Got a "Bulky Item" you need to dispose of? No problem, phone the council and they will take it away for only £3.
Snoopy "Hello is that Bulk Collection"
Council (Electronic voice made up of separately recorded syllables) "Borra da Mr Snoopy ~ do you wish to conduct your business in Welsh? If so press button one, if not continue to hold"
Long wait listening to Vivaldi
Finally a voice "Good Morning my name is Blodwyn ~ can I have your name please"
Snoopy "Yes this is Mr Snoopy from *************** I wish to arrange a bulk collection"
Blodwyn "Oh yes ... That'll be three pounds an item and you must place the item outside of your property as our drivers are not allowed to enter your property ..... what is it you wish to dispose of?"
Snoopy "It's a three piece suite that has seen better days"
Blodwyn "How many cushions?"
Snoopy "I don't know. There's two arm chairs and a three seater settee"
Blodwyn "Can you see it from where you are, if not I'll wait while you count the cushions"
Snoopy "Hang on .. One, Two, Three etc ... Right there are 5 seat cushions and 5 back cushions"
Blodwyn (sucking teeth) "Right then that's three items of furniture and 10 loose items ... That'll be £39 ~ do you want to pay by Credit or Debit card?"
Snoopy "40 f'ing quid?
I'll stuff it in the land rover and bring it to the tip meself"
Blodwyn "Oh they won't accept it see .... We have to collect it"
Snoopy "OK then"
and fishes out debit card ... "When will it be picked up?"
Blodwyn "Within 10 days"
Snoopy "You mean you want it to sit on the pavement outside my gate for 10 days?"
Blodwyn "Well if you want it collected see those are the rules aren't they?"
And so it goes.
