Public transport really is a joke

[Miss Demeanour]

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/london/blackadder-star-tony-robinson-trains-rail-staff-to-deliver-comedy-announcements-7745404.html

Blackadder actor Tony Robinson has come up with a cunning plan to make the morning commute from London to Birmingham more bearable.

The actor and presenter has teamed up with Richard Preddy, who wrote the sitcom Green Wing, on a series of witty announcements to be played on trains between Birmingham and London and at Marylebone Station.

Preddy wrote the lines while Robinson, who played dim-witted Baldrick in Blackadder, spent a month with staff on Chiltern Railways helping them learn the lines.

A month to learn a few lines 

Among the announcements passengers will hear are:

"I'd like to welcome passengers boarding this 7.33 from Birmingham Moor Street to London Marylebone. If you've just bumped into someone who you barely know, you now have one hour and 30 minutes of awkward small talk. Good luck."

"For any passengers who've not visited London before, do please prepare yourselves for the capitals overwhelmingly calm and relaxing pace of life."

"We will shortly be passing through West Ruislip where we will be racing the Underground trains. Do please feel free to cheer for our driver."

"Will any passengers listening to noisy iPods please get a better taste in music. Thank you."

Hilarious 

Perhaps the VP could offer alternatives 

[Nick]

Good grief 

[Snoopy]

I could use my natural Wessex accent and do impersonations of Phil Harding saying things like: 'Ere ~ 'ave a look a' this Tonee"

Or I could do a reasonable Brummy accent and pretend to be Mick Aston saying things like "It's either ritual or high status"


  Wonder how long before one of the Train Managers appears wearing his underpants on his head, knitting needles stuck up his nose and saying "Wibble"

[Nick]

Tony Robinson should die. I volunteer. Is strangulation too good for him?

[Miss Demeanour]

You could do your running Cow TV commentary - it's a rib splitter 

[Nick]

 

[Darwins Selection]

Tony Robinson should die. I volunteer. Is strangulation too good for him?

Drown him in a vat of his own drivel.

[Pastis]

"For any passengers who've not visited London before, do please prepare yourselves for the capitals overwhelmingly calm and relaxing pace of life."

The humour's on a par with the grammar 

[Nick]

 

[Pastis]

Ackchewly, the last time I went up to Brum on the train I got really pi$$ed off with the never ending announcements ...   

They even come through in the "Quiet Zone"   

[Nick]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Big-Babies-Cant-Just-Grow/dp/1862079528 

[Miss Demeanour]

london underground funny song (uncensored + lyrics)

[Pastis]

Luxembourg appeals ....   

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17543356

[Miss Demeanour]

I got stumped when it asked for pre tax monthly income ...haven't a clue without working it out 

Only really know what I should take home 

[Grumpmeister]

The only message that would make my morning commute bearable would be one telling my why my fooking train gets cancelled 3 minutes before it is due to arrive which means I either have to take the bus or next train and not have enough time to get a coffee before work starts!!!