mum: "Err.. what was that third one?"

Johnny: "Fuckers. The teacher called them 'eifers, but we knew what he meant. . ."

 

[Nick]

Another little Johnny has been on a school trip to a farm.
He comes home and his mother asks him what animals they saw.

Johnny: "We saw sheep and pigs and fuckers and hens and ducks mum"

Mum: "Err.. what was that third one?"

Johnny: "Fuckers. The teacher called them 'eifers, but we knew what he meant. . ."

We can always rely on DS for the agricultural ones. I am sure he knows the one about the ventriloquist and the sheep too!

[Berek]

Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, saying,  "Johnny, this is where you came from."

Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his  friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny."

"Why?" one asked.

Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd".

[Berek]

Little Johnny came home from school and told his dad he got an "F" in maths

"Why?" asked his father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"

"But that's right!", said his dad, upset at the injustice.

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?" asked his dad.

Little Johnny replied "That's exactly what I said!"

[The Moan Ranger]

Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Susie's father to ask him for her hand.

Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie."

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."

[Berek]

Little Johnny on a farm runs indoors shouting, "Mummy mummy the bulls fucking the cow"

"No Johnny you must be polite and say the bull is surprising the cow", says his mother.

Later on that day Johnny runs in again and shouts, "Mummy mummy the bull is surprising all the cows".

"No Johnny the bull can't surprise all the cows", says his mum.

"Yes he can, he's fucking the horse!!!!"