There are some odd buggers in Scotland

[Grumpmeister]

Placed on the sex offenders register after being caught molesting his bicycle? 

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.
Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

Sometimes I wonder if Hadrian had the right idea 

[beerhead]

In a hostel ?
Was it a male or female bicycle ?
Was he putting Ayr in the tyres ?
Was it a blow job ?
How many cans of Tennents Super do you need before you fancy a ride up your bike ?

And unless it was a mountain bike, he must have had a very small penis (But then, he was a Scot)

[Barman]

I find this very strange…

Would he have got off (snigger) if he’d been shagging a sex doll instead of a bike?

I can’t quite see what somebody does in the privacy of a locked-room is of anybody’s interest and certainly not an offence to be brought up in front of a court?

[Bar Wench]

I'm still confused as to where ummm he hmmm was putting "it". 

[Darwins Selection]

A spokesman for the "Campaign for Legal Sex with Vehicles" said:

"It has always seemed unfair to us that a woman can have a cycle every month, but a man does it once and he is prosecuted. We need to put the brakes on this free-wheeling law before somebody goes right over the top."

[Snoopy]

When I was a lad sex always involved a bicycle.











It was the only way to get to my girl friend's house in the next village as I didn't have a car.

[Barman]

When I was a lad sex always involved a bicycle.

It was the only way to get to my girl friend's house in the next village as I didn't have a car.

You forgot this 

[Bar Wench]

[Snoopy]

Aw Come on ~ It's only a little one

[Bar Wench]

[Snoopy]

Well ~ That woke you up! 

[Nick]

I hate Scotland. I think it should be set adrift.

[Darwins Selection]

I hate Scotland. I think it should be set adrift.

Once we have drained all the oil to make it safe of course. 

[Sour Puss]

     another perfectly good keyboard and screen ruined by coffee.