Christmas Crackers...

[apc2010]

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out..........


 

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."...........


 

[Barman]

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out..........


 

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."...........


 

 

[Baldy]

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out..........


 

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."...........


 

 

[Steve]

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out..........


 

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."...........


 

 

[Darwins Selection]

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out..........


 

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."...........


 

 

[Steve]

And it was an Affs

http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg284379;topicseen#msg284379

[apc2010]

And it was an Affs

http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg284379;topicseen#msg284379

Uncle,,,,,,,,,,,,

[Just One More]

And it was an Affs

http://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/index.php?topic=8111.msg284379;topicseen#msg284379

I knew it was but couldn't find it when I searched on "chess" 

[Barman]

Bloke buys his wife a parrot for Xmas...

She says, 'what do I want a parrot for?'

'Ah', says the bloke, his name is Chet and he is a special Christmas singing parrot, watch'....

So the man holds his lighter under the parrots left foot claw and Chet does indeed start to sing, 'Jingle bells, jingle bells...etc.'

'Wow', sayeth the woman, 'that is impressive. What happens if you hold the lighter under his right foot?'.

So Bloke sparks his lighter up under Chet's right foot and he bursts into beautiful song once again, 'I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.....etc.'.

'That is amazing' sayeth the wife, 'what happens if you hold the lighter between his legs?'

'Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire.....'


I'll get me own coat.... 

[Just One More]

  You forgot yer hat

[Baldy]

You forgot yer hat

 

[Barman]

You forgot yer hat

The one with the 'D' on it...? 

[Steve]

Bloke buys his wife a parrot for Xmas...

She says, 'what do I want a parrot for?'

'Ah', says the bloke, his name is Chet and he is a special Christmas singing parrot, watch'....

So the man holds his lighter under the parrots left foot claw and Chet does indeed start to sing, 'Jingle bells, jingle bells...etc.'

'Wow', sayeth the woman, 'that is impressive. What happens if you hold the lighter under his right foot?'.

So Bloke sparks his lighter up under Chet's right foot and he bursts into beautiful song once again, 'I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.....etc.'.

'That is amazing' sayeth the wife, 'what happens if you hold the lighter between his legs?'

'Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire.....'


I'll get me own coat.... 

well I'll admit it, I laughed