Would you get on board

[Nick]

There are those fleeting moments as she plummets from 30000 feet whilst trying to tie a double bow in her lifejacket, a feat achieved just before the plane hits the desert

[Miss Demeanour]

If that ever comes true you will feel soooooooooooo bad 

[barmisspah?]

Ok here goes:
Brand new plane on the ground ready for passengers to board.One of the baggage handlers slips on something which on closer inspection is one of quite a few ball bearings. The only place they could have come from is the engine/s. Plane unloaded & sent back for repair.

[Nick]

Well at least they didn't try to fly it!

[barmisspah?]

Well at least they didn't try to fly it!

Only by the grace of big smiley man in the sky.

[Snoopy]

RAF Sayings:

Any landing you can walk away from was a good landing.

Flying doesn't hurt ~ crashing does.

It only takes five years to go from rumour to standard operating procedure.

[grumpyoldsoldier]

I once had to ask a very rotund Major travelling with his troops to either get on another aircraft or I would have to dump the kit of four of his men.
In those days we were flying soldiers to Canada where they were to go on exercises. The aircraft of the day for a non stop long haul (Lyneham to Goose Bay) was the four engined turbo prop Brittania. Held 7000 gallons of fuel and when fully laden used 3000 gallons to get off the deck.

Beautiful aircraft. Whispering Giants we used to call them.   

On one military flight to a far and distant land, the pilot came up on the tannoy thing and said,  " This is your driver speaking, in order to bring the nose down will all the officers bring their wallets to the front of the aircraft", oh how we larfed

[Snoopy]

My favourite was the RSM who stood at the open doors after landing at Lyneham and bellowed "Right you sods, take all yer spew bags, used or not, wiv you. I don't want these Brylcreme Boys knowing what a bunch o pansies youse lot are". They were part of the 2nd Battalion, The Parachute Regiment.
Made me laugh at the time.