Dear Miss A
You are a truly wonderful, compassionate and understanding individual - I therefore throw myself on your bountiful mercy for any aberration that may have occurred last weekend.
I think the cat did it Have brushed off the bed, put all underwear back in the drawers and await your return when LL will hold me down whilst you inflict any beating, or alternative punishments you decide appropriate.
Yours,
BM (aka Quaffmore and more and more)
PS: Have I told you just how special you are to me