Bewildering menus

[Nick]

Lunch with the sisters. 

We went here: http://www.vintageinn.co.uk/thetrentlocksawley/restaurantsfood/

Mistake 

Waitress brought us menus. They were vast and must have had about 200 options ranging from 12 course banquets to sandwiches.

She then produced the set lunch menu, same food,  less choice, cheaper.

She then announced they had a Specials Menu which was teeny weeny. She added that not all the Specials were on the Specials menu and that there were others on the Specials Blackboards 

WE all combed through the menus and discussed the many many options, running to different bits of the place to shout out what was on the boards. This took half an hour    Everyone then announced what tthey were having and we waited for the waitress. By the time she arrived we had all changed our minds again. Both sisses only wanted a starter off the set menu. This was not allowed but they could have the identical item off the main menu for twice the price. This was agreed to.

I ordered a burger 

Her: With chips?
Me: Yes
Her: Do you want to upgrade to gourmet chips?
Me: No, ordinary chips are fine
Her: We have no ordinary chips, only substitute ordinary chips
Me: What are substitute chips?
Her: Chips. We call the lumberjack chips
Me: Whatever

She goes off and brings two starters for the sisses and nothing else for ages.

She comes back and asks when we want the main course. Since no one has ordered starters we say now. "But you ordered these starters"

All: Oh no we didn't
Her: Well have them anyway or they will go in the bin

We share the starters

Lunch finally arrives. "Do you want any sauces?"
Us: What do you have?
Her: French mustard, Salsa (x3), Mayonnaise, , English Mustard, Chutney, ketchup, brown sauce and about eleven more.

Our heads are spinning by now, so we decline.

We decided not to bother with pudding (three different menus and a blackboard)

I am exhausted 

[Barman]

 

I hate restaurants with me and yous that are too big.... 

First of all you know they can't possibly have all that stuff fresh out the back - they would need mountains of everything...

So it must all be frozen, boil in the bag stuff...

And as you say, it makes choosing a nightmare too...

No, why not have a small selection of fresh dishes available...?

[GROWLER]

Should have gone the chippy then cock rot.

[boogs]

Lunch with the sisters. 

We went here: http://www.vintageinn.co.uk/thetrentlocksawley/restaurantsfood/

Mistake 

Waitress brought us menus. They were vast and must have had about 200 options ranging from 12 course banquets to sandwiches.

She then produced the set lunch menu, same food,  less choice, cheaper.

She then announced they had a Specials Menu which was teeny weeny. She added that not all the Specials were on the Specials menu and that there were others on the Specials Blackboards 

WE all combed through the menus and discussed the many many options, running to different bits of the place to shout out what was on the boards. This took half an hour    Everyone then announced what tthey were having and we waited for the waitress. By the time she arrived we had all changed our minds again. Both sisses only wanted a starter off the set menu. This was not allowed but they could have the identical item off the main menu for twice the price. This was agreed to.

I ordered a burger 

Her: With chips?
Me: Yes
Her: Do you want to upgrade to gourmet chips?
Me: No, ordinary chips are fine
Her: We have no ordinary chips, only substitute ordinary chips
Me: What are substitute chips?
Her: Chips. We call the lumberjack chips
Me: Whatever

She goes off and brings two starters for the sisses and nothing else for ages.

She comes back and asks when we want the main course. Since no one has ordered starters we say now. "But you ordered these starters"

All: Oh no we didn't
Her: Well have them anyway or they will go in the bin

We share the starters

Lunch finally arrives. "Do you want any sauces?"
Us: What do you have?
Her: French mustard, Salsa (x3), Mayonnaise, , English Mustard, Chutney, ketchup, brown sauce and about eleven more.

Our heads are spinning by now, so we decline.

We decided not to bother with pudding (three different menus and a blackboard)

I am exhausted 

Should have gone to the little tea rooms at Trent Lock nice simple home cooking it is lovely if a bit small.  You even have proper china cups and saucers lovely....
No alcomahol tho.....

[Nick]

Prolly, but I took Growler there once and I am not sure I am allowed back

[boogs]

Prolly, but I took Growler there once and I am not sure I am allowed back

Ohh dear it is a bit small for fluffy 

[Nick]

Theymade him set outside, on account of the smell, like

[boogs]

Theymade him set outside, on account of the smell, like

Oh noes   

I can't beleve they would do that to him... I thought perhaps he had broken some china the tables are quite small and it is a bit tight for bears.....

[apc2010]

I hate restaurants with me and yous that are too big.... 

First of all you know they can't possibly have all that stuff fresh out the back - they would need mountains of everything...

So it must all be frozen, boil in the bag stuff...

And as you say, it makes choosing a nightmare too...

No, why not have a small selection of fresh dishes available...?

Zactly.......   there are 2 places in Paphos and the menu changes all the time ......small choice but good........

[Steve]

Lunch with the sisters. 

We went here: http://www.vintageinn.co.uk/thetrentlocksawley/restaurantsfood/

Mistake 

 . .

IMHO those menus are fine you just got a waitress from care in the community.

You should have played the game I know as "the RAF game"

All put £1 in a pot

Each then orders in turn with the others counting how many questions the waitress/person asks and the winner of the pot is the one with the least questions asked.  (works even better in USA)

You'd be surprised how tense it gets

[GROWLER]

Theymade him set outside, on account of the smell, like

Swivel, turd.

[Nick]

But you luvved the 'uts 

[Just One More]

Lunch with the sisters. 

We went here: http://www.vintageinn.co.uk/thetrentlocksawley/restaurantsfood/

Mistake 

Waitress brought us menus. They were vast and must have had about 200 options ranging from 12 course banquets to sandwiches.

She then produced the set lunch menu, same food,  less choice, cheaper.

She then announced they had a Specials Menu which was teeny weeny. She added that not all the Specials were on the Specials menu and that there were others on the Specials Blackboards 

WE all combed through the menus and discussed the many many options, running to different bits of the place to shout out what was on the boards. This took half an hour    Everyone then announced what tthey were having and we waited for the waitress. By the time she arrived we had all changed our minds again. Both sisses only wanted a starter off the set menu. This was not allowed but they could have the identical item off the main menu for twice the price. This was agreed to.

I ordered a burger 

Her: With chips?
Me: Yes
Her: Do you want to upgrade to gourmet chips?
Me: No, ordinary chips are fine
Her: We have no ordinary chips, only substitute ordinary chips
Me: What are substitute chips?
Her: Chips. We call the lumberjack chips
Me: Whatever

She goes off and brings two starters for the sisses and nothing else for ages.

She comes back and asks when we want the main course. Since no one has ordered starters we say now. "But you ordered these starters"

All: Oh no we didn't
Her: Well have them anyway or they will go in the bin

We share the starters

Lunch finally arrives. "Do you want any sauces?"
Us: What do you have?
Her: French mustard, Salsa (x3), Mayonnaise, , English Mustard, Chutney, ketchup, brown sauce and about eleven more.

Our heads are spinning by now, so we decline.

We decided not to bother with pudding (three different menus and a blackboard)

I am exhausted 

Yeah, but I'm sure they ..."wrap it in our warmest welcome and serve with our friendliest smile" 

[Nick]

They gave us a "feedback" form and a pen. The pen didn't work and when I got a replacement I corrected the 17 spelling errors on the form 

[Barman]

They gave us a "feedback" form and a pen. The pen didn't work and when I got a replacement I corrected the 17 spelling errors on the form