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Author Topic: Talking bastard machines  (Read 1533 times)

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Offline Nick

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Talking bastard machines
« on: April 22, 2013, 02:18:09 PM »
Stop 1: Tesco

Please scan your item (BEEP)
Repeat three times

"UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA"

Me: No it's not. I just put it here

"UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA"

Me: Stop shouting you moron

Youth approaches and does something

Scans next item (collapso)

PLEASE SEEK ASSISTANCE

Me:  Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9:

Youth comes back and enters some numbers

Scan (BEEP)

"UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA"

Me: You stupid bastard machine (picks up item and throws it into bag)

Repeat about 12 times  cussing: cussing: cussing:

Stop 2: Stagger to local car park

INSERT YOUR TICKET IN THE MACHINE  (American accent  evil:)

Insert ticket

PLEASE PAY WITH NOTES COINS OR CARDS

Me: Can i pay with beads or lucky feathers instead?  cussing: cussing:

REMOVE YOUR TICKET

TAKE YOUR TICKET WITH YOU. YOU WILL NEED IT WHEN EXITING THE CAR PARK

Me: I know that you patronising yankee bastard

Turn around to find queue of smirking people  redface:

 Banghead Banghead
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Offline Barman

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2013, 02:20:20 PM »
Quote from: Nick (GC First Class) on April 22, 2013, 02:18:09 PM
Stop 1: Tesco

Please scan your item (BEEP)
Repeat three times

"UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA"

Me: No it's not. I just put it here

"UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA"

Me: Stop shouting you moron

Youth approaches and does something

Scans next item (collapso)

PLEASE SEEK ASSISTANCE

Me:  Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9:

Youth comes back and enters some numbers

Scan (BEEP)

"UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA"

Me: You stupid bastard machine (picks up item and throws it into bag)

Repeat about 12 times  cussing: cussing: cussing:

Stop 2: Stagger to local car park

INSERT YOUR TICKET IN THE MACHINE  (American accent  evil:)

Insert ticket

PLEASE PAY WITH NOTES COINS OR CARDS

Me: Can i pay with beads or lucky feathers instead?  cussing: cussing:

REMOVE YOUR TICKET

TAKE YOUR TICKET WITH YOU. YOU WILL NEED IT WHEN EXITING THE CAR PARK

Me: I know that you patronising yankee bastard

Turn around to find queue of smirking people  redface:

 Banghead Banghead

 pathead:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2013, 02:22:25 PM »
Progress,,,,,,,,,,,, noooo:  (or going forward  whistle: )
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2013, 04:49:08 PM »
I feel Nick's pain  cussing:

And when they come over to check the unexpected item in the bagging area, they just zap their card through and tap a few numbers in, but never check if it is really a 35p tin of tomatoes you've put in there or if you've tried to slip a £6 box of teabags through  noooo: noooo:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #4 on: April 22, 2013, 05:00:14 PM »
Quote from: Just One More on April 22, 2013, 04:49:08 PM
I feel Nick's pain  cussing:

And when they come over to check the unexpected item in the bagging area, they just zap their card through and tap a few numbers in, but never check if it is really a 35p tin of tomatoes you've put in there or if you've tried to slip a £6 box of teabags through  noooo: noooo:

Is this the new check out thingy.......... rubschin:
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Offline GROWLER

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #5 on: April 22, 2013, 05:02:02 PM »
That's a GROWLER style rant, and I claim me 50 snotters copyright payment....by machine. cloud9:

Glad to see my influence is finally rubbing off on you. cloud9:
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Offline tel

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2013, 05:09:18 PM »
I refuse to use self-service tills. Unfortunately last week I went to B&Q and they only had the damn things. 4 self-service tills, one not werking and 3 staff helping people (like me) to use them. Would have been quciker if the people had been manning proper tills.

Last I heard from the States was that these machines are being slowly withdrawn due to customer reaction.

Another classic is Tesco (express one in Kingston springs to mind) - people buying ciggies etc cannot use self-service so have to wait for a member of staff to appear and serve them - total chaos breaks out when a train arrives and the peeps pile out to get their papers and smokes - staff don't know whether to serve people or sort the self-service tills. have seem peeps throw papers and other items over the counter if they don't get served.
Technology is Wonderful, the people in charge of it are numpties!
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Offline Nick

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2013, 05:14:27 PM »
Oh yes.

I also had to go the bank ( eveilgrin:). The entire ground floor is self service machines. 12 of them. There were six bankmuppets there wearing sashes that said "SELF SERVICE SUPPORT" whose job was to explain to people how to use the effing self service machines Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead

Upstairs there were two old crones doing counter service for dozens of people angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041:
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Offline boogs

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #8 on: April 22, 2013, 06:50:43 PM »
Quote from: Nick (GC First Class) on April 22, 2013, 05:14:27 PM
Oh yes.

I also had to go the bank ( eveilgrin:). The entire ground floor is self service machines. 12 of them. There were six bankmuppets there wearing sashes that said "SELF SERVICE SUPPORT" whose job was to explain to people how to use the effing self service machines Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead

Upstairs there were two old crones doing counter service for dozens of people angry041: angry041: angry041: angry041:

Bless  happy100
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Offline Barman

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2013, 04:42:39 AM »
Quote from: tel on April 22, 2013, 05:09:18 PM
I refuse to use self-service tills. Unfortunately last week I went to B&Q and they only had the damn things. 4 self-service tills, one not werking and 3 staff helping people (like me) to use them. Would have been quciker if the people had been manning proper tills.

Last I heard from the States was that these machines are being slowly withdrawn due to customer reaction.

Another classic is Tesco (express one in Kingston springs to mind) - people buying ciggies etc cannot use self-service so have to wait for a member of staff to appear and serve them - total chaos breaks out when a train arrives and the peeps pile out to get their papers and smokes - staff don't know whether to serve people or sort the self-service tills. have seem peeps throw papers and other items over the counter if they don't get served.
Technology is Wonderful, the people in charge of it are numpties!

I'm with you don't use them...  noooo:

I tried it in tesco - they clearly don't work...

I also tried in W H Smith = thought it would be faster as I only wanted a newspaper....  noooo:

RFID is the way forward....
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Offline tel

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #10 on: April 23, 2013, 10:16:28 AM »
Quote from: Barman on April 23, 2013, 04:42:39 AM
Quote from: tel on April 22, 2013, 05:09:18 PM
I refuse to use self-service tills. Unfortunately last week I went to B&Q and they only had the damn things. 4 self-service tills, one not werking and 3 staff helping people (like me) to use them. Would have been quciker if the people had been manning proper tills.

Last I heard from the States was that these machines are being slowly withdrawn due to customer reaction.

Another classic is Tesco (express one in Kingston springs to mind) - people buying ciggies etc cannot use self-service so have to wait for a member of staff to appear and serve them - total chaos breaks out when a train arrives and the peeps pile out to get their papers and smokes - staff don't know whether to serve people or sort the self-service tills. have seem peeps throw papers and other items over the counter if they don't get served.
Technology is Wonderful, the people in charge of it are numpties!

I'm with you don't use them...  noooo:

I tried it in tesco - they clearly don't work...

I also tried in W H Smith = thought it would be faster as I only wanted a newspaper....  noooo:

RFID is the way forward....

Contact-less payment?

I was in our post-office last year and went to pay by card. Owner of shop said you don't need to put card in reader with pin, card has already been scanned (even though it was still in my hand) as it was less than £20!
I could have paid twice!
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     RTFM

Offline Barman

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #11 on: April 23, 2013, 10:28:21 AM »
Quote from: tel on April 23, 2013, 10:16:28 AM
Quote from: Barman on April 23, 2013, 04:42:39 AM
Quote from: tel on April 22, 2013, 05:09:18 PM
I refuse to use self-service tills. Unfortunately last week I went to B&Q and they only had the damn things. 4 self-service tills, one not werking and 3 staff helping people (like me) to use them. Would have been quciker if the people had been manning proper tills.

Last I heard from the States was that these machines are being slowly withdrawn due to customer reaction.

Another classic is Tesco (express one in Kingston springs to mind) - people buying ciggies etc cannot use self-service so have to wait for a member of staff to appear and serve them - total chaos breaks out when a train arrives and the peeps pile out to get their papers and smokes - staff don't know whether to serve people or sort the self-service tills. have seem peeps throw papers and other items over the counter if they don't get served.
Technology is Wonderful, the people in charge of it are numpties!

I'm with you don't use them...  noooo:

I tried it in tesco - they clearly don't work...

I also tried in W H Smith = thought it would be faster as I only wanted a newspaper....  noooo:

RFID is the way forward....

Contact-less payment?

I was in our post-office last year and went to pay by card. Owner of shop said you don't need to put card in reader with pin, card has already been scanned (even though it was still in my hand) as it was less than £20!
I could have paid twice!

Oh noes, that is the work of the devil...  noooo:

(awaits Steve)

I was thinking of RFID tagging everything so that you load up your trolley in the store, wheel it past the detector at the checkout and everything in the trolley is counted....
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #12 on: April 23, 2013, 10:51:28 AM »
Life is too short to even think about entering a supermarket ~ In fact life is too short for shopping. If they don't do it on line and deliver I don't want to know.
I never leave the house without cash sufficient for my immediate needs and only use cards to buy petrol and such when I am out.
Even there I am lucky as there is a local(ish) garage that still has an old chap who emerges from his lair to fill yer car, wipe the windscreen and offer to check the oil...... They take only cash!
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #13 on: April 23, 2013, 12:23:36 PM »
It's just a case of practice makes perfect .

You lot are an impatient bunch  noooo:

I use them daily and not a problem.

But then I am a tolerant , understanding wumman  :thumbsup:
« Last Edit: April 23, 2013, 12:25:27 PM by Miss Demeanour »
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Offline Uncle Mort

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Re: Talking bastard machines
« Reply #14 on: April 23, 2013, 12:26:13 PM »
Quote from: Miss Demeanour on April 23, 2013, 12:23:36 PM
But then I am a tolerant , undersatnding wumman  :thumbsup:

I make that one out of three    whistle:
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