Morning routines

[Nick]

12:00 I am reminded that breakfast is still outstanding.

Fish, I assume

[The Moan Ranger]

36 minutes to get out of the house. Perhaps we should start a competition!

Not A-level maths Nick, if you read you will see it actually takes about 20 minutes from finishing the Golden Vagina roll-up, to leaving the house. The office presents itself approx 16 minutes later, depending on traffic and whether I need to buy more tobacco and/or petrol and/or a sausage and egg roll from the mobile lard van in the B&Q car park.

[Nick]

7.52 Roll a fag.
7.53-7.57 Smoke said fag.
8ish Shower in the bathroom that now looks like Hurrican Dean hit it. Big dump first.
8ish + 5 Back to bedroom to put clothes on
8ish + 10 Go downstairs to either TMR Junior waiting for a lift, or utter peace and serenity.
8ish + 20 Leave house - with or without TMR Junior - fag in gob, Meteors playing "I hate people" on the CD player.
8ish + 36

OK. 36 + 8. Slow

Depends where you start the count from. Landlady must draw up a rule book!

And what is Golden Vagina when it's at home. Are we back on teh Ann Summers here?

[Misunderstood]

12:00 I am reminded that breakfast is still outstanding.

Fish, I assume

Pay attention!  I already told you that a cats favourite breakfast is Rice Crispies.

Golden Vagin(i)a is hand rolling tobacco!    Ye Gods! Talk about a sheltered life 

[Snoopy]

12:00 I am reminded that breakfast is still outstanding.

Fish, I assume

Pay attention!  I already told you that a cats favourite breakfast is Rice Crispies.

Golden Vagin(i)a is hand rolling tobacco!    Ye Gods! Talk about a sheltered life 

He's not half as daft as he would like us to think. NOBODY is that naive.

[Barman]

And what is Golden Vagina when it's at home. Are we back on teh Ann Summers here?

 

[Snoopy]

And what is Golden Vagina when it's at home. Are we back on teh Ann Summers here?

 

VPL 

[Barman]

And what is Golden Vagina when it's at home. Are we back on teh Ann Summers here?

 

VPL 

[Nick]

Shirley Eaton. I had a girlfriend who looked like that, except the gold paint obviously.

[Berek]

Berek

6:30 Get up and have a slash and a splash
6:45 Coffee ( bloody big cup )
7:00 News headlines
7;05  Walk the dog
7:30 Prepare little B's b'fast
7:35 Shout of little B as I go out the door to the asylum

[Nick]

Aren't you in London?

Do you wash?

[Snoopy]

Aren't you in London?

Do you wash?

Err I think that's the splash part of the 6.30 routine so graphically described.

[Mark]

6. 00 Alarm goes off
6. 05 Out of bed, chuck water into face in an attempt to wash/wake up
6. 10 Nice cup of tea
6. 15 - 6. 30 Watch whatever dross my good lady has on the tv
6. 30 Share my opinions about afore mentioned dross on tv
6. 40 Leave for work
6. 45 Get to work and start sorting the days deliveries out.

[Sour Puss]

10h00 ish Wake and stretch
Gracefully slither off to the Powder room and do certain things.
Go back to bed, where I am served the breakfast & beverage of my choice. 
Go back to my en-suit for a wash and brush up, air dry with that nice hygienic warm air blowing all over me. 
( Did anyone see that Hooray Tara Parker whatsit... on "Would I lie to you"? The one who did not realize that they were taking the piss when she said "Someone installed it in the Bathroom, towel are soooooo unhygienic" See http://www.tv-links.co.uk/listings/1/6200 episode 6 part 3 [What is she on?]) Part 2 is also very funny.
Think about work and decide to take the day off and lounge about in a ray of sunshine.

  Wake up and realize it was all a dream. 

[GROWLER]

This mornings routine.

Wake up at 6:30, have a BIG gush, kettle on, brew, saunter out to the car to go to Asda before all the saturday morning 'social and gassing whilst blocking the aisles up' club members arrive, survey the flat n/s front tyre, curse and swear aloud to ensure the neighbours know I'm in yet another foul mood, change wheel,negotiate myself around 2 tossers en routethat consider the outside lane on a 2 lane A road is their's, burst into a fit of trolley rage when a dozy bint cuts me up in the veggy aisle, curse the dilatry nature of 85% of my fellow shoppers, go to the check out and a bag of new potatoes bursts all over the trolley, get home knackered and fraught to be greeted by Mrs G just going out to leave me to unpack the weekly shop.

I'm going back to bed.