The all new Confessions thread

[GROWLER]

Translates into....giving it maximum toes at the first whiff of brewing trouble, yes?

[GROWLER]

It's NOT gone unoticed that BM has magically disappeared btw.

What the hell is this all about now anyway, 'cus I've piggin' forgotten?
Obviously of grave importance ey?

[Miss Demeanour]

I am known for being meek like.....

I'd get your hearing tested, they said a squeak. I said a SQUEAK 

[GROWLER]

Back on topic like....me an me mates shinned it over an ale 'ouse wall when I was 17, to nick a crate of empty bottles of Babycham  ....first ones that came to hand like  ) and took 'em to the offy to claim the 6d deposits back on them all, so I could buy a gallon of petrol to trawl the streets looking for gerlies.

[Nick]

tYPICAL SCOUSER THIEVES 

[Just One More]

Transparent clothing. In Edinburgh I think    Not wise 

I vaugely remember girlies back in the '60's wearing plassy transperant macs like...and umberellas, or doesn't those count?

Vaguely 

It's an image that you wouldn't be able to get rid of 

[GROWLER]

tYPICAL SCOUSER THIEVES 

But we were all desperate for a shag ffs man! 
 Surely you can understand that from when you were 17?

I distinctly remember the wumman in the offy asking us ..."good party then lads?", in highly suspicious tones.

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

I am confessing this only because it is irritating the hell out of me at the moment and to my chagrin I am going to have to shell out wads of money having only just bought my puter back from the 'puter horspickle' the other day.

Last Saturday we took my laptop into our local 'puter horepickle' for a service.  Following an angst ridden weekend during which I not only suffered extreme                                   separation anxiety but had to try and get used to a new, smaller keypad on which some keys were not in the usual place, the whole contraption being made by a company called Apple.

On Monday we went to get my laptop, my heart skipped for joy as I entered old 'Bent Pete's' emporium, he being called Bent Pete as he is half of the only openly gay couple in Stocksbridgde, well, gay people in a steel community it just wouldn't do would it ?  Imagine if you will, my dismay upon being told by 'Bent Pete' that my device would not be ready until later that day. Imagine my horror when Mr C glibly said 'no problem' we'll collect it tomorrow!

Tuesday dawned bright and sunny and we collected my laptop upon returning home I opened it with awe and delight, rather like that vomit inducing little girl in the  Werthers ad'. 

It worked, it was a miracle, it was 'as new'.  The day progressed and a little later having taken a very strong dose of painkillers of the Morphine type I went for a lay down on the bed with a mug of coffee and my trusty computer. I typed propped up with snugly warm duck-down pillows, I dozed off coffee mug in hand.  Most of it's contents missed my laptop but some did not. Most letters on it's keyboard work but some do not. I am now back to the Apple keyboard. When I get home the old hair dryer trick will be deployed and if that should fail well, it's back to the only 'gay in the village' for another overhaul. 

[Barman]

I am confessing this only because it is irritating the hell out of me at the moment and to my chagrin I am going to have to shell out wads of money having only just bought my puter back from the 'puter horspickle' the other day.

Last Saturday we took my laptop into our local 'puter horepickle' for a service.  Following an angst ridden weekend during which I not only suffered extreme                                   separation anxiety but had to try and get used to a new, smaller keypad on which some keys were not in the usual place, the whole contraption being made by a company called Apple.

On Monday we went to get my laptop, my heart skipped for joy as I entered old 'Bent Pete's' emporium, he being called Bent Pete as he is half of the only openly gay couple in Stocksbridgde, well, gay people in a steel community it just wouldn't do would it ?  Imagine if you will, my dismay upon being told by 'Bent Pete' that my device would not be ready until later that day. Imagine my horror when Mr C glibly said 'no problem' we'll collect it tomorrow!

Tuesday dawned bright and sunny and we collected my laptop upon returning home I opened it with awe and delight, rather like that vomit inducing little girl in the  Werthers ad'. 

It worked, it was a miracle, it was 'as new'.  The day progressed and a little later having taken a very strong dose of painkillers of the Morphine type I went for a lay down on the bed with a mug of coffee and my trusty computer. I typed propped up with snugly warm duck-down pillows, I dozed off coffee mug in hand.  Most of it's contents missed my laptop but some did not. Most letters on it's keyboard work but some do not. I am now back to the Apple keyboard. When I get home the old hair dryer trick will be deployed and if that should fail well, it's back to the only 'gay in the village' for another overhaul. 

 

You should be drinking something that evaporates faster.... 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

I am confessing this only because it is irritating the hell out of me at the moment and to my chagrin I am going to have to shell out wads of money having only just bought my puter back from the 'puter horspickle' the other day.

Last Saturday we took my laptop into our local 'puter horepickle' for a service.  Following an angst ridden weekend during which I not only suffered extreme                                   separation anxiety but had to try and get used to a new, smaller keypad on which some keys were not in the usual place, the whole contraption being made by a company called Apple.

On Monday we went to get my laptop, my heart skipped for joy as I entered old 'Bent Pete's' emporium, he being called Bent Pete as he is half of the only openly gay couple in Stocksbridgde, well, gay people in a steel community it just wouldn't do would it ?  Imagine if you will, my dismay upon being told by 'Bent Pete' that my device would not be ready until later that day. Imagine my horror when Mr C glibly said 'no problem' we'll collect it tomorrow!

Tuesday dawned bright and sunny and we collected my laptop upon returning home I opened it with awe and delight, rather like that vomit inducing little girl in the  Werthers ad'. 

It worked, it was a miracle, it was 'as new'.  The day progressed and a little later having taken a very strong dose of painkillers of the Morphine type I went for a lay down on the bed with a mug of coffee and my trusty computer. I typed propped up with snugly warm duck-down pillows, I dozed off coffee mug in hand.  Most of it's contents missed my laptop but some did not. Most letters on it's keyboard work but some do not. I am now back to the Apple keyboard. When I get home the old hair dryer trick will be deployed and if that should fail well, it's back to the only 'gay in the village' for another overhaul. 

 

You should be drinking something that evaporates faster.... 

I see a voddy fest as being the best and by far the cheapest prescription then Talisker by the vat being out of my range and meths by the vat being apt to land me back in here.

[Baldy]

Take the battery out and try putting it in a container of dried rice first. I know it with need to be a bloody big container but that will soak up all the moisture. Then if it still does not work put the puter and the battery in separate poly bags and put in the freezer over night...not sure why and what this does but it werked for my smartphone that I dropped in the swimming pool (the other phone, just an old banger came back to life after leaving it in the rice. The more complicated one needed the freezer).

I read about it on the net and it seems that I am not the only fool who gets liquid inside machinery that should be kept dry. 

Worth giving it a go before you line the pockets of Bent Pete.