Yahoo Answers

[Darwins Selection]

This is in danger of becoming yet another circular thread.

OK give us a punch line and see who can remember the joke.

"... yes, but mine was in the other bag!"

[Nick]

And the doctor said, "Well, don't do it then."

[Misunderstood]

And the Lord said "Varily, I give you this earth. Brand new and with a 2,000,000 year guarantee and I have appointed the caretakers already.

Huummm! said Eve "How am I going to do the toast and warm the beans? ... I think I'll reject it as unfit for purpose".

"Oh shit!" said the Lord, "I was hoping you wouldn't notice".  "You don't want fire, believe me, it's too much trouble and I've left a nice salad recipe for you"

"Want fire - NOW!"  stamped Eve.   "Bloody wimmen." snorted the Lord "Have your fire, but you lose the 'fire and theft' clause from the guarantee as it too risky."

"Stick your guarantee up your arse." said Eve "I know what I'm doing."

So it came to pass that it was all Eve's fault because she lost the matches and they had to invent nuclear fission.   
 

[Barman]

An easy one to start...

"Know it, I fucking wrote it"

That's too easy:
Paul McCartney is sipping tea in Nick's kitchen and they are talking about Liverpool.
Nick says "Do you know Penny Lane" and Macca says "Know it, I fucking wrote it"


Or variations thereon.

An excellent reply, worth the clap but I refer the right honourable gentleman to this thread? 
http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=16.0

[Nick]

I had quite forgotten about this extraordinary website thingy until I accidentally went to it earlier. It essentially consists of illiterate idiots asking advice of other illiterate idiots about the most bizarre subjects. My favourite just seen is:

"My dog has had a miscarriage and now her belly has turned blue. What should I do?"

Go to the vet, dear?

See also: "What do you do in a skateboarding club?"

Good grief? 

[Nick]

I have become transfixed and depressed by its stupidity. Here's another:

50 maths questions and I need to get 70% for a pass how many do i need to get right?

[Nick]

help! what should i do? this is really hard? In "Trying to Conceive " 

[Just One More]

I have become transfixed and depressed by its stupidity. Here's another:

50 maths questions and I need to get 70% for a pass how many do i need to get right?

Fan-bloody-tastic 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

help! what should i do? this is really hard? In "Trying to Conceive " 

Oh dear what have you done Nick?  It is addictive and I am dishing out advice left right and center.

[Nick]

"I like to learn languages. Where can I study Caucasian?"
 

[Nick]

help! what should i do? this is really hard? In "Trying to Conceive " 

Oh dear what have you done Nick?  It is addictive and I am dishing out advice left right and center.

Me too 

[Just One More]

Ive just thought of a quick way to capture Raoul Moat?

They could put a newsflash on and tell him the people of Hackney are calling him a soft northern big girls blouse. He in turn will go down there and be shot himself 67 times before he had time to get his gun out of his bag.Should I suggest it to Chief Inspector Poodle hair?

[Darwins Selection]

Ive just thought of a quick way to capture Raoul Moat?

They could put a newsflash on and tell him the people of Hackney are calling him a soft northern big girls blouse. He in turn will go down there and be shot himself 67 times before he had time to get his gun out of his bag.Should I suggest it to Chief Inspector Poodle hair?

Is your TV broken?

[Pirate]

Sixty years after the end of the Second World War, two Japanese veterans have reportedly emerged from the Philippines jungle

[Nick]

In the Netherlands (Holland) what race are they?
I mean, I'm German and French mostly, and I know people speak Dutch in Netherlands, are they Germans or something?