Christmas Blues...

[Mr Happy]

Help required, am I:

A) Just a normal miserable bastard at an idiot fuelled time of year?

B) Likely to beat the turkey to stick me bonce in the oven?

I can't get Christmassy.  The religion has ever been my thing, Jesus like Callum Best is only famous for his dad.  Also as works of fiction go i prefer The Lion, Witch and Wardrobe efforts over the bible but don't jump into my wardrobe expecting turkish delight and sleigh rides.

I'm proper skint, trying to move house and job at the same time, and apparently the kids require third world debts spending on each of their presents.

Merry Christmas

Fuck Off!

[Darwins Selection]

I don't jump into my wardrobe expecting turkish delight and sleigh rides.

There's your problem straight away. 

[Barman]

Help required, am I:

A) Just a normal miserable bastard at an idiot fuelled time of year?

B) Likely to beat the turkey to stick me bonce in the oven?

I can't get Christmassy.  The religion has ever been my thing, Jesus like Callum Best is only famous for his dad.  Also as works of fiction go i prefer The Lion, Witch and Wardrobe efforts over the bible but don't jump into my wardrobe expecting turkish delight and sleigh rides.

I'm proper skint, trying to move house and job at the same time, and apparently the kids require third world debts spending on each of their presents.

Merry Christmas

Fuck Off!

Seconded...

[Snoopy]

It seems we have a soul mate 

[The Moan Ranger]

Thirded 

[Darwins Selection]

It seems we have a sole mate 

Is that a kind of very thick condom?

[Snoopy]

When we had a pub I took it over with condom machines in both ladies and gents. They were supplied and stocked by Mates and I got a "commission" on sales.

I was standing behind the bar one day when a guy walked in, looked at me and said "You're new" held out his hand and said "Mates".
I shook his hand and said I hoped we would be ~ it was then he explained that he was the guy who restocked the condom machines. 

[Darwins Selection]

When we had a pub I took it over with condom machines in both ladies and gents. They were supplied and stocked by Mates and I got a "commission" on sales.

I was standing behind the bar one day when a guy walked in, looked at me and said "You're new" held out his hand and said "Mates".
I shook his hand and said I hoped we would be ~ it was then he explained that he was the guy who restocked the condom machines. 

[grumpyoldsoldier]

Help required, am I:

A) Just a normal miserable bastard at an idiot fuelled time of year?

B) Likely to beat the turkey to stick me bonce in the oven?

I can't get Christmassy.  The religion has ever been my thing, Jesus like Callum Best is only famous for his dad.  Also as works of fiction go i prefer The Lion, Witch and Wardrobe efforts over the bible but don't jump into my wardrobe expecting turkish delight and sleigh rides.

I'm proper skint, trying to move house and job at the same time, and apparently the kids require third world debts spending on each of their presents.

Merry Christmas

Fuck Off!

Seconded...

Cone on now..... you all now that you really love it.. so once again join me in our fav Christmas carol.....


Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh

And I feel a tra la la and a ho hoh oh coming on as I sit here in the GOS mansion which is looking like a film set from Narnai clutching a glass of mulled wine and listening to Noddy Holder. I am filled with joy and kindness to the whole world, the barman and staff of the VP and all its patrons, oh I do love Christmas.

[Nick]

Nurse, the screens!